Lavender and Love

A middle-aged African American woman, Camille, stepped forward. She still wore a shirt. "We told him that we had discussed it, but you had seemed neither interested, nor disinterested. He asked if we thought you might want to take part in it, if you were surrounded by friends." She pointed to a plush chair and helped Caressa to sit down.

"Thank you, Camille. But I still don't understand." Caressa looked around at the women before her.

"As you can see, Caressa. I am like you ladies. I too have had a mastectomy, well double. I too have survived. I delved into my art and into the human body and discovered a way to help add healing to the situation. I take something personal from each woman, whether it be a scene of their life when they were most happy, a picture of their child, something that reminds them of beauty or femininity, and I carve and ink it into their skin to remind them that they are beautiful. Your friends, including this amazing man here, thought that maybe you would have something special you wanted on your chest. That is, if you are interested in this type of healing. You can just sit and watch before you decide."

Caressa sighed and rubbed her temples, watching as Lorianna went to work setting up her table and work station. When she was finished arranging the needles and ink, she went over to a side table and brewed some coffee, set out some tea, and popped open a plastic container of various muffins and cookies. Then she turned to address the room.

"Get comfy ladies. I imagine this will take most of the night. I'm only going to do an outline in black. You can come back individually or together to get the color, except for Camille. I already started hers a couple of weeks ago. She gets color today." Lorianna moved back over to her tray. Everyone looked over at Camille.

"What? Don't you give me those looks. I was anxious to get started." Camille smiled proudly as she removed her shirt revealing the beautiful outline of a phoenix rising out of a pile of ribbons. The women oohed and aahed.

"Well that explains why you kept your shirt on." Judy nodded.

***

Cameron plopped down beside Caressa and took her hand in his, settling it in his lap while absently rubbing the side of her thumb. She felt the heat from his touch spread down her arm and into her heart.

"What do you think?" he whispered. "Are you adventurous enough for this?"

"I don't know, Cam. Tattoos are really expensive and permanent." She rested her head on his shoulder. He caressed her cheek.

"You don't have to worry about the cost, Caressa. That's true. They are a permanent testament to your strength and a reminder of the beauty that you have within you and outside of you. Look at these women here. They have all gone through what you have. Maybe not the same situation, or the same hardships, and certainly not your accident; but they all have the same feelings inside as you do. They all need to be reminded of their intrinsic beauty." He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead.

"Just like you need to know that. If you were to get the tattoo and take part, what do you think you would want?" he questioned, watching her eyes scan the instruments.

"I have thought about this before, to be honest. I just didn't have the courage or the money to do it. So, I already know what I want." She turned her head to him.

"What?" he prompted.

"Lavender." She smiled at him. Cameron leaned in closer and breathed in the very scent she mentioned. She wore it in her hair, he knew. He nodded his approval. Her smile broadened.

"It has the ability to regenerate cells, to promote calm, sleep, and healing," she listed.

"It's perfect."

***

Out of the corner of her eye, Caressa saw a cool Cam stand up. He picked up a blanket from the back of the couch and walked over, handing it to Lorianna. Then he walked out of the room. She hobbled over to the table to watch every move the tattoo artist made.

Lorianna pressed the special tracing paper against Miranda's skin, making sure the design stuck, then lifted it away. Next she filled the tiny cups with black ink, loaded the first needle, and took out the A&D cream and bandages for afterward.

Miranda was the first to go. She chose a portrait of her toddler daughter on one side and a picture of a unicorn on the other. Tears fell from her eyes as the picture began to take shape.

"I'm just glad," Sniffle. "...that I got to nurse my baby before losing them both," Miranda whispered. Judy handed her a tissue. Miranda was only a few years older than Caressa and her words went straight to her heart.

God, she hadn't even thought about babies or the ability to breastfeed. She looked at each woman and noticed that Deena, the second youngest of the group looked pale. She stood quickly and rushed out of the room. A moment later, Cam quietly slipped back into the room looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Can you still breastfeed with only one breast?" Caressa blurted out loud before she could think about her words or the effect they'd have on the other women. She looked at each of their faces. Caressa was about to hobble after Deena when someone answered her question.

"You certainly can." Camille announced with a broad smile. "Many women have been successful breastfeeding with only one breast. I'm not sure if I told you girls this, but I'm a lactation consultant. God's biggest joke, right? Taking both breasts from me. I was able to breastfeed my children, and like Miranda am thankful for it. It doesn't stop me from helping other women, either, especially in our position."

Caressa breathed a sigh of relief. Wow, why was she thinking about babies all of a sudden? She was too young to be thinking about babies. She had no business thinking about babies in the state of chaos she was living in right now. Right? She glanced over to see what Cam's reaction to this girl-talk was. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees, listening intently. He caught her glance and smiled at her.

"Are you OK with this kind of talk?" she whispered.

"I'm taking notes." His wink had her wondering what the hell he meant. She was about to ask when the sound of vomiting coming from the direction of the bathroom had everyone turning their head. Deena came out of the bathroom, looking even paler. Judy rushed forward. When Deena glanced at Cam, a bit of color returned to her cheeks and she blushed.

"Deena, are you okay?" She ushered her over to the couch. Deena nodded her head, holding her stomach.

"I'm pregnant." She beamed. "I didn't think it would be possible with all of my health problems. I'm not getting too excited. I just found out this morning. The doctor gave me clearance a couple of months ago that I could start trying. I didn't need radiation or chemotherapy. It's been three years since the surgery, so that made it safe for us to try." She took a breath and caressed her stomach.

"We only had sex the one time after the appointment, because I caught bronchitis. It took the first time!" she screeched and then looked over at Caressa. "I'll let you know how one-breasted feeding goes." She giggled giddily. Throughout the exchange of news, Lorianna remained focused on the tattoo needle.

"Anyway, I'll be sitting this tattoo out. But I'll be rooting for all of you ladies." She sat down after receiving hugs from everyone, including Cameron. Out of the corner of her eye, Caressa saw him whisper something into Deena's ear. They both looked over at her. She kept her eyes focused on the tattoo of the unicorn forming on Miranda's left side.

"Doesn't it hurt?" Deena questioned Miranda who winced a bit, but otherwise seemed unaffected.

"After childbirth, this is nothing," she laughed. "You'll learn that soon enough." The women all joined in the laughter.

"True enough," Camille agreed.

"Unless you have drugs," Judy piped in.

"I'm totally going to have drugs," Deena confirmed.

"Unless it's too late and the baby is ready to be out before you have the chance," Judy shared.

"Did you have drugs?" Deena asked Miranda.

"My baby was one that came rushing into this world, without giving me a chance for drugs. I was in labor for two hours. How about you guys?" Miranda asked them.

"No kids. I have my dogs though and my girlfriend," Judy chuckled. "Does that count? Listen, I think that after going through what we went through with surgeries and treatments, etc...we're strong enough to go through anything. A tat is the least of our worries."

"Agreed!" hhe women said in unison.

Caressa shifted her body closer to Cameron's, while she listened to the female chatter. He took her hand in his. "Is it going to hurt?"

"It's more annoying than anything. I'll hold your hand," he promised, "unless you've changed your mind."

"No. I want this. I want..."

"Next up!" Lorianna announced as she helped Miranda off the table.

Camille went next and got her phoenix filled in with fiery colors. The pile of ribbons was of course pink. Her butterfly was blue. She didn't even wince. After she was done, she hopped off the table and showed the women her other various tattoos.

Judy chose a blood red rose. The thorns were in the shape of ribbons and her girlfriend's name was written just below it.

The women milled about the room chatting and munching on goodies and sipping on hot tea and coffee. Deena had already consumed three muffins and was starting on her fourth.

"Have a few cookies, too," Judy said, handing her a stack of cookies.

"I'm good now." Deena blushed. "But I gotta pee so bad! Oops, sorry Cameron. I keep forgetting we have a guy among us." She blushed another shade of red. He waved her away with a shrug.

***

"You are taking this really well," Caressa commented as she curled up on the couch and lay her head in his lap, yawning.

"Three sisters and a girly best friend, remember?" He kissed her forehead and she sighed, snuggling against him.

"You're pretty snuggly tonight."

"I feel comfortable for once. You help me feel that way." She reached up and touched his cheek, her fingertips brushing against the trim goatee on his chin. Cam closed his eyes at her touch.

She had never been attracted to a man with facial hair before. Was that why she had never noticed how handsome her best friend was? Cam had started growing facial hair in college. At one point it was a full beard, with a mustache and she told him he looked like a bear-man. He had growled in her ear and she had shoved him out of her car that summer night.

He'd also sported a soul patch for a little while. She had told him how ridiculous the tiny tuft of hair had looked under his bottom lip. It wasn't like he was a musician or artist or something like that who could get away with wearing one.

"Besides, I think that would tickle when a girl kissed you." She had left herself wide open. She had known that.

"Hm and maybe a bit more. Do you want to test it out?" He had wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at her and she had shoved him. Something stirred low in her belly at the thought. She had to admit, the trimmed hair looked good on him. Too good.

"You're up next." Cam opened his eyes. They were dilated and she could tell he was controlling his breathing. "Lost in thought?"

She blushed, sat up and gently rolled off the couch.

***

"Ow ow ow," Caressa mumbled after Cameron had helped her up onto the table.

"Hon, I haven't even touched you with the needle yet. I'm just spraying the area with disinfectant. Relax," Lorianna said as she leaned over Caressa to clean the area thoroughly. "Lavender is one of my favorite herbs, too. Remind me when you leave to send you home with some of my lavender healing goodies that I made."

"It's cold," she complained.

"Analgesic numbing spray tends to be cold, silly." Cam averted his eyes from her pert breast. "Are you comfortable enough? Do you need another pillow for your leg?"

"I'm okay. Thanks. I'm cold though. Come to think of it, I've been cold ever since you made me strip and that was hours and hours ago," she pouted. Cameron grabbed the soft blanket from the bottom of the table and pulled it up to cover her legs.

"Nude Day, Ressa." He laughed.

"Nude Day, Schmude Day," she grumbled. "Anyway, how is that you are so comfortable with this? Aren't you a bit aroused by these naked women?" She looked down pointedly. Cameron leaned close to her, purposefully blocking her view from the needle about to penetrate her skin.

"The only naked body I'm interested in is yours. I've dreamed--."

"OW!!!" Caressa screeched as the needle pierced her skin. "Ugh! I wish you had warned me you were going to do that," she whimpered at Lorianna.

"In your case it was better for you to be distracted and not know." Lorianna went to work. "Thanks, Cameron. You can continue your conversation. I won't listen." She winked. "Too hard." She laughed and then put on a serious face to focus.

***

The other women were talking amongst themselves and admiring each other's fresh tattoos. Cameron noted a camaraderie there that not many would understand. The common thread of pain and illness bonded them together, but this shared experience of acceptance and healing connected them like soul sisters. He could see that in the way they embraced each other. Each one was a different age, had a different background and different history. He was an outsider, and yet he felt like he had been let in on a sacred secret.

He wondered if anyone besides Deena had noticed him slipping away earlier. It was rather fortunate that Deena did not bust into the restroom a moment sooner. For if she had, they would have both been embarrassed by his need for release. It was bad enough that she had knocked precisely in the middle of a grunt. When he opened the door she had shoved past him, embarrassed. He had noticed her palor, but she had slammed the door in his face before he could express his concern.

He hadn't lied to Caressa. It wasn't being surrounded by a bunch of naked women that aroused him; it was seeing her, his best friend, naked. No not these naked women, only you. He wanted to tell her. She'd obviously been absorbed with her surroundings when they'd first entered the house that she hadn't noticed his hard cock. Just as well. He thought. Each time she shifted next to him on the couch, he felt he was going to jump out of his skin. The jittery nerves he had felt rippling through her body, had sent a tidal wave through his own.

By the time Caressa had asked him about his lack of arousal, he had already taken care of it. He'd waited until the women were engaged in chatter and then had gotten quickly out of there to relieve the pressure.

Tonight he would tell his best friend his deepest secret. He was in love with her, had been ever since they were in high school. He'd never had the nerve to tell her. At every opportunity where he almost manned up, something would interfere. She would be in a relationship, or he would be in one. But to be honest with himself, he was a chicken-shit, afraid of ruining the amazing friendship they shared.

He'd wanted to tell her when she told him about her engagement. He didn't trust Rob as far as he could throw him and he had a great pitcher's arm. When Caressa broke the news of the cancer and had come to him for comfort, rather than her asshole fiance, he'd had the perfect chance. But she seemed so happy and in love. As he waited outside the operating room while she had her breast removed he went over the words in his head a hundred times. He rushed into the recovery room with a bouquet of wildflowers and a teddy bear.

She groggily smiled and said the words that stung the most, "Oh, Hi Cam. Have you seen Rob?"

He stuffed the feelings back down inside. Right after the accident, while she lay in the hospital bed, fighting for life, he had whispered the words in her ear. She had been unconscious. It hadn't counted then. But it would count tonight. He swore that nothing would get in his way this time.

***

"It feels like a cat scratching the hell out of me." Caressa's complaint cut through his thoughts. "A very insistent, incessant, angry, bitch-of-a-cat." She crushed his hand. He had been holding her hand the whole time. It was clammy and sweaty, but he could tell that she wasn't about to let it go

"Gee, thanks!" Lorianna stated as she worked on the next blossom. "Hiss." She smiled as she gathered more ink. "Hold still."

"Not too bad, right?" Cam questioned.

"No comment. Oooh, damn that hurts," She cursed.

"Sorry. This is the most tender spot. I'm trying to be gentle as I work around the scar tissue." Lorianna glanced up. Seeing the pale face of her client, she stopped the needle. "You need a break? You look a bit pasty."

"I am pasty. Maybe a drink of water. If you stop now I'll chicken out and have half a tattoo. That won't be very pretty." Caressa clenched her teeth.

***

"You're doing great. It is going to be beautiful. Lori's almost finished. She's definitely at the worst part." Camille came over with a glass of water and held it to her lips. "Do you want another hand or two to hold?" At Caressa's nod the other women gathered around her.

"Thanks friends," Caressa said quietly, closing her eyes.

"You're like the little sister of the group. We'll take care of you," Judy assured her.

"Take a few deep breaths, Caressa," Lorianna advised with the needle poised over her chest.

"I'm right here, chickadee," Cam whispered. "Squeeze as hard as you want. I won't break." Caressa nodded.

"Oh my God! Damn that hurts. Make it stop. Ow ow ow ow!" she cried out.

"Shh, almost done." She wasn't sure who was shushing her, but it was a female voice. "Deep breaths. Think of something to keep your mind off the pain."

"Cameron. Cam, tell me what you have been dreaming about."

***

Shit! How had he been so stupid as to almost slip up like that? He had hoped she hadn't been paying attention or that the tattoo pain would have overridden his almost-words. No such luck. Should he tell her here, in front of all of these women? He had visions of telling her privately as he held her close to him, whispering the words in her ear and then making sweet love to her. But he couldn't lie to her. She would see through the lie. Well, he could tell her part of it now and wait for the big announcement later. Yeah, that'll work.

"Yes. What were you about to tell her?" Miranda piped in. She was the gossip of the group.

"I was going to say -- " he addressed Caressa, "I've been dreaming about you for years."

"Well, that's just silly. I'm right here, Cam. I always have been" His words obviously hadn't sunk in yet. Cameron took a breath, rubbed his temples and dove in.

"Caressa. I've been dreaming about having your sweet body pressed against mine. I've been dreaming about holding you in my arms while you slept and..."

"Done!" Lorianna exclaimed. SAVED! Whew. Bless Lorianna's timing. She smirked at him. At the exclamation, Caressa turned her attention to her chest and let the words hang in the air.

She slid off the table and hobbled over to the full length mirror in the corner of the room. Cameron gave her space and hung back with Lorianna. He noticed a wet spot on the sheet of the table and cocked his head giving his best friend's retreating form a curious look. Was it the excitement and stress of the tattoo that had gotten her wet? The close proximity to the naked women? Nah, she didn't swing that way. Or was it his presence and words that had aroused her. He didn't know, but he would find out.

***

Caressa looked at her reflection in the mirror. She ignored the bruises and scars and honed in on the delicate curves and lines displayed on the side of her chest. It was a work of art. She had thought the other ladies' tattoos were beautiful too, but hers' had an almost magical quality to it. She couldn't wait to see the lavender color blooming there.