Leaving Love for Love Pt. 01

Chapter 1

I stared at the bag of granola on the top shelf that was out of my reach. Well crap.

Okay Maddie, think tall thoughts.

I stood on my tip toes, closed my eyes as though it might help, and reached in vain.

"Need some help with that?"

I turned to see where the voice had come from to find that I was eye level with a chest- a very manly chest, at that. My eyes traveled to his face. He was handsome. His dark hair and bushy Paul Bunyan-esque beard were offset by the brightest green eyes I had ever seen. I couldn't read any thoughts on his face except that he was patiently awaiting my response.

"Wow." I winced at my own stupid response then stuttered, "I mean yes. Thank you. It's just that I was thinking tall thoughts, and then suddenly you appear out of nowhere, so I guess that means my tall thoughts worked!" I was rambling, and I felt nervous. What the hell was wrong with me?

His expression changed to bemused. "Apparently so," he chuckled as he handed me the successfully retrieved bag of granola. "I'm Ben. And I'm guessing you're not from around here?"

"Maddie. And no, I'm not from around here, not by a long shot. I just moved here from the Midwest."

Ben smiled, and I moved my shopping basket to the other arm to reach for his proffered hand. "Well, it's a pleasure to meet you Maddie. I hope to see you around."

"Likewise," I said and returned his smile. As he walked away, I was silently admonishing myself.

Get it together Madeline! Honestly, two weeks in a new town and already you're weak in the knees for a man you don't even know. You just ran away from one failed relationship and now you're headed directly for the next one. Put your head on straight.

I finished my shopping and headed back to my little one bedroom apartment. It wasn't much to look at, but it would serve me well. I'd left most of what I owned back in South Dakota anyhow, so it wasn't like I needed the space.

I heard my phone ring from across the room. The screen displayed the name "Ryan," so I clicked on the button labeled "ignore." The last thing I needed was to talk to my ex. The reason I had moved 1500 miles from home was to get away from the last four years of my life. It wasn't that they were so bad, necessarily, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to keep the relationship over if I stayed.

The clock on the wall read 6:30 PM. I decided that was as good a time as any to over pour a delicious glass of pinot noir and whip up a first class dinner of mac and cheese for one. Being single again was going to take some getting used to.

The week seemed to be flying by. I was still getting settled in to my new position at the local mental health clinic. It was my first official position as Dr. Madeline Benson. When Friday after work rolled around, I decided to take my jog to the path around the dog park just a few blocks from my apartment. My iPod was set on something upbeat and the volume was up way too loud, so I didn't hear the "watch out" as a Frisbee came careening into my arm. I yelped, more startled than anything, and stopped to pick up the offending Frisbee. A black lab was bounding my direction while a man followed behind her.

"This must be yours," I said to the pooch who sat down and wagged her tail as she waited for me the throw the Frisbee for her.

"Sorry about that, the wind must have taken it. Are you okay?"

Of course, it was the man from the grocery store, Ben. This time I would maintain much better composure. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just startled me is all." I handed him back his Frisbee.

"Maddie, isn't it? I met you at the grocery store last week."

I nodded my head, and then the look on his face changed to apprehension.

"Hey, so, I don't know if you're interested, and if you're not then that's fine, but if you're not busy tonight, would you like to get a drink or something?" He looked confident now that he'd finally said it.

"Okay," I replied "but just one. I don't want to give you the wrong idea. I just got out of a long relationship, and I'm not looking for anything but friendship right now."

"Great! That's fine. How about Connolly's at 9?" he asked. "Do you know where it's at?"

"I'm certain I can manage to find it. I'll meet you there then." My heart was pounding, but I knew it wasn't from the running. I didn't know what it was about this guy that had me feeling like a lovesick school girl again, but it needed to stop. If I couldn't get a control over it after tonight's drink, I'd have to make sure things got cut off completely.

I finished my run and made my way back to my apartment. Dinner was quick, as was my shower. I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to decide what to wear. I didn't want to look too sexy and send mixed signals, but I hadn't been out in a while and didn't want to look frumpy either. I settled on a tank top that just barely showed my cleavage and my favorite jeans. Cute, but not misleading. I threw on a pair of heels before I walked out the door. It might have been a bit too much, but hey, Ben was tall. That was good justification. I debated momentarily about taking a cab.

If you do that, it's giving yourself too many options for things to go wrong. You could drink too much, which is bad either way. And instead of taking a cab back home, you might end up going home with him. Not an option, lady. One drink, then leave.

It was settled then. I arrived at Connolly's and checked the time. 9:03 PM my car informed me. Perfect. I walked through the door and scanned the room. Ben waved at me from his seat at the bar. He already had a drink in his hand, Shiner Bock.

"Hey," I greeted him. "You have fantastic taste in beer."

"Could you grab a Shiner for my friend?" Ben asked the bartender. "Put it on my tab."

"Ben, you don't have-"

"No, I insist. I did hit you with a Frisbee today, after all." He smiled at me. Why did his eyes have to look so bright in this dim lighting?

"Okay." I smiled back at him. "How about we find a table? Might be easier to talk that way," I said as I took my beer from the bartender.

"Sure!" Ben replied. I followed him as he found his way to a booth in the corner. It seemed a bit too intimate now that I thought about it, but I couldn't back out now. We each took a side, his facing the door. "So tell me about yourself. You're from the Midwest. Where abouts?"

"South Dakota. Or, more accurately, Iowa. I was raised there, then moved to South Dakota, now I'm here in South Carolina." I took a long drink of my beer. It tasted far too delicious.

"Why such a long move?" he asked.

I decided to keep this part of the story short. "Fair question. I just needed a change. Relationship ended and I needed to get gone." The look on his face said that he could tell we were headed the wrong direction for safe conversation.

"Cool. So what do you like to do for fun?"

An easy question. I liked that. "Everything. I love the outdoors- camping, hiking, fishing, hunting, canoeing. I like to read books and write them, too. I crochet stuff. I love old muscle cars even though I don't know anything about them, really. I like woodworking and crafting things and trying to be creative. I am a foodie and a wino and a big fan of craft beers. And I love zoos and science centers and watching all of the incredibly dorky TV shows." I finally realized I was rambling again. Ben was staring at me with a little half smile on his face.

"You're entirely fascinating," he said, "and a bit eccentric. I like it. I, too, am a fan of the outdoors and partake in all of the things you mentioned. I don't know how to crochet. I also love food and craft beer, but not so much on the wine. I collect oddball currency. I hang out with my dog, who you met today. Her name is Nells, by the way. Oh, and I also watch all of the dorky TV shows."

"Oh good. I like that. Tell me, what is it you do for a living?" I asked. It was fun getting to know another person again. I hadn't realized that it was something I missed.

"Well, I own a gun shop here in town. We've got a range and everything. We host weekly shooting matches. It's a pretty great gig." He said it so matter-of-factly but with a tinge of pride in his voice. "What is it that you do, Miss Maddie?"

"Nothing as exciting as a gun store, I assure you. I'm working at the mental health clinic here in town. I'm a clinical psychologist there."

"Oh, man," Ben feigned a look of incredible concern. I laughed. "You aren't shrinking my head as we speak, are you, Doc?"

"No, I'm not shrinking your head. I'm a clinical psychologist, so as long as you don't suffer from schizophrenia or you're not a sociopath, I won't be plopping you on my couch any time soon to ask 'how does that make you feel?'" I rolled my eyes at him, and he laughed.

I picked up my beer for another swig and realized the bottle was empty. I stared at it in dismay. Of course, Ben noticed.

"Let me get you another one," he said, hopping up from his seat.

"Ben!" I hesitated, debating. He turned to look at me. I had said only one, but I was enjoying the evening, and Ben's company was nice. One more couldn't hurt, right? "Okay, but last one. Then I really ought to be going."

He smiled at me, and then returned moments later with a full beer for each of us. I didn't even feel the time slip by. One hour turned into three and two beers into five. When we stood up to leave, I felt the alcohol go to my head.

"Oh wow. That was far more than I had intended to drink. I'd better call a cab. Will you be okay to drive?" I wasn't sure what his tolerance was, but I knew mine had certainly been surpassed. I felt slightly less than confident in the heels I'd so foolishly decided to wear.

"Yeah I'm fine, but I'll wait with you until your cab gets here." Ben took me by the arm and guided me out the door into the warm night air. I was torn between savoring the feel of his hand on my arm and wishing that he'd just keep a safe distance.

It didn't take long for my cab to arrive. I turned to look at Ben.

"Thank you for the lovely evening out." I rummaged in my purse for a scrap of paper and a pen. I scribbled my number onto it. "Here, in case you'd like to chat again sometime. It's so nice to have made a new friend." I put a slight emphasis onto the last word. Then, I shook his hand in parting. "Good night, Ben."

"Good night, Maddie." He waved goodbye at my cab as it pulled out of the parking lot.

Chapter 2

Ben and I texted each other nearly every day for the next couple of weeks. The list of things we had in common seemed to grow with each conversation. We met up a few times during those weeks, but tonight was going to be dedicated to a girls' night out with a friend I'd made at work. We were headed out for sushi then going dancing, and I could not wait.

I met Kristen at the restaurant for our 6:30 reservation.

"Hey lady, you're looking fabulous tonight!" Kristen said when she saw me.

"You too," I told her. "And I hope you don't mind my saying, but your tits look hot in that shirt."

She laughed. "I will always welcome a compliment like that."

Just then my phone buzzed that I had received a text. It was from Ben.

Have fun tonight. And be safe.

A smile spread across my face. It was sweet of him to remember.

"Oh girl." Kristen raised her eyebrows at me. "Who is that on the other end making you smile at your phone like that?"

I grinned in response to her question. "It's just Ben."

"Just Ben? You mean the Ben who you've been talking to non-stop since you met him, but you swear you're only going to be friends? That Ben?" She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to give the answer she already knew.

"Yes, that Ben. And he is just a friend. He just happens to also be incredibly sexy and charming and makes me laugh, but I am not ready for a relationship. Therefore, this remains platonic." I gave a curt nod at the end of my words as though that would set them in stone. "Enough about him. I want all of the juicy details on this new, hot little girlfriend of yours."

Kristen regaled me with the tale of how she and her new gal, Alesha, had met while we dined on sushi. When we finished, we headed out to go dance off all of the food we had just eaten, and the alcohol that was soon to be consumed.

The night was wild but fabulous and by 2 AM I was slowly making, though not stumbling, my way up the stairs to my apartment. My phone buzzed, and I checked the text.

Did you make it home okay?

It was Ben. I quickly texted him back that I had just made it home and was about to hit the hay.

Sounds good. I'll call you tmrw.

I woke up to the sound of my cell phone ringing. The sun was far too bright. I grumbled some curse words at its existence.

"Hello?" it came out as sort of a groan.

"Maddie!" Ben's voice was cheery.

"What time is it? No one should even be awake at this hour," I glared at the sun again.

"Maddie, its noon. Everybody should be up. Anyway, what are you doing next weekend?"

"Well, I didn't have any plans yet. Why? What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"Do you remember that chunk of land that my buddy owns that I was telling you about? I was planning on heading down there next weekend, and I want you to come with. You'd get to meet my buddy Peter. He's awesome. You'd get to see the backwoods of South Carolina, do some shooting, eat good food. What do you say?" Ben sounded almost like he was making a sales pitch.

"What the hell. Why not? I think it'd be fun," I told him.

"Great! It's a couple hours away, so I was thinking we'd just leave bright and early on Saturday morning. Don't worry about bringing anything besides your clothes and the stuff you'll need for the weekend," Ben said.

"Sounds like a plan. Bright and early next Saturday it is," I replied. "Now, I'm going back to sleep."

Ben laughed. "You lazy ass. Sweet dreams."

"Mmhmm. Bye bye Benjamin."

I ended the call then rolled back over to catch a couple more hours of sleep before tackling the day.

Chapter 3

The week seemed to crawl by. I was excited but also a bit nervous. I didn't have any particular reason to impress Ben's friend although that didn't stop me from wanting to be able to. I told Kristen about the weekend trip.

"Already going on vacation together. For being just friends, you two seem to be moving along fairly quickly!" Kristen teased me. Her light blue eyes twinkled with mischief. "You two are gonna fuck like rabbits."

"Kristen! Geez. We are not. Sex would only complicate things," I told her.

"Sure. And you're telling me you haven't touched yourself thinking about what that big, sexy beard would feel like on the insides of your thighs?" she raised her eyebrows at me.

"No, I have not."

Kristen gave me a look that said she was calling me on my bullshit.

"Okay, Sherlock. Maybe once or twice or a few times, but it's only because a girl has her needs, and he is great fodder for the imagination."

She threw her head back and laughed. What I wouldn't tell her is that she had also had a starring role in a few of those fantasies. Kristen had jet black hair that trailed down her back, offset by the lightest blue eyes I'd ever seen. Her impossibly slim frame made her edgy, outside-of-work style look that much hotter. To say the least, I was incredibly attracted to her.

Friday night finally rolled around, and I focused on getting my weekend bag packed with everything I was sure I needed along with everything I thought I could possibly need. I managed to fit all of the items into one big green backpack. I gave the bag a satisfied nod and went to go pour myself a glass of wine and watch a TV show or two. Once the clock showed 10, I decided I had better get some sleep if I wanted to function the next day.

I tossed and turned for an hour and a half. My brain wouldn't let me stop thinking about all the possibilities the weekend could hold. Would this mean something to Ben more than just being friends? Would he try to kiss me? Would I let him? Will his friend Peter like me? What if an alligator tries to eat me? I wonder if Ben is sleeping already. Is he thinking about me, too? I decide to send him a text.

I'm too excited to sleep.

I stared at my phone anxiously. On one hand, I hoped he would not respond so that at least one of us wouldn't show up sleep deprived. On the other hand...

My phone buzzed with a received message.

So come over.

I felt a moment of panic. I thought about calling Kristen, but I knew she was with Alesha which meant she was probably quite busy. I knew what she'd tell me anyhow, and I smiled. Get my sexy ass over there and show him just what had been on my mind the past few weeks.

I texted him back.

I'll be there in ten.

My mind raced with what needed to be done before I left the house. Go to the bathroom. Check myself in the mirror to make sure I don't look completely homeless. I was wearing a tank top and oversized sweatpants with a tiny pair of booty shorts on underneath. No bra. No panties. I debated throwing a bra on, then decided against it. It was a daring move, and I felt a small seed of excitement growing. I turned off all of the lights, locked the door, and headed down to my vehicle.

Upon stepping outside, a drop of rain hit the top of my head. What I could see of the clouds looked dark but not menacing. It was only a short drive to Ben's house, but in that time the one drop of rain quickly turned into a torrential downpour. I pulled into Ben's drive and shut off the car. I sat for a moment, thinking. My bag would stay in the car for the evening. It was a short distance to the front door, but I'd rather wait until the morning to fetch it. As for me, I was going to get soaked.

On the count of three, I opened my car door, and ran for the house. The rain was freezing! It only took a few seconds to reach the front door, but when I turned the handle, the door wouldn't budge.

"Benjamin!" I hollered. "It is raining!" I pounded on the door a couple of times. What kind of a house didn't have an eave anyhow?

I could hear his voice over the rain while he fumbled with the lock.

"Shit, shit, shit, sorry Maddie!" He yanked the front door open, and I stepped inside.

My hair was matted to my face, shoulders, and back. Every inch of me was soaking wet, and I shivered.

"Hold on, I'll go grab you a towel. Sorry about that. I thought I had kept the door unlocked," he told me as he headed towards the bathroom.

I slipped out of my sweatpants and hung them over a chair in the kitchen so that they would hopefully dry overnight. Ben returned shortly with a towel and wrapped it around my shoulders. He rubbed my arms vigorously to help dry me off.

"You're not wearing a whole lot. No wonder you're cold," he observed.

"Well, I was," I retorted, "before someone just left me out in the rain."

He laughed then pulled the towel over my head and mussed up my hair. I stood there and let him do it. The feel of his hands on me was almost erotic, even if there was a towel separating our contact.

"I'll get you one of my t-shirts to wear. It'll be big, but at least its dry," Ben told me.

I followed him to his bedroom which was set up as his main living space. The bed was in the corner of the room and a couch sat directly across from a TV that had some show paused on the screen. A glass sat on the table between the bed and the couch and contained what I could only assume was the bourbon and coke he had been sipping on.

While Ben was fetching me a shirt from his dresser, I peeled off the sopping wet tank top that was glued to my skin. My back was to him, but I heard Ben turn around, stop, and draw in a breath.