Letter to Sheridan

{Jimmy licked the flap of the Manila envelope, glanced down at it for a moment, thinking of what he had written.

Sighing, he dropped the envelope into the postal mailbox sitting on the corner, got into his new pickup truck and drove away.}

"Dear Sheridan.

Sorry this is in longhand, I know I don't write real well.

But I sold our old typewriter and the computer, too.

I'm sorry. I know you used the computer to keep in touch with all your friends, at least I guess that is what you do up until one, sometimes two in the morning.

I would tell you to just use your cell phone but I canceled that account. By the way, you owe them the $250.00 cancellation fee.

Yes, I know. By this point in my letter to you, you are already wondering what in the world has happened?

I know, honey, I probably should have sat down with you, had a long talk to try and get things worked out.

I guess that the reason I am not doing that is that I simply do not trust myself. I am a pretty mellow guy normally, but looking at you in the flesh right now just might change that.

Keep the peace and all of that.

I know, you would never believe that after 13 long years of marriage I could ever actually do anything, so many times you have put your foot down and I let things go your way.

But this time I did do something.

You are why I gave up those Fall hunting and fishing trips with Ben and Dave, to keep the peace. Of course Ben and Dave and I have known each other since we were in grade school, but you never did like either one of them much. Sure, Dave has a big mouth and cracks dirty jokes all the time and some of the jokes aren't really that funny. Ben can't help it that he is on the heavy side, yes he eats with his mouth open and I know you always detested his cigars.

But I always got along with both of them and if I needed anything at all, either one or both of them would be there to help in a New York minute.

Still. You did make if clear that you hated them both, which us mostly why they haven't been around much the last few years.

You are why I gave up the bowling league on Saturday nights with the guys, you always insisted on going somewhere else.

Three years back I took on that second job, I more or less had to to manage to keep up the payments on that pretty red thing you drive.

I would have thought that would make you happy, and I am sorry that my regular job pays so little. Times have been tough lately which is why my hours were cut back, it isn't something that I did myself, honey.

So working from 6 until midnight 4 nights each week on those flatbed trailers was my attempt to keep up the lifestyle we had. Then 4 days each week from 8 until 5 PM at my regular job doesn't leave a lot of time for all the things you want us to do.

It was bad enough that the rent on our place went up to $1650 each month, those $533 each month in car payments were the real kicker.

The $3900 per year in insurance would be way less if you would just quit banging it into things, too. Plus you really could try and not get so many parking tickets, when the sign says "No Parking" they kind of mean that?

That last tow and impound fee was $645.00, that stuff hurts. I know, you told me you were late for your lunch date with your girlfriends, but still.

My old Toyota pickup stills runs fine so don't you worry your pretty head about that at all.

Plus it was paid for and got me where I needed to go. 25 years old really isn't that old for a Toyota, they tell me.

Damn shame to have to sell it, I really did like it. I do like the one I bought to replace it.

By now you probably know that the credit cards don't work? You should have eased up some anyway, the four you have completely full I was keeping up with but that fifth one you started filling up got to be a bit much.

Twenty three percent interest isn't bad, I guess. I could make the minimum payment on the four cards but that fifth one?

I guess you needed all those clothes and shoes, that last pair you bought for only $395.00 looked real pretty.

I never did see you wear them, but they were sure pretty.

I also realize I never saw you wear that short black dress except for the one time in the living room. You sure did look nice that evening, I would have loved to slide that thing off you and make beautiful love but I did have to go to work down at the shipping yard.

"Only $600.00!" Your exact words. I saw the receipt, it was $698.00, close enough I suppose.

Anyway, sorry about the credit cards, yes, it was me that canceled them.

I'm sorry.

Oh, by the way, there is no money in the checking account either, I closed that too. There was only about $1700 in there anyway, I have that in my pocket so don't be concerned, I will take good care of it.

You already know we didn't have any savings account.

The retirement account from my main job? I cashed that out, too. Yes, the entire $24,000.00.

I know. Bad move. It had that 10% penalty plus taxes due but I signed the little form claiming we will have no tax liability so I got all of it except for the 10%.

Of course as my wife, you are also responsible for that so please take care of it when it's tax time this year.

They won't be able to find me, so I guess it's your concern.

Yes, I am sorry about that too, but things were piling up on me here.

That life insurance policy you insisted I buy to protect you, the one that builds up capital just like sticking money in the bank? That had a pretty good cash out value, darn near $6000.00.

Now I am sure that will upset you and you will probably get some high priced lawyer to try and make me give that up, right?

Good luck with that. I hear that lawyers kinda want to be paid, maybe you can figure out a way to do that.

I am really serious, you probably won't be able to find me.

So. I got the cash, put it in a fruit jar, and I buried it. The location where I buried it will go with me to my grave, I will sit in jail if I have to but you will never get that.

I will bet no one can ever find me though.

You could use my metal detector and head out into the woods and find the money maybe, but the area is around 150,000 acres. I put a few pieces of your Gold jewelry in the jar to help make it easy.

Now you know why I was gone all day last Sunday.

Besides, I sold the metal detector on an auction site.

I got $70.00 for it, that is in my pocket, too.

Don't worry your pretty head about the rent, babe. It is paid up to Saturday. I know you will think this is short notice since today is Monday but sometimes things just work out the way they work out.

There is food in the house, too. Remember what you told me a few weeks ago when I came home, having less that an hour to eat and get ready to go to the second job?

You looked real nice that night, all dressed up to go out with your girlfriends. In fact, I would say you looked delicious.

"There is a can of chili in the cupboard, I am meeting my friends for dinner. I should be home before midnight."

Those were your exact words.

So. There is a can of chili in the cupboard, honey.

Enjoy.

There isn't another single bit of food in the entire house, I took what I could get into my new rig and threw the rest in the garbage. Some of that was in tin cans, I opened every single one of them before I threw them away.

Good luck with getting the one can of chili open, I have the can opener with me.

If you go into our laundry room where the deep freezer is you will notice the lid is open and it is unplugged. I did that Friday night, I figured you would never notice since I don't think you have ever been in the laundry room.

I wasn't quite right about there not being any food, there was some fish in there, and that tub of Strawberry Swirl you like so much. Two and one half days should do it.

That was mean of me. Not like me at all, is it?

The last load of your underwear I did for you should be finished by now, plus I put all of your sweaters in with them.

Just saving some power, hot water costs money.

Say, when did you get that white lace bra and panty set, anyway? I never saw that outfit, it sure is pretty. It looked brand new but I washed it with the rest to be sure it is nice and clean for you.

I didn't have time to dry them for you, just stuff them in and push the button.

Oh, I also hocked all the rest of your jewelry. Gold is way up, I found out.

You will probably notice that there are several other items that were in the house that are missing.

Like the cute little antique clock you were so proud of, what did that thing cost, darn near a grand? You may have paid too much, the high bidder was only $125.00. I did way better on that pair of shoes, I got $190.00 for those.

Goodwill was very happy when I dropped off the rest of the shoes this morning.

I figured you would notice some of this stuff but oddly you didn't. Busy with your life I guess.

Hell, I did it right in front of you. You even came in and asked me what I was doing on the auction website. Remember when I told you I was selling all my fishing tackle and you said "good."...?

I wasn't selling my fishing tackle.

The expensive black dress that you showed me that night, if you want it, go bid. That auction hasn't closed yet because I made a mistake and posted it for too long, oh well. I did see it had an opening bid of $0.99 before I unplugged the computer and took it down to the hock shop.

So if you are high bidder it is all yours.

Assuming you can figure out my passwords to the accounts, that is. There are computers down at the library, you may notice the one we had isn't there at the house? Even if you manage to figure that all out, I don't care.

I will never use those accounts again.

But just in case you do win the bid, I probably should tell you where that pretty and expensive black dress is.

I buried it. Actually I burned it first, then I buried what was left.

I had a good reason.

You very likely want to know just why in the world I am acting this way, don't you?

It's not like me at all, is it?

Well. You see, a bit over a month ago I went down to the shipping yard, and they told me there was no work that night. They also told me they would give me a call when they needed me, after all, I am a good and faithful employee.

Times are tough, the economy really is in the toilet, honey. I did try to explain some of that to you but you never seemed to understand it.

I know. Being a full time housewife is a hard job, what with all the shopping trips and driving back and forth to the stores.

Anyway, I turned around and came back home. I expected you to be there, I really did. I needed to sit down and have a long talk, see if maybe we couldn't get things under control?

You weren't there, though. That really was a surprise, I had only been gone about 60 minutes.

It took me nearly an hour to find your car, parked in the lot at that fancy steak house over on 102nd avenue.

Your car really does stand out, I think there is only two, maybe three of them in the entire city, and yours is the only pretty red one I have ever seen.

By red, I mean really red! I didn't have to look for the car, just the color.

I got curious, so I sat out there in the back under those big trees. I even had a smoke, I know you hate that but I keep a cigar around and sneak one from time to time. Usually you never know because I wash my face and brush my teeth, even spray myself down.

Keeping the peace and all of that.

I saw you when you came out, lord did you look fine! How you can go from wearing a simple house dress to looking like that so fast is beyond me, but you sure did look different than when I saw you just before I left for work.

You were wearing that little black dress.

It sure is short, low cut, so sexy.

I very likely would have gotten all excited seeing you like that, with the urge to touch and kiss you, slip you out of the outfit and make love.

God do I enjoy making love to you, you are so beautiful. I would have done anything to make you happy, anything at all, I guess.

I didn't get excited seeing you this time, though.

The big fellow that you were with had his arm around you. I saw him lean down and give you a kiss, I saw you get into your fancy red car and leave.

I saw the big fellow get into his fancy Cadillac, pull out and follow you.

That sure was a nice car that man had.

I followed along myself, still curious.

Right to our house! The one I work two jobs to pay the rent on, the one that is full of expensive trinkets and fancy clothes you own.

He parked right in our driveway, I know now who it is that seems to miss the pavement and mess up the lawn and the borders that I have to go out and fix nearly every damned weekend.

I saw you wait at the doorway, I saw him kiss you again just before you both went inside.

What did that California King size bed you bought cost us, anyway? I think it was over three grand, I also think it was only a half dozen payments short of being paid for, too.

At twenty three percent interest.

I know you didn't hear me, the garage door hinges are well oiled, remember when you griped at me because they squeaked?

Yes, I went out and oiled them for you. I did that right then because you insisted, it was too hard for you to get the door up so you could get your fancy car in. I was tired and only had a half hour to rest before I had to go to my second job, but you did insist.

Keep the peace and all of that, right, honey?

No need to close the bedroom door, since I was at work and wouldn't be home until well after midnight. So I came in and sat down on the couch, in the dark.

I could see right in there, nice of you to make sure we had all of those neat night lights that plug right into the wall. The Tiffany lamp with the 60 watt energy saver bulb sitting on the nightstand helped me see everything, too.

At one point I even got up and went into the kitchen quietly, got me a beer. I know you hate the idea of me drinking beer inside the house since you claim it smells but right then I really didn't give a fuck.

Funny how I could move around like that and neither one of you could hear me. Probably something to do with the damn $6000 worth of plush wall to wall carpet you insisted we buy, even though we are in a fucking rental.

Sorry for the foul language, I know you don't like that. Not like me at all, is it?

You sure did look wonderful all naked like that as the big guy slid that beautiful little black dress off your shoulders. I was really surprised to see that you had on no underwear at all, you never went out that way with me.

I think I would have liked it if you had, it is on the naughty side knowing you are sitting by me, naked under the pretty outfit, no one knows but us. I am sure that sitting next to me in that dress I would have been able to look down and see your pretty nipples.

Intoxicating stuff, things like that. Married couples can have lots of fun with it.

I know the big guy sure did. I sat there sipping on my beer as you laid back across the bed, spreading your legs and letting him look at you.

That part you did do for me a few times, you always knew how much I liked looking at you.

Even from clear in the living room I could see how you were all shiny and wet, swollen up. It would have been wonderful if you were shiny and wet, swollen up for me.

That was amazing to watch, the way you reached out and worked on him with your hands to get him nice and hard, the way he shoved his face right between your legs. That most private of places, that I thought was just for you and me.

I did manage just barely to keep from laughing out loud when the big guy got down on his knees and you stuck your finger right up his ass, while holding his balls with the other hand.

I saw your face, you did look like you were enjoying the hell out of that.

You never did anything like that for me, I might have enjoyed it myself, although since no one ever has I am not sure.

I was done with my beer by the time he was finished. I do have to say here that I really don't see why you bothered doing that with him, I happen to know for sure that I am at least as big down there as he is, and I also know that I can manage to last lots longer.

It's nowhere near as much work for me to get it up, either.

But I guess you were having fun.

Usually I spend a few more minutes longer than he did making sure you are enjoying it, so I was surprised when he didn't do a hell of a lot.

You did seem to be enjoying it anyway, from the looks of things.

I know, I should have been mad, I should have stormed in there and confronted both of you.

Maybe shoot him, you too in a nutty rage? I hear about things like that on the news all the time.

But the truth is that I sat there not caring, because at that exact moment I realized I just did not love you any more. I actually think now that I hadn't really loved you for quite some time, it just took what you were doing to make me realize.

Why bother with the hassle in that case?

The other truth is that I was enjoying sitting there quietly, enjoying my beer. In my very own living room for a change.

It was nice and cold.

The funny part was when right at 11 PM the big guy got dressed and left, he walked right by me sitting there with my empty beer bottle and never saw me.

It sure is dark in our living room. Maybe you should buy some night lights to put in there?

I slipped out the garage door, that thing sure is nice and quiet now that I oiled the hinges. My truck was parked way down the street, I waited, smoking a cigar and came home right on time.

You were in bed, I noticed the sheets were fresh, thank you for that. Plus you had showered, I could smell the soap. So nice of you to be clean for me, I appreciated that.

I was also glad you had your back turned, that is something I know means you aren't in the mood.

That was just fine with me, to be frank.

Do you remember what you said to me when I woke up the next morning?

"Have you been drinking beer? You know I don't like you to do that. I think you were smoking again, too. I can smell it, I don't want you to smoke, either."

Word for word.

I guess you found the empty bottle I left in the living room.

"Sorry, honey." I told you. Then I left for work. I stopped and got my usual egg sandwich on the way.

So anyway, that is where we are at.

Where will I be if you need me for something?

Dave and Ben and I are fishing. Come on up if you want to, we are also drinking beer and smoking cigars.

No problem finding us, we are somewhere in that 150,000 acres of wilderness I told you about where I buried your dress and the remains of the money.

Well. Except for the money I have in my pocket.

I am sorry that your car wouldn't start. That was what I was doing out in the garage this morning while you were still asleep.

Five quarts of Karo syrup, then start it up and run it until it stops works real nice.

I hope you figured out how to get the power and water turned back on, I assume you know about that by the time you get this letter. Those bills you saw me pay last month?

Each envelope was empty. I also called the power and water companies late Friday, told them to shut it all off.

I figure they will get there to do that..about today.

Of course you could use the $400 you had stashed in your purse in cash that you thought I didn't know about, except...

Yep. I got that, too.

So, perhaps you could call the big guy to drive you around? I doubt he will feel up to it, I heard down at Charley's tavern that someone had a little discussion with him about fucking another man's wife in his own bed.

Sorry for the bad words, I know you dislike bad language, honey.

But it might be a few months before the big guy feels up to that.