Letters to S Ch. 03

There is a lot of thinking going on. My thoughts race, sometimes contemplating silly details like how there is something tickling my left knee, or wondering if I'll look sexy with your cum in my hair. I worry about pleasing you, wondering if I'm at liberty to lick your balls during a blowjob, or which way you'd prefer me to kneel. Sometimes I'm plain afraid, and I want nothing quite as much as to be in your arms. Sometimes I don't think I can take it, until you remind me that I can.

Yeah, there is a lot going on in my head during a scene with you. It's like my mind goes into overdrive, stimulated by all the sensations, by the immediacy and intensity of my situation. It causes me to react in ways I usually wouldn't, to surprise myself with the emotions and thoughts I have.

It wasn't always that way. In the beginning, I was more worried about you than myself. I knew I could take whatever you'd throw at me, but I was worried if you could. The scene wasn't about me taking a spanking back then, it was about the way you felt when you gave me one. That didn't make it boring. It was rewarding in its own way to see a small smile form on your face, to notice that you were actually taking pleasure in seeing my flesh redden and hearing me gasp.

It was amazing to see that sadistic side of yours take over ever so slowly.

You surprised me so many times when I took you too lightly. I don't make that mistake anymore, but I did it plenty at the beginning. Now I know that just because being a Dom was a new role you had to get used to doesn't mean you didn't instinctively know how to handle me, even then.

I remember it like it was yesterday, when I figured you'd simply forgotten to put soap in the bathwater. I took it upon myself to squeeze some out of the bottle, and I watched the bubbles form while waiting for you to return. Once you did, you stood there for a few seconds, looking at me, and at the bathwater, and when I opened my mouth to explain, you simply held it shut.

"Did I ask you to put soap in that water?" you asked me, very calmly, but I was suddenly fucking terrified. That was the first time you truly made me tremble. I shook my head mutely, and next thing I knew my head was submerged in the water, over and over again, leaving me barely enough time to draw breath in between. I could taste nothing but soap in my mouth, and the only thing that kept me from freaking out completely was your other hand, reassuringly on my back.

When you finally finished torturing me that way, you made me suck your cock, soapy mouth and all. And all it took was a low, threatening "This better be the best blowjob I ever got, bitch" for me to stop caring about how uncomfortable and out of breath I was. By the time you came, I had goosebumps all over my body, I was wet as hell, and I was also ready to cry. Somehow, the the balance shifted right there and then, and this was the first time I actually needed aftercare, I needed to be in your arms to calm down and feel whole once more.

Only weeks later you admitted to me that you had, in fact, forgotten the soap.

But I think this is what makes you such a great Dom. I was being smart, and I was second-guessing you, and even though I was right, that doesn't mean it was right for me to do that. I learned that that day, and I haven't forgotten it since.

I enjoyed when you started to really take the initiative, decided what you liked and demanded things of me that I hadn't done before. Things that I found embarrassing, which made it a turn on for the both of us. There is nothing like thee familiar feeling of numbness, of ever-so-slight panic, of heart beating high in my chest, that I get when I do something I find embarrassing. It translates right to my clit, making in pulse in pleasure. I still don't know why it is that a certain type of nervousness and embarrassment turns me on the way it does, but I'm aware you enjoy that.

To this day, being with you, and being your plaything, has only gotten more exciting. I still wonder what you'll do next. I'm still amazed by how sadistic you've gotten, and how you can make my breath come short and my mind spin wildly with a single look. It's been such a long, wonderful journey, and I know we aren't anywhere near the end of it.