Lexi, aka Alexa

The drive home took about thirty silent minutes. We were rolling up the driveway when my phone started chirping. Marilyn's smiling face came up on the screen; it was a picture I took on our last vacation, in San Francisco. I looked over at Lexi and pressed the green "Talk" button.

"Hi, honey," Marilyn said sweetly. I held the phone out where Lexi could hear it as well.

"Hi there," I said, as cheerfully as I could manage.

"Did you two enjoy your evening?" she asked.

"Um, yes," I answered. "We ate dinner; then Lexi convinced me to go for a ride in the convertible."

"Lexi drove?" Marilyn said with a chuckle. "How's your blood pressure?"

"Perfect," I said. "I'm happy to report that all of the fire hydrants and trees in town are still in their original, upright positions." Lexi stuck her tongue out at me. "How's your evening going?" I said, curious to hear her response.

"We just packed it in. Everybody put in overtime. I am just done in. That's why I am calling. I'm too tired to drive home. There is a quaint bed and breakfast just down the road from here and the owner, Mrs. Harris, has a bed available. I'm going to sleep there and drive home in the morning. I'll pick up something on the way home to make for a family dinner."

I took a deep breath and tried to smile as I spoke.

"That sounds lovely, babe."

"Is Lexi there?" Marilyn asked. "I want to say hi."

I looked at Lexi, who started violently shaking her head and sticking her fingers down her throat.

"Sorry, babe," I said. "Lexi just jumped in the shower. She said she didn't shower after soccer practice."

Marilyn trilled one of her high-pitched laughs. "Well, give her a kiss from me before she goes to bed."

"I will. Have a good night, babe. See you tomorrow."

"You too, honey. Love you."

"You too," I said after a long pause. I punched the "Off" button and sat back. If she lied that easily to her clients, I was amazed there was an empty house within fifty miles.

"That bitch!" Lexi cried out. She started pounding her fists against the steering wheel. Tears were streaming down her face. "That goddamned, motherfucking bitch!"

She struggled as I threw my arms around her, pushing against me until I pulled her into my chest, holding her head as she sobbed. I held her there for ten or twelve minutes, praying that no nosy neighbors would pop up. Finally, her sobs subsided and I let her go. Her green eyes were rimmed red, her cheeks were stained with tear streaks and there were little bubbles of snot coming out of her nose. She looked at me for a few seconds before she pulled away.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" she cried before she opened her door nearly falling to the ground before she ran up the paved stone path from the driveway to the front door.

"Lexi, stop!" I yelled, but she continued, half running and half stumbling until she reached the door. She fumbled in her purse until she found her house keys, then I watched her bolt into the house and slam the door shut.

"Jesus, what now?" I thought as I got out of the car. I closed the door on my side then walked around to her side and closed the door. I took the keys out of the ignition and set the alarm. As I walked up the stone path, I saw a light in Lexi's window. I walked inside, locked the door and set the alarm. I put my keys in a bowl on the mahogany table next to the door and walked upstairs. After the last ninety minutes, I wasn't sure I was up to whatever sudden drama had overtaken Lexi, but I knew I had to check on her.

I walked down the hall to her bedroom, which faced the street in front of the house. I knocked once; receiving no response, I knocked again. She didn't answer again, so I tried the knob. The door was unlocked, so I opened it. The bedside lamp was on, sitting on top of the pink and white night table Lexi and I painted when she was twelve. Lexi had thrown her sweater on the floor and was laying face down on her bed, crying. I picked up the sweater and slung it over the back of her desk chair. I sat down on the side of the bed and reached for her. She pushed herself away as soon as I touched her.

"Lexi, please," I said, "You have to talk to me. I can't do anything to help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"You can't help," she half-croaked through tears. "No one can. If I tell you what I did, you'll hate me more than you hate Mom!"

"First of all," I said as I stroked her back, "I don't hate your mother. I may be very angry with her right now, but I don't hate her, and there is no way on earth I could ever hate you."

"You don't know," she cried, curling up into a ball, "you just don't know!"

"Lexi Miller," I said, "I don't care if you go on a five state killing spree, or if you start a nuclear war, or even if you come home with one of those ridiculous tramp stamps on your back. I couldn't ever hate you."

The last statement drew a snort from Lexi. She rolled over and faced me.

"Even if I get a tramp stamp?" she said with a slight grin.

"Even then," I swore, making the Boy Scout pledge with three fingers. "Though if you ever do show up with one of those stupid tattoos, I'll throttle you, then I'll go out and find whatever greasy biker gave it to you and kick his ass."

She buried her face in her hands as she giggled. I leaned in close, trying to hug her, but she pushed me away again. She moved off the bed and walked over to her desk. When I started to get up, she held her hand out.

"Please, stay there, Daddy," she said. She paused to take a deep breath before she continued. "I need to tell you something. It's something you're not going to like. Maybe . . . maybe you won't hate me, but you're gong to be very angry with me."

"Why don't you just spit it out, Lexi," I said, folding my arms. "I'm sure whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

She squeezed her eyes shut and balled her fists. I watched as she took a few more deep breaths.

"Here goes," she said, leaning against the desk and moving from foot to foot. "I . . . I didn't forget to take something out of the freezer tonight."

"What do you mean you didn't forget?"

"God," she cried, "I barely got started and I'm already fucking it up."

"Calm down, Lexi, just start at the beginning."

"I didn't take anything out of the freezer because I knew we would have to choose between ordering in and going out to dinner. So I suggested we dress up and go to Gianelli's. I had this dress picked out and ready to go. I knew how much you would like it."

"Honey," I said, "you can't blame yourself for wanting to go out and have a nice dinner. You couldn't have known your mother would show up . . . the way she did."

"You're not getting it, Dad," Lexi said, standing up and taking a step toward me. "I knew exactly what was going to happen."

I stared at her, dumbstruck.

"What do you mean, you knew?"

She pulled her rolling desk chair behind her, sitting down about five or six feet away from me.

"About two months ago, just after my birthday," she said, "I was working on a project for my summer class at Walton. I needed a highlighter and mine was empty. Mom's office is the closest to my room, so I went in."

"Was she there? Did you knock?"

"Please, Daddy, this is going to be hard enough without a ton of interruptions. Anyway, I went in to find a highlighter. Mom wasn't in there and I didn't see one on the desk, so I started going through the drawers."

"Lexi, how many times have we talked about invading someone else's private space?" I said crossly. "If your mother wasn't home you should have -"

"Dad!" she finally yelled, interrupting me. "In one of the drawers, I found a cell phone. I didn't recognize it, I know your and Mom's phones. I turned it on. It's a pay as you go phone, the kind they call "burners" on T.V. I turned it on and checked the call history. All the calls and texts were to the same number."

"Another burner phone, no doubt," I thought.

"So I checked the web browser. It opened to an email portal I didn't recognize. There was already a user name inputted, so I checked the password."

"Wait a minute," I said. "You hacked your mother's email?"

"Mom's not exactly the N.S.A. when it comes to cyber security, Daddy. Her password is always the same - my birth date, followed by my initials, in all caps."

"I guess you're going to tell me what you found now."

She took another deep breath. "It was all emails between Mom and Mr. Black, emails going back almost a year." She paused and swallowed. "It looks like she saved them all. They started out flirtatious, kind of joking, but it got more serious after three months or so. They started sending fantasies to each other, like long sex fantasies."

"OK," I said. My throat felt almost totally dry.

"After about six months, it was pretty clear they were sleeping together."

I could feel the tips of my ears burning, as if I'd walked into a room and all the people in the room stopped talking. My stomach was twisted in knots. As bad as I felt listening to Lexi, I felt even worse knowing she'd been living with this secret for months without saying anything.

"I'd check the emails periodically, checking up on what they were doing. Two weeks ago, I saw they made a date for tonight at Gianelli's, saying they would tell you and Mrs. Black that they had to work late, so they could spend the night together."

"Lexi," I interrupted, "how could you keep this information to yourself?" I rose off the bed and stated pacing the room. "Beyond the incredible violation of your mother's privacy, you placed a terrible burden on yourself. Why wouldn't you come to me with this?"

Her chest was heaving and tears were welling in her eyes. Despite everything, I wanted to reach over, bundle her in my arms and tell her everything would be all right. Instead, I just stood there, arms folded in front of me, staring at her.

"That look on your face," she finally said, quietly.

"What did you say?"

"That look on your face," she said, looking up at me. "On the day I discovered Mom was cheating, I knew what your face would look like if I told you. If I could have drawn a picture of what your face would look like, it would look exactly the way it looks right now."

"You still weren't being fair to yourself keeping this a secret," I complained. "How could you keep on living with this?"

"Haven't you noticed, Daddy," she said with a slight smile, "how much more affectionate I've been recently? How I've been touching you more often, giving you neck rubs, laying my head in your lap sometimes on movie nights?"

"Of course I've noticed," I said, curious at the sudden digression.

"Have you noticed how I've been dressing a little skimpier lately?"

"If by skimpier, you mean lots of short shorts, crop tops and those bikinis you keep wearing around the house," I said, "yes, I've noticed that, too, but I'm not sure what that has to do with tonight."

She moved from her chair to the bed and patted the mattress. I moved over and sat down. She reached over and took my hand.

"I love you, Daddy," she said. "I think I've loved you ever since that first day you started coaching me ten years ago, but I realized something a couple of years ago. I realized you still saw me as that little tomboy with pigtails, running all over the soccer field. I wanted you to see me the way I am today, as a woman."

"Honey," I said, "it's hard to look at you and not see a beautiful young woman." I squeezed her hand and moved closer, until her leg was pressed against mine. Her dress was rumpled from throwing herself on the bed and had sunk a little lower, almost exposing her breasts.

"I don't just have a young woman's body, Daddy. I have a young woman's desires." She lifted my hand and moved it to her left breast. I tried pulling it away but she gripped it strongly and pressed it to her breast. "I've always loved you, Daddy," she said as her soft bosom filled my hand, "but I've been in love with you since I understood what it meant to be in love."

"Baby, I appreciate what you are saying, but you're too young to be making pronouncements about love like that. You should be learning about love with boys your own age."

"That's it exactly, Daddy. They are boys. They're fine to have as friends, or to fool around with, but why would I want one of them when the most perfect man in the world already lives with me?"

"Perfect but for the fact that I am married to your mother," I said.

"A woman who doesn't love you enough to stay faithful to you!" Lexi said. "You don't owe her anything!"

"What did you think was going to happen tonight, Lexi?" I said, exasperated. "Did you think I'd be so enraged by your mother's behavior that my response would be to throw you down on the nearest bed and screw your brains out?"

"I don't know!" she cried. "I didn't think it all the way through! I've been teasing you, cuddling you, letting you touch me, letting you know that I was ready for you whenever you wanted me. I thought if you realized what was happening, you'd feel so hurt you'd need comfort, and I would be there and I could show you how much I love you. Are you telling me you don't want me?"

She yanked down the front of her dress and bra, exposing her delectable young breasts. They were firm and round, with pale areolas and fully erect, eraser sized nipples. I stared at her, knowing full well I couldn't hide my erection.

"Lexi," I said, "it would be ridiculous for me to pretend that I don't want you. You are the most beautiful young woman I ever known and the most wonderful girl. You've driven me to distraction with all the teasing and touching and cuddling. I think about you at some of the most inappropriate times, and I smile when I do."

"When do you think about me?"

"Sometimes, when I'm in a meeting at work, I'll picture you in one of those tiny bikinis you flaunt your body in and I'll get this ridiculous smile on my face that no one else in the meeting can understand."

"I like that, Daddy," she said as slipped her arm inside mine. "What other times do you think of me?"

"The other day, I was driving home from work. I was stopped at a stop sign when suddenly I was picturing you wearing those overalls you like, the ones with the shorts that you don't ever wear a bra underneath. Your . . . ass looks very good in them, and you're flaunting all that . . . side boob."

"Daddy!" she gasped, then she laughed out loud. "Side boob?"

"That's what they call it on the internet, apparently," I said, feeling the heat of embarrassment redden my cheeks. "I watch you walking around like that and I wanted . . . I wanted to reach out and wrap my hands around your breasts, just caress them in my palms."

"Oh God, I wish you would have done that, Daddy," Lexi said, rocking back and forth with a dreamy look on her face. "Do you realize I only wore that outfit when we were alone in the house together? Mom would have screamed the roof off if she'd ever seen me like that. You never said anything, though."

I shook my head slowly, trying to suppress a grin.

"I remember all those movies we'd watch on the couch, and I would wear those overalls for you. I'd sit at the other end of the couch at first, so you'd have a good view of my tits under the overalls. Then I would slide closer to you as the movie went on, until you'd finally slip your arm around me and cuddle me until the movie ended. I always wished you would slide your hand down and start fondling my breast, but you never did."

"'I'm not a seventeen year old boy, Lexi. I'm a thirty-eight year old man, one who's been raising you since you were ten!"

"I'm not ten anymore, Dad" Lexi said in an annoyed tone. "I'm eighteen years old. That means I'm an adult. Legally allowed to vote and legally permitted to make my own sexual choices." She stood up in front of me and let her dress fall to the floor, stepping out of it and standing before me completely naked.

Her milky skin looked exquisite. Her nipples were fully erect. I looked down and saw a dark blue gem in her belly button. Below that was a neatly trimmed patch of bright red hair between her legs. I took in the breathtaking sight that was her perfect body until I finally looked up at her face.

"I'm legally permitted to choose the man I want to take my virginity," she said softly, "and I choose you."

"You've never . . . you've never had sex?" I could suddenly feel my heart beating double time.

"I've never had sex with a boy, Daddy," she said with solemnity, "because you are the only man I've ever wanted, the only man I've ever loved. I've loved you, trusted you since the day we met, ten years ago, and I've wanted you since I understood what wanting someone means."

She was standing right in front of me, her perfect body inches away from me, with a pleading look on her face.

"Please, Daddy," she whispered. "I've wanted you for so long. I don't want to wait any more. All you have to do is take me."

I looked at her, at all the desire and hope pent up in her adorable face. My heart was racing, my head was pounding and my stomach was churning from the overwhelming series of revelations I'd experienced.

"Lexi," I said as I stood up and pushed past her, "you cannot manipulate me the way you've done tonight and expect that I'll just roll over like a puppy and give you what you want."

"Daddy," she began, but I cut her off.

"How long have you known about your mother's affair, two or three months, or more? Did you talk to me about it? Did you confront your mother? Neither! Instead you've been manipulating me for weeks, months, teasing me, tempting me, playing on my feelings for you, all to trick me into sleeping with you."

I ran my fingers through my hair as I paced up and down the floor in front of her door. She stared at me with a look I couldn't remember seeing on her face before, something like fear.

"I couldn't have imagined that you were capable of this kind of behavior, Lexi," I said, growing more frustrated as I spoke. "I guess at the end of it all, I have to take some kind of responsibility because I've mostly raised you. I can't believe I failed you so badly."

"Daddy, please," she cried, tears stinging her eyes, but I threw my hands up, silencing her.

"I think you've said enough for tonight, Lexi," I said, looking down at the floor so I didn't have to look at her face, "and I don't want to say something I'll regret later. I'm going to try and work for a while then I'm going to bed. You should watch some T.V. or listen to music, or maybe, just maybe, take some time to think about your behavior these past few months. We'll talk again in the morning." I turned and walked out of the room.

I heard Lexi cry out, "Please, Daddy! I'm sorry!" before I pulled the door closed. I could hear her sobbing as I walked away. Tears were stinging my own eyes as I walked down the hallway to my office, which was next to the master bedroom. I flipped on the light, walked over to the big oak desk and fell into the tall leather backed chair behind the desk.

My head was throbbing and I felt like I wanted to throw up. My wife had been having an affair with a man I considered a friend for months and my stepdaughter had been manipulating me for months, and I had been either happily oblivious or, in Lexi's case, silently conspiring in it, the whole time.

I turned on the computer and opened the file on my newest project. I looked at the screen for fifteen minutes before I admitted that everything there might as well have been written in Martian, as little sense as it made at that moment. I wanted to run screaming into the night. Instead, I shut down the computer, walked out of the office and went to my bedroom. I looked back down the hall; Lexi's door was still shut and I didn't hear any sound coming from it. I walked into my bedroom, stripped down and put on a pair of cotton pajama pants. I stayed shirtless, drawing down the bed cover and climbing into bed, sitting up against the slatted headboard on top of the sheets.