Lady Harrington and I

Moved from the Humour and Satire category because of it's rather fetishistic(?) nature.

This story is an absurd tale of famed British restraint in a world of surreal sexuality. This means there are scenes of a somewhat grotesque nature. If you would like to continue reading, then let me take you the Sussex village of Upper Heyloft, upon a sunny August day in 1924.

1.

"Come on Meredith, get a grip." Kitty urged with a sweet smile, "Remember it's for a very worthy cause!"

"Yes, Don't be shy young man." added Reverend Hardacre, "Pay the good lady and for heaven's sake stimulate your tumescence... the church roof won't repair itself you know!"

The inpatient Reverend also smiled in re-assurance, but in contrast to Kitty's pearl like beauty, his misshapen teeth appeared disconcertingly similar to the gravestones that crowd St Cummings church.

I swallowed dryly and dabbed at my sweating brow. The relentless August sun added to my discomfort as I forced my gaze down to view the dishevelled Lady Harrington who sat so obscenely before me. She offered out a soaked palm, into which I hesitantly let fall a shilling. The money paid, I clumsily unbuttoned my trousers and let my rigid phallus free. Trying to ignore the sets of watching eyes, I wrapped trembling fingers around my swollen length. Lady Harrington dropped the shilling into an almost full bucket of coins that lay by her side and looked up at me, a disapproving frown upon her face. For the life of me I could not fathom the reason for her apparent displeasure, fortunately, it was the ever attentive Kitty who spotted my dreadful lapse in etiquette:

"Meredith, Really! Where are your manners?" Kitty admonished from beside me and pointed at my straw boater. Realising my awful faux par, I spluttered my regret.

"Oh dear. Please forgive me Lady Harrington, I... I do apologise." Blushing, I removed my offending hat and gave it to Kitty, who proceeded to wave it, fan like, in front of her face. She glanced down at my exposed genitals.

"Hurry up Meredith, I'm sure Lady Harrington has better things to do than sit here all day!" Kitty teased.

I wondered if I had unknowingly fallen in to some form of absinthe induced dream (or should that be nightmare?). Regarldless of these feelings of unreality, I gathered together all my courage and began to masturbate.

* * * *

2.

At this point, I feel it is incumbent upon me to explain the series of events that led to this shameful scene. I will begin by introducing myself: I am Mr Meredith Parsons (BSc), a twenty four year old bachelor of independent means and I had been wooing the radiant Miss Kitty Hawsem since early July. I admit to have been completely smitten by her. At nineteen, she had a pure virginal beauty that made her an ideal candidate for a future Mrs Parsons. In addition to her handsome charms, she possessed the highest of breeding, the politest of manners and the sharpest of intellects. In my humble opinion; a perfect combination of womanly virtues.

After a number of delightfully romantic evenings strolling together in London's St Gland's park, Kitty invited me to join her and her sister for a long holiday weekend at the Hawsem family home in Sussex. Readily I accepted her kind offer and within a week it was my good fortune to stay a few days at Hawsem Hall being invigorated by both the country air and the sparkling conversation.

Diverse as it was, the talk primarily centred upon a local Fete, to be held at the nearby village of Upper Heyloft. It transpired that not only did the much discussed event take place the day before my departure, but that Kitty's elder sister, Aureola, was volunteering for one of the Fete's attractions.

"Oh you must come Meredith!" Aureola pleaded as the three of us awaited afternoon tea, "It will be such a jolly wheeze. Kitty's coming, aren't you dear?"

"Of course Aureola." replied kitty as Scrotum entered the room. He carried a large tray that held our teas as well as some exceedingly tempting cucumber sandwiches. Silently the aged butler lay the salver upon our table and immediately Kitty began to pour. Once Scrotum had withdrawn, I also agreed to Aureola's request.

"I would not miss it for the world, Miss Hawsem; indeed I look forward to it with great enthusiasm."

They both giggled and Aureola clapped her gloved hands together in glee:

"Good, that's settled then. Oh, it will be the best fete of all time!" she beamed.

"One lump or two?" asked kitty, a pair of Georgian silver sugar tongs in her hand.

* * * *

3.

Around noon the next day, Kitty and I arrived, arm in arm, at the vast village green. Fortuitously the weather was glorious, so very suited to a late summer fete. The bright, warm sun shone from a sky bluer than my beloved's excited eyes and the warm breeze tugged playfully at her floral dress. As we paid our Ha'penny entrance fee, I noticed a neat handwritten sign flanking the elderly lady who took our coins. Strangely it stated: "No minors allowed!". This struck me as an odd rule, but paid it no more heed as we ventured towards the busy and colourful stalls.

After half an hour or thereabouts, we had visited the coconut shy, the tombola and dallied awhile to observe the sheepdog display. As we watched ' Jessie' herding the docile sheep to the distant strains of; " Come by, come by.", I turned to Kitty:

"My dear, I am overwhelmed by the sheer number of persons attending, surely Upper Heyloft is too small a village to have produced such a crowd?"

"Why yes Meredith, your are indeed correct. However, our fete is so popular that we attract many visitors from surrounding villages. Little places like; Cockingham; Sprayton; Great Gissle and even Stroakit-over-Tene." Kitty's eyes sparkled with sudden mischievousness and she began to toy with her St Cristopher pendant.

"Meredith, have you noticed how few gentlemen are present?"

"No?" I replied and then hastily scanned the milling throng. I had not noticed the lack of men before, but Kitty was (as usual) right: For every gentleman visible, there were at least ten ladies. Kitty slipped her arm once again around mine.

"Let me show you why." she giggled and led me slowly through the crowd.

"Our annual fete has always been in aid of St Cummings church." Kitty explained as we walked, "But six years ago, Reverend Hardacre informed the Village Council that without a substantial increase in funds, the church roof would soon collapse. Well, the Women's Guild set about devising a way of increasing revenue." (previously the Guild had collected a welcome but disappointingly small amount from the sale of homemade cakes, jams, cushions, marital aids and the like). "It was our inspired Treasurer, Lady Harrington and her completely wizard idea that now makes this little fete as popular as it is, Look."

"My my!" I ejaculated as I took in the sight before me. In the far corner of the village green, a large enclosure had been erected, ringed as it was, with gay bunting and flags. In the centre of this area , arranged in a semi-circular fashion, sat seven or eight wooden cubicles and all but two of them had a large queue of men before them. Each tendril of waiting gentlemen snaked around to a temporary entranceway, above which hung a banner proclaiming: "WOMEN'S GUILD (Upper Heyloft) CHARITY STALL". Beyond this, a further single queue ran for many more yards along the enclosure's outer border .

I estimated there were approximately two hundred men of all ages and classes, each one seemingly intent upon visiting the mysterious attraction.

"Come on Meredith, let's see if we can find Aureola."

* * * *

4.

Such was Kitty's enthusiasm, as she took me to a side entrance, that I had no opportunity for further questions. We entered at a 'Fete Organiser's Only' sign and alighted upon a large temporary stage. The wooden platform held a lively, jostling group of people, the bulk of which I assumed to be members of the Women's Guild. Amongst the little crowd I spied a jolly policeman, still sporting his bicycle clips, who enthusiastically conversed with a tall thin vicar (the afore mentioned Reverend Hardacre). Most Guild ladies were sat in deckchairs, chatting loudly and drinking dainty cups of tea, all dressed in a wondrous array of brightly coloured dresses.

"Aureola!" my companion squealed, "Aureola! Over here Sis!"

From within the hub-bub, Kitty's older sister emerged wearing an illuminating smile.

"Kitty!" she replied in kind and skipped towards us. My jaw dropped in utter disbelief. Aureola's pastel yellow dress was completely open at the front and it hung limply behind her as she approached; her full, pert breasts and blonde pubis exposed for all the world to see. As she met us I realized she was soaked from head to toe in what I initially took to be wallpaper paste. The sisters embraced and kissed each other lingeringly on the cheeks. As their clinch broke I looked in dismay at how soiled Kitty had now become, her pale cheeks were smeared in the sticky paste as was the front of her dress: Evidence of the slick wetness transferred from Aureola's drenched and unfettered bosom.

The elder sister's hair had a particularly heavy coating of 'glue' and with a swift movement of her hands she wiped the paste from her head before dragging her palms over the steep rise of her breasts, leaving the viscous fluid collected just above the nipples. I brought my right hand up over my eyes as if shielding them from the sun, but in truth it was an attempt to avert my incredulous gaze from Aureola's near naked and spattered form. I also noticed a strong and vaguely familiar musky smell emanating from the paste, which made me suspect that it had nothing to do with the hanging of wallpaper.

"I'm so glad you both came." Aureola said still dragging her hands through her hair, "Have you seen how busy we are this year? It must be the highest attendance yet!"

"Yes Sis, Isn't it wonderful, the vicar must be overjoyed. I wager you will raise enough money to finish the roof and then have plenty left over to drain the crypt. Have you just finished volunteering?"

"Yes dear, and it was a very sticky experience as you can see. And look at my poor dress; the Reverend, in his ardour, almost ripped it clean off me!" Aureola turned to face me, "Are you enjoying yourself Meredith?"

"Erm, Yes, very much so." I stammered before falling silent. Once again my mouth fell open as Kitty reached forward with a delicate hand and ran two fingers around the underside of her sister's dripping left breast. Transfixed I watched Kitty carefully move the globulous fingers back to her mouth and then quickly devour the translucent ooze. I was struck dumb and just coughed my embarrassment. Awkwardness aside, I still felt a rising heat from deep within my loins, and like Kitty, wanted to touch Aureola's bosoms, they looked so inviting regardless of the strange glutinous substance that clung to them.

"Have you visited our stall yet?" Aureola asked, seemingly unaware of my disconcerted state.

"Er, not yet Miss Hawsem." I managed to respond as I spied thick trails of semi-opaque white liquid running down her inner thighs to her shins and calves.

"Sis, I hoped that you could get Meredith 'seen to' without him having to wait in that awfully long queue." said Kitty still licking her fingers.

"I'll see what I can do dear." she grinned and then turned away. As Aureola walked back towards the cubicles, I could not avert my eyes from her shapely buttocks, clearly defined by the wet, ravaged dress that stuck so resolutely to each round cheek.

"Kitty, what the Dickens is going on here?" I blathered, "Is it something akin to those amusing stalls where one throws wet sponges at various village dignitaries?"

"Of course not, you silly sausage." she replied with a playful pat on my chest, "Although, it is just as messy! Come on, quick, Aureola is beckoning to us."

We scampered towards the waving Aureola and the cubicle to which she pointed . There was no queue present.

"Lady Harrington has just finished her turn," explained the semi-naked sister to me, "But she has agreed to see just one more for Kitty's benefit."

With that, Kitty drew back the panelled compartment's curtain and walked in.

"Thank you for seeing Meredith, Lady Harrington, it is jolly kind of you." she said meekly and then turned back to me, "In you come Meredith."

I squeezed past Kitty and stood dumfounded in front of the seated Women's Guild Treasurer. She, like Aureola, had her thin blue dress ripped apart at the front and she was deluged in thick viscous liquid, even the brim of her latticework hat wilted under the weight of the hanging ectoplasm. The strong musky smell was intensified by the warming sun and confined space. I now knew for sure, that it was a coating of semen that shimered upon her round face and voluptuous figure.

I felt repulsed and excited at the same time. Such contrary emotions disabled me and I stood rooted to the spot, as if magically turned to stone. From behind me I heard the sound of approaching voices and then the swish of the curtain as Reverend Hardacre's angular face appeared.

"Oh, I do apologise young man, I thought Her Grace had completed her, erm, well, had finished."

"Just one more gentleman to see vicar and then I will be finished." interjected the Guild's Treasurer. "Oh and could you please ask Miss Maidenhead to bring me a cup of tea and a Digestive biscuit? I could murder an Earl Grey!"

"Of course my good lady." the vicar replied and then looked at me sternly as if to say - "Well then lad, get on with it!"

I cleared my throat, feeling acutely self-conscious. Kitty patted my groin and (as previously stated) urged me to; "Get a grip."

* * * *

5.

So I stood there, awkwardly masturbating before a distinguished yet near nude forty five year old woman. She was a fine looking female and certainly pleased my darting eyes, even though the midday sun had reddened her wet breasts, shoulders and thighs. To add to the difficulty of the situation, my beloved stood right beside me, holding my straw hat of all things!. Thank heavens the vicar left to find Miss Maidenhead as soon as my genital teasing had begun.

My manhood glistened in the sunlight as I stared down at the unconcerned woman and my lust began to burn with an animal desire. Lady Harrington's bared bosom put me in a trance like state. Despite the large deposits of seminal fluid drooling from her breasts, I yearned to touch them, to hold and squeeze those slippery orbs. Shakily I extended my free hand towards her left breast. She did not flinch or slap away my uncertain hand, instead she seemed far more concerned in her conversation with Kitty regarding proposed changes to the Post Office on Perineum Avenue.

I shuffled forward slightly and gave a little groan as my hand cupped a soft, semen covered breast. This action brought Lady Harrington's attention back to me.

"Oh, sorry young man, I am forgetting my duties." she said sweetly and pushed her chest further out towards me, whilst simutainiously spreading her legs over the arms of the chair. Her soaking pudenda was exposed to my disbelieving eyes and I did not know were to concentrate my attention; on her bosoms or upon her reproductive organs? I hurriedly made a decision and, for the time being, contented myself on caressing those weighty breasts.

My hand ran over the pliant flesh, squeezing and kneading , each desperate fondle lubricated by the musky gel. I dallied awhile upon the large pointed nipples, unsure as to why these depraved acts should arouse me so, but sorely aroused I was.

"Oh my dear lady." I moaned as my other hand sped up and down my engorged length. Bathing in her graphic display, I added lecherously: "You are indeed, most bewitching."

As my pleasure began to build towards the point of no return, the vanity curtain once again swished open..

"Hello?" a thin, reedy voice called.

"Miss Maidenhead!" Kitty yelped, "How wonderful to see you again."

I looked round to see a bespectacled octogenarian spinster, dressed in a green flannel tweed. She clasped a cup and saucer in her wrinkled hands.

"Why thank you Kitty, you do look well, and my my, you have grown into a such very pretty young lady. The last time I saw you, the whole country lay in the midst of a general strike and you were still in pig-tails."

With that, she playfully tweaked Kitty's nose and then began to side step her way past me.

"Excuse me young man." she said. Obligingly I awkwardly shifted my position to allow her free access around my rear. I felt myself blushing profusely.

"Here is your tea. Jocasta." said the frail old lady as she gingerly handed the cup, saucer and balanced biscuits to Lady Harrington.

"Thank you dear... Oh fuss and bother Miss Maidenhead!" she bellowed, "Really, this is just not good enough, these are Malted Milk biscuits, I specifically asked for Digestives!"

"I am sorry Jocasta, but Mr Fothergill's sheepdog ate all the Digestives, Malted Milk is all we have left."

Miss Maidenhead turned to leave (I suspect to avoid a further tongue lashing from the disgruntled Treasurer) and once again squeezed past me.

"What sort of fool leaves the biscuits in easy reach of the dogs?" Lady Harrington blustered as the stooping spinster left. I had the uncomfortable feeling that this question was addressed to me.

"Er well, perhaps the dog broke free and escaped from the trials compound?" I suggested feebly.

"I would be very surprised to hear that! - Mr Fothergill's bitch is extremely well trained!"

I blushed once more, but this time from the obvious stupidity of my theory.

"Anyway..." she continued, "Meredith is it?" I nodded, "Anyway Meredith, that is all by the by. Shall we continue with your generous donation?"

Again I nodded and returned attention towards my now rather flaccid erection. Lady Harrington sipped daintily at her tea, "Hmmmm, delightful." she crooned and took a biscuit from the saucer.

Before long my penis had reached its former level of inflation and passion began to flower once more. Her hirsute sex is what fascinated me now and moving closer, I bent down slightly, so to slowly run my fingers down over her slick pubic hair. With a feeling of knee trembling excitement and heart pounding trepidation my fingers slid across her smooth labia. The copious pool of semen collected around her vagina and anus coated my virginal digits. I parted the warm veil of Lady Harrington's folds with my fingertips and then gently pushed inside her. I let out an involunary sigh of ecstacy as my fingers entered her warm wet hole. Almost imperceptibly she responded by pushing her groin against my penetrating hand, yet the discussion of village gossip with Kitty continued without interruption. In and out, in and out, my two fingers ran, squelching noisily within her willing confines.

After a couple of minutes, the titled object of my desire ceased talking and quietly began to groan, the fine china cup now held mid way between her bright red lips and the shaking saucer. Her hips began to slowly gyrate, her full buttocks slithering and sloping upon the sticky seat. Little drops of tea spilled over the rim of the near stationary cup and Lady Harrington's eyes fluttered shut. Her apparent enjoyment was too much for my own self-control; abruptly I stood erect and aimed my phallus like a primed Sten Gun towards her quivering, ruby lips.

"Oh Lady Harrington...my dearest Jocasta!" I exclaimed and shot my ejaculate in to her expectant face. So formidable was this initial volley that it flew both on to her distressed hat, down her flushed right cheek and into her open mouth. The second copious wave plopped heavily into her tea and across the half eaten biscuit still balanced upon the saucer. The rest of my flowing donation poured and splashed liberally over both her noble breasts and quivering thighs.