Law of the Heart Ch. 05

I sat in the sand looking at the black water of the ocean. The Atlantic wasn't as black as my heart had become.

After Hector had entered my wife's room, changing places with his twin brother Juan, I had stumbled down the beach. The visions of my wife naked with her legs splayed open to accept the fresh hard cock for another marathon fuck fest crowed everything else from my mind. Unaware of where I was I stumbled about. I was rudderless for hours. Finally, I contemplated walking into the black ocean and swimming out into the nothingness. Only the thought of Little Jake kept me from doing that.

It happened slowly, but hours later through my puffy red eyes I noticed that the water was no longer black, but a dark blue. It continued to lighten and as the sun finally broke the surface of the water, a new day began. A new bright day. Now I needed to decide....

As the dark was pushed away by the dawn, the lawyer in me methodically listed my options. I had quite a few actually. Not being overly concerned with material things is a good thing. In situations like this not being worried about money and possessions is freeing. The only thing that was not negotiable was my son. He was my son and I wouldn't give him up.

Having come to that realization I immediately had to ask myself, "Is Jake Junior my son?"

"Oh God, could Jill have had other affairs?"

"No! I was sure Jake Junior was mine." He looked too much like me and my Dad. He had to be mine, and if there was any doubt I could get a DNA test done. But for now I would operate with the certainty that my son was indeed my own flesh and blood.

Those thoughts made me realize something else. My wife's betrayal had huge implications beyond just me. Her betrayal brought into question everything in my life since we had met. Was anything what it seemed? My faith in Jill, had been destroyed and she was the person I trusted the most. If I couldn't trust her was there really anyone I could trust? That's why I had to have Jake Junior with me. If not for my son, then I would be truly alone in the world. I realized that if Jill could betray me I really had nobody. That is the real damage caused by an un-faithful spouse.

I realized that I had walked miles down the beach. I headed back towards the Marina to reclaim my belongings. Maybe I could get a cup of coffee. Then I would get a cab back to the airport. I would avoid the Resort and nobody would know I had even been here. After all, while Jill had been unfaithful I could have ended it at anytime just by revealing myself. Simply by walking up to her, or even to any of my friends. Why hadn't I? Was I at least partially to blame for what had happened?

I was able to catch a cab at the marina and was soon back at home. I told my in-laws, that I hadn't made it out of the airport. I told them that I had gotten sick. I certainly looked like death warmed over when I picked up Jake. Sitting at home later in the day the phone rang. It was Jill.

"How did the trial go? Are you going to make it down for the last day of the reunion?"

"I am sick Jill.... I'm sorry...." Hearing her voice I was filled with emotion. My stomach also began doing flip flops and I could barely keep the sandwich I had eaten with my son down.

"Oh poor baby... Well you rest up and when I get home tomorrow I'll tell you all about how everyone is doing. Everybody says hello. Jim and Meredith are really missing you!"

"Yeah..... are you missing me Jill?" I managed to stutter to my wife.

"Of course silly. It is so nice on the beach. I wish you were here."

"Is it romantic?" I couldn't keep myself from saying it. Dam, why couldn't I hold my tongue.

"Umm.." now Jill stuttered.... "Its beautiful. We will have to come down for a holiday when we both can get off."

"Yeah, that would be great." I winced at her unintended double entendre, Jill was the one "getting off." I was not "getting off" at all!

We talked about everyday things for a few minutes, then I let Jake say "bye" to his Mommy. That way I was able to avoid the inevitable "I love you." I didn't think I could stand hearing it or saying it right now.

After the phone was hung up by Jake Jr, I replayed the phone call over in my mind. It had been very quiet on Jill's end of the phone. No beach noise. She must have been in her room.

I couldn't help but wonder. "Is Juan or Hector in the room with her? Maybe both of them were there?"

I had heard all the stories about the wives who talked on the phone to their unsuspecting husbands while their lovers fingered their married cunts or even fucked them.

I couldn't help but think, "Was that happening while I was talking to Jill?"

"Was Juan and Hector each sucking on one of Jill's luscious tits while she called her clueless husband back at home?"

"Were Jill's hands stroking two hard Cuban cocks as she told me to watch how many cookies Junior ate?"

I couldn't tell. She didn't sound unusual. That was good wasn't it? But she didn't sound at all guilty either. Shouldn't she sound at least a little bit contrite? She sounded like everyday Jill. It was obvious that she could easily lie to me and I couldn't tell. I didn't know my soul mate as well as I thought.

I played with Jake all day. That night I finally fell into a fitful sleep in the wee hours while looking at old photo albums of Jill and I in happier times. I did decide to do one thing. I took Jill's wedding and engagement rings off the leather shoe lace around my neck. I left my ring on the necklace, but I scotch taped Jill's rings onto the back page of our wedding album.

"If she ever wants to look at pictures of us promising to love only each other, she could find them," I thought sardonically to myself.

I was interested to see how she would explain her missing rings when she got home.

I awoke with a start on Sunday morning. I kept myself busy, taking care of Jake Junior and doing chores around the house. I must say that when Jill pulled into the driveway (she had taken her own car to the airport) the house looked 'spic and span.'

I was dreading this 'moment of truth.' Jill breezed in the front door looking happy and relaxed. Jake ran and grabbed her legs yelling "Mommy, Mommy."

She patted his head and smiled at me, saying brightly, "Come give me a kiss hello!"

I bolted from the room and barely made it to the powder room at the end of the hall.

As I dry heaved into the toilet I kept thinking of Jill pulling Juan into her room.

It was ten minutes later when I heard the doorbell ring. It was dinnertime and I had called to have pizza delivered. I didn't move. I could hear Jill talking. A few minutes later Jill knocked at the bathroom door.

"Are you OK?"

"UnnnHuuuuh." She didn't open the door.

"Thanks for ordering pizza. I guess you are still sick. I think you did too much today. The house looks great, but I wish you would have just rested and gotten over your sickness."

"UnnnHuuuunnnnhhh" was my reply. I thought, "I hope I can get over the sickness in our marriage."

I heard her steps walking away down the hall. When it got quiet I crept out of the bathroom and tiptoed up the stairs to the guest room. I locked the door and laid on the bed trying to decide what to do.

Again, my training as a lawyer was the only place I could find answers. While I didn't practice family law I remembered one of my Law professors talking about divorce law.

"Infidelity was a major reason for divorce," he had said, "and when it happens the spouse who was cheated on usually had a hard time. It is like a death and the wronged spouse has to move through the stages of death and dying ... if the marriage was to survive. The four stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They are part of the grieving process."

I knew I had to travel all the stages if I wanted to stay married to Jill. Clearly I was somewhere between denial and anger.

Later that night Jill once again knocked at a door I was hiding behind. I simply told her that I was very sick and wanted to be left alone. I don't know what she thought.. and I didn't care... I could tell that the ANGER stage was kicking in.

In the morning I was up early. I was out the door before Jill or the twins were awake. It was mid morning when my office phone rang. Caller ID told me that it was Jill.

I contemplated not answering. I was in court a lot and often wasn't at my desk. Voice mail could answer it.

"What the hell," I thought. My anger overcame my caution.

"Hello," I growled into the phone.

"Oh Jake... is that you? You sound..."

"What do you want Jill?" I barked, interrupting her.

"Well not to be yelled at. I wanted to see how you are feeling. I haven't seen you since I left for Miami last Thursday."

"I am surprised you want to see me at all Jill."

"What the hell does that mean...."

"Now is not the time, Jill. I am not ready to talk about your trip to Miami and who YOU SAW and who SAW YOU at the reunion." My voice was a guttural growl.

"Just one minute buster. You can't talk..." then she fell silent.

I was breathing hard and I know Jill could feel how mad I was through the phone. Long seconds passed. Nothing but my labored breathing could be heard on the phone line.

Finally, in a soft voice, almost a whimper Jill asked, "Jake, did someone call you from Miami?"

"I have to go!" I roared into the phone. I slammed it down.

A few minutes later it rang again. Caller ID showed my home number. I let it ring.

"Now she could feel a little of what I was feeling." The anger welled inside me.