Learning to Let Go Pt. 01

Learning to Let Go is a complete, eight part story that I'm posting all in one go (I hate waiting too). It's broken down into parts for the sake of online access rather than "instalments" that many stories have on this site. This means that you don't get a happy orgasmic ending at the end of each section - far from it in fact, as this story is quite the opposite of instant gratification - it's a story meant to be considered in its entirety. I hope I can hold your interest long enough to reach the... climax?

Please enjoy...

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2010

I was sitting in front of my laptop just killing time; watching videos of how to swim better on YouTube. I didn't have that long before I had to head off to work, but I'd really got it into my head that I was going to conquer 'Early Vertical Forearm' when I hit the pool later that day so I was swatting up on research. Deep down I'm really a geek, and swimming has this sort of technical aspect that really appeals to me. I couldn't wait to try all this stuff out and barely noticed Jen enter the room until she was standing on the other side of the coffee table.

"Yoshi, these photo's; how old are they?" She was holding one of my photo albums and I could tell by her tone which one it was. I'd moved in with her about a month ago, but had only just got around to unpacking the boxes holding sentimental items like my photos. Jen had known all along that I was a keen photographer and that I'd had a number of girls model for me. I'd shown her several pictures while we were dating - several of which saw the girl posing nude, or implied nude. I knew Jen liked them because she had an eye for art, but also, because she was bisexual. I'm not going to say my photo's turned her on because they were erotic; probably because she knew I took them they held a little more zing - wrongly assuming I'd bedded the models later.

"They're in chronological order. The first picture is about three years old. The last one was taken two weeks before we went on our date to London." Unbidden her hands flicked to the last shot; an oriental girl wearing a black PVC cat suit with, white rope binding her arms above her head to a wooden post which wrapped around her waist and down around her legs. She was stretched out, and her feet - which were bare - didn't quite touch the ground. I was very proud of that shot as it encompassed everything I wanted to achieve using a complex lighting arrangement capturing this girl's absolute submission. Her expression was perfect, white rope against shiny black PVC demanded the highest attention to the dynamic range... and her feet. God but there was something about how her feet were set that gave me little shivers.

Jen sat down on the other sofa. I'd learnt that this was an indicator of a "proper talk". If she wanted to have a standard conversation then she'd sit next to me. We had a very tactile relationship at that point; while we'd been together a little under a year, I'd spent most of it overseas on tour. In many ways, we were still in the honeymoon period, still finding out little things about the other. Not quite on a daily basis, but every now and then something new would crop up.

Today, with only ten minutes to spare before I needed to be out of the door, it was my interest in fetish photography. I hadn't hidden it, and Jen knew I had several kinks, but I think maybe she figured I'd just talked a good talk. She'd told me she felt she was sexually adventurous not long after we'd been dating, and I knew from the outset that her previous partners had been mostly girls. But she had had trust issues - not really sexual ones. I just didn't feel like trying to push my luck; truthfully just content with what we had.

"So" she began "these are pretty out there?"

"I suppose so." I wasn't trying to be awkward but I had no idea where this was going and had no intention of hanging myself if it wasn't necessary.

"Do you... like this?" To her credit she merely seemed curious and just a little on edge. Jen had an amazing posture, which was something I found enchanting, but it did mean that her body language wasn't always that easy to read. As she sat on the sofa waiting for my answer I was struggling to work out which side the coin would land. If you've ever seen a cat sitting looking straight through you then you have a fair idea of how Jen was looking at me. She had very light brown eyes, almond if you want to be pretentious about it, which matched her hair that was only just shoulder length so it could be tied back - but no longer. She was very sporty, and was rarely out of exercise clothes which was how she was dressed now; grey jogging bottoms and a black sports bra.

"Jen, you're assuming from the picture that this is the sort of thing that turns me on."

"Does it?"

"Not all of it, no." Her expression had not changed. I'm not sure she had even blinked. Her left hand flipped plastic covered page after plastic covered page, crinkling them under her fingertips. She stopped half way through; I knew what was coming as she held up the album to show a girl being caned. The shot was aimed to capture her pain and it did, my flash had lit the trail of her tears as well as the drool stringing out of her mouth. Her eyes were pressed closed and her jaw clenched fast.

"What about this? Would you like to do this to me?"

"No, actually that's not really my thing." She raised an eyebrow.

"If that's the case then why take the photo?"

"She asked me to." This answer stopped her in her tracks. "You thought I what? Paid her to do this for the picture? Or she was forced into it somehow?" I tried a different approach before this got out of hand. "Jen, last night, when I was fucking you from behind, I pulled your hair didn't I?

"Yes." I smiled remembering and I saw her sexy eyes sparkle at the recent memory.

"We both know it drives you wild."

"Mmm." We sat there, for a moment, watching each other replaying the sex in our heads.

"Come here." I wasn't sure if this would backfire but she got up gracefully and walked over to me. I sat back and held out my hands which she took and I pulled her onto my lap. I loved having her sit astride me like this as she rested her hands on my shoulders, my own hands encircling her waist which was incredibly toned. The level of fitness this girl had was astounding; it was the one thing that had me hooked right from the start. Her hips shifted forward and I could see she had an evil little glint in her eyes; I felt my cock swelling as I dropped my hands down to cup underneath her arse.

"You like to feel a little dominated don't you?" I said. She smiled and replied.

"Not right now."

"Ok, but last night you wanted to be treated rough." She continued looking down at me but started rocking her hips almost imperceptibly. "And you liked having your hair pulled - you liked the pain. It's ok to admit that." Jen's expression flickered to doubt and I thought she was going to deny it but in the end nodded.

"It's nice, not too hard, just enough to make me feel you. Feel like you're in control." And as she said the words I could tell the concept was trickling through her mind and making the mental leap to what the girl in the photo was experiencing. "I like it when you're in control."

"But not right now?"

"No."

"I'm going to be late for work aren't I?"

"Yes."

2009

I had run a lap around the old Napoleonic fortifications which was about four miles and was on the finishing mile when I saw her skip up some steps from a pedestrian crossing. She looked fit. Really properly fit rather than the goes to the fashionable gym now and then kind of fit that a lot of people were happy with. It was summer and she had her legs on display; I could clearly see the tone of her muscles as she ran. I wanted to take a closer look, so I picked up the pace.

I'm not going to lie, it took me a lot more effort to catch her than I thought it would; she didn't look like she was putting much sweat into it but actually this girl could run. By the time I closed the gap to start seeing details my lungs were rasping for breath; but my god was it worth it.

Her hair was tied up in a short pony tail which bounced with each footfall. I could admire her back to my heart's content without it getting in the way, which pleased me hugely because her upper body was about as perfect as I could imagine. She was slight of build but what was there was strong, defined, yet still very feminine and all covered in sheen of perspiration. Her white top had a dark damp mark all the way down the centre, and my imagination was going crazy considering what it might be like to peel that top off her. The only let down was that I couldn't make out the shape of her bum too well because her shorts were a loose fit. But I was prepared to make the assumption it would be well past my expectations by a long way.

We got to the end of the wall and turned the corner which then became a steep climb; the type cyclists dismount for and cars collect at the bottom during icy conditions. As we rounded the bend she noticed I was following her; like me she wore headphones and so couldn't have heard my approach. She'd been running in the middle of the pavement but now pulled over to one side to let me past. This consideration was commendable but it held two problems for me; I was happy with the view as it was, and I now had to hit this incline while she watched me - and I was already burnt out. It couldn't be avoided and by the time I came to the back gate of the garrison I was about ready to throw up - but at least I hadn't completely embarrassed myself.

2010

My phone vibrated in my pocket just as I started walking home from work at the end of the day, and looking at the screen I saw Jen had texted me. I unlocked it and read the message.

I can't stop thinking about you taking charge during sex. I want to know more.

In no way was I expecting this and literally had to stop and think for a minute about what to reply. On one level I was excited and another a little anxious. The last thing I wanted was for Jen to feel she needed to do this to please me. If she had convinced herself I needed to have kinky sex and so she had to provide it, we would have a problem. I'd seen it happen to too many people; one person tries to be something they're not and the other pushes them too far thinking their partner is enjoying it and the whole relationship goes to shit. I didn't want that... I didn't need kinky sex at all. I was getting off quite happily on Jen's reactions without needing to go any further. I sent back;

You don't have to feel like you need to do this for me. I'm really happy with our sex life.

No longer than thirty seconds later my phone buzzed again.

You don't want to tie me up and spank me then?

That was cheeky; and just the amount of sass in the text turned me on more than the content but I needed to take this slowly. I wanted to double check her desires every step of the way so there was no miscommunication.

The only thing I really want is to make you happy. If being spanked turns you on, Jen, then I would love to do it. But you don't have to ask this to please me. I want to be clear; is this something you want to try for your own curiosity?

I got back.

I'm so wet thinking about it. Please can we try it? I want it.

I think I read those words three or four times and by the time I started to compose a reply another message arrived.

Now going to class. Will see you after xxx.

I'd completely forgotten she had to teach gymnastics at the local sports centre and would not be at home waiting for me. I felt unjustifiably put out by this as my arousal was core deep; where you can feel the weight of it in your stomach. I wasn't hard, but my skin tingled a little. The sexual tension rolled through my body as I started to put together an evening of exploration. How far could I go? How far did I dare go? I really did not want to scare her, but I did want this to be special and something she would definitely want to know more about in the future. I thought about her body more than anything. The truth was I found her so sexy that I really didn't need anything more from her to arouse me.

2005

I had accidentally fallen into the fetish world more as a result of circumstance than by design. By a very circular route photography pushed me into it. I took a course in the evenings after work to try and improve my skills which turned out to be a complete waste of time. You could never say I was an advanced student but compared to the rest I was streets ahead, and the tutor had to spend most of his time fielding very basic questions while I sat there bored.

There was one girl, however, that I considered my equal in the peer group and on top of that I found her incredibly interesting. We hit it off right away, sharing a dry humour, a love of reading, writing, and flirting. She wasn't beautiful, but she did have sex appeal in spades. I really couldn't say how attracted I was to Nikki, but I knew I wanted to fuck her. I had no idea if she felt the same or if it was just a case of my being the only one worth talking to in the group. Either way, we got on really well and started spending time away from the course together; sometimes taking photos of landscapes and other times leaving the cameras at home while we went for a drink. We never technically went on dates exactly no matter what sort of sexual undertones our conversations held.

One day Nikki asked me to meet her in a quaint old pub by a nearby railway station. It was a very quiet place and a surprise choice for a venue as we normally liked the louder places that played punk and metal all day. Pushing open the door revealed exactly what I thought it would be like; completely dead. The Saturday afternoon sunshine splashed light onto a bar that would've been better off without it. An old man behind the bar gave me a sharp look when I ordered a Jack Daniels and he didn't hang around for small talk, moving back to his newspaper as soon as my money was in the till. I got settled on a stool; Nikki was always late and while it drove me mad she always had a reason. Two shots later and the door banged open.

"Hey Yoshi, I'm really sorry - the fucking train was delayed." I just laughed.

"No dramas Nik. What're you having? Stella?" She nodded and I ordered a round in.

"Cheers. Hey, fancy a game of pool?"

"I didn't know they had a table. Yeah, you know I'm always up for a game." Nikki took her drink off the bar, scrapping the beer off the bottom as she did so.

"C'mon, the tables out back." I followed her through a door, checking out her figure which was a little more on display today in knee length boots, leggings, and a tight top - all in black. She looked over her shoulder and caught me staring. I didn't even try to hide my interest; we had gone past that point many weeks ago. I knew Nikki was cool with it because she would give me this lopsided little smile and they'd be this little extra swing to her hips when she carried on walking. Today was no different and I could tell she was putting on a show for me while she bent over to get the balls out of the table.

"I want to talk to you about something." She said chalking her cue.

"Cool, Am I breaking or you?"

"You." She passed me the chalk which was surprisingly good quality, and the cue was pretty good also.

"So what's up Nik?" I broke off, satisfied with the split, my focus very much on the table more than the conversation.

"I'd like you to do me a favour?"

"Hmm?" There was a possible clearance here if I played the next shot right which required just the right amount of weight and a touch of top spin.

"I need you to take some photos of me for my website." The ball trickled into the middle pocket with the cue ball rolling on a further foot; almost exactly where I wanted it. Beaming at her I just shrugged and said.

"Sure. I didn't know you had a site. What's it about?" I didn't notice at the time but it took Nikki some time to answer. I'd potted a further two more balls before I realised she was waiting for me to give her my attention fully.

"I'm a professional Mistress."

"You're fucking joking."

"I'm not." She gave me a very level gaze.

"I thought you were a project manager?"

"Yeah, but I do this also. Look, I know you're good at portraits and I need to update my site and I want it done properly. You're always after the practice and I thought maybe..." I was still very much reeling from the information to take the praise and consider the proposition. On many levels it explained why I found her so sexual - because she was that sexual. We'd had a massive amount of banter about all sorts of kinky things and looking back I should've been more surprised that she was so comfortable with it. Even thinking this way made me feel a total idiot; I wasn't used to being the inexperienced person in the conversation but it slowly dawned on me it was very much the case here.

It instantly turned me on.

"Where do I sign up?"

Continues in Part 2.