Let's Go Out to the Lobby

I was incredibly nervous. I hadn't been on a date since I broke up with my ex a month and a half ago, and I've never been good at this dating crap. I met this girl online, so I had a vague idea of what to expect, but you never REALLY know. I saw the warning videos in school, I knew that the likelihood of anyone you meet online being a 50 year old bald pedophile with a Snidely Whiplash moustache was about 100%, and that it was only pure optimism making me assume that there would be a reasonably attractive girl coming to meet me at the movie theater.

I accidentally got there about thirty minutes early, having severely underestimated the driving time from my apartment to the mall, and I'd already done a couple uncomfortable laps around the building, pretending to be interested in the different stores. Now I'm sitting on a bench inside the theater, right next to all the obnoxious arcade games which tease me with their "I was built ten years ago" appeal. Still, no matter how much Tekken 2 defied logic by still existing, I was stuck on that bench.

Maybe she wouldn't show up. I've never been stood up for a date before, I wonder what it feels like. Just how long would I actually sit here? I already bought two tickets for some shitty chick flick I had no interest in seeing, and it was starting in about five minutes. I mean, what the hell is the proper course of action here? Do I wait out here for her until she arrives? I know I'm not going to go inside and watch the movie, that's ridiculous... Fuck, she's probably not coming.

Wait... I think I see her! ...No, that's a bald guy. I wonder if he would watch "Love Beautifully" with me. I bet he's really funny, and he's got some great stories he'd share while watching the movie. Or maybe he'd become hopelessly violent and—wait, there she is! Wow, she looks exactly like her pictures, MySpace angle notwithstanding. Actually, she looks pretty nice, 5'5", long blonde hair, loose, flowing white dress covering her teasingly shapely body... Damn, I am one lucky son of a bitch. I can't wait to—I should probably go say hi instead of sitting here staring creepily.

"Hi there, I'm Jack." I said with a smile. I'm always nervous when I smile, not knowing whether I'm showing too many teeth or not enough, or if I'm just coming across like some sort of serial murderer. "Heyyyy!" She stared at me intently for a moment. "Arlene." Right, that was the name she gave online. Good, I'm not just picking up some stranger. "I already got the tickets, so we can go get some seats."

"Ah, good. Okay, let's go!" She knew I would've gotten tickets. Bad first impression. Nice tits, though, now that I see them up close.

We sat down near the front of the theater, there not being that many seats left. I like to pretend that most of these people went through what I did, sitting on a bench, pensively waiting for a date. We got there halfway through one of the previews, apparently some guy was angry about some other guy telling him about a kidnapping he was doing. Arlene seemed to have some trouble getting comfortable in her seat, but eventually settled down and, surprisingly, started making fun of the preview. Very loudly. That's cool, she's a cool person, she's funny. She is really startlingly loud, though, I hope the other people don't get mad... oh, who am I kidding? The only reason anybody's in this room right now is because they hope it will help them get some sex.

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It's finally over. Well, that was two and a half hours about a woman in love with a man because he rides a horse I'll never get back. I noticed that Arlene seemed to be uncomfortable and was shifting around her seat several times, but I didn't pay much attention to it. These theater seats are pretty stiff, after all. As the credits rolled, I looked over at her and she met my gaze. "So..." I volunteered, wanting to gauge her reaction before mentioning how much I hated the film. "Well... it wasn't as good as the book, that's for sure." Oh. It was based on a book. Which she read. And is now telling me, in detail, about. Great. "Yeah, well, they're never as good as the books, haha. So... you want to get a drink or something?" Anything to get out of this mausoleum for the spirit of film. "Actually, I was kinda hoping to get home... but if you want to follow and have a drink, that's fine." She was smiling, but not in the way where I assumed there would be some sort of sex involved.

Of course I took her offer, I'm not an idiot. I rode in her car, enjoying the lingering smell of pine tree air freshener and old, untouched CDs by The Smiths. When we finally got to her apartment, I started worrying. Again. She apparently lived in some fancy gated community, easily two or three social levels higher than my own living arrangements. It was dark, so I didn't see anybody else, which just added to my anxiety about this being that neighborhood from that one episode of the X-Files. She pulled up to a parking space and got out of her car without saying anything, making a beeline for her door. I followed, honestly not knowing what I should be doing in this situation. I mean, I'm no square, but I'm also not... what's the word... "this successful with women," if you will. Horror movies had taught me that I would probably be eaten by an alien by the time the night was over, but if it meant I had a chance to tap that ass, well... it might be worth it.

As soon as we got inside her apartment and she closed the door, she turned to me with an incredibly serious look on her face. "Look, there's something I should tell you." Yep, she's an alien. An alien monster who's going to strap me up in a cocoon on her ceiling. She took a deep breath. "I am... a nudist." A... nudist? Is this France? Did we drive to France? What the hell, since when are nudists a real thing? So... what could I say? "Oh..."

"Yeah, I've been a nudist for like... seven years, ever since I moved out, and now it's really uncomfortable for me to wear clothes." She looked like she was telling me that she ran over my cat with her car. "So... that's why I wanted to come back home after. I hope that isn't too weird for you..." Actually, it probably was. I still wasn't very sure that knowing a nudist was something I could come to terms with. "Oh, it's no big deal. I mean, we're all born naked, right?! Haha!!" That was a bad joke, but she visibly relaxed. "Exactly! It's just a much more natural state to be in!" And that's when she started taking off her clothes.

She was gorgeous. The only thing underneath her dress was her natural, amazing naked body, and as it fell to the floor I found myself staring at her, even though I was specifically trying to keep eye contact. She had those sexy little light pink nipples that you only see in softcore porn, and a small but present patch of light brown hair between her legs. I found myself smiling because I had discovered that she dyed her hair (why would a nudist only dye her hair on her head?), and when I made eye contact again, she apparently interpreted that smile as something else.

"You like what you see?" She asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm. "Uh... yeah. Sorry, I'm just not... I'm not used to this sort of... thing." I finished, meekly. It wasn't just her hips and chest that were gorgeous, she had these perfectly shaped legs that went all the way down to the floor, and the way she had her hands on her hips was just so SEXY, somehow. At that point, I realized I was staring at her body again, and tried to look her back in the eye. She giggled. She was probably used to this sorta thing. Wait, do nudists generally date non-nudists? Wouldn't they have some sort of nudist clubs or something? I looked at her eyes again. "Sorry, I've never met a..." My voice trailed off, because I was fascinated by the way her hair was draping over her shoulders, highlighting her lithe neck and shoulders.

"Tell you what," she said, thankfully breaking the awkward silence. "I'll get some drinks, and you can ask me all those questions everybody always asks us naked people." It was an excellent idea, but I found myself unable to articulate such an opinion, as she had just turned around to walk toward the kitchen, displaying her amazing ass. It wasn't all that large, or even pert, but it had those perfect curves to it that drives a man wild. This is why I didn't think nudists actually existed; if men were around that ass all day, this lady would have so many kids. "How about a beer?" she asked, opening the fridge and bending over to pull a bottle out. Good God.

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Four beers later, we were laughing about the latest Eddie Murphy film. I wouldn't learn this until later, but it turns out that alcohol and nudity drive a man to make terribly stupid opinions. "Ah... well, I've had a lot of fun tonight, Jack!" Oh hey, this is the ending speech. "I'd really like to go out with you again sometimes, so long as it's on this planet somewhere!" This was a reference to our earlier conversation, and it was really funny in context, trust me. "Yeah, okay, I'd really like that." As I moved toward her door, I wondered what the correct procedure for kissing a naked lady at the end of a first date was. I turned around just as I got to the door and saw her in that cute 'are you going to kiss me' pose that girls do. You know, where they stand there with their hands in front of them and they smile and kinda laugh and shrug their shoulders. Fuck it, I went with my instincts.

I took a step towards her, slid a hand around the back of her head, and kissed her sweetly. She kissed me back, in that probing first kiss sort of way, and moved her body closer to mine. Normally this would be a great outcome of a first kiss, but she was completely naked, and now her body was pressing against mine and I could feel everything. My other hand went instinctively to her thigh, and I inhaled deeply when my hand found out what my eyes already knew, that she was soft and naked and warm. We broke off the kiss and she smiled at me, I think at least partially because of my reaction to touching her. My mind ran furiously, trying to think of a reason to make some sex happen, but she said, "Call me" before I reached an answer. And that is how I left a hot, naked woman alone in her apartment after the first date.

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It was our second date, and I was waiting on that bench again. It'd been a week and I was right back where I was before, twenty-five minutes early for a movie (I'm an extraordinarily bad judge of driving time, okay). This time when I saw Arlene (who was apparently named for the Garfield character, I had found out. If a less attractive, less naked woman had told me this, my reaction would've been very different), she was wearing a frilly blouse and a pair of thigh-hugging jeans, and she smiled when she saw me. He said our greetings and found a seat in theater four, which was showing the latest Eddie Murphy film. This promised to be even more painful than last week, except now I had the foreknowledge of what this girl looked like naked, and that should be enough to keep me from having to pay too much attention to the movie.

"You sure have a lot of clothes for... a, uh..." My bad joke was met with a laugh and a playful shove against my arm. "I actually do things outside of the house, you know." She explained. "Would you be more comfortable if I got out of this?" She slid a strap off of her shoulder as she judged my reaction. With any other woman, I'd probably let her disrobe as much as she wanted to, but being a jealous sort and knowing this girl had no problems with getting naked, I stopped her. "Oh, not now. I mean, I'm in no rush." If it was possible to wink without doing so, that's exactly what I did. As you can probably tell, I'm much better with second dates than first.

This time, the first time I noticed Arlene squirming in her chair, I had a cheeky retort prepared. "These chairs are so uncomfortable, aren't they?" I whispered in her ear. She looked at me with a comic pout and stuck her tongue out. Taking a chance, I slid a hand onto her upper thigh, whispering, "I bet it'd be a lot more comfortable if you just took your pants off." I waited for her riposte as I enjoyed the tenderness of her inner thigh against my fingers. She gave me a dangerous glance and brought her hands to her belt, removing it with over-exaggerated movements. Part of me knew that this was the point where I should laugh and tell her to put her pants back on, but instead I slid my hand up and undid the button on her pants. The look she gave me... well, I'll just say it made me hard as a rock, instantly.

Realizing I didn't know whether I had the guts to keep going or not, I paused at her zipper, debating whether I should go for it now, or try to wait until after the movie. The idea of not trying to take this woman before the night was through was nowhere near the forefront of my mind. At that point, Eddie Murphy screamed as he got hit by a car, but it was funny because he was supposed to be incredibly fat. She was distracted just as I had decided to be sexy and slowly take her zipper down, but the whole thing startled me and I ended up unzipping her suddenly and all at once. She looked back at me with an incredibly sexy shine in her eye, and proceeded to take her pants down as I subconsciously licked my lips in anticipation.

So there she was, bottomless in a half-full theater, and my hand was floating right above her crotch. What would you do in my situation? Of course I slowly laid my hand down, tracing along her pubic hair until I got to her inner thigh. I wasn't going for the main course just yet, as I still wanted to figure out just how far she was willing to go in this game of public sex chicken. On a completely unrelated note, "Public Sex Chicken" is the name of my band, look us up!

I noticed she was breathing deeply, and her hands were clutching both of the armrests. We stared at each other, and despite the lack of laughing from the other theater-goers, there was nothing breaking that gaze. I moved my hand up, cupping her crotch, and she spread her legs just as slightly as her mouth opened. Using only my middle finger, I slowly traced along her cleft, drawing her mouth open that much more. Suddenly, she placed her hand on mine, stopping it from exploring any further. She made a 'tsk tsk' noise and pulled her pants back up.

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This time after the movie, I brought her to my apartment. I had this all planned out. As she was looking around, taking in the sights, I quickly disrobed, so that I was totally naked by the time she turned back around, halfway through a remark about some poster or other. She smiled, amused, at me, paying special attention to my own crotch, which relieved me as much as it turned me on. "What are you doing?" She asked, fully aware that this was part of some scheme of mine. "Oh, sorry, I don't know if I told you... but I'm a nudist. It's actually physically painful for me to wear clothes in public." She hit me. Not very hard, and she was laughing at the time, but it was still technically a hit.

"Really?! Me too!" She said with mock surprise, and quickly stripped to her skivvies as well. At this point, I'd like to tell you folks that, no matter how much you plan for something, there are some times where you simply don't know what to do. We were in my living room, completely naked, staring at each other. In my mind, it felt like we were two generals, judging each other's moves, waiting for someone to show their hand first. Apparently in her mind, she was just horny, because she pushed me against the door and kissed me, pressing her sexy, soft body firmly against mine.

Her tongue explored my mouth and my hands went straight to that perfect ass of hers, cupping those sexy mounds. Still in the passion of the kiss, her hands pressed against my chest, which somehow turned me on even more. My erection stressed against the proximity of our bodies, obviously wanting to be set free, and I felt her body heating up in time with my own. "Wait." She panted, feverishly tearing herself away from my lips. I waited. Nothing happened for a second, and I contemplated squeezing her ass. "If you're a real nudist," she said slyly, "you won't mind doing this... outside."

Again, I'm not some nun or something, I've had some outside sex before, but I live on the first floor, and my patio leads directly out the parking lot, which I knew for a fact was patrolled by a truck with annoyingly flashing lights that drove around looking for evil parking violators. Needless to say, I pulled her to the sliding door and threw it open, exposing our bodies to the chilled night air. She pushed her way into my embrace again, light-headedly kissing my neck and upper chest, until I found my back against the wooden rail of the patio. I reached a hand down between her legs to discover the area significantly more moist than the last time I was there. "I've been so horny ever since you touched me." She nearly growled as she looked at me hungrily. I rubbed a finger against her clit to see her eyes close and a small moan escape from her mouth.

"I don't think you could handle having sex outside like this," I taunted her. "You'd be so loud, and then everyone will see you taking it from behind on the porch."

"Oh, you're going to take me from behind, are you?" She asked. She tore herself away from my grasp and gripped the wooden rail with both hands, planting her feet apart and behind her. She looked back at me and whispered, "what are you waiting for?"

I forcefully grasped her hips with my hands, evoking a small gasp from Arlene (I gotta stop thinking of her name, that Garfield thing just keeps popping into my mind). Using my middle and forefingers, I rubbed along the length of her pussy, which was nearly dripping wet by now. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, as it were, I grasped my hard cock and slowly pushed it against her waiting slit. I heard a sharp inhalation of breath and held my dick just at her entrance. She started breathing heavily once she realized I was teasing her, and made a cute whining noise.

I pushed my length past her awaiting dewy lips and she moaned. It was amazing. I rested my hands on her ass and pulled myself hilt-deep into her, no longer caring whether anyone would hear or not. I slowly began pumping in and out of her, and she began pushing her hips back at me with muffled moans. My penis felt like it was on another planet. The only thing my body apparently wanted to do was fuck this girl, pounding her relentlessly, and I found myself going faster and harder. "YES!!" she let slip, and we both noticed how the cry of ecstasy echoed off of the covered parking. In some sort of revenge, I smacked her ass, hard, making an almost equally loud sound bounce around the parked cars.

She turned her head to look at me, her hands still on the rail and her ass still sticking out, making her pussy an easy target for my cock, which was already inside her. "Fuck me harder. Make me scream." The way she said it sent chills up my spine (also it was kinda cold out), and I immediately started fucking her harder. You could hear the wet slap of flesh on flesh as we enjoyed each other's bodies... and then something terrible happened. An SUV pulled up, it's headlights appearing to shine directly into Arlene's face, highlighting her look of surprise and embarrassment.

We quickly untangled our bodies and hurried inside, shutting the door and curtains behind us. Once inside the safety of a home again, Arlene laughed at being caught, and I started laughing as well. It was a very intimate experience, us standing there, cut off from sex halfway through by the very thing we were daring to happen. She kissed me again, then asked me what I wanted to do now. I pushed her to the floor, still kissing her, rubbing her breasts and pressing my still-wet dick against her thigh. In situations like this, no words are necessary for communication, and she spread her legs, fully exposing her glistening pussy to me.