Letter Unsent

I want to tell you what I feel for you. I know you probably don't even care about me. I really miss you and wish I could see you again. I would be happy if I could even be friends with you. But I don't think u even want that. I don't know why I feel this way. I think you are the sweetest guy when you want to be. And the biggest heartbreaker I've ever met.

I have never been so attracted to anyone in my life. I can't even describe how much I enjoyed being with you, kissing you, being in your arms. You made me feel so good. Like I never wanted to leave that spot in your arms. I remember the first night we got together. I couldn't even catch my breath we were kissing so much. I remember that morning when I drove home, I felt out of breath from kissing you. I could still feel your kisses.

The next time felt just as intense. I wanted you even more. I've never spent so long kissing someone and so intensely. I enjoyed feeling you rubbing against me, driving me crazy, making me want you so bad. We may as well have had sex that night it was so intense. I hated the thought of leaving your arms in the morning. It feels so good the way you hold me. I could lay in your arms forever and still feel like it wasn't long enough.

Then there was the night she was there. She was trying to keep us apart. I loved the look in her eyes when she walked by and we were kissing. She had that death look in her eyes. I was disappointed that you gave her so much time to talk and not be with me. I was even more disappointed when you said you were sick when I went to kiss you again in bed. Made me feel bad. So I turned away from you, but you just put your arms around me and pulled me back.. Why do you do this to me.. It's so confusing.

Some weeks later I asked if you wanted to be "friends with benefits" and you said you didn't really want it. Talk about being crushed. I sure thought you would. So I avoided you at work. I couldn't to talk to someone who didn't want me. But then one day I starting talking to you again, almost as nothing happened. I will never forget the day I came in before work at vick and u told me I looked "pleasant".. It was the first time you'd said anything really nice to me in months. I was surprised. And I actually felt like you meant it, since there wasn't alcohol involved, and u didn't seem after anything, and it seemed sincere.

Then we got together again over Christmas. I really didn't think anything would happen. Like I told you I really thought we'd just hang out and maybe be friends. But it didn't happen that way. I remember sitting with you and watching that porn movie. I thought it would be wierd but I really felt comfortable after a while. You just put your arm around me and everything felt right again.

I was so afraid to kiss you that night. Even though you'd been sweet to me, I was afraid you didn't want me still. But then I did and it was soo good to kiss you again. The rest of that night was so good, felt just like it had before, only now I'd known you longer. I loved it when I was on top of you kissing you and you pulled up my shirt so I could feel your skin against mine...mmm that felt so good.. So right. And then I slid my hand onto you for the first time.. you were so hard... mmm...

The last time we were together, I will never forget it. You made me feel so good and drove me so crazy, I loved it. Your touches your kisses, the way you spent so long licking, sucking, and fingering my pussy. Then it happened. A little awkward at first, but that's mostly me not being experienced. .. It felt so good to have you in me. I couldn't get enough of you. I wanted your entire self and more. Kissing you then was the most intense ever, I thought I we'd inhaled each other, we kissed so hard.

I didn't want that night to ever end. I know you thought you disappointed me, but you truly did nothing of the sort. I enjoyed all of being with you more than anything. .. Later.. I had to repay you for how crazy u did me. I'd never given anyone head, I was worried you'd know. But I wanted to for you, you deserved it. I just hope you enjoyed it...

But.. as we went to sleep, I felt it was gonna be over for us. I could tell. Even if u did really like me, it wasn't gonna matter now. I felt like I had disappointed you. That maybe I coulda done things differently for you.

I know I embarrassed you with my joke, but I didn't mean to hurt you or anything by it.. I really thought you'd get a laugh too. Anyway. I hope you aren't holding that silly thing against me. Because I would never do anything to hurt your feelings, if that did, I'm sorry.

I was so crushed as I was when I found out you had a new girlfriend. I wondered if you were trying to make me jealous, trying to rub it in that I wasn't the one with you. Then you acted like you wanted to see me.. But maybe that was another game.. Why do you make things so confusing?

I don't know how to explain how I feel for you. When I saw you last bartending, I was hoping you'd have ended with her. I guess I didn't think it would last long.. Did you know about her calling me from your phone that night I called you.? Do you know how rude she was to me? I hope you had nothing to do with that. That was totally uncalled for.

You asked me if I was disappointed. I didn't want to tell you how much I really was. I figured you just wanted me to be jealous, so why give you the satisfaction. But I was really hurt.

Then months later.. I found out you are still with her. I think part of me died that night. I couldn't stop crying after I left the bar. I met your parents that night. Very nice people. Your dad even bought me a drink. I felt dumb, I was sure they don't know in what way I know you except I said I had worked with you. I told them what nice boys they had, you and him. and I meant it, you are both very nice, and despite everything I still think you are such a sweetheart.

So where does that leave me?? You are with her, and of course I'm not with you. I wonder if you ever think of me, or if I am just a memory that's fading fast. Do you think you could ever have feelings for me again? I hope you would. I really like you, I fell hard. But how can that be..? We weren't truly together, I dunno. But I do know no one has ever made me feel how you did!!.. And I know no one else will ever come close.!

I miss you!!