Law of the Heart: The Real Deal

To tell you the truth Jill, I could hardly breathe at that moment. Here you were on a boat topless with two guys you always told me you could not tolerate being near. Topless Jill! And to make matters worse you were playing right along with Juan's advances.

I couldn't believe you would do that and I almost screamed out at you before you got to the dock. I know with hindsight that had I done that, had I screamed out at you, none of what happened would have happened, but my mind told me to keep quiet. Just wait to see what she does.

Was I going to be able to trust you? If you were going to do anything Jill, I wanted to know there and then. You didn't think I was there so you thought you could do anything you wanted. I needed to know just how far you would go with that thought so I did nothing, and as you know you went too far.

After you all left the dock I slipped onto the boat just to look around. I found your rings where you had taken them off so you could be "single" for the afternoon. That told me a lot about how you viewed our wedding vows Jill. That tells you why I pushed the point of the rings so hard when you got home. I knew you took them off to be "single."

I won't go into a lot of detail from here on, but I know what happened. I know you went to the luau with Steve, Meredith, Sally and Juan.

I saw you dancing with Juan on the beach. I saw lots of friends and acquaintances walk away because of how sensual you were dancing with him and how uncomfortable they felt about that.

I saw you in the hot tub with Juan. I saw what he was doing to you there.

I saw you leave the hot tub, I saw Juan walk you to your hotel door, I saw him kiss you and I saw you pull him into the room. I waited outside your door for a long time Jill. I saw Juan leave and high five his brother then I saw Hector slip back into your room.

Oh, I am sure at this moment your jaw is dropping down to your chest Jill. Yes, the Mendoza twins tag team fucked you Jill. They did to you what they did to almost every girlfriend that either of them ever had in law school. They tag team fucked you. All the guys in law school knew they were doing it because they bragged about it constantly. Many of their girlfriends knew and didn't care and those that did never wanted to admit it.

I knew Jill, but I never told you because you hated those twins. You never wanted to even be in the same room with them. Why would I have needed to tell you? But, I am telling you now Jill, you are a Mendoza twins tag team fuck girl. How does that make you feel?

Do you know something else they did Jill? Once they tag team fucked a girl and she knew about it and didn't stop it they started passing her around amongst their friends. They even took her to gang bang parties that they had arranged. Yes Jill, she became the Mendoza boys tag team and gang bang fuck whore. Is that your destiny Jill? To become a Mendoza boys tag team and gang bang fuck whore?

Well, I need to finish this letter. No sense in prolonging this agony for me and I am sure by now you are having those same thoughts.

I don't know what else happened at the reunion. I don't need to know any more than I already do. I left when I saw Hector slip into your room. I took a taxi to the airport and caught the earliest flight home I could get. I came back here to our home and waited for your return.

When you got home I gave you many opportunities to come clean with me. I gave you several openings to confess your infidelity to me. I practically begged you to admit to me what you had done.

I got upset about your rings being missing, I asked you who you saw, what you did, where you went, asked you if you were you a good girl. I practically wrote your whole story for you Jill. But you didn't tell me anything, you lied to me, you denied any wrongdoing, you sidestepped every valid opportunity to come clean with me. Jill, I couldn't believe it, but you actually even got angry with me for asking questions and being upset with you. You acted like you were perfectly innocent and had no clue why I would be upset with you.

I even heard your telephone conversation with Sally, pleading with her to find your rings so I would stop being suspicious. You told her that if you got your rings back I would settle down and it would all go away.

And yes Jill, I heard you tell Sally that it was "amazing." Your time with the Mendoza's was "amazing." How do you think that made me feel?

Well it was amazing because you were tag team fucked Jill. Just think how amazing it will be when you are the Mendoza's tag team gang bang fuck whore doing gang bangs for them and all their buddies. Hell, eventually they will probably be whoring you out for big money. After all you are an "amazing" fuck Jill.

I know this letter sounds pretty brutal to you and I know it is. I would apologize for that but right now an apology to you just isn't in me. Believe me I am not at all calm while I write this. It brings back all the anger and hurt I felt that day and I want to hurt someone and right now that someone is you. I keep remembering seeing you topless, seeing you dancing so suggestively, seeing you in that hot tub being groped, seeing you kiss Juan and pulling him into your room, seeing the twins switch places. I keep thinking of the betrayal of your wedding vows, your betrayal of me and yes even your betrayal of Little Jake because of what this will do to his family.

I can't do this anymore. I need to talk to someone. I will finish this later.

I am back.

I couldn't stop crying Jill, I couldn't stop shaking and I was so dejected I couldn't think straight. So, I put it away for a while and went to see Pastor Stillman. Yes Jill, I went to see him because I needed to talk to someone. I told him everything. He was shocked, but his comment to me was very simple.

He said, "Jake, if you love Jill you need to forgive her. She is human and made a mistake. Don't lose your love because of one mistake. Talk to her and work through this situation."

I thought about his simple words for a long time Jill. I do love you. There is no question about that fact. The question is whether I can forgive you.

If you had made a mistake Jill, I would forgive you in a minute and move forward with our lives. You know me well enough to realize though that I would look long and hard at what would constitute a mistake.

A man walking down the street is hit by a roof tile blown off the roof of a roadside building. He had an accident. And everyone would say, "He had an accident."

A man walking down the street is hit by a car driven by a drunk driver. He didn't have an accident. He was the victim of a predictable negligent event. In the illustration the word accident just doesn't quite fit does it? People wouldn't say, "He had an accident," they would say, "He was a victim."

Let's apply this same logic to your situation in Miami.

You got on the boat with the Mendoza's, two known womanizers. That was a mistake Jill. When the party started to get sexual you could have gone and put on your shirt and it would have stayed a mistake.

You didn't do that though, did you? No, you joined the party and got topless. You allowed everything to happen that did happen. You were going to be "single" since I wasn't there and you were going to have your little fling. It was no longer a mistake but became an intentional betrayal of your wedding vows, an intentional betrayal of me and again, yes an intentional betrayal of our son.

Oh, you might not have intended it to go as far as it did, but you never stopped it and it wasn't a mistake. It was a predictable adulterous event and you created some victims. They are me, our son, your mom and dad, my mom and dad, all those people who love us and care about us. They are your victims Jill.

While you were doing all of this, did you ever think of me? Did you ever think of our vows to each other? Did you think to forsake all others, to keep you only unto me? That meant for you to turn away from all other men Jill and not give yourself to anyone but me. And yes that meant to not give your body, your heart or your mind. Did you do that? No. You broke our wedding vows. Period.

It is Sunday, June 5, 2005 as I write this letter. You have until Sunday, June 19, 2005 to find your rings and this letter. When you find them, call my cell phone and leave me a message that you have found your rings. I am going to be leaving my cell phone off and will just be checking messages once a day. If you call by Sunday, June 19, 2005 I will get in touch with you. We will talk and we will see if our marriage can be saved. If you find them later than that, you will already have been served with divorce papers on Monday June 20, 2005 so don't bother calling.

Jill, I have loved you with all my heart for thirteen years. I fell in love with you on our first date and have been in love with you ever since. We have been so much more than just husband and wife. We have been lovers. We have been soul-mates. We have been friends.

I cannot tell you how much this tears me up. It has totally shaken me to the roots of my existence. Almost by instinct I have always known the right path to take in my life. I know that comes from my mom and dad. They always knew what was right and honorable. They always followed that path even when it was difficult.

I will need to draw upon the upbringing they gave me to deal with this situation and I will do the right and honorable thing no matter how difficult it might be. At this moment I am not sure what that is and I need to find out.

I hope you have found your rings in time Jill.

Love,

Jake

P.S. Yes Jill, I do love you, but I also hate you.

***************************************

Jill Continues

I cried. I didn't stop crying. I fell asleep Monday night crying. I woke up Tuesday morning crying. My marriage was over.

I knew Jake too well to believe he would be able to get past my cheating, my betrayal. His sense of fair play was legendary. He was a public defender because he believed everyone deserved a fair hearing of all evidence. Fair play dictated that my marriage was over.

Jake's evidence was spotless. Even though I wanted it to be otherwise, the words in his letter were true. I had made a mistake, but I didn't leave it there, I turned it into betrayal. I thought, "What will one little fling hurt?" There was no doubt of my guilt. I knew it and he knew it. My marriage was over.

When the divorce papers were served he knew I had not thought of our marriage because I had not looked at that wedding album. He knew I saw it every single day when I went into my dresser, but he knew I had not opened it and looked at it or I would have found our rings and called him. He gave me every opportunity and I failed. My marriage was over.

When I had finally stopped crying I contacted a divorce attorney, John Morris, and set up an appointment for that afternoon to respond to the action. I met with John for a short time and explained everything to him. He asked me if I wanted to contest the divorce and I said I would not contest it if Jake agreed to meet with me to talk and still wanted to proceed with the divorce after we talked.

John told me he would contact Jake's attorney to see if that could be set up.

Wednesday morning John's secretary called me to tell me that a meeting had been scheduled for 10:00 a.m. Thursday morning and that Jake had only agreed if both attorneys were present as well. I was not happy with that. I wanted to talk with Jake alone but I agreed to his conditions.

Thursday morning the four of us met in my attorney's office. I was shocked when I saw Jake. He looked like he hadn't slept for the whole time he had been gone. There were dark circles under his eyes and I could feel the sense of loss that he felt.

As soon as we were seated I started. "Jake, I am so sorry for what I have done. I would give anything to make it all go away. Everything you said in your letter is true and I know I have failed you miserably."

My attorney looked at me with a questioning look. "John," I said, "I told you that I would not contest this divorce if Jake wanted to continue, so the only way it will stop is if Jake stops it."

He told me to continue.

"Jake," I continued, " I know I don't deserve it, but I am asking you to forgive me. I made a horrible mistake and I did betray you. It was only that one time and it will never happen again. Please forgive me and stop the divorce."

I could see the anger rising in Jake's face and stopped talking.

"Jill, I have heard enough of your lies and deceit. I will not stop the divorce proceedings," he continued. "In fact my intent is to file custody papers for Little Jake with the courts and want to go over my proposal with you so you will not contest it either."

Jake's attorney read the following:

I, Jacob David Roberts am petitioning the court for full custody of Jacob David Roberts, Jr., my son.

I, Jacob David Roberts am petitioning for the authority to change my place of residence and to move myself and my son to any location within a 500 mile radius of Boston. My current plan is to move to Washington D.C. which is specifically within that radius, but to not be limited to that one location only.

I, Jacob David Roberts grant visitation rights to Jacob David Roberts, Jr., to his mother Jillian Ann Roberts as follows:

* Jillian Ann Roberts is granted visitation rights with her son, Jacob David Roberts, Jr. each and every first and third weekend of the month to include Friday night, Saturday and Sunday morning. Such visitation shall be at my parent's home and must be supervised by my parents.

* Jillian Ann Roberts is granted visitation rights with her son, Jacob David Roberts, Jr. for one week during the Christmas holidays. Both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day will be spent with one parent in a given year and those days will be alternated in the following year. Such visitation shall be at her parent's home and must be supervised by her parents.

* Jillian Ann Roberts is granted visitation rights with her son, Jacob David Roberts, Jr. for six weeks during the summer months of June thru August. Such visitation shall be at her parent's home and must be supervised by her parents.

* All visitation rights shall be under the supervision of the appropriate child protection agencies in Boston and Washington D.C. and any and all guidelines dictated by them will be followed. Failure to follow the said guidelines will result in forfeiture of all visitation rights.

* All visitation rights are subject to change with mutual consent of Jacob David Roberts and Jillian Ann Roberts. Either party may petition the other for changes in the visitation rights.

I was in shock. I jumped up out of my seat and screamed at Jake. "You cannot possibly think I would agree to these custody terms. You can divorce me Jake, I deserve that, but I will never give you full custody of our son. That will never happen."

My attorney got up also and said, "Gentlemen, I believe this meeting is over. My client will not contest the divorce, but your custody proposal is ridiculous. There is no way the court will grant Mr. Roberts custody under those terms. We will wait to receive a reasonable proposal from you."

"Good day gentlemen," he said.

Jake and his attorney stood up and prepared to leave. As he walked around the conference table toward me he took a DVD from his pocket.

He said, "Jill, before you make your final decision on this custody proposal I suggest you watch this DVD. You can watch it with your attorney if you wish, but I would suggest you watch it alone. You have 24 hours to accept this proposal. After that time we will be petitioning for full custody without visitation rights. You will have lost both me and your son."

With that he dropped the DVD on the table and left the room with his attorney.

I went home to watch the DVD alone. Believe it or not I loved Jake and trusted him, even in this so I knew I needed to watch it alone.

That afternoon I called my attorney and instructed him to let Jake's attorney know that we would not contest the custody proposal. John tried to argue with me that they could not prevail with those custody provisions but I just told him to handle it, I would agree.

***************************

The DVD

I put the DVD into the player and saw myself sitting at the kitchen table with the phone. Jake began narrating the DVD. "Yes Jill, I have video and audio of you in our home. I have it from the time I left until this very moment. All of your actions clearly indicated to me that I could not trust you so I felt I needed to put you under surveillance. I also did not want to go without seeing and hearing my son for the whole time I was gone. I installed video and audio equipment in the kitchen, living room, our bedroom and Jake's bedroom. It starts last week Wednesday night June 15th."

He paused and I heard myself speaking, "Hi Sally, this is Jill. Did you have any luck finding my rings? I know I left them on that boat and I have to have them back."

"No, I do not want to talk to Juan. Yes, I had an amazing time with him, but my marriage is in trouble and I cannot talk to him now."

"No, I will not talk to him, that is final, goodbye."

Jake then came back onscreen and said, "You can watch all of this video and audio if you want Jill, but I suggest you just skip ahead now to scene 3 which is Thursday night."

Again I heard myself, "Okay Sally, I will talk to Juan, tell him to call me."

"Hello Juan," I said, "I have to have my rings Juan. Jake knows something happened and my marriage is in bad trouble. Yes, I had a wonderful time with you, but I want to save my marriage. Please keep looking for my rings."

"Jill," Jake interjected, "If you are skipping you should now skip to scene 5 which is Friday night."

"Is Jake still there?"

I saw myself begin to shake and cry and I knew it was when I had called Jake's parent's home and Jake's dad had thought I was Sharon. I knew I had cheated on Jake and I assumed that now he was going to cheat on me with Sharon.

"That son of a bitch," I screamed, "I will fix his ass."

"Juan? This is Jill. I would like to get together with you. Can you fly up to Boston tomorrow? Jake is out of town. You can spend the night with me again."

My heart sank, I knew what Jake would see. There was no longer any hope for my marriage, but I would not give up the custody of our son.

Jake came onscreen once again. "Jill, skip to scene 10 on Saturday night and you will see that my letter told another truth."

There on the screen was Juan fucking me doggie style. I watched for a while, listening to the grunts and groans and moans of our sex and tears started to flow again thinking that Jake had seen me doing this.

Before long Jake came back onscreen and said, "Skip to scene 15 Jill."

Juan got off the bed and said, "Jill, I am going to go back downstairs and get my wine. I left it on the kitchen counter. Do you want more wine? Can I get you anything else?"

I said, "No Juan, just hurry back and give me more of that wonderful cock."

I watched in horror as Juan went downstairs, opened the front door and let in his brother Hector. He gave him the high five and Hector took off his clothes and headed up the stairs. I watched Juan put on Hector's clothes and slip out the front door.

"Yes Jill," Jake interjected, "Tag team fucked just like I said in the letter. They did it to you again. You can watch the amazing fucking you got or you can skip to scene 21 Jill, your choice."

I skipped to scene 21 and there was Hector fucking me in the ass. I was mortified. Jake continued, "This will be short and sweet Jill. Look at Hector very closely Jill. Look at that smirk on his face Jill. Want to know why your lover is smirking that way? He is looking at something Jill. Want to know what he is looking at? Look in the mirror on your dresser Jill. What do you see?"