Lesson's Learned

I was thinking to myself one day while lying in bed. If men think with there dicks, what do women think with?

I realize that not all girls have this nympho desire or nothing. But, you see, I know some who like to be bad, do bad things. Are we just that type?

I was trying to come up with a story to write. A good one. Then what do I think about doing to someone. But noooo. I go start to the sex.

It was like saying: heyyy, no waiting here! And hurry up I need some!

Went to this chat room. And low and behold, what is on my mind in 2 seconds flat?

Yes!!! Sex!sex,sex,sex!

It was like I started shaking at the notion.

I can see it now.headlines: Girl thinks with her pussy!!!

Well I’m getting way ahead of myself. Rushing to the finish I think.

Wait let me ask the boss. Yes, it agrees, I what satisfaction.

But no, we need to get thru the start first. So here goes.

Well, I was there in the chat room, thinking, wow this guy looks seems (can’t look at him). And we start talking. Before I know it I’m nude, horny as hell. And in need of a Cumming. He seemed to know all the spots I want touched. And just when to touch them. I was hooked. Hell, I could do thirty guys and sleep like a baby. Because who would know?

What they going to do? Brag?

So. I was going from one guy to another. Three waying, and all that. I was even multi pming guys. I had like 4 pm boxes open at once! All different things I was doing. Blow jobs, anal sex. All that, I loved it. Then I met HER, my best friend, Rachel. I met her thru a great and wonderful guy there in the chat. Who to today, we are still friends? She was my first BI, encounter. I was like Wow this is something! We got to know eachother. Started playing without the guy. And then, one day while he was away, not away away, I mean like he was there but left to do something. She got kind of shy, and told me she had AIDS. She was upset, told me she thought we would leave her if we knew. I told her it was cybersex. I could not catch it. And He heard us talking, and told her the same. We got closer and closer as time went on. And she was my best friend, my girlfriend. When she sent me a picture of her, WOW she was beautiful! We talked about everything. My life her life how she got Aids. How her boyfriend beat her. I know she was getting depressed. But I told her I was there for her. If ever she needed me. She told me her bf, also had the Aids virus, he told her it was because of her. She was upset. I told her. To not let him get her down. And that everything would be okay. I know she told me he cheated on her. Drunk like all get out. But she still I guess cared. She told me of wild parties she had with him. How he likes to get, I listened. It wasn’t till he beat her really bad that things got worse. She started talking about death, about quitting her medication. I told her she had better not. I for one would miss her. Let me stop right here for a second,

Okay, now let’s see. We were online one night, talking and my online bf, showed up. I told him I was busy. He ask doing what?

I told him I was with a friend in need. (Advice for girls: watch them online bf, they’re something else!) He said ok. Hit him up when I was thru.

So I went back to her. I had a real life boyfriend at the time to. But he never said anything about Rachel. Hell we did it with her! He told her and I told her to leave the guy she was with, that she was better than that. But, she was scared of what he would do to her. He came home drunk every night. Beat her, and then called her names, then fuck her like a slut. She’s a kind person I told myself, she deserves better, needs better. I offered to move her down with me, and take care of her. I cried every night, for her. Wondering if I would see her anymore. She introduced me to her online Boyfriend, and there were a lot.

Told me that if anything happened to her. She would find a way to get up with one of us. Our mutual friends or me.

Then one day, I seen her online, she told me: I’m moving! He’s at work and I’m pulling out. Going to her sister’s. I was happy, but kind of sad at the same times didn’t want her to leave. But I knew she needed to. She said she would keep in touch.

It’s been 2 years now. Nothing, I search the newspapers where she lives to see if anything has happened to her. But nothing yet has come up. I want her to be happy. I want her safe. But selfish as I can be. I want her with me to.

Now, yes I still go online, I still have cybersex with guy’s. I’ve had many boyfriends online. A lot of them are married. Most just lie, cheats, and just is bad.

I had one who while I was dating him, he was dating another to. Telling her that him and me were just friends, we never had sex. (Laughing)

Then another, I was dating online and low and behold, what happens? I move. What’s he do? Go find the first girl online to be with. When I do get back in touch. What’s he say?

You want me to decide between the both of you?

Well I pick her. Because that’s what you liked about me to begging with, my being faithful (cough, bullshit, bullshit). Hey, asshole, I just wanted a lay!

Then what happens? Take a guess?

No, she tells him she’s married! (Boy is that not a great pay back or what?)

So he looks me up, say I’m sorry. I told him its o.k. Says I know you did other guys while we were apart (hell yeah!) but could we get back together? NOPE!

Once bitten, twice shy. So I disappeared outta his life, outta his email, everywhere I knew him. Changed my name, changed it all. But I made most popular in the chat room.

Met another guy, thought it was love. But no, he was just running game. That has seemed to be the way most guy’s are. They get jealous when you talk to another guy, even your friends now you can’t have them, there a bad influnce. Recently I met this new guy, well he’s not new to the chat room but we just became together. Well I’ve never seen him, but he knows what I like, but like’s me to do other guys to. It’s okay I guess, but I would so much rather just be with him. I feel like I’m bad. I’ve earned a bad rep, in the chat room. And most don’t see me as me. They see me as a sex toy. As x-mas nears, my mind is full of thoughts. Of Rachel. of how she is , is she okay?

And wishing I could talk to her. Well, my new love (yes) he’s married, but he doesn’t love her. I want to be with him. Just that he get’s jealous often; I’m not that damn pretty I think,

Blonde, blue eyes, 5’5, 38dd, tanned slim, and workout a lot. It ‘s hard to live a life, and not want to be happy. I just got thru reading Danielle Steele’s book about her son, Nick. I feel for her, I can’t imagine the pain that he went thru. But you could tell in his writes that he wanted to hold on, he just didn’t know how. My heart ache’s for him, and I cry for Rachel, 2 people who were dealt a bad hand of life. But I’m hoping that one-day, I will meet them both. And I hope I can tell him, that they touched a lot of people, alive and dead. Well for now this is where I’ll stop. I think that life will go on and that I’ll always be free if I let myself.

“No matter how much I put in the bank every day, I wake up broke every morning”

Nick Traina august 1997