Liar's Lair

Perhaps Grace is right. The pain at first is like a liquid rope of fire, a white-hot electrical arc burning through my guts. But the Silkie is devouring my digestive tract very quickly. The pain starts to fade before it can truly be called torturous, and my consciousness fades with the pain.

I have an out-of-body experience. I am floating near the ceiling, looking down at Grace and my naked body. My body takes a last shuddering breath with my bowels still heaving and pulsing and then I see my body stop breathing. Grace stands and steps on my hands, rocking her weight back and forth and grinding her heels on both my wrists. I feel a dull sympathetic ache in my bodiless wrists as I float above and witness this, and my dying body below is stimulated to take a few more breaths.

"Is this death?" I wonder. And then my floating soul is caught it a vortex, infinitely strong, impossible to resist. Grace looks up to the ceiling. She smiles wickedly at my soul and flips me the bird with both hands and shouts, "See you soon!" My soul is fired through the swirling funnel of reset.

And the last of the pains in my wrists fade, and with it all memory of hell. On a deserted city street, I bring my hands to my face and stare at them.

My name is David, and I checked out of my old hotel about half an hour ago. It was a real fleabag, and earlier I heard from several people there are much better accommodations in the red-light district down near the lake. So that's where I'm heading now. I've just had a really big problem with some intense pain in my wrists but I think I'm better now.

And as I struggle with my bags I search for something to be optimistic about. Well, it looks as if a fog is rolling in from the lake area. Maybe the light rain will wash some of the car pollution from the air. That would be nice. I take a moment to put on my raincoat as the drizzle picks up and then I continue walking. Oh shit. The fog. It smells really stinky.

Waves of fear and despair wash over me as I walk. I look up into the stinking drizzle and pray. Am I doomed to it, Lord?! Am I chained to this miserable existence forever, helpless to break free?! My Life! My soul! I'm losing them both! I can feel it. I'm losing my life and my soul and I don't know what to do.

As I walk the dull aches in my wrists give me brief courage to consider my terrible fears. I know my mind will insist that I soon hide my fears again, but for the moment the pain is helping me think clearly. I ponder my life and realize with a start that I have two great fears, and paradoxically they are in conflict with each other. They can't both be true.

My first fear, and I know how irrational this is, my first fear is that I'm going to be stuck in this God forsaken city for all eternity. I can feel it, the days are blending into each other, looping and becoming each other, and there's NO WAY OUT. I'm tired but not sleepy, empty but not hungry, and the transportation strike will last forever and I'll be hopelessly trapped in this city for all eternity. That's my first fear.

And my second fear is even worse, infinitely worse and paradoxically worse, because my second fear is that I won't be trapped here forever, that a monster without measure is playing with me. A time is coming when I'll be forced to leave my current existence. I have these weird flashbacks, horrible memories, unspeakable things that my rational mind thinks can not possibly be real but my soul accepts as true. My soul tells me that there is a monster and it has dominion over me. The monster wants to decompose me, tear my soul apart one layer at a time, and the first layer it is attacking is my ability to trust.

I can feel it! I have become so paranoid! I don't want to trust anyone anymore, not about anything. And it's the monster's doing and the foundation of my greatest fear. My soul is being decomposed, ground down into nothingness one layer at a time, and soon the first layer will be devoid. My soul will have been picked clean of the last shred of its ability to trust, and then my second fear will be fully upon me. What happens next?

My pain fades and along with it my last of my courage and my nightmare memory.

A half hour later.

I stare at the joint across the street and shake my head in derision. Who the fuck would be dumb enough to call a restaurant Cheap Eats?! Well, at least my wrists are feeling okay now. In my brief respite from pain, I try to drum up a bit of optimism. I must be very close, maybe just around the next corner. What the hell?! Liar's Lair, here I come!