Lemonade

"I want DNA tests done. I have the money to pay for them and I won't take no for an answer."

"Where do we get this done?"

"There is a lab in Allentown. It's two hundred dollars for each test. I want tests on Shannon, you and myself."

"Well if we are going to go to that trouble, we might as well get the girls tested also. I'll pick up the tab. Do we have to drive down there or do they mail us the stuff we need for the testing?"

"Either, but I'd rather go there."

"Fine. You set everything up and we'll make a day of it. I'll even spring for supper at the Olive Garden."

That afternoon I called the Continental Fire and Flood Casualty office. I spoke to the head of the company's legal department. He was not really interested in my marital situation and quickly told me so, however, he was interested in how Bryan Masterson paid for the motel rooms he had been using. When I mentioned that Masterson was Katherine's boss and that I wanted more information about the company's infidelity policy, he quickly ended the conversation.

A few days later, Katherine called. For some strange reason she had lost her job and was having trouble paying the bills. She sounded upset when I told her that I had not been able to find work and that I was sponging off my parents. She wanted me to give her enough money so that she could move back to Baltimore. She had the house up for sale, but it was not going well. She was hoping to get out of Pennsylvania before her car got repossessed. She tried again to rationalize her affair with Masterson, but quickly abandoned the attempt when I offered no response.

Although she didn't mention it, I knew that Bryan Masterson had also been laid off. She never figured out what happened.

Two days later, everything changed. I walked into the house and found Rob and Shannon on the couch, smiling like two Cheshire cats.

They just sat with silly grins on their faces as I got a cold Fosters.

"Okay. What's up? Why the long faces?" It was a weak attempt at humor. They laughed anyhow.

"Do you want the good news or the good news?"

"Don't you have that a little wrong?"

"We don't think so. Well maybe a little of it is bad news, but overall it is pretty good."

"Quit screwing with me."

"Donna and Darcy are both your daughters. The DNA matched."

"I assume they are happy about that?"

"They don't know yet."

"What are you not telling me?"

"Shannon is your daughter. Another near perfect match."

"I am still a little confused. Where does the good-good part of this kick in?"

"Don't freak out now, but I am not your son."

I was not expecting that. I loved Rob with all my heart and raised him as any good father would. Now he is telling me that I am not his father.

"I need another beer."

The grins had vanished from Rob and Shannon's faces. Things had suddenly gotten a little more serious and a little less lighthearted. I returned with a new longneck and slumped into my chair.

"Dad, it doesn't change anything between the two of us. You are still my father no matter what the DNA says. I don't know who the sperm donor was, but you will always be my father."

I had half of the new bottle finished. "I don't know whether to be happy or sad. I don't know if it is good news or bad news. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do."

My new daughter and my former son just sat on the couch, without saying anything.

"Have you told your mother yet, Shannon?"

"No."

"Why don't you kids run over and give her the news. I have lots of things I have to think about."

Mom and Dad were in the kitchen trying to avoid the entire situation. They were always good about that.

"John, if there is anything we can do please let us know. We won't offer advice, but are more than willing to help in any other way." Dad was always there for me. I wanted to do the same for Rob.

Abby found me several hours later, at the Circle Bar. I don't know how she knew I was there and I don't remember getting drunk. In retrospect, I don't know why I got drunk. Things weren't all that bad, just mixed up. It had been ten years since I overindulged, and I had no good excuse for doing it now.

I woke up on the couch in Abby's house. Somehow or other, she got me there. I was still dressed, but my shoes were off. I pissed myself, and was justifiably embarrassed when I realized it. I smelled the fresh coffee, but the toilet got precedence.

She was waiting at the kitchen table when I shuffled back from the bathroom. The bathrooms in these older homes were always on the second floor, so I was forced to attack the stairs in order to use it. I won that battle, though barely. Abby offered me nothing but coffee, which was fine under the circumstances.

"I sure did make a mess of things. I don't know who to apologize to first."

"It appears that you were not the only one who had sex with Katherine that weekend. You just drew the short straw."

"Hell, I don't even remember having sex with her. I assumed that I did because of the way she approached me. I didn't have an alibi and no way to prove that I didn't sleep with her. I took the easy way out, like a jerk. Man, I must be the biggest sucker in the world."

There was no reply from across the table. Finally she spoke up. "Hey, don't look at me. I agree with your self evaluation all the way."

"I don't know what to do."

"I thought the divorce was already started."

"It is, but I feel that I should be doing something else."

"I think what you should be doing right now is taking a shower and shaving."

I was in pretty bad shape. I also felt like shit. "Can you give me a ride home?"

Rob was in high spirits the next few days. The girls seemed to be satisfied with their situation, genetically, but still not happy with the mother that they felt they were stuck with. My Mom and Dad were as supportive as they could be without sticking their noses where they were not wanted. It was appreciated. Rob was the one who decided that more action was necessary.

"Dad, I want to make lemonade."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know how you always said if the world gives you lemons, make lemonade?"

I nodded my head to indicate yes.

"Well, we got a bunch of lemons. Let's get started."

How proud could a dad be?

"She must know, Dad. Mom has to know who my real father might be. It was at the frat house, right? That means that it was one of your 'brothers' who got Mom pregnant and let you take the blame. Isn't there some way you can get her to give you some names?"

"Wow. You are assuming it was more than one. It appears that you don't think very much of your mother."

"Not after what she did to you then, and what she is doing now. She was a sleaze and she is still a sleaze. How the hell did you stay with her all these years?

I ignored the last question. "I got an idea. I don't know if it will work, but it is worth a try."

That afternoon I called my loving wife. I had tried to arrange in my mind what I wanted to say, but I was afraid that I would end up getting flustered and blow it.

"John, what can I do for you? I wasn't expecting a call."

From the tone of her voice, I was afraid that she might consider the call an attempt at reconciliation. I was going to have to be very careful not to mislead her.

"I was thinking about our last conversation. You mentioned something about wanting to move in with your sister. Is that something you are still considering?"

"Yeah. Did you come up with a way to help me out? If you did, I would be grateful."

"I can give you two thousand dollars to help you get started, but I need a couple things in return."

"Okay, that will really help. What do you need?"

"I assume that you are not aware that I had DNA tests done on all the kids."

"Oh shit." From her muffled out burst, she had no idea about the tests.

"I'm am so sorry, John. I was hoping that this would never come up. Things seemed to be so good between you and Rob."

I found it interesting that she mentioned Rob, but not Darcy or Donna.

"And what about the girls?"

"I don't know what you mean, John. What about the girls"

"Weren't you concerned about their DNA tests?"

"No, why would I?"

Her reply seemed sincere and I decided not to pursue the subject any further.

"I would like the name, or names, of who Rob's father is or might be. Give me that and you can have the two thousand dollars."

The pause at the other end was far longer than I expected.

"Katherine, whoever this guy is, he didn't think enough of you to make you an honest woman. Why would you feel that you owed him some sort of secrecy? He used you and dumped you on me. I am the one that needs consideration, not him."

"Okay. Okay. There were three of them. I don't know which one is the father."

"A few names would be appreciated."

"Kyle Simmons, Ray Thorensen, and Phillip Burger."

I knew all of them. Three spoiled rich kids, who felt that they could get away with anything. They were all loyal fraternity brothers who turned out not to be too loyal. .

"Thanks Katherine. I appreciate it."

"What else was it that you said you wanted John?"

"If you are not going to be staying in the house and you can't sell it, can I have it?"

"Oh my, yes. I can't sell it, and would like nothing more than to let you have it. Even if I find a buyer, I would not make enough from the transaction to pay the real estate commission. You can have it as soon as I move out. I'll sign any papers you have. John, I also have a small favor."

"What is that Katherine?"

"Is there any way you can arrange for the kids and I to get together? Nothing fancy, but I am their mother, never the less, and I really would like to see them occasionally."

"I am sure I can set something up."

Two days later, Katherine had her two thousand dollars and I had title to the house, and the mortgage.

Rob had no trouble getting loads of information on his possible sperm donors. The DNA information was a little more difficult, but not impossible.

Ray Thorensen was a high school teacher in Altoona. All state employees were required to have their DNA on file. Those files were not available to the public, but Rob had no trouble figuring out how to get what he needed. Ray Thorensen was not Rob's father.

Phillip Burger was a guest of the Ohio penal system. It seemed that Phil liked young girls: girls that the state seemed to feel should not be sleeping with men old enough to be their fathers. It's not my place to judge, but I was glad that Phillip's whereabouts were available. Of course all people of Phillip's caliber are in the database. I don't know how Rob got access to this one, but the end result was that Phil was not Rob's father.

If Katherine had been straight with me, that meant that Kyle Simmons had to be the one. The search was on.

Seymour Schlamp and I went to high school together. Seymour went to Dickerson and got a law degree when I went to Penn State. Seymour and the law was not a match made in heaven. He was not the straightest arrow in the quiver: in fact he was sleazy to say the least. However he was the ideal candidate for our project.

Using the Nittany Lions Alumni news and the fraternity web pages we located Lieutenant Colonel Simmons at Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland. Kyle was a big deal in ROTC at college and it seemed like he made a career of it. Abby had a cousin in the Pennsylvania National Guard who was able to get hold of Kyle's DNA record. We had a match. Houston, we are ready to launch.

Katherine was out of the house by the end of the week. Rather than paying the back mortgage payments, I just refinanced the whole thing, eliminating Katherine's name on all the documents. I moved back into the house, but the kids wanted to stay at Frackville to finish the school year. Rob wanted to stay to be near Shannon. I think I wanted to be near Abby, but there were still things that had to be done.

I was amazed at the poor job that Katherine's lawyer did. It would have been very easy for him to determine that I hadn't quit my job, just took a leave of absence. It appeared that he never checked. I got the feeling that he used a fill-in-the-blank divorce form that he downloaded off the Internet. It would still be several months until it was final, but I wasn't anticipating a problem. The bad part about getting my job back was the loss of the college grants for Rob. The good part was that I would be able to pay the tuition or qualify for a loan.

Abby worked in an office that did medical billing for doctors. It was a straight nine to five job, five days a week. I started spending all my weekends at Frackville. Rob and Shannon were getting along fine with one small glitch: Shannon was spending a lot of time with Darcy and Donna. Mostly it was shopping, but Rob wasn't nuts about sharing her. Abby and I thought it was funny, in a good way.

For some reason, Abby and I were behaving more like friends than former lovers. It seemed like neither one of us was willing to make the first move towards intimacy.

Seymour flooded the legal system with all the paper he could think of. He worked on the shotgun theory. He figured if he filed enough cases against Simmons, one or two of them might stick. He was also hoping for at least one partial admission of guilt so that he could attach Kyle's pay. I wasn't paying him a cent, but he didn't seem to mind as long as he got a cut off the top.

I didn't want anything out of the lawsuits, but it would be nice if we could get Rob's college paid for. That would make it easier when the girls started. Things stayed pretty much the same between Rob and I. The DNA thing didn't seem to bother either of us. Rob was just happy that he wasn't Shannon's brother. I was glad that I was her father, but I wished I could have spent more time with her when she was growing up. She sort of got screwed in this whole deal, but didn't seem upset about it.

Things began to normalize. I got everything straightened out with the house, but hated living alone. Rob and Shannon finished school, and were both working. Rob would be leaving for State College in two months. Shannon was going to start a two-year program at the Reading Area Community College in some sort of medical administration field.

Katherine called from Baltimore. Things were not going well between her and her parents. She was still living with her sister and could not afford to get a place of her own. She was having trouble getting work, because of the bad references from her last employer. She was sorry for everything and wished she could take it all back. She hoped that I could forgive her. Although forgiveness on my part was out of the question, she was happy to hear that the girls were planning a trip to Baltimore to see her. The conversation ended on a high note for.

My life started to get better toward the end of the summer. The divorce was final and there were no strings attached. Kyle Simmons admitted paternity of Rob on the advice of his lawyer. In lieu of a cash settlement, it was agreed that Kyle would pay all of Rob's college expenses for four years. Kyle also ended up paying Seymour's fees. To make things worse for good old Kyle, his wife filed for divorce, which included her entitlement to 49% of Kyle impending retirement. Using simple math, Kyle's wife determined that Rob was conceived just four weeks before her marriage date. Coupled with several other indiscretions over the years, it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back.

The best surprise came when Abby showed up at the house. It was too late for supper, but perfect for a bottle of wine. She had nothing to say until we got comfortable.

"John, I need a favor?"

I liked how she opened the conversation, because I felt obligated to her, and wanted to do something for her.

"Shannon will be starting classes at RACC in a few weeks, and I am not happy about her commuting, especially over the winter through the mountains. I was wondering if it would be all right if she stayed here with you?"

"Of course. The girls are moving back in and I think they will all get along great."

"There is one other problem. We have never been separated before and I am hesitant to leave her alone."

"She won't be alone. I will be here and so will the girls."

I could tell that I said the wrong thing, by the look of exasperation on her face.

"I'm sorry, Abby. I guess that wasn't the right answer. I can see that you were expecting something else. Can you help me out here?"

"I swear John Rishel, you are the densest man I know. I am not going to let you off the hook, again. I am going to sit here until you figure it out. Give me some more wine."

Well it only took me about five seconds to realize what was going on. Before I finished pouring her wine, I was grinning from ear to ear.

Epilogue: Well, everything came out, as it should have. Rob is doing well at Penn State and makes it home every chance he gets. Shannon has great grades at RACC and will be finishing a half year early. Donna has been accepted at James Madison University in Virginia with a nice scholarship. Darcy still hasn't decided on a college. Abby, Mrs. Rishel, has a nice little medical billing practice going for a three county area. She is hoping that Shannon will be ready to cover for her when the baby is due.

We drink a lot of lemonade.

As that famous English author always says: "Life goes on."