Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

I looked at her miserably. "Don't you realize that your affair made me question and doubt every moment of our lives together? Made me wonder if Bert was the first time you had fucked around on me? I spent the night wondering if our entire marriage was a lie!"

I glared at her accusingly. "I had never doubted you before. You destroyed that!"

Jean sat there stricken by my accusations and the pain in my voice. She started to shake her head in denial and opened her mouth to respond, but I cut her off harshly. "Let me finish. I don't want to hear how your affair didn't mean anything. How you always loved me."

I sighed and went on. "I didn't confront you back then because I didn't know whether I could believe you. I knew that if I confronted you, you would get all teary and beg me to forgive you, but I wouldn't know why; whether you were really sorry for what you did or just sorry that you got caught."

Softly I whispered. "Jean, if I had confronted you then, I would never have been able to trust you again. That would have destroyed our marriage. It took me half the night to make a decision, but I finally decided that I needed to find out what happened. Find out for myself what you really felt about me."

Jean stirred and I stared at her. My look challenged her to dispute the way I was feeling. After a long moment, her shoulders slumped as she acknowledged my feelings. I smiled thinly and went on. "I'll admit my choice was a lot easier because you had decided to stop seeing Bert. No matter what happened, that wasn't going to happen again so long as you were married to me. But, I could tell you were scared so I didn't think you would be fucking Bert for a while."

I gestured over to Kay. "That's when Kay got involved too. As soon as I found out I let her know in the hopes that maybe she could help me figure out why. We started to work together to find out what had happened."

Kay interrupted. "You don't have a clue how lucky you are Jean to have a guy like Hal. Even when he was angry at you, he never gave up on you. He wanted to teach you a lesson, not to punish you, but to try to see if your marriage could be saved." Kay snorted. "Hell, if I had been him I would have thrown your ass out a half dozen times, particularly when you got stupid again and started to fall for Bert's shit a second time.

"But Hal tried to look for the bright side in what you were doing. He didn't just jump to the conclusion that you were starting the affair again; he tried to understand what you were going through. Tried to understand why it happened in the first place."

Jean shot me a look of gratitude as Kay finished. I shook my head in warning. "Don't thank me too much. I was furious when you started to fall for that shit again. I was almost ready to forgive you and move on when he got you to agree to meet him again. I couldn't believe that you would really risk your marriage a second time with that prick."

Jean wailed, "But it wasn't like that. I thought he was just a friend. I didn't want to start the affair again."

"I know Jean." I responded. "That's why you're sitting here talking to me rather than staring at divorce papers. But, God Damn it that was stupid! How could you even think that you could just go back to being his friend? Hell, at some level you must have known it too. Why else did you go to such lengths to try and hide those lunches that you and Bert planned?"

I shook my head in disgust as Jean hung her head in shame. She didn't even try to defend herself. It was obvious that over the past few months she had asked herself many of the same questions and had come to the same conclusion.

"As you probably figured out, Kay and I were preventing you and Bert from getting together. It was right after you ran away from that restaurant in the park that Kay got access to Bert's email account and his computer. When we read his emails, Kay had everything she needed to divorce him and we were ready to act."

I stared at Jean intently as I continued. "I knew you were lying to me that Saturday when you went to meet Bert. I knew you were lying to me all week long. I know I could have stopped you from going too.

"The reason I didn't was because I still wanted to teach you a lesson. We had it all set up. Kay was going to serve Bert that Monday and I was going to come home and tell you about it. I was hoping that you might confess if I put enough pressure on you, but, that Saturday, the plans changed. Kay and I figured out a better way to punish Bert and hopefully teach you a lesson."

Jean looked upset. "You knew all along that Kay had come to see me?" She accused. "You knew that she told me that she wanted a revenge affair?"

I nodded. "Of course, that was the plan. I would confront Bert and Kay would confront you. Kay and I have Bert convinced that she's been my slut for the past few months. We've got him believing that I've done everything to him that tried to do to me and has done to the other husbands."

Jean looked confused. "But why? I can understand why you would want to get even with me by having an affair with Kay, but why did you have to torture me by rubbing my nose in it?"

I sighed and shook my head. "Jean, this isn't about getting even. I was trying to teach you a lesson. Make you feel the pain that I felt when I learned about your affair. To discover how it hurts when someone you trust betrays you. I wanted to put you in a position where the only way you could stop me was by confessing about Bert."

Jean looked shocked as she absorbed what I was telling her. Then she hung her head in shame and whispered. "How could I stop you? I cheated on you; you had a right to get even. I just had to hope that you would come back to me after you had your fling with her. I deserved it after what I had done to you."

I smiled sadly and gave a bitter laugh. "That's the attitude I didn't expect. I misread you. I was sure that when it came down to it, you would confess rather than risk losing me to Kay. I didn't count on your adopting a fatalistic attitude."

Kay broke in with a surprisingly gently tone. "Jean, there was no affair."

Jean stammered, "But. . ."

"Hal and I never had an affair." Kay repeated firmly. She looked a little embarrassed and went on. "I offered but he turned me down. I wanted to get even with you and Bert but he said no. Even though he was mad and hurt, he remained focused on teaching you a lesson so you could move pass this. He didn't want to make things worse by getting even. We just made it look like we were starting an affair to teach you a lesson and get you to confess."

As Jean strove to comprehend what Kay was telling her, a raft of emotions ran across her face. Relief, hope, anger and despair fought for control as she tried to put the pieces together in her brain. Finally, she collapsed into herself and started to sob. I held her in my arms to comfort her as she cried.

Kay sat there awkwardly for a few moments watching us. "I should go," she finally said.

I muttered a goodbye absentmindedly and sat there holding Jean as Kay got to her feet. Kay smiled sadly to herself as she let herself out. I barely noticed as the majority of my attention was focused on the human wreck that I was comforting.

"I don't deserve you." She finally croaked raising her tear stained face. "How can you still want me after I cheated on you?"

I reached out with a tissue and carefully blotted some of the tears from her face. "It's not that simple." I told her carefully. "I've never stopped loving you and that's why you cheating hurt so badly. The question was whether I could learn to trust you again."

I held her hand tightly as I continued. "These last few months have been a nightmare for me. At first, all I wanted to know was why you cheated on me. What I had done wrong. Kay helped me to understand that Bert targeted you. It doesn't excuse you, but it does make it easier for me to understand."

Jean looked up at me mournfully. "I'm so sorry. I should have been stronger. I should have been able to resist. I never wanted to hurt you."

I grimaced. "You're right, you should have resisted. Hell, you should never have got to the point where he was able to make a pass! I've never tried to control you or tell you who you could have as friends, but the thing that really bothers me about this is the whole way you hid everything from me. It's not just the handful of times you fucked him that's the problem, it's the whole way that you let him get close enough to you. For the last couple of years you have hid a whole part of your life from me."

Jean nodded in reluctant agreement. I was making her face her follies head on and it was difficult for her.

"That's one of the things I tried to teach you with Kay. I wanted you to feel what it's like to be excluded from a part of my life. See how you liked it."

Jean opened her mouth to respond, but I bored on. "Once you let him get inside you defenses Jean you didn't stand a chance. Bert was an expert at manipulating people. He took his time to find you weak spots and he used them to seduce you. I've read the emails. I can see how he pushed you along bit by bit."

Jean wasn't done blaming herself. "I should have been stronger. You were able to resist, why I couldn't I?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. Her question struck close to the doubts that I had been having about my own behavior. Kay had left the impression that my integrity had been unassailable but I knew how close I had come to giving in. The question was whether I should tell Jean.

Reluctantly, I decided to lay my cards on the table. "Jean, don't give me too much credit. The reason I didn't have an affair with Kay is a lot more complicated than you think. Under other circumstances, I might have gone for a revenge fuck."

Jean looked at me in horror as I continued. "One reason I didn't take her up on her offer to get even was because of how I felt about Kay. I couldn't use her like that. I've grown very close to Kay since I learned about your affair. We've been spending a lot of time together and we've developed the type of bond that you though that you had with Bert. I didn't mean for it to happen, but I feel almost as close to her as I do to you."

My voice dropped almost to a whisper as I went on. "The reason I resisted having an affair with Kay is because I was afraid of where it would lead. It would have been too easy for me to fall in love with her." I looked at her miserably. "I knew that I had to make a choice. Try to save our marriage or divorce you to be with Kay.

"The way I feel for Kay is why I'm able to understand what happened between you and Bert. It hurts, but I can understand it. I didn't mean to hurt you, hell, I was trying to save our marriage and the next thing I know I'm trying to choose between you and Kay. In trying to teach you a lesson, I let myself fall into the same type of trap."

I smiled pensively. "Fortunately, Kay isn't Bert. She didn't try to manipulate me like he did with you. Otherwise, I would be sitting here confessing my own affair.

"Jean, this whole thing scares me. I love you and I'm pretty sure you love me too, but I can't believe how vulnerable we were to manipulation. I want to save our marriage, but I can't go through this again.

"We need to be able to trust each other. I need to be able to trust you. I don't want a marriage where I'm constantly worrying about what you might be doing. That would destroy this marriage faster than anything."

Jean looked at me soberly. "So what do we do?"

"I'm not sure." I confessed. "All I know is that we need help to get through this. So what I propose is that we get that help. I've talked to a marriage counselor and he told me about this retreat we can go to work on our marriage." I smiled slyly as I played my last trick. "It's just outside Atlanta and I've booked us there for next week."

Jean looked at me for a long time before she nodded her acceptance giving me a hesitant smile. She knew it wasn't going to be easy, but she was willing to give it a try.

I'm not going to bore you with all that we went through trying to get our marriage back on track. Suffice it to say that the retreat and the weeks that followed were every bit as painful as expected. Both Jean and I had a lot of issues that needed to be resolved, but it helped that we both understood the pain. We were both willing to make the commitment necessary to save our marriage. As time went on, we reached a new level of openness and honesty that made out marriage stronger.

My relationship with Kay continued to morph as well. It would have been easy for us to drift apart once I chose Jean over her, but I refused to let that happen. I wasn't free to love her the way she wanted so, with Jean's reluctant approval, I offered an alternative. She became the sister I never had. That was a way I could express my affection for her in an acceptable manner.

Once her divorce to Bert became final, Kay started to date again. Jean jumped into the 'find Kay a mate' game with a vengeance. At some level she still saw an unattached Kay as a threat. Jean eventually introduced Kay to her third husband, an administrator at the hospital. They are among our closest friends and it always pleases me to see my "sister" so happy.

As for Bert, the last time that I saw him he was being dragged away by the Miami police a broken man. After our week at the marriage retreat, I had surprised Jean with a second honeymoon down in Miami. I had totally forgotten that Bert knew about the reservation.

Picture if you will the scene. Jean and I had been out for a romantic dinner followed by drinks and dancing in a smoky jazz club. We get back to our room late and Jean has gone into the bathroom to slip into the proverbial "something more comfortable". I had stripped down to my boxers and was sitting on the edge of the bed opening a bottle of champagne anticipating an evening of sensual pleasures.

Suddenly, a half-drunken Bert kicks in the door to our room with a camera in his hand screaming curses at Kay and I. He was looking for some counter evidence in the divorce.

I rise to my feet to defend myself as he loudly demands to know where in the hell Kay is. He sees the closed bathroom door and starts to head that way and I move to block his path. I'm trying to calm him down and get through to him that Kay is not there, but he isn't listening. The hallway outside our room is filling with curious onlookers wondering about the ruckus.

Finally he takes a swing at me which I am able to dodge. Before I can react further, hotel security rushes into the room and restrains him. He is cursing a blue streak as the night manager comes in. Ironically Bert tells the manager that he is there to stop his wife from cheating.

Imagine the confusion in Bert's eyes when the door to the bathroom finally opens and Jean comes out wearing a hotel robe. I introduce her to the night manager as Bert stands there in shock.

I'm talking to the manager and considering whether to press charges when Bert makes his final mistake. His hatred for me overwhelms his common sense and he tries to embarrass me by telling Jean all about my supposed affair with Kay. Jean just laughs at him and tells him that he is pathetic.

In response, Bert starts to sneer and attacks her by bragging about the things that he did to her. Jean stands there shocked for a moment before flushing in anger. She moves forward to confront him, but I grab her around the waist to stop her. I whisper in her ear that he is not worth it and tell the manager that yes I am pressing charges.

After this incident, Bert did not contest the divorce. His attorney took one look at the pictures of Bert with his lovers and accepted the settlement that Kay's attorney offered.

In the end, Bert destroyed a number of marriages, including his own. My marriage to Jean only survived because we loved each other enough to put in the hard work to save it. Every marriage is different and one solution does not fit all. Kay could not trust Bert and so he lost her love. I loved Jean enough to allow her to regain my trust. But, in each case, as the Mikado would say we "Let the punishment fit the crime."