tagHumor & SatireLate Night Shopping

Late Night Shopping


Someone once told me "that the best stories I've ever written, revolve around one of two subject matters: either writing about what happens to me personally, or just as effective: the 'fantasy,' incorporating what it is that I would like to happen to me, personally."

This is an actual occurrence. It happened only 2 nights ago.

Never having owned a vibrator in my entire life and suddenly finding I have a deep yearning to learn how to give terrific head [to one particular guy]: I went in search of my first rubber penis.

Now a couple things need to be explained here in order for my readers to be able to understand the full impact of my predicament in finding this particular teaching tool.

Despite the fact that I can write 'Smut;' I am not a promiscuous female: if anything, I am sexually inhibited and would die if any of my family, outside of my daughter, found out that I take great pleasure in reading and writing this kind of "garbage.".

The reason I need to learn how to give head to this particular male is because I really, quite honestly don't know how to do it properly, never having administered it to a male before, despite my age. I found an article on site here, which gave a very detailed written tutorage and I wanted to buy a fake penis to practice on, while I learnt.

... And for those who are wondering why this particular male isn't teaching me himself: I cut ties with him, as he was about to give up on me as a lost cause. I fully intend on trying to reconnect with him a couple of months down the track, slimmer and hopefully, sexually advanced enough for him to take me seriously this time [like in my fantasy romance: Leeanne gets her wish.].


I had my adult daughter with me. She was in town on a 2 day visit from Melbourne. We had lunch at this little, open area restaurant in the heart of Surfers Paradise and I told her I wanted to go and discretely check out the adult store, so I could look for 'my little training tool.'

Obviously, I left that little piece of information out of the conversation.

My daughter was delighted because, being less inhibited than I am, she frequents these stores all the damn time.

I chose this particular shop because there was a girl at the counter which, to me, was more comfortable than having a male looking over my shoulder as I viewed the merchandise. I had been in an adult store once before, about 3 months ago when my daughter thought it was time to broaden my sexual horizon. We had been completely alone that day also, except for one female sales person: so I felt free to explore what was on offer, although still vigilantly watching the entrance for any sign of male company. I would have died had a male walked in at any stage while I was perusing their wares.

I found I loved the lingerie, especially the dress up stuff. I also discovered new things, like the fact that the male oriented sex toys are nothing like I thought they'd be; and they are more numerous and varied than I originally believed them to be.

Anyway, we went inside the Surfers Paradise outlet: and I went straight down the aisle to the back of the store, making a beeline for the where the penises were located in the other shop.

I wanted to find something realistic in size and shape, and without actually having a ruler close at hand, thought I had found what I was after. Obviously the color was all wrong.

I took note of the brand, as there was no way in hell I was going to buy it there. The counter was right next to the entrance to the store and being late night shopping, the outside was packed with people looking into the store, although not actually being within the store boundaries.

Because we were still alone and the shop interior was fairly well isolated from watching eyes, I continued to peruse for another five or so minutes. I was fascinated by the stock available.

All of the sudden, out of nowhere, this loud wolf whistle shrills through the air and an even louder voice shrieks, "Hey, show me your tits. I want to fuck you!"

I look to my right and there is this bloody toy parrot perched on a shelf.

I think it was movement sensitive, as I couldn't shut the bloody thing up.

This is obviously not what I want to hear being called out loudly around me in a sex shop.

I quickly move away from the parrot, so the bloody thing stops squawking obscenities at me.

A couple now enter the store.

Having finally located a penis which looked the part, and looked like it might do the job adequately, but being too embarrassed to buy it there in front of my daughter; I decided I would zip into Southport [one suburb away] and buy it there instead. I waited outside for Amy.

My daughter and I parted company soon after and I headed off for the other sex shop.

I had a time frame in my mind of about 90 seconds to dive in, pull the thing off the wall, pay for it and be out of there.

When I arrived at the other adult store, the first thing I saw was a young male loitering around the entrance.

"Ok," I think to myself, "he'll go soon. I'll just wait a minute."

Two minutes go by. I'm standing there trying to give the impression that I'm waiting for someone: only, beside he and I, there isn't another person to be seen anywhere.

I look at him, as he is now watching me.

I give him a quick smile, in return to the smile he has given me.

Suddenly I hear, "So how's your night been, so far."

"Good thanks," I reply and look down at the ground.

I give him a sideways glance and he smiles at me again.

Neither move.

"Oh god," I think to myself, "Is he ever going to rack off? I can't walk in there with him standing there like that."

I begin to consider the alternative of turning around, going home and coming back again another day.

I wait a little longer, but he remains outside the door.

"Oh hell," I think to myself, "I'll just walk past him, really quickly and simply ignore him." So I do.

Inside the store, I'm completely alone. There isn't even a sales assistant anywhere. It hasn't dawned on me yet the significance of the guy outside.

"Great," I think to myself, as I mentally recall the exact penis I want and begin searching for it.

I scan the phallic section: my penis is not there. Disaster.

There are plenty of other penises available, but not of the type I'd pre-chosen.

I scanned the wall a second time thinking I might have missed it: How in the hell do you miss a 6"purple penis, for god's sake? It just wasn't there.

I went in search of its replacement. God! What a choice. Most of the boxes promised to do everything, but take your panties off for you.

I finally chose one made of a gel substance. I thought that that would do less damage to the back of my throat, as I practiced.

I was in the process of taking it to the front counter, when, what I saw, stopped me dead in my tracks.

The loitering male was counter staff.

"Oh god," I thought immediately, "What the hell do I do now? I have a bright pink, boxed penis in my hand."

I gained my composure, pulled myself up to my full height of 5'7," and with a look of feigned indifference, handed him my box.

"These are very popular," he tells me.

"Really!" I reply: wanting nothing more at this stage, than for him to put the damn object in a plastic bag and let me out of here.

To my absolute horror and incredulity, he begins to open up the box.

"I'll just test it with batteries for you. To get it home and find out that it doesn't work would suck, eh."

What! Test it! No, its okay! God, what are you doing? I don't need you to test the bloody thing.

He put two AA cell batteries in it, then turned the black piece at the bottom and a humming sound began, and I nearly died.

I must have blushed, because my face became very hot and he laughed.

"Looks like its working to me," he said. [Smart Arse]

He put it back in the box, and I, quite flustered by this time, handed him my card to pay for it.

To add insult to injury: while he was ringing up the sale, four men walked in to the store, and immediately I began to wish I were invisible. I put my head down and inwardly groaned, "Oh god. Let me out of here."

One of them came to stand by the counter. I covered my forehead with my hand and the insolent mongrel, in what I'm sure was a mocking tone, commented "I've got one here bigger than that."

The guy at the counter grinned. I took my package and left. Quickly!

Well, so much for in and out in 90 seconds.

Report Story

byBrandii© 5 comments/ 17347 views/ 1 favorites

Share the love

Similar stories

Tags For This Story

Report a Bug

1 Pages:1

Please Rate This Submission:

Please Rate This Submission:

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Please wait
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

There are no recent comments (5 older comments) - Click here to add a comment to this story or Show more comments or Read All User Comments (5)

Add a

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar: