Lavender and Love

"You- you can look," her voice hitched.

"Are you sure?" he asked quietly, taking a step back at her nod. His eyes slowly moved down from her glassy grey eyes, tears welling at the surface, down to her soft lips. She closed her eyes and licked her chapped lips nervously.

She watched him swallow a lump at the back of his throat. His gaze swept her collarbone and traveled the column of her throat to just above her chest. Her breathing pattern changed and shallowed as he slid his gaze down further.

"Am I hideous?" she squeaked, her one eye slitting open. He ignored her. She was glad for the cover of darkness, but could see that he was looking right at her chest and was about to cover up, when he stepped into her space.

"You are beautiful," he whispered, not touching her, but not letting her back away, either. "Are you ready?" He pointed to the water.

"Um, yeah. Okay." She was confused. Was that all? Was he not going to react? What did she expect? He was her best friend after all. Did she expect him to hold her? Of course not. Who would want to hold her?"

"Unless you had something else in mind." He waited as she remained silent.

"I'm ready," she announced. "Swoop me off my feet, handsome." She giggled as he gently bent and hooked his arm under her knees and lifted her up, placing her into the water.

Easing her body down, she released a deep sigh as the water lapped over her.

"Feel good?" he asked. She nodded. "The button for the jets is right here." He showed her how to work the jets and pointed to a towel he had left for her on his patio chair.

"Mm. Thanks." She smiled at him, maybe for the first time in three months.

"Take all the time you need. Just call me when you are ready to get out." As he walked away he turned back to her. "Or, if you need any other help." He grinned at her gasp and slammed the screened door shut. She watched him pat the panties in his pocket.

***

Caressa slid over and pressed the button that read "Lights" and smiled as she saw a blue glow emanate from beneath the water's surface. She pressed the "Lights" button again and it changed to green. The color sequence followed that of a rainbow until she got to the last read that said "Wheel," which switched the colors in random order. She hit "More" and found that she could control the lights on the head rest, cup holders, and waterfall. Waterfall? She pressed the button marked "Waterfall" and jumped slightly when three streams of water arced over her head.

Cameron had obviously gotten the spa with all the bells and whistles. She wondered to herself what on earth he would need it for. It wasn't like he entertained people often.

She eased her body into the impression of a seat and looked across from her. The spa looked big enough to fit at least eight people. There were three full sized "seats" lined with jets, and jets placed strategically throughout to pinpoint different trouble areas of the body. She was appreciative of the bells and whistles. She settled back into the largest seat and lay her head back on the head rest, reaching her arm over to turn off the spa lights and pressed the button for the jets on the lowest setting. She knew her body wouldn't be able to handle any more than the softest stream.

She closed her eyes and settled back against the jets, surprised when the streams of water began to move slowly up and down her back. Apparently he had spared no expense with the spa. Then she remembered he had just gotten a raise attached to his promotion. Leave it to Cam to buy a spa instead of a new car or new furniture. She laughed to herself. Her mind wandered across many subjects: the accident, the surgery, the break up, how hungry she suddenly felt. She lightly put her hands on it to still the rumble and then let out a small burp, glad no one heard it.

The jets were easing the tenseness of her body and she began to relax, taking deep breaths into her lungs and letting them out slowly. She moved her hands from her stomach up to her breast, cupping it and squeezing gently. She felt bereft and unsure where to place her second hand. Before, she would have held both breasts in her hands and squeezed them together, brushing her thumb over the tips. Shrugging, she moved her left hand down over her stomach to rest at the triangle of black curls at the apex of her thighs. Should she? She sat up a little and looked around. She could see the light from the TV on in Cameron's house. The light in the kitchen was on, but no movement inside.

Just in case, she hunched down low in the water, sliding one finger along her slit. She kneaded her breast with her hand and leaned her head back to get more comfortable. She hadn't touched herself in so long. She hadn't been touched in so long. The water stung her cheek a bit and she was forced to sit straighter, which raised her chest to the surface. She eased her finger past the soft folds of her pussy to push deeper inside, massaging her breast. She avoided the seeming black hole of flatness on the left side of her body, feeling uneven and lopsided, was the best word to describe the vertigo she felt thinking about it.

She once more wondered why she had let Rob get away with his mental abuse for as long as she did. She had always been a strong woman, prided herself on her independence and strong will. She was educated, bright, and a champion to those who needed one. But after the diagnosis, she had started slipping into a victim mentality. At the time, before the surgery, Rob had been only too happy to step in and play the hero. He had doted on her and plied her with empty compliments. She had eaten out of his hand. She was in love. She was going to marry him. She was going to let him make the decisions and be happy in domestic bliss.

She knew deep down she never would have been content with that. But he had so easily swayed her with his words, with his mock concern. She knew now that's what it had been all along. She first realized it when she discovered the hastily-written message from his secret lover. But she looked past it when he had pleaded with her and made his promises. He had reminded her that she needed him. So, she had forgiven him, or at least tried to forget the incident. He became more demanding after that and begun to dictate her life; she so weak, so sick, had let him.

Caressa splashed the water in anger. "No. No more thoughts of Rob," she said to the silent night. "This is my time. This is for me."

To prove this to herself, she picked up momentum and brushed against her clit with her thumb, sending tingles throughout her body. She pinched her nipple and then moved over to another seat. Turning gingerly, she faced the jets, slid her body forward, and braced her hands on the seat. She kept her injured legs closed, but rose up; so that her bottom was exposed and pushed gently against the largest jet. She dropped her body down a fraction of an inch and let the stream of water hit her clitoris, causing her to shiver with delight.

"Oh!" she exclaimed loudly. She hoped the sound would be drowned out by the jets, but at this point was enjoying herself too much to care. After a few seconds, the sensitivity on her clit demanded she find relief elsewhere. She pushed herself up, keeping her legs tightly closed and sucked in a breath as the stream dove into her heat, pounding inside. She squirmed around whimpering, throwing her head back and squeezing her eyes shut.

She saw a flash of light from the inside of her eyelids and slowed her movements, afraid to look. She peeked with one eye to see that the patio light was on. She figured it was probably set on a timer. She looked away, but couldn't help noticing the shadow on the ground by the door. She considered yelling at Cameron for his peeping-tom ways. She knew that was who it was. But, screw it! She undulated her hips and moaned a bit louder for her audience, shocked at her sudden brazenness. Her hand flew to her breast and she tugged her nipple.

"Mm, uh," she panted, feeling the walls of her pussy constricting and her orgasm building. Orgasm? Damn, she needed to come over to Cameron's more often! She looked at the ground again. The shadow was gone and she sighed, slightly disappointed. No matter. She thrust her hips and tried to find purchase on the shaft of water, needing release.

"Come on. Come on. Come on!" She willed her body to cooperate. "Please," she begged as she frantically rubbed at her clit.

"Dammit! I need my other one!" she shouted into the air, filled with frustration and anger. "I can't do this without it," she cried. "It's not fair." She pulled off the jet and floated to the other side of the jacuzzi, slamming the jet button to turn it off.

***

Cameron had come out to check on Caressa. He wanted to let her know he made her dinner and had a surprise for her. But when he had come out of the house and seen a look of concentration on her face, he had been curious. He hadn't meant to watch. Oh, who was he kidding? This had been one of his wet dreams since he was a teenager. Sure, he had watched Caressa undress and even get a little playful in the mirror with herself, but this - her fingering herself and fucking the jacuzzi jet - this was beyond his youthful imaginings.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath. As he tried to move away from the light, he heard her words. He wanted to help her. He wanted to make her realize he could give her what she sought. He could help her find release. He contented himself to watch as long as he could. He really did. But when she lost the edge of her orgasm and began crying, his resolve broke and his feet moved of their own volition.

He stood at the side of the spa. Her eyes were closed and she was heaving great big sobs. He quickly shucked off his jeans and shirt and climbed into the water, moving over to where she huddled against the corner. She looked up, trembling, and let him slip his arms around her.

"Shh, Caressa." He caressed her hair. "I'm here. Let it out." He lifted her into his arms and set her in his lap. She turned to him and buried her face in his chest.

"I can't. I can't, you know, without, you know..." she said in code.

"You can't orgasm?" he asked.

"I, uh - I have - scratch that. I had very sensitive breasts. Without the one, I feel all weird and can't well, I can't finish myself off. Cameron, it hurts," she confessed shyly, blushing.

"It hurts to not to be able to make myself feel good. I hurt all over. It hurts that no one wants me. It hurts that my fiance would rather be with someone else, someone whole, than to touch me."

"He did what!?!" Cameron shouted, seething, rising out of the water, intent on finding the bastard and sending him to the hospital.

"I don't want to talk about him! I just- I don't want to feel anymore. I don't want to hurt anymore. Make it go away. Please." Her plea cut to his heart and dug in. She was in such a fragile state. As much as he wanted to answer her plea and give her the pleasure she was seeking, now didn't seem the right time. He held her and tried to ignore the reactions going on in his body. He picked her hand up and turned it over.

"You're water-logged hon." He brushed his thumb against the wrinkled skin of her palm. She visibly shivered at the action.

"And hungry." She nodded, pulling her hand away.

"I did promise you a meal. It's waiting inside." He smiled. "Ready?"

"Yes, I'm famished. What did you make me?" She yelped when he scooped her out of the water, stepped over the edge, and carried her into the house.

"My towel!" she exclaimed.

"It's Nude Day, remember?" Then he kissed her nose. She blinked and opened her mouth to say something.

"But, we're leaving a puddle of water all over your floor," she tried.

"Does it look like the water bothers me?" He took advantage of her worry and dipped his head down to kiss her.

"C-C-Cameron." Her teeth chattered as he set her down on the cushion of the kitchen chair and turned to the kitchen counter. The table was set for two and there was a bouquet of wildflowers in the middle. The smell of home cooking filled the air.

"Did you plan this?" She asked when she found her voice again, still shivering. "Cam, please let me have a towel or blanket or something. I'm cold!" she grumbled.

"This will warm you up." He plunked a bowl full of pasta down in front of her, leaning his body close to hers. The heat from his body radiated out to her back and she leaned back into it, tipping her head up and looking up at his face hovering over hers.

"Answer me."

"I told you I had a surprise for you, didn't I? I wanted to start it off with full bellies." He moved away from her, scooping the food into their bowls.

"What is this a date?" She flitted her hand around the table. "Flowers? A full meal? Chicken Alfredo, my favorite? Cameron, you have some explaining to do." Her hands were on her hips as she twisted around to look him in the eye.

"Don't you like it?" He gave her puppy dog eyes. "Just eat it. I bet you didn't know I could cook, now. Did you?" He smiled as she took a hesitant bite and then closed her eyes.

"Mm, it's so creamy. Did you make the sauce?" She let the savory flavors roll around on her tongue, moaning a bit.

"Yes. I'm glad you approve. Is the chicken tender enough?" He watched her take another bite and his mouth watered to taste her lips.

"Mhm. Delicious. When did you learn to cook?" She asked with surprise as she brought up another forkful.

"Oh, I don't know. Well, I took some lessons." He watched the food travel from her bowl to her sweet mouth.

"Lessons? Cooking lessons?" She stared at him.

"Yeah. My instructor said I was one of her best students, so I enrolled in culinary school part time." Licking his lips, he leaned forward. She smiled up at him and placed a forkful in his mouth. He clenched the fork with his teeth.

"Wow. Well, if all of your food tastes this great, I'd say you might have a new career ahead of you." Tugging the fork out of his mouth, she picked up the wine glass and swirled it around. He beamed at her.

"Thanks. I'm glad you are enjoying it." He took his seat and began to dig into the dish himself, pleased with how it turned out.

***

"Where are we going?" Caressa asked, testing the blindfold and holding her robe tightly closed, "and why am I still naked?"

"You'll find out soon enough. How many times do I have to say..."

"Nude Day, yes I know. Listen Cam, I don't want to get arrested, okay? You can understand that right?" she tried to get through his thick skull again.

"You won't. You're fully clothed now. For all a passerby might guess you could be in a swim suit under the robe. You don't have to be nude until we get inside," he assured her, patting her hand as he shifted gears on his car.

"Inside where?" she needled him.

"Stop with the questions. Don't you like surprises?" He clasped her hand in his giving it a gentle squeeze.

"No, I don't really. I don't even know why I agreed to this in the first place," she started.

"Ah, because I seduced you with good food." He chuckled heartily. "And...."

"Okay, okay. But are we almost there?" She dismissed the "and," and listened. A rhythmic beat was coming from his direction. She reached her hand over and felt him tapping the steering wheel. Was he fidgeting? She wondered what on earth he had to be nervous about. She was the vulnerable one here.

***

Cameron was nervous. He just hoped his surprise went over well and that Caressa would accept his gift to her. He really thought it might help her to heal and to get past some of her insecurities, at least he hoped it would. He hadn't planned on what he would do if she hated the idea, if she hated him, if she thought he had overstepped.

He pulled into the parking lot, turned off the car, and looked over at his best friend. She was on the edge of her seat and he couldn't help leaning over and kissing her cheek. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

"No. I'm not staying anywhere in this state of undress, alone."

"I promise I'll be quick. Don't you trust me? It's perfectly safe." He stroked her cheek.

"I don't care."

"We're in a safe neighborhood. There are mini-vans in the driveways and kid's bicycles left in the yards."

"What the hell, Cam? Get back here!" she growled as she heard the door slam shut. "I don't like this," she said to the empty car. "I don't like this at all."

She hummed to herself impatiently, anxiously, waiting. She knew he would never put her in harms way, but lately she was learning things about him that had surprised and shocked her. Did she even know this man who was her best friend, anymore? She heard the door open.

"OK, ready for you now." A hand reached in and took hers. She stayed rooted to her seat.

"Come on, Caressa. I'll guide you into the house. You'll be fine," he coaxed.

"This is weird. I don't like it. Take me home, now," she demanded. "Argh! Cameron put me down right this instant," she screeched at him as he unbuckled her seat and picked her up.

"Stop manhandling me."

The earthy scent of sage and a hint of pungent nag champa filled her nostrils as Cameron set her on her feet. She swayed, feeling vertigo creeping upon her. Cameron removed the blindfold and she blinked in the soft, warm light, taking in her surroundings. An attractive, heavily tattooed woman stood before her, buck-naked. She held her hand out to her and smiled.

"I'm Lorianna. You must be Caressa. Come, shed your clothing and step into my sanctuary." Her soft voice lulled Caressa into complacence, or was it the herbs burning? Caressa followed the woman inside.

Her eyes blurred as they tried to follow the lines and shapes of ink running across Lorianna's skin. She stepped closer and that's when she realized something. The woman's chest was completely flat. Not flat-chested, as in small breasts, but completely void of breasts. She hadn't noticed before because there was a gorgeous moonlit scene tattooed across the front of her. Where one breast would have been there was a full moon, and in place of the other, the top of a tree. She stared at it.

"Off with the robe, sweetie. Don't be shy. We are all celebrating this day today." She smiled sweetly at her, helping her disrobe and drawing her into another room. Cameron trailed the two women, giving Caressa time to adjust.

"All of you?" Caressa spoke for the first time since entering. Japanese symbols hung from the ceiling and clusters of crystals were displayed around the room, nestled in every little corner. The soothing, acoustic strains of new age music surrounded the room. There were four other people occupying the room. She recognized a couple of them from somewhere.

"Oh Caressa! We're so pleased to see you here," gushed Miranda, one of the women from the survivor group she attended.

"What's going on?" she asked, confused. An older woman with long white hair stepped forward and took her hand. All of the women were nude.

"We're celebrating our imperfect bodies, our survival, and our femininity," Judy stated as she hugged the younger woman to her chest. Caressa felt awkward. She had never been hugged naked, nor by another naked woman, let alone by a woman without breasts.

"I don't understand." Caressa shook her head and then spotted Cameron off to the side.

"Cam?"

He stepped forward, met each woman's eye, and upon seeing their nods of encouragement, dropped his own robe and stepped into the light. Murmurs of approval fluttered around the room.

"Well, I have been coming to Lorianna for my tattoos for years, not to mention her sage advice." He smiled at the neo-flower child. "When I was here for a reading last week, she had mentioned her Nude Day ceremony and the women who would be included. I had wondered if the same ladies were the ones in your group and contacted them. When I learned that they were, I asked them if they had ever discussed this with you before."