tagHumor & SatireLauren's Lollipop

Lauren's Lollipop


It was the second semester of Danny's freshmen year at ASU, and he'd just gotten back to his apartment after being kicked out of his girlfriend Lauren's parents' place in Scottsdale. He was in a lousy mood, and not just because driving back and forth between Mesa and Scottsdale took him almost an hour each way. Negotiating the distance between cities and trying to reconcile their school and work schedules besides made it all but impossible for the two to find any romantic time together.

On this night, he'd driven a total of an hour and a half, only to have her parents come home unexpectedly and hijack Lauren--something about "family home evening," which sounded like a magazine more than an activity. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he fleetingly envisioned a surreal snippet of conversation--"Family Circle & Saturday Evening Post, meet Family Home Evening." "Has anybody heard from Better Homes & Gardens?"

This kind of unexpected interference was getting harder and harder to take. When they'd started dating back in October, he hadn't realized just how big a problem her uptight parents were going to be. Even though she was almost nineteen, they kept her on a midnight curfew as if she was still in high school. Indignity enough to both puzzle and irritate him when he heard it, he soon learned this was one of their least draconian rules.

He was from a long line of Los Angelinos--also known as heathens--so when Lauren told him she was from a Mormon family, the only thing that came to mind was a joke he'd heard from another All-Conference football player, an intimidatingly huge linebacker from some north-state suburb, back in high school. At the time, Danny & Lauren were half-sitting, half-laying on his dorm room bed, talking and kissing by turns. They'd only been dating a week or two and didn't know much about each other, but the vibe was comfortable and he felt really relaxed around her.

If he'd been a little more on guard or actively trying to impress her, he probably wouldn't have made his total ignorance about her religion quite so obvious. But he was one of those people who tend to speak their minds, without stopping to plan how it comes out or how it will make them look. Lauren said it was his best quality, that unfiltered honesty. Most people found it irritating, so this was one of the things he really liked about her, that she accepted his bluntness for what it was rather than making it about her.

So, he remembered that joke about why Arizona State schools had such good football teams (because one Mormon family produces a full team, a cheerleading squad, and a Booster Club--all by itself) and asked the obvious question. "So, does your dad have, like, lots of wives and stuff?"

She rolled her eyes. "Gee, I never heard that one before." She raised an eyebrow in mockery before continuing, "No, genius. You'd think a big city boy like you would know a little more. I thought I'm supposed to be the bumpkin in this relationship." She poked his midsection with a slim finger, ribbing him in payback for the teasing he'd given her when he learned she'd never once left Arizona in her eighteen years. It was then that she'd told him about the doctrinal restriction against dating non-Mormons.

"My parents have started calling me a Jack Mormon." When he just looked at her quizzically, she explained. "It's what we call people who go to church and all, but don't really follow the word of the Prophet. My parents say dating you makes me a Jack Mormon, and that if I keep it up, I'll never find a good husband."

He'd halted in bewilderment and blinked twice before even attempting to respond. Find a good husband? This was the big worry, that their eighteen year old daughter would be forever tainted by his non-Mormonness--and if she didn't marry "well," her life would no longer be worth living or something? He felt like he'd somehow fallen into a time warp and was finding himself marooned in the Nineteenth Century. They couldn't be for real. What were they, Amish?

Danny knew that despite having to deal with her unnervingly retro-styled family (her mom didn't have a job! And she actually baked cookies, without even using the pre-mixed dough. Too weird.), he had a good thing going. He really just enjoyed being with Lauren, and even better, he knew she was really into him too.

Against her parents' objections, they continued to grow closer, and although he tried not to push the sex issue, she'd made the decision to lose her virginity to Danny. The politically correct part of his brain knew he shouldn't be as excited to be her first as he was, but the quieter real self felt like he'd won the lottery. She was all his! As beautiful as she was, she'd chosen him; he was both awkwardly honored and slightly smug about this fact.

Religious upbringing or no, since sometime in their third month of dating, every time they could get a little alone time she quite willingly went to bed with him, which he had to admit played a role in his willingness to face the difficulties of being together against her family's wishes. It was more than that, too; she was warm and fun and pretty, and Danny really liked her. But he was in his sexual prime and horny every minute of every day; his sweetheart's idea of sex--twenty minutes of ladylike petting and a five minute screw--twice a week was barely enough release to prevent a 24/7 case of blue balls.

It wouldn't have been quite so bad if she was more adventurous when they were together, but his lady fair really was virgin territory--she had been raised going to Sunday School & Young Women's meetings, and while she was skeptical (and curious, and in love) enough to get over her guilt about premarital sex, she was reluctant to do anything even remotely exotic to her rather narrow world-view. She thought oral sex was dirty; when he tried to warm her to the idea by going down on her, she'd pushed him away and been angry for days. He once tried to flip her over so they could take on a new position and she'd laughed, telling him they weren't animals and she certainly wasn't going to copulate like a couple of monkeys.

Even with all the baggage and the troubles, though, Danny couldn't and wouldn't let go of her. Something about her just got under his skin; she was such a crazy-sexy mixture of characteristics. Physically, Lauren was centerfold material--all expertly tanned and toned curves, shining honey colored hair perfectly framing her heart shaped face and picking up the light in her wide green eyes. When she smiled, she looked about eight years old, radiant with earnest affection and genuine innocence. But there were moments when he saw something else in her, a sexually entrancing enigma just beneath her Love's Baby Soft scented skin that was far more powerful an aphrodisiac than even her lush and available body.

His sweetheart good girl was adorable and loved him, but he felt like there was another version of Lauren just beneath the surface, barely out of sight. Once when he'd fumbled putting on a condom and taken longer than usual, she'd let out a low whine of lust and impatience that snapped him to attention on pure animal instinct. She grabbed onto his shoulders as he entered her, and he'd have sworn he heard her sigh with relief as his cock sank fully into her body.

Intuitively, he knew she had it in her to be a wild woman in bed. Problem was, while not a virgin before Lauren, he wasn't exactly up there with Wilt Chamberlain in experience either; Danny didn't know how to get into that part of her, to unlock her secrets and fantasies. The perpetual guessing game just upped the ante on his already rampant sexual energy until it was like he was obsessed with getting more of her, knowing all of her--possessing her.

His lust consumed him until it came to dominate his feelings for her. But he was getting nowhere with Lauren when it came to making their sexual trysts a little more steamy. On this night, he'd thought he might finally be getting somewhere; her parents were supposed to be out for the night at some environmental benefit and the young lovers were making out on her childhood bed. When she slid down his nude body and put her head on his stomach during a break in their lip-lock, he almost forgot to breathe.

She gently stroked his erection, her angelic face and hot exhalations mere inches away from his increasingly eager equipment. He looked down his body at her, brushing her fallen hair back with his hand so he could see her face. Danny's cock gave an involuntary twitch as he focused in on her; she was staring at his member, studying it like a curious child but also eagerly drawing closer and unconsciously licking her deep pink lips with a very adult craving.

Finally, she drew close enough that her lips touched his shaft. She kissed him gently, settling her soft mouth more and more fully on his straining rod as she grew more comfortable touching him. An infinity later, she slowly slid her lips up the length of shaft to the aching head and gently lapped it with her tongue.

Danny fought for control of his body's response to her warm and wet mouth, but was losing the battle; he'd never had actual sex without a condom and the few times he'd gotten head, it had been from disposable closet skanks, the girls he'd only acknowledged when his friends weren't around. This was a virginal angel of a Daddy's girl with her baby face poised over his hard-on, one he'd been wanting so much for so long that he almost expected to wake up.

The over-eager teenager thought he'd go out of his mind if he didn't come soon, but he desperately fought back the need to her push for more, afraid to do anything that might discourage Lauren's tentative exploration. Apparently satisfied with her oddly delicate sampling of his most intimate skin, she slowly slid the whole head of his cock into the hot and pulsing cavern inside her wide-stretched lips.

"Oh, Lauren, baby you're so good," he encouraged her. This seemed to please her as she began tightening her lips around the head and swirling her tongue around it with apparent enthusiasm. Her circling quickly settled into a rhythm, and he could feel his whole body pulse in tempo to that beat. She pulled back abruptly and he could have cried.

"Just like a lollipop, right?" There was a hint of sarcasm in her throaty question, and more than a hint of lust on her face as she made eye contact; ladylike Lauren was getting into it. Danny was pretty sure this was heaven. Forget all that Celestial, Telestial, Terrestrial crap her parents were always trying to explain--this was it, Nirvana.

And then, as some nay-saying voice in his mind had predicted all along, they heard the passion-shattering sound of the electric garage door opener. Fuck! Fuckfuckfuckfuck. Danny's cock continued to throb as they rushed to put their clothes back on and get out of Lauren's bedroom before the ‘rents got in the house. It wasn't helping matters any that his hard-on wouldn't go down. And where the hell were his boxers, anyway?

He'd already thrown the rest of his clothes on when he finally located his shorts. Thinking quickly, he shoved them between the mattress and box-spring before grabbing his socks and shoes and heading down the living room where he could pretend to be watching a movie. The ache in his balls was spreading through his stomach and he didn't know how long he could stand it before he'd be outside lifting his car for about the thousandth time since he took up with Miss Goody-Two Shoes. At that moment, his thoughts about her were somewhat less than loving. His lust for her continued unabated, though.

Heaven to hell in sixty seconds flat. Hormones, first love, perpetual horniness, intrusive parents, sexual guilt, blue balls. Yeah, being a teenager was just fucking grand. Danny was feeling more than a little sorry for himself when he sat down on the couch just as Lauren's parents came in from the garage. Lauren looked at him with alarm, but it took him a minute to recognize their mistake.

There they were, sitting and holding hands on the couch, their movie-watching pose fully adopted. His shorts were upstairs under her mattress, but unless her parents were mind readers (or her Mom was much more of a perv than he'd ever guessed), they'd never know it. What could be wrong? Then he saw it: the VCR, DVD, stereo, and television were all off. Oh, shit. Now things were bound to get interesting.

The breakdown of what followed was this--there'd been tight lipped suspicion followed by yelling, exiting, car lifting, and an hour of driving. Next there would likely be a shower followed by semi-guilty netsex and masturbation, followed by another shower, a whispering Lauren on the phone and then sleep. Instead, his plans were interrupted after the first shower by a knock at the door.

It was Lauren. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, but she looked more angry than sad as she stomped past him into the apartment. "Is your roommate home?"

He felt like he was joining a conversation midway through. "Um, no. Why?"

Instead of answering, she started ranting. "I can't believe them, Danny. They act like I'm the anti-Christ or something, just for having a boyfriend. Do you know they actually demanded that I break up with you?" His heart sank, but he just made noises of sympathy. He'd never seen her like this--full of fire. If asked, he'd have to admit she looked sexier than ever.

"They did. It's ridiculous. My Dad's even worse then Mom. He just went on and on about what boys want. Like I'm a child. Or an idiot. I can't take it anymore. I just had to get away from them. I'm not going back there, not tonight. Not until they can treat me like an adult." His heart skipped a beat, and his cock gave an involuntary twitch; she was staying here? All night? He had to say something, right? It was his turn to speak, he could tell.

While he was still formulating his reply, Lauren stepped up to him and unfurled the towel from around his waist. Now this was an unexpected turn. Before his brain had processed this event, she was sliding to her knees. While his mind might be a little slow on the uptake, his cock was already way ahead of him and at full attention as she looked up into his eyes and spoke: "Now, where were we? I think I need a lollie, Danny. Can I have a sucker?"

Hell to heaven in sixty seconds flat. Oh yeah, being a teenager was grand.

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