Let's Be Batman Pt. 53

"But why do you need me in your... what's it called... Suicide Squad?" Tommy asked. His world was still reeling a little from the tranquilizer dart he had been shot with and he was still having trouble comprehending what he was being told. Apparently there was a secret government organization called the Suicide Squad and he was being pressed into service? The whole thing was bizarre.

Of course, it might have been easier to comprehend if he wasn't cuffed to a metal chair in a cold interrogation room while STILL wearing a hospital gown. Tommy's nuts were in his stomach.

"Because you know what we're after, Mr. Naylor," Amanda Waller, Tommy's apparent kidnapper, told him. The frumpy, middle-aged woman was somehow intimidating without really trying to be. Tommy couldn't help but shirk when she set her gaze on him.

"I do?" Tommy asked. How could he know what they were after? He'd spent the past couple weeks in either a parallel dimension or a secluded mountain shack. "There's no way I-" Tommy began.

"Do you remember what Poison Ivy was up to the last time you met?" Amanda Waller asked.

Tommy thought.

"Oh," He said softly.

He had forgotten all about the fact that he had run into Poison Ivy right after she had created a new version of her mind-control compound and had sold it to the highest bidder. Tommy could have pumped Poison Ivy to find out who she had sold it to, but instead he had... well, he had certainly pumped Poison Ivy, at least. In all the commotion, Tommy had forgotten to pursue that little thread.

"Poison Ivy sold her formula to a group called the Science Squad," Waller told Tommy. "With that formula in their hands, who knows what kind of terror they could wreak."

Tommy still had questions. "But why do you need me?" He asked. "I don't know shit about science." And why is everything a squad now, Tommy wanted to ask.

"Because you have a certain immunity to the formula, through your time as... Him," Waller said. She let the word "Batman" remain unsaid. "And besides, we figured you would be inclined to stop this since you failed to stop it once before."

Tommy nodded. She did have a point. He could have stopped this but let his dick get in the way, like he always did. Tommy needed to make amends for his mistakes as Batman; might as well start here.

"Okay," Tommy said. "I'll do it."

"You were always going to do it, Mr. Naylor," Waller said. "But it's good to know you're motivated."

Tommy rolled his eyes.

"So what's next?" Tommy asked. "Might as well get this over with."

"Not so fast," Waller said. "You will be joining a group of hardened villains. They can't know your real identity or your past dalliance into superheroism." Waller held up her hand and a grunt immediately entered the small interrogation room, bringing with him a set of clothes. On top of the clothes was a confusing helmet that Tommy hadn't seen before.

"What's that?" Tommy asked as the grunt placed the clothes on the table and left the room.

"This," Amanda Waller said while holding up the helmet, "Was the helmet of a villain just a little before your time. Criminals in Gotham would often find a patsy to wear it so as to distract Batman from who the real power in the heist was. I thought it would be appropriate to be used as your new alias."

Tommy glanced at the helmet and frowned. It looked heavy and would probably be even hotter on his head than the Bat-cowl was. And he wasn't sure how useful it would be at protecting his head. And the shiny red color on it would only direct shots towards his head...

"So who am I supposed to be, the Red Helmet or something?" Tommy asked.

Amanda Waller got up and uncuffed Tommy. He rubbed his wrists and then picked up the helmet to inspect it.

"Close," Waller said. "You'll go by the Red Hood."

"Red Hood," Tommy repeated. He frowned. "That's dumb."

"You'll get used to it," Waller said without interest. "And now, Mr. Naylor, there's one more thing you have to do for me."

"What's that?" Tommy asked, looking up. He saw Amanda Waller undoing the buttons on her sports coat.

"Nothing big, just a small favor from you," She said, as she finished with the last button. She began to slide the coat off her, exposing her bulbous shoulders. Tommy gulped. Waller folded her coat neatly in half and held it out to Tommy.

"Take this to the 3rd door on the left and hand it to the person inside. They'll take it to my office. Then head to the changing room and put on your new suit."

"Oh," Tommy said. He had been expecting something else and, for some reason, felt a little disappointed.

***

Tommy awoke slowly to the sound of whining engines and a rumbling in his seat. He groggily lifted his head and found it difficult with the extra weight. He came to the realization that he was wearing a helmet around his head. He had a sinking feeling it was red.

'They seriously need to stop tranquilizing me,' Tommy thought. As soon as he had changed into his suit, Tommy had felt a sharp pain in his neck and then nothing. Now, as he woke, he was in a yet another new location, a very noisy one, and one that was randomly bouncing around.

Tommy shook his head and tried to get a sense of himself. At least he was wearing normal clothes this time, he figured. In fact, he was actually impressed with the threads Waller had provided him: jeans, a black tactical shirt with some built-in padding (he suspected it could stop a bullet but wasn't that thrilled to test it) and a sweet black leather jacket that wasn't tactical at all but simply cool.

And the red helmet he had been provided wasn't all bad, either; Tommy found that it contoured to his face pretty well and he could breathe more or less easily enough. If they hadn't tranquilized him twice in the last few hours, Tommy would have actually liked Amanda Waller and her group.

Tommy once again shook his head of cobwebs. As he came to, he managed to take a look around. He soon realized why everything was so noisy and bumpy: he was in the hull of a small military-style airplane. He was up against one wall of the fuselage, in one of the many chairs that lined both sides of the plane's aisle.

And, trying his best to focus through all the turbulence, Tommy noticed that some of the other seats were occupied.

Tommy heard a soft groan to his left and discovered that someone was sitting just a few seats down from him. It was a very pale woman dressed in a dark blue dress that slid tantalizingly up her thigh. She had a large dark blue mask on that was partially obscured by the long black hair falling in front of her face. The woman shook her head and then noticed Tommy staring at her.

"Always an adventure," She said with a small smile on her lips.

"Alright, you apes, listen up!" Came a call from the front of the plane. Tommy glanced up groggily in the direction of the voice and was immediately annoyed. The man who was doing the yelling looked like a cartoon of a military man. He was tall and ridiculously broad-shouldered, with a blonde crew cut and a chin that could cut glass. He had ludicrous muscles all over his person and they were squeezed inside a yellow turtleneck. Tommy instantly disliked the man.

"Now we all know our mission!" The man was yelling. Tommy imagined he would have yelled like that even if the plane hadn't been roaring. "We're here for the reason we're always here: because the US fuckin' A need to stop some SCUM and you lowlifes are the only people expendable enough to get sent in for the job! Now mount up!"

Tommy stifled a laugh. Was this guy serious? He was glad when the guy across from him piped up.

"Oy," The man said, because the man was apparently Australian and that's what Australians say, "Put a fookin' cork in it, Flagg," The man said. He held his head and then reached inside his thick leather duster for something. As he did, Tommy could see that he had a ton of what looked like knives strapped to him. The man pulled out a pack of smokes and lit one up. He took a deep drag and then breathed it out slowly.

The military man glared at the ruffian and then directed his eyes towards the dark-haired woman near Tommy.

"Nightshade," The military man said, "Get our fresh meat ready to go!"

The woman, Nightshade, looked Tommy's direction. "Welcome to Task Force-X!" She yelled over the whine of the engine. "I'm Nightshade and I'll be your attendant on this flight!" She stuck out her hand and Tommy took it uncertainly.

The man across gave Tommy the once over and then spoke towards Nightshade. "I wouldn't bothah, Nighty," He said, "This one ain't gonna last long." He smirked and took a drag on his cigarette.

Nightshade rolled her eyes. "Don't mind him," She said.

The man now spoke to Tommy. "So what's your talent, son?" He asked.

"My what?" Tommy replied, confused.

The man looked at Tommy annoyed. He had a hard face and it was now set in stone. "Your talent, son!" He repeated. "I'm a boomerang man, meself." He held open his coat and Tommy could now see that the knives were actually boomerangs, sharp metal boomerangs. It seemed like an odd talent to Tommy but he wasn't going to say anything. "And Nightshade over here can do things with shadows. What about you?"

"Oh," Tommy said, I'm, uh... really good at fucking."

The boomerang man looked at Tommy for a second and then his mouth split open wide in a disturbing smile.

"You're alright, son," He said, laughing at Tommy's joke. Tommy laughed tentatively, not realizing that he had made a joke.

Nightshade tugged at Tommy's arm, directing him towards the front of the cabin. "That's Rick Flagg," She said as she pointed at the military man. He was cleaning a gun with the vigor Tommy only reserved for something else. "He's in charge." The boomerang man snorted but Nightshade ignored him.

"Over there..." Nightshade pointed towards a demure redhead that was sitting with her back arched and her legs crossed near Rick Flagg. She had a tight pink jumpsuit on and was absent-mindedly flicking her nails. "That's Plastique. She's in charge of explosives."

Nightshade noticed Tommy's eyes looking Plastique up and down. "I wouldn't think about it," She said to Tommy. "Captain Boomerang over there made a pass at her once and she set off a small explosive between his legs."

"Nuthin' small about it," The good captain interjected while rubbing his groin.

The plane suddenly lurched downwards, almost throwing everyone out of their seats. Tommy held onto a strap above him for support. Captain Boomerang lost his cigarette and cursed loudly. And Nightshade looked towards the cabin with a touch of concern. She looked back towards Tommy and tried to smile.

"I'll be right back," She said, "I have to go check on our pilot. I have a feeling he has an unwanted visitor."

Tommy nodded and watched Nightshade as she stumbled down the ramp towards the cabin. Tommy looked to his right and noticed for the first time a rather meek-looking blonde girl sitting a few seats away. She was dressed simply, in a pink sweater and blue jeans. Tommy smiled at her before remembering he was wearing a helmet. He then leaned towards her.

"Hi, I'm To... The Red Hood," Tommy said, extending a hand. The blonde girl reached a hand out and shook Tommy's hand timidly.

"I'm June," She said. The girl seemed young, no more than 22 or 23 years old. She looked very out of place among this cast of characters.

"I gotta admit, it's nice to know there's one other normal person in this unit," Tommy said to the girl. She blushed and tucked her hair behind her head.

"I'm possessed by a magical being that transforms me into a goddess whenever I say a certain word," She said.

"...Oh," Tommy said. He tried to think of something to say but couldn't come up with anything. Luckily, he felt the plane dropping and Flagg called out that they were close to landing.

Well, "land" was probably the wrong word to use. "Smash" worked better. They crashed heavily against the ground two or three times before finally sticking the landing. Tommy managed to hold on but June was thrown to the ground. Tommy helped her up off the ground and she smiled at him appreciatively.

The plan finally taxied to a stop and the engines ceased their whining. Nightshade returned to the hold shaking her head.

"I knew we shouldn't let her sit up there," Rick Flagg grumbled.

"She does what she wants, anyway," Nightshade responded.

Tommy didn't know who they were talking about but it didn't take long for him to find out.

"Wow!" Came a high-pitched voice from the cockpit.

"Fuck me," Tommy muttered to himself as the owner of the voice stepped into the hold.

"What a trip! We were all like VROOOOM and then VREEEOOOOWW and then SCREEECH!" The woman held up her hand to simulate the plane's descent and bumpy landing.

"Quiet, Harley," Nightshade said.

Tommy was shocked to find that Harley Quinn was the final member of this Suicide Squad. She had once again changed her image; this time she had stark white skin over her entire body (Tommy couldn't tell if it was make-up or her actual skin) and her hair was now black and red, with no blonde. She wore tight black-and-red hot pants with a black-and-red bustier that accentuated her cleavage. Socks went over knees and then halfway up her thigh. She had her familar slightly crazy smile on her face and Tommy was unnerved by the thick baseball bat she was leaning on.

"Aww c'mon, Nighty," Harley was replying to Nightshade, reaching up to ruffle her hair, "I'm just excited for the big mission!"

"Quiet, everyone!" Rick Flagg said. "And form up so we can review our mission!"

Nobody moved.

"Alright," Nightshade moved on, "We're here to stop a bunch of scientists from releasing one of Poison Ivy's formulas on an unsuspecting public. We've landed on Oolong Island, their home base, and believe me, they know we're here."

"That's right!" Flagg yelled. "That means everyone needs to work as a unit and not as a ragtag group of lowlifes!"

Harley raised her hand. "But we are a ragtag group of low-"

"Nevertheless!" Flagg interrupted. "No hotdogging! (He looked at Captain Boomerang.) No mistakes! (He looked at Tommy.) No... (He looked at Harley.) ...Whatever the Hell it is you normally do." Harley giggled. "We're going to work as a team! Yeah!" Flagg pumped his fist. No one else did anything.

Nightshade took over. "Plastique, you're in charge of disabling perimeter defenses. Harley & New Guy will stick with Rick. Boomerang, do your thing. June, you're with me."

"Hey, who is the new guy anyway?" Harley asked. "I've nevah seen 'im before."

All eyes turned towards Tommy. He shrank in his seat a little.

"I'm, uh..." He cleared his throat and lowered his voice a little. "I'm The Red Hood. Just another dirt bag like yourselves. I work mostly out of Gotham."

Everyone nodded. Everyone, that is, except for Harley. Her eyes narrowed slightly. Tommy avoided her gaze.

"Red Hood has operational knowledge of Ivy's toxins," Flagg said. "He's our point man once we find them."

"Alright, enough whinging about," Captain Boomerang interrupted. "Let's get off our asses 'n get this over with."

The rest of the team seemed to agree. They headed off the plane and into Oolong Island.

***

As the Suicide Squad approached the compound, Amanda Waller waited impatiently behind the technician as they hacked into Oolong Island's security system. It was delicate work but the technician moved quickly, desperate not to draw Waller's ire.

"In yet?" Waller asked. The technician knew that Waller asked only once if you had completed a task and then you were done in her unit. The tech had only minutes. Thankfully, he wouldn't need them.

"All set," The technician said, breathing a sigh of relief as the screens in the surveillance room flickered to life. They came up just in time to see a perimeter guard take a boomerang to the back. Another was consumed in darkness and then was gone. A large explosion set off around the entrance to the facility that was the Squad's target, drawing a swarm of guards. They didn't even notice Flagg and his two squadmates sneak past them.

Everything seemed to be going just as Flagg had planned. Except, on the far screen...

"Hey, what the... oh shit..." The technician breathed as he pointed at a group of seven strangers entering the facility from behind. They were an eclectic group, much like the Suicide Squad, and the technician recognized them instantly. "What's are they doing here?"

Waller glanced over his shoulder, eying the group as they walked into the facility.

"Right on time," Waller said to herself while checking her watch.

The tech looked confusedly behind him at his boss. "You knew these people were coming?" He asked. "Does Flagg know? I can radio him an-"

"You'll do nothing," Waller said. "Just make sure you're recording the video."

The tech turned around and cast his eyes down on his keyboard.

"Yes, Ma'am," He mumbled.

***

Tommy, Flagg and Harley quietly entered the facility and found themselves in a tight corridor. It was long and thin and without that much cover if they were discovered. The three worked quickly, anxious to find a safer spot.

"So you're from Gotham, huh?" Harley whispered as they moved.

"Uh, yeah," Tommy replied.

"Never heard of ya," Harley said. She sounded nonchalant but Tommy could see her eying him suspiciously.

"Weren't listening in the right places, I guess," Tommy said. He wanted to sound tough but wasn't quite sure if he was hitting the mark. Luckily, Flagg saved him.

"Cut the chatter!" Flagg whispered harshly. They were coming to a corner and Flagg peered around it carefully. He turned back around and began to give out orders while checking his gun.

"Two guards," He said softly. "I'm going to go around and we're going to flank them at the same time. Hood, you'll take the one on the right with a judo chop. You know Judo, right? Harley, you'll-"

"Uh, Flagg," Tommy interrupted.

"Not now!" Flagg replied. He carefully chambered a round, making as little noise as he could. "Harley, you'll... Harley?" Flagg suddenly noticed Harley was gone. He looked at Tommy. "Where's Harley?"

"Uh..." Tommy said, pointing around the corner. The two peeked just in time to see Harley rearing back on the unsuspecting guards with her bat.

*CRACK

*WHAM

*SNAP

Harley laid into one guard and then the other, hitting one sharply in the side and the other upside the head. The one hit in the head was knocked unconscious instantly but the other fell to the ground with a yelp of pain. Harley lifted the bat over her head and beat down on the man with blow after blow. She had gotten 5 or 6 good licks in before Flagg got by and lifted the bat from behind her.

"That's enough, Harley!" Flagg said sharply. Harley looked down at the unconscious guard and then at Flagg & Tommy. She wiped a splatter of blood from her cheek.

"All set!" She said cheerfully. She began to skip down the corridor. Flagg and Tommy looked at one another. Tommy shrugged.

The two followed Harley down the corridor, checking door after door. They finally came to one that was marked "Research" and it was thankfully unlocked. Flagg checked it and then opened it slowly while looking for tripwires. There were none and the three slipped inside.

"What the...?" Flagg said. They hadn't entered any kind of research center any of them had seen. This looked more like... a sports arena? There was a large, empty court with padded floors. There were a series of human-sized pods on either side of the court made out of plexiglass. Tommy couldn't discern their purpose. Opposite Tommy and his crew, up on the 2nd or 3rd floor, was a clear glass window that led into some sort of viewing room.

And, for some reason, there was a small hole in the uppermost corner of the room. It had a track running along the ceiling and, as Tommy looked up, he saw that the entire ceiling was on this track. Two large mechanical arms hung somewhat menacingly from above.