Letters from Larae

Follows is some emails from a relationship I had with an ex over the period of a year. She Contacted me shortly after I went on Deployment and it lasted for most of a year, ending when she called me to let me know she was pregnant and her new 'friend' wouldn't let her continue communicating with me.

I've only included the longer or more interesting emails, and since there were texts, phone conversations and skype mixed in, this is just a bare outline of things. I haven't edited any of the emails, so how I saw them is how you see them.

All of my comments are in bold, and the italicized parts are me adding information for reference.

#1

Good morning Master.

Thank you for allowing me to rest. Per your instructions, here is the dream that woke me:

You and I were at dinner making conversation (most I cannot understand or hear) but then the sound kicked in and you told me "we will begin when we get home".

The next scene is us walking in the door to the house. I don't know which house but similar to your parents' last GA home although this one in the dream is yours. The furniture is different and so of the layout is different. You open the door and hold it open so I enter first. As I enter I say "thank you" and smile. You are very close behind me and stop me from moving when you lean down, expose the right side of my neck with your left hand moving my hair aside, and whisper or softly speak next to my right ear telling me "it's bedtime".

I go to your bedroom, take off my heels, and stand there while you gather/move stuff. The room was clean and organized but it almost looked like you were prepping for the morning.

You instruct me to only speak when spoken to, always ask for permission to do stuff, and call you Sir or Master while you are doing this. I just stare at you and think that that is ridiculous.

You tell me to get undressed. You stop what you are doing and lay on your bed fully clothed, propped up by pillows.

I turn around, my back to you and start to get undressed. You stop me verbally and tell me to face you. I turn around and face you. You then tell me to unbutton my blouse and take it off and don't move but look at you. Once I complete that you tell me to turn around and take off my skirt. Once again I am instructed to not move. After a minute or so (as I was becoming fidgety wondering what you were thinking/doing behind me) you tell me to take off my panties and then have me slowly turn around. Once I'm facing you, you tell me to keep my eyes on yours and take off my bra then not move. I do as you instruct but it is slightly chilly in the room and I involuntarily shiver/move.

You get off the bed and come behind me. I am still facing forward but I close my eyes and take a deep breath thinking this will keep me warm. Your hands slide across my rib cage and cup my breasts. You position your body directly behind mine and I feel your clothing against my skin.

Next I know, you pull/twist my nipples so hard tears come to my eyes and I whimper. You lean in and tell me to position myself in a kneel with my knees on the pillow you have on the floor. I say ok and you twist harder commanding me to respond accordingly. I mumble "yes sir" and you tell me to ask for permission to kneel. My nipples are going numb but I don't want a repeat of the twisting so I ask "may I please kneel sir?". You lean in and whisper "master". Tears are sliding down my cheeks and I repeat my question w calling you master instead of sir. (My first lesson of when to use the appropriate context of sir vs master.)

I stumble towards the pillow after your quick release on my breasts. Blinded by the pain sensation as blood flowed back into my nipples. I position myself how I think you said but you come over and smack my ass telling me to keep my ass raised and my upper body should be flush with the ground. I clenched my hands together but you smacked my ass again and told me to position them palms down.

I don't know how long you kept me in that position but it must have been 20 min or so. You had gone back to the bed and you were reading a book.

You get off the bed and stand in front of me. Tell me to rise and sit back on my heels of my feet and look up at you. Once I look at you, you tell me to spread my legs so you can see the front of me and my pusy. You then tell me to rub my clit with my thumb and forefinger on my right hand. You watch me do this giving instruction how to use my fingers. Stroke with my thumb and lightly pinch and roll my clit between the two. I am getting very wet and my hand is getting slippery as I continue my task that you gave me.

Once I start dripping down my thighs you put you finger under my chin and lift my face. You tell me to keep my eyes open. I don't remember closing them. I open my eyes and you smile down at me. You tell me to slip one and then two fingers inside my pusy after I ask for permission. I ask permission, do as I'm told and my breath hitches as my fingers slide inside me. I want to finish, to cum. I don't say anything but you see it written on my face.

My breathing has quickened and my heart feels like it is going to run away. You reach around and grab a fistful of my hair. Your face close to mine, you quietly tell me not to cum that a good slave doesn't cum without permission.

My mouth parted when you jerked my head back by my hair. With your other hand you stroke my face and lower lip. You tell me to still my fingers but keep them inside me. You then instruct me to take my left hand and undo your pants. You help me with the belt and I thank you. My throat feels tight and dry. I get your pants lowered and you step out of the pants and undress the rest of the way with the hand you used to stroke my lip.

You ask me if I want your cock. I lick my lips and say yes. You lighty smack my face and tears of humiliation start to pool. I pause as you look down at me and I ask "may I please suck your cock master?" You half smile and tell me I am only allowed to suck the head of your cock. I respond with the appropriate "yes sir".

I taste the pre-cum and then you grab my hair again and thrust your cock down my throat. I gag and you enjoy that. Then my throat relaxes and you start thrusting your cock in and out of my mouth. I relax my cheeks and you cum in my mouth. Cum sliding down my throat. Filling my checks.

Finally you tell me to cum.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

#2

Good morning Master.

I hope you slept well Sir. I did as you requested and I thought about what I want you to do with me, to me, and for me. I, if anything, am at least honest.

As I said before, I have been dating someone. The two of you are opposites.

He treats me with kid gloves, afraid to break me, and tries not to express himself passionately for fear of scaring me off he says. He cannot or will not let go or even consider alternative intimate options other than traditional. (I secretly psychologically believe he is afraid of s/m bdsm or genuinely doesn't understand it thus being repulsed by it.) In conclusion (bc I know you don't really want to read more about him), I have changed a bit and "lost sm bdsm training". He says its a good thing I've mellowed but I still pester him for a spanking or a passionate kiss. Something. Anything showing something other than a tenderness (aka kid gloves). But he isn't like that with anyone but me.

You reign in your passion to maintain control. You feed my dark side and appeal to me with a veiled threat of d/s. Something most can't extract from me, have me feel deliciously uncomfortable, yet show compassion and tenderness. You know how to kiss tenderly, passionately, to love or punish. With you, I know I could be replaced if you get bored of me or if I don't meet expectations. You make me nervous in a good way.

I want to be punished, controlled, commanded, all tempered with compassion and tenderness. I want passion. But like I told him. I don't want to be fully committed to anyone. I haven't been committed to anyone since you and I'm not ready to give myself like that again.

Plus. I'm not really good at the sm bdsm lifestyle thing anymore even though I am still turned on by it and have vivid dreams about it. I have been put on a pedestal since you (aka spoiled like every other normal girl). So I guess fear of the unknown and defiance with control and self confidence would make me a bad lil slut, bitch, or slave. So you may not want me/that or want to retrain a sub.

When you told me:
"Short term: make you beg. Long term: make you into a good little slave."

All I could do was suck in breath bc it was sucker punched out of me by my body's reaction. Immediate white hot desire, desire for a Master, desire for you. Maybe there is a part of me that still belongs to you. Its been a while since I've felt that that strongly.

To summarize, I have nothing to offer so I could not ask for anything. Nor dare I Sir. I am at the mercy of your hands, thoughts, decisions. I can only respect you by being good and follow your request for this email to be available for when you wake.

Some old habits die hard such as calling you Sir/Master when given a commanding suggestion. I will try to refrain if you find it offensive since I'm not your sub any longer.

I will forever remain a friend if you allow me to be however. I am sorry if I have disappointed you Sir.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

#3

I laid down on my bed in the middle of it with the skull black t-shirt on (I wear it to bed among other shirts of yours still) and a pair of black panties. My hair was still damp so I fanned it out on the pillow above my head. I still sleep with the fan on so I knew my nipples would feel the breeze and covered my lower half so I wouldn't get chilled.

I put my hands under the hem of the shirt and rubbed my nipples with my thumbs to send little tingling sensations and to perk them a bit. I had my eyes closed, thinking of your thumbs going across them and periodically pinching them as you had in the past. Always catching me off-guard because I would anticipate the pinching but you wouldn't do it until I was relaxed again.

Then I slowly applied and tightened my nipple rings around each nipple. The thought of you watching me was a bit embarrassing but naughty at the same time. First the left and then the right. With each nipple being harnessed, my clit would pulse and I would get a little more wet. I thought of you telling me to tighten them more and more. Until I was in pain and pleasure.

I knew this would free my hands so I can play with my anus for you. My stomach tightened at the thought of getting to stroke and fuck myself. But I made myself wait. I wasn't done w my nipples, straining against the t-shirt.

I also know that with every breath the rings would cause sharp sensations down into my belly and the pieces dangling would lightly tickle my skin causing chaotic sensations.

When the t-shirt rubbed against them my breath hitched because they were so sensitive. I would periodical move the t-shirt across them and lift it so it would scrape over them. I continued in this fashion for a short while until my panties were soaked through.

I have a toy now perfect for my ass. It has a curve tip and is about the length of a marker. It is about as round as the hair brush handle you told me to fuck myself with once. And it vibrates (which I don't use much except when it is inserted as far as it will go.

I didn't put lubrication on my toy purposefully. I lowered my panties around my ankles as a restraint of sorts so I wouldn't get out of position. Then opened my legs in bent fashion with my feet almost touching each other. I smacked each ass cheek careful to not smack or give myself pleasure near my pussy.

I slowly worked the toy by applying pressure. Teasing myself. Applying more pressure and inserting it further then pulling it away to rub my anus.

Once my hips kept inadvertently kept tensing and raising, I shoved my toy in my ass causing pain and please simultaneously. I badly wanted to be in doggy style with you fucking me with your beautiful hard cock like your little Bitch in heat that I was at this point Master.

But I continued on in this fashion. Hard stroking my toy in and out of my ass. My pussy was starting to drip down causing my hand and the toy to get wet. Allowing me to fuck myself faster.

I slowed down to feel the tightness of my ass clenching down on the toy. Slowly pulling it out and then only inserting the head of it over and over.

I was almost ready to cum so I flipped over on my stomach, pillow under my hips to elevate them, and thought about me laying across your lap. Imagining it was you having playtime with my ass and penetrating me with the toy instead of myself.

I reached behind and splayed one hand on my ass and reverse fucked myself with the toy. When I thought about one of your hands splayed on my ass, alternately smacking it as you inserted my toy, I orgasmed.

I sat up on the bed then stood. Slipeed my soaked panties back up to sleep in my cum and took my toy to the bathroom to wash. As I was running my hands up and down it with soap, I immediately thought of stroking you Master with my hands. Warm water splayed between my fingers which slid up and down the toy like a hard cock. I came again in the bath thinking about cleaning you Sir.

I am so sleepy now. My ass has been toy raped, my nipples are swollen from the pressure rings, my panties are soaked. I'm going to take off the nipple rings and then the panties that way the release of pressure will allow me to cum again in my panties instead of the bed.

I hope you have a good day Sir. Thank you again.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

#4

M

You will be disappointed in me. I couldn't sleep so I decided to play (I chose fingers) as you told me I could. I am so sorry. I was thinking random things and for some reason my mind latched on to you asking me who my master is. I knew you wouldn't let me cum in fantasy or reality. I don't know what happened. One sleepy/tired moment I am fine, not letting myself to go over the edge. The next my brain is replaying you asking that question and I went over. I came. I am so sorry. I understand I disobeyed you and disappointed you Sir. I accept any punishment you see fit.

S
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

The way i feel right now, you would be standing naked, feet 3 feet back from a wall, with your hands on it and your legs spread so they almost formed a 90* angle. I would then proceed to flog you about the back, ass, breast, even vagina, and not very gently. When I tired of that i would take your ass without allowing you to move. If you were lucky I would allow you to clean me off when I was done.

But since I'm not there I don't know if you consider it a good thing or a bad thing I can't.

I've decided on your punishment, but I'll tell you later.

and on a side note "s" is never capitalized as it is always submissive to "M", just like you.

M

For Punishment I made her pose some pictures for me, with the words "Cum Slut" written on her stomach, and "Bad Slave" across her upper chest in sharpie. She also was required to kneel naked on the floor and scourge herself for me on Skype, as well as forbidding her from any manner of physical satisfaction for a week.

#5

Master,

I laid on my back after cleaning myself up. Wearing your uniform shirt. Only fitting that I am labeled in it.

I thought about you going off to the shower to take care of yourself after controlling me and directing me.

I don't know why but I pictured you soapy stroking your cock. Thinking about what you had me do and thinking about things to do to me. Tonight and in the future. As each image flitted through your head, your strokes would fondle, caress, or become quick bursts of power. Fondling includes your balls. Caressing is nice long slow strokes with a little pressure. And bursts of power, well can't seem to describe that as anything but like when you thrust into me quick, deep, and hard.

As your strokes changed, my fingers changed with you. I was picturing being allowed to enter the shower with you with your permission. I was to rinse you off with my bare hands and then soap you back down. You had me fondle your balls and cock and perform a steady stroke with emphasis on the head.

You started rinsing again and I licked you dry. A futile task since you were still under the water. When you turned back around, I immediately went down to my knees and put your cock in my mouth half way. Until you allowed me to move my mouth or lick you or taste you, I didn't move a single muscle.

You finally gave me permission to suck your cock 1/2 way. You grabbed my hair and thrust you cock to the back of my throat and held me there until my throat untightened and I stopped gagging. You repeated a few more strokes then lifted me by my hair, turned me around. Slamming me into the wall and penetrating my hot wet pussy.

You pressed your body against mine. And put your cock in my ass. Bent me over and waited for my ass to get used to a cock in it. Once it relaxed, your strokes increased in speed, depth, you pulled out and came on my back.

This is what went through my brain as I finger stroked my pussy. Thank you for the gift of cumming Master. Thank you for punishing me.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

#6

Master,

I am so disappointed in my self. I guess because I have been on edge waiting for you to wake so I may ask your permission.

I have a ribbon I wrapped around my wrists loosely binding them together and then barely put my fingers in my pussy and practiced saying (to myself) you are my Master and I am your willing slave (that's what just happened to pop in my head). I hadn't gotten far as I was saying. I think I only said it 3 times. But the combo of pent up lust, my collar, and me practicing caused me to go over the edge quickly (too quickly). My energy left my body when I orgasmed.

I also fell asleep with the collar on. I woke because the collar shifted and scratched my cheek. Thus I am now emailing and not sooner.

My body is throbbing still and I am still having mini-orgasms. I know by morning my stomach will be in knots because I came too much. I find it slightly unfair that my body would deprive me the chance to play. But I am so wound up.

My appetite is voracious right now and I don't think there are enough fingers, vibrators etc that would be enough.

I need to squash this fire. Ignore it. Something. Otherwise I am going to get myself I trouble. I'm really, really horney and I'm on fire. I can't touch myself wo cumming. Shit. If I didn't think of other things w writing txts and talking to u on phone, I would have cum from those moments without fingers or toys.

God knows I felt my stomach tighten and my clit throb while talking to you. I kept trying to distract myself so I wouldn't cum. You make it really hard, u know? You used to do that to me on purpose. That whole lowering and making your voice smooth, quiet, w an undertone of something dangerous. When I hear that I know to listen closely but sometimes I can't pay attention to the words bc the sound gets in the way and you ask me something and I can't respond. Then I get embarrassed, ask u to repeat it.

You get that same "predator" look in your eyes as in your voice. Causes my nipples to harden and my body to respond when I don't want it to. I always have to look away because you make me nervous. You are intimidating sometimes. Most of the time. (Unless you're gaming). Even then you used to pause what you did and would direct me.