Letters from Long Ago

I will however miss you very much. I did not expect to fall in love with you like I have. You have captured my heart and placed in a little box that only you have the key to. I will miss your adoring brown eyes, I will miss your soft touch and your sweet breath upon my face. I have only good thoughts in my head when I think of you.

I will see you again. That is my promise to you... and you know I do not break my promises. You will once again be held by me in my arms. Tightly and gently. I will kiss you deeply and take away all of you fears. I will bring lust and wanton love to you...........

I will have long pleasurable dreams of you.....always.

.....Lover Guy

June 28, 1999

So I thought I was gonna get some explicit sex talk here!? :) None of this hippie poet shit! :)

There is that the way I am supposed to sound? (lol) I am sitting here with this huge hard on and I do not know what to do with it. I tried to smack it down but it will not stay. I tried opening cans with it but that got boring after a while. So now I am typing with it, (lol) and doing a pretty good job of it.

Gotta go...............for now.........bye

Lover Guy

June 29, 1999

I gotta tell ya something ok? I know where this has been going all along. So I have been trying to visualize it in my head. You know thinking about it in a fantasy type way. But no matter how many different ways I think about it I just cannot get aroused thinking about another man.....So now you are thinking OH NO! Well don't worry. Fantasy stuff is ok with me and even getting into bed with you and Dave is ok. But I don't think I would be able to do the things you want.

The one thing I really do not want is to have embarrassed Dave in any way. I know he shared (through you) something with me (his desires) that if not accepted could cause him embarrassment and pain......So you gotta understand I do not think badly of Dave. To the contrary I am flattered and I have nothing but good feelings for Dave, he is my friend you see, and that has a tremendous value to me. A lifelong value. The reason I am mentioning all this is I do not want to lead you on onto thinking what you wrote in your story might really happen.....You will say it is just a story, but I say it is more than that. It is your way of introducing me to (or sharing) your fantasies about me. Sort of testing me to see if it will fly with me. Well like I said it all sounds very hot and sexy in the story but I just cannot see myself where your story leads......So now you are thinking how will Dave react to this? He has shared this secret with me and I have not accepted it as you had hoped Don't worry. OK? Like I said I will not betray your trust and friendship. It is still my goal to get out to Hawaii and spend some time with both of you. :) You are my friends!

To top it off I had this very vivid dream last night that I was in bed with you and Dave, you know I was being with you and Dave was right there right next to me. I was looking him right in the face and he was smiling with that big grin of his and laughing. I really felt a sense of relief when I saw his smile. He was really ok with just seeing us together. I was so hot in this dream being with you.....I woke up really aroused and breathing hard. It was really funny because like I said it was really vivid and detailed unlike most of my dreams. I want you badly. I need you badly. I miss you more than I can say.

Lover Guy

July 5, 1999

. My darling dearest lover man -

I found my hand held tape recorder today. I took it with me when I went out on my own for awhile and you kept me company while I re-discovered the island. I had fun just rambling on to you. I won't edit it, and in doing that, I will be sending you an example of the slightly askew lover you have found yourself with. :)

I was thinking about you today as I fell asleep to take a nap. I lay there naked on my bed, and I pulled my pillow close to me, holding it with my hand resting as if across your chest, nuzzling my face to it as if against your sweet sweaty body, feeling your arm under my head and your hand cradling my back.

I felt David slide in bed against my back and I pressed my ass into him as his hand ran up and down my leg. I drifted off to sleep and your body, so strong and sexy, grew more solid in my arms. I looked up to see Dave walking to the other side of the room as your hand tenderly lifted my chin up to face you. You looked at me so lovingly and your beautiful blue eyes sparkled with the mischievousness of a little boy about to get in trouble. :)

You moved your head down to softly kiss my lips. As our lips met, I was overtaken by a hungering need for you. We moved together and our bodies became entwined, pressed breast to breast as your yearning mouths devoured each other in the longest, slowest, wettest kiss ever known. I felt my wet pussy drawn into your hips, your hardness against me, and the warm drops of you dripping into my waiting lips.

My need for you is so strong, so overpowering, I feel my pussy tremble at the thought that I will soon have you inside me. You lift up on one elbow, looking down into my face as my breath comes to me hard and quick. You lift the sheet that partly covers my naked warm body, slowly and so seductively. I giggle as watch you, thinking of how quickly our lovemaking can turn from erotic warmth into wild passionate lust.

As you smile back at me, you glide your hand down my body, reaching my smooth cunt as I lift my hips to meet your electric touch. As usual, my legs have parted for you without my even realizing it. You lower your soft lips to me, your voracious tongue moving more eagerly than your lips, as if with a mind of its own. Sighs from my gasping mouth only serve to increase your appetite. You devour me with increasing zeal, lapping at the flow of juice you draw from me, nibbling at my hardening clit, sucking on my swelling pussy lips. My back arches and your hand moves under me, holding me up and pressing me into your face.

I feel your other hand move between my legs, your fingers finding their way to my soft slit, contrasting your rapacious mouth with their slow soft strokes from my tender as to my dripping cunt. As your tongue enters me, the tip of your finger urges my ass open to accept it. The tension mounting within me is intense. And the feeling is heightened as you sit up and look into my eyes, licking your lips and turning your finger inside me to allow your hand to cup my cunt in your big strong hand. You push your thumb into my cunt and ease the finger in my ass even deeper, pressing the two together inside me and caressing my hidden button at the same time. AS you move up my body and suck at my hard nipple, I cum into the palm of your hand, honey flowing from me and covering the bed beneath me.

Quickly you withdraw your hand and, licking your fingers, move on top of me and slide your beautiful prick into my waiting hole. Your face over mine, I open my mouth and you put your hand to my lips. With your mouth to mine, we suck from your hand as you enter me with the full length and breadth of you.

We kiss and your hands go to my hips. You clutch me to your body, burying yourself in me as my starving pussy draws on you and massage you as I know you want.

"What a good little girl" you whisper while you kiss and lick my neck. "What a good pussy you've got. Good girl, suck my cock with your pussy."

"Yes, sir" I gasp as rivers of convulsion begin to course through my body. My hips grid harder onto your expectant cock, feeling you swell even further inside me.

You ease in and out slowly at first, laying your gorgeous body atop mine. As my tremors start to mount, you sit upright and lift my legs over your shoulders, bringing a loud cry from my depths. Your luscious prick throbs to the final point inside me, deep within and as the thrusting increases, I cry out to you, reaching up for you.

You pin my hands over my head and tell me, "Don't be a bad girl. Cum for me again." And your free hand swats my uplifted ass, giving me the final nudge over that cliff of insanity. I cum on your swollen cock, wave after wave rocking my body, bringing vibrations to the head of your rod deep within my hot, wet darkness.

Quickly and without warning, you turn me over and pull me onto my knees, your hands on my hips now and firmly holding me on your cock. You fuck me with fervor as I feel you grow and harden even more. Now swat after swat is landing on my already sensitive ass, and the quivers you are causing are for you as much as to keep my orgasm rolling. With each spank you land on my reddening cheeks, you feel the shaking on your own body.

I love this power you take when we are together. This control you both have and give at your will. You make me feel a part of you and a piece of your happiness. As you lean across my trembling body, you bury yourself one last time and as you cum in me you whisper "I love you good girl".

You and I collapse together, your huge cock still inside me and I feel your breath against the back of my neck. This is my favorite moment, maybe. The single moment that I get to smile and realize the power is not all yours.:)

As I woke in this state of exhaustion and heightened senses, I smiled, knowing I will have you by my side, in my bed, in my pussy, in my arms again sooner that we thought.

I adore you my gentle giant. I want you . I need you. I miss you. I will have you.

I love you.

Little Bean

July 11, 1999

Bye the way the story you sent me made me cum 3 times:)~........I want you badly. How soon can you come back?

I am sending your oak and berries......Love guy...

My Love, my heart, my friend,

As I sit here alone tonight, feeling the warm wind brush over my skin, my soul trembles with visions of your mouth near my neck, your breath touching me with the heat you alone can bring. I feel as if I walk around in another existence, and somewhere , on some other level, there is a part of me with you wrapped in an embrace always.

When I close my eyes, I can see you there, your tender eyes gazing into mine. I can feel the touch of your fingers and hand on my face as you move your mouth over mine, kissing me to the very depths of my being. I can feel my body melt into your arms as you hold me so close and gently caress me. I feel the peace you bring me with my head on your shoulder kissing your neck and ears.

I live daily with the thoughts of you next to me, like my own silent guardian against despair and loneliness. You take my hand and lead me through the battlefield of my every day, and remind me that I am loved and wanted and worthwhile in that place for the 2 of us. The pictures of you in my mind roll like an endless loop of film, the sunshine through the window as we drove along at sunset, the way your smile pulled me to you and your arm always found its way around me. The feel of your hair as I nuzzled into you and the taste of your sweat when I kissed your neck. Every detail comes to me when I close my eyes, and I see you, so tall and strong, holding my hand as we walked along after dark on those unfamiliar streets. I see you sitting at the end of my bed looking at me so intently that very first night, and reading your thoughts like a book. I remember the first feel of your lips, the strength of your hands, and the softness of your words.

I remember the moment I first felt you inside me and the blinding light of sheer bliss at that moment. I remember feeling no fear for the first time in my life. With you.

You make me feel strong and safe, young and wise, magical and unknowing, simple and profound. I can see walking off the airplane into your waiting arms someday. I can taste your kiss, like sweet water from the fountain I have been kept from for my whole life. I want to giggle and gasp with you, laugh and scream, sleep and wake. I want to take you from these things that trouble your heart at times and try with all the life in me to give back even a little of the wondrous joy you have given me. I want to rest your head on my breast and feel you sleep against me. I want to be the friend you need and the lover you want.

I want more than anything to join that other part of myself that always is making love to you. I want you to be in my arms. I believe there will be a time when I am once again in your arms. I know that thoughts from so great a distance can hurt as if a knife is slicing through you. There are moments I think I can hear you talking behind me. But then I turn and it is nothing but the wind. I have come to feel the wind is your messenger to me, often bringing to me the touches you send. So when I hear you standing behind me I close my eyes and lean into you, letting your big strong arms engulf me and hide me away in the safety of you.

You are my safety in the storm, my refuge, my truth. You do not lie to me or mislead me, you want nothing from me other than me. And you allow me to want you.

When we made love, you knew what I wanted and needed more than even I did, I think. You played my body and heart like a concert musician, eliciting tones of music and harmony from me I never knew existed. And when I moved over you, I felt I had known your skin all of my life. I felt attuned and connected to your being instantly, never questioning myself, simply hearing your body guide me. You made me feel like your lover, made me feel like I was the lover you needed and had wanted for so long. You brought to life in me a person that had not been there before, and she is only there for you.

Even before we touched physically, you made me feel wanted. You made me feel like a real friend, special and irreplaceable. You opened up to me and listened to me in return. You wrote me words of such passion and feeling, charged with parts of you bursting to express them. There are letters you wrote to me that I keep in my wallet and have never shown anyone. Nor do I intend to ever show anyone. I hear secret parts of you that I believe you are not very free with. I am so honored that you allowed me in to share some of that with you. You have made me smile and ache for you. You have shared with me something valuable and special inside yourself, and that is something I would never dishonor. I pray with each magical working for your spirits to bring you closer to a place of peace, to enable you with the strength to believe in yourself the way I believe in you, to ease your restless mind and show you the magnitude of your own powerful being.

I thought that the feelings I have for you would be put away over this much time. They have not. I feel more for you today than I did before. I understand your need to shut off any intensity between us, just for your own sanity. As you once told me, you are rouge by nature and this normal life does not come to you easily and without discipline. So I can see how I am not an easy addition to this disciplined life you are maintaining. But I cannot escape my feelings. This thing with you...I cannot escape it. I want to just sit by your side naked and soul-bare and talk to you. I want to listen to you again and feel your weight lighten. I want so much to be able to be the friend to you that I know I can be. I want to just be with you.

But wanting can be a hard thing. And I know you have spent time weighing the price of letting yourself want me. For any pain my being has brought your life, I am truly sorry. But for me, the final analysis always comes out in your favor. The things you bring my life are not exchangeable, replaceable or on display. The circle which is you and me fits in my life where I choose to put it, in the center of my heart. I know you hold me there as well, dearest love. And I will be in your heart forever and longer. Quiet as a mouse, and only yours. I will always be ready to listen to you, to share with you, to accompany you when you need distraction from life.

I will think tonight of sitting on the bed as you stand next to me. Opening your pants and sliding them down your legs. Lifting off your shirt as you lean over me. Lying back on the bed feeling your body press down on top of me. Rolling over with you and laying you on your back, moving with gentle kisses down your body to your gorgeous cock. Taking your cock in my hands as I slide 2 fingers behind your balls and wrapping my lips around your head. Sucking and nibbling you the way I need to and taking hours devouring you. Sliding my wet pussy on your leg as I taste drop after drop of your sweet clear precum. Licking up the vein on your long shaft and again encircling your hard prick with the whole of my mouth. Tasting you cum down my throat as I suck every drop of you out. Feeling my mouth work you into hardness again as I lick the last of you from my lips. Feeling you make love to me.

This is how I will fall asleep tonight, my gentle lover. As I do every night.

And I find......that I still am in love with you.

Yours,

Bean

July 27, 1999

My big strong Lover & Friend-

First of all let me tell you that I realize you are incredibly busy right now. It is amazing that you are standing at the end of the day. You are most likely exhausted, not just physically but probably more so mentally. Remember, I am married to one of you "levee" types. :) One as obsessive, compulsive and perfectionist as you. And I loved every minute of it. The levee that is. So I am fully aware of the demands on your time and attentions right now. I want you to know that I don't want you to feel those demands from me.

Right now you have a lot of commitments and obligations that have deadlines and demands. On the other hand, you and I have no deadlines and there is nothing so important it can't wait a while. Like I told you before, I will wait as long as I have to to get back into your arms. And I would rather it not be with you feeling I had in any way interfered, interrupted or even bothered you when you are in a position requiring 100% of your professionalism and integrity. I would rather I be the thing that you take time for because I give rather than take from you. All I ask from you is that you take care of yourself, sleep enough, eat right, and smile into my eyes as my friend when we see each other.

I want you to feel some measure of safety in my arms to be whoever you need or want to be with me. The only way that will be reality is if you don't feel that I am invading your life. I want to be a choice for you, not another chore or responsibility. I am your friend and I have a feeling that right now that is not how I am coming across. I tend to get over run by emotions sometimes. I wish often times I could shut them down, but I think that is just part of what makes me ME. Wanna know something? I am feeling VERY VERY VERY guilty that I never cooked for you. Never brought out that dinner to the site like I promised. Weird, huh?

So, what is the point of this letter? I guess to give you a chance to get off the hook, if that is what you need.

Maybe to tell you that it is perfectly ok to tell me, "Don't call me during the day anymore. It is distracting and I really don't have the time to change gears like that in the middle of everything."

Maybe to tell you that you don't have to say that, but that I already know it.

Maybe to try and make sure that despite my oddness; despite my Non-stop sex drive which turns its attention to you at least 10 times a day; despite all the very "unique" things about me that are at once endearing and frustrating; DISPITE all these things, to assure myself we are still friends.

I want to tell you I am sorry. I know you require no apologies from me. I know you even understand most of my stuff and behavior. But I owe you an apology. For invading your time. For inviting myself in where I shouldn't have been. For assuming.

I know I am thinking WAY too much here but insomnia has hit again full force and I'm back down to 2-4 hours sleep a night. And tomorrow is my big Dr.'s appointment. I'll tell you a secret.......I can't handle this. I act all tough, or giggly or grown-up or happy. But I'm a chicken shit and I am scared to death here.