tagSci-Fi & FantasyLife as a New Hire Ch. 04

Life as a New Hire Ch. 04


Thanks to Poking Fun for her editing expertise.

This story plays fast and loose with Ancient History and Linguistics; be warned.

Suddenly knowing you are about to die rarely does anyone any good.



I slipped out of bed, preparing for the trip to the shower when I stepped out and saw Timothy and this black guy I didn't know doing a soft porn version of me and Rhada. Timothy was sleepily amused. His date was anything but.

"I thought you weren't seeing anyone?" he said in a thick Caribbean accent.

"That's my roommate," Timothy snorted. "My straight roommate." What can I say, I'm really good looking.

"I am, Dude," I promised. "I have a girl in my bed and everything. Hell, I didn't even know what the Village Voice was until last night."

Timothy laughed. His date was still pissed. Timothy gave his date a final kiss the guy barely accepted. I made for the shower. When I came out, Timothy was in his bathrobe sitting on the sofa.

"Whoops," I shrugged. This was the first date I'd seen him on since moving in.

"Better to know they are the jealous kind before I invest too much time," Timothy sighed. "He is beautiful and great in bed. He's also in total denial and now jealous. I won't be returning his calls." I sat down on the sofa next to Timothy and gave him a man-bump.

"Sorry, Bro. Better luck next time," I consoled him.

"How many ladies was it last night?" Timothy muttered. He knew I was 'ambitious'.

"Five - wait, what is the age of consent in this state again?" I grinned.

"Ah, fuck," Timothy shook his head. "If the cops coming busting down the door..."

"Funny you would say that," I chuckled. "Another one is a cop."

"Bro, you have a death wish. Cops do background checks and carry guns," he laughed.

"Her mom is a cop too," I informed him. He shook his head some more.

"Death wish," he mumbled then headed for the shower. Comparatively, the ride to work was bland and uneventful. I was clever enough to change before setting foot in the Executive Services section.

I arrived with two minutes to spare and I was still the last person to arrive. Katrina was at her desk, Desiree was on the sofa and the security team leader from yesterday and one of her aides were sitting in the chairs in front of Katrina.

"Come stand beside me," Katrina said. I walked over with the added benefit that no one gave any notice of my movements.

"Cáel, how did you feel about the exercise yesterday morning?" Katrina began.

"First off, I don't know these ladies' names," I said. Katrina looked at them. Clearly the two were one step above resenting every breath I took.

"Elsa," the leader stated.

"Constanza," her aide replied. I bowed my head to Elsa.

"Elsa, I apologize for my rash words to you, my attitude and any disgrace I put upon either Katrina and/or Desiree," I pled. "I have no excuse." That seemed to have screwed the two new ladies up. Desiree snorted. Katrina had no reaction. I could hear Elsa grind her teeth.

"Come between me and a charge again and I will kill you," Elsa glared.

"Come after a charge of mine I'll make you earn it," I snapped back.

"Only Katrina is keeping you alive at this moment," Elsa stood up as did Constanza.

"Really?" I sneered. "Katrina, please fire me. I need to take out the trash."

"Cáel kneel," Katrina ordered so I knelt.

"This was a waste of time," Elsa grumbled.

"Elsa, you scored Cáel at a 92%," Katrina offered.

"92 out a 1000," I muttered.

"No, you idiot," Desiree sighed. "It was stated as a percentage. Try and act your age." Katrina coughed in surprised amusement. I thought Desiree being so verbose this early in the morning was the cause.

"What did he get wrong?" Katrina mused. "It is in your report. I want you to tell him."

"He ignored his initial instinct to retire to the dwelling, he failed to issue orders to his charges, he missed his partner going down, and he reloaded before his clip was empty," she detailed.

"How many current members of the security detail have scored higher on their initial trial?" Katrina persisted. There was a long pause.

"One - me," Elsa answered. I was impressed - with myself. I had the inbred instincts to get myself killed for people who hated me. I snickered.

"You find something amusing?" Katrina looked at me.

"In retrospect, I should have realized it was a test. Come on, I don't have a gun license, no serious firearms training and the vast majority of Havenstone personnel hate my guts," I explained my humor. "There was no realistic way I would be assigned to guard kids."

"I'm so used to being treated like shit here, I missed the obvious," I concluded. Another pause.

"Why did you break cover to tackle Loraine? You abandoned Aya and Europa," Elsa asked.

"I wasn't really thinking about it," I answered. "I saw her in the open, in danger, and I had the other two crouched down next to the car. I leapt. Sorry, it was nothing more complicated than that."

"What did you think when you saw Desiree lying on the ground?" Elsa prodded.

"Crap - ah," I tried to recall. "Nothing really. I noticed the one woman to the North still standing. I wanted to kill her then roll over and shoot the two to the South."

"They would have killed you," Constanza informed me.

"As opposed to what? I mistakenly thought I had bullets," I shrugged. "While I had any chance I had to keep fighting."

"You could have surrendered?" Elsa studied me.

"You wouldn't have. Why should I?" I responded.

"You are not me in so many relevant ways," Elsa stated. Desiree gave an infinitesimal groan.

"Don't worry about it," I nodded. "Despite your failings, I'm still willing to accept you as an equal."

"That is a deadly insult," Elsa seethed.

"Oh, look," I came back with a predatory grin, "you're angry. Kind of the way I am having done a bang up job only to have you belittle my performance despite having no training, or warning. Believing you are better than me because you have tits makes as much sense as me thinking that having a dick makes you the weaker sex. Its bigotry and stupid. Worse, it is a tactical flaw."

"Tell me," Katrina rose up majestically, "that his last three sentences make no sense. Please, lie to me and say the man is wrong." Elsa didn't respond. "I asked you to test his instincts and you gave him the second hardest test we have and that's only because I vetoed the hardest. If you honestly think he cannot help us, make that pledge now." Another pause.

"He hit everything he aimed at," Elsa suddenly volunteered. "It was all close range. He didn't panic and he never left mission. If he had tits, I would have been impressed. I am still opposed to him having a weapon. His attitude is also grating."

"I have to work with him," Desiree complained.

"If I express to Hayden the possibility that those men who pass Security testing be allowed to be trained with weapons, will you support me?" Katrina requested.

"Never!" Elsa exclaimed.

"Thank you for your opinion and honesty, Elsa," Katrina nodded. "I will see you later."

The two security experts left the room.

"Stand," Katrina sighed. I stood. "You gave it your best shot, I know. Do not trouble yourself with doubts, Cáel Nyilas. No attitude you could have taken would have altered her thinking in the slightest."

"Huh?" I mumbled. Katrina looked at me. My grin was infectious. "Sorry, did you say something? I was visually evaluating their potential as they were leaving the room." Translation: I was scoping out their muscular asses as they sauntered out the door. Paula and Daphne walked in.

"Cáel, do not talk about your activity yesterday morning, or of the events this morning with anyone," Katrina ordered. I nodded. I made for my desk but Katrina stopped me. In the same manner, she requested that Desiree stay. Three minutes before seven, the last new hire arrived, Violet.

"Everyone except Desiree, Daphne and Cáel leave the room. I will summon you back in a few minutes," Katrina commanded. Confused and curious, the other new hires left the room. As the door shut, she had Daphne secure the lock while she drew forth a folded piece of paper which she unfolded and handed to me. Wow, I had never thought I'd see my death sentence yet here it was.

"Read it," she demanded. Yes, I was boned.

"These are the words of Katrina, daughter of Sedona, granddaughter of Andromeda of the House of Epona, First Bearer of the Sun Spear through the Halls of Night and Death..." followed by a series of awards, accolades and honors I could barely fathom the importance of.

I read it in the language it was written as this was clearly Katrina's intent. Desiree scooted to the edge of the sofa cushion. Daphne's eyes were wide, exhibiting the spectrum of excitement, fear and amazement. She spoke first.

"You got the 'uh' wrong," Daphne corrected me. "It is 'Andromadu' in our tongue, not 'Andromeda'."

"Well this makes a few things make a lot more sense," Desiree mumbled.

"Katrina," Daphne gulped. "You didn't teach him, did you?"

"No. It was Dr. Kimberly Geisler of Bolingbrook College who taught him - so they could read erotic poetry to one another," Katrina revealed. "He was never her student - in a classroom."

"Cáel not only speaks four current languages (French, Spanish, and Russian), he also is fluent in ten dead ones," Katrina related. "Dr. Geisler and I had a long chat last night. Once she opened up, she was quite informative and full of praise for our new hire."

Daphne blathered something while looking at me expectantly.

When I didn't respond she became disappointed. Then it hit me.

"You are translating from the Coptic, aren't you?" I questioned.

"Yes," I had her intense attention once more.

"What you meant to say was 'may the blessed Isis bring understanding with this greeting'," I translated for her into New Kingdom Egyptian.

"Once you get to Coptic you have so much Macedonian/Ptolemaic influence it is far beyond New Kingdom Egyptian," I added.

"Oh...that makes sense," Daphne nodded. "I - uh - thank you."

"Well, if I live I can give you lessons," I smirked.

"About that," Desiree stood up. "Why is he still alive?" What Katrina said surprised me.

"I've waited twelve years to see you smile, Desiree," she gave her underling a look full of wisdom and compassion.

"Sympathy is nice," Desiree countered. "We must be hard to survive."

"Desiree, I wanted you here because you have always opposed my initiative to save our people. Unlike most of us, you have lived fully in their world. Because of our companionship and your knowledge, I have always valued your council. Has nothing changed?" Katrina kept her voice precise and level. Desiree stood up, clearly furious, and took a step toward me.

"You make no sense!" she shouted, pointing at me. A dozen comebacks welled up in my mind yet were discarded as inappropriate.

"I apologize for causing you pain, Desiree," I met her gaze. Desiree gave a raw, guttural scream of agony and rage. She wasn't bawling, still tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I don't know why you chose me to hear this, Katrina. Our houses are not aligned. Still, if I get a vote, I say we find a way to make this work for us - our people and this directive," Daphne spoke up.

"Your bravery, wonderful attitude and ability to approach problems with an open mind is why I chose you, Daphne," Katrina explained.

"How long have you known?" Desiree muttered.

"Tuesday night..." Katrina began.

"Not you, Katrina...my apology. I meant...him," Desiree interrupted.

"About twenty seconds into the opening prayer at the board meeting," I tried to look inoffensive.

"He heard the Prayer of Ancestors?" Desiree wailed. "You haven't even taught me that yet!"

"Yes, he did. At the time, I had no idea that he knew our ancestral tongue. On the next recruitment drive we need to find a clever way to figure out if they do speak any dead languages so we can avoid this near-catastrophe," Katrina said.

"It is only the three - four of us who know?" Daphne asked. I was almost discounted.

"I believe Dr. Geisler suspects something is amiss," Katrina replied. "I impressed upon her the need for discretion, plus not to contact Cáel for a week. I need the time to position us properly for when this issue comes out."

"They'll kill him," Daphne gasped. Wow, Daphne actually cared.

"We cannot save him," Katrina explained. "It is not within our power, or mandate. What we must do is figure out a way to make Cáel acceptable to our people."

"Good plan. I like this plan. Why don't you let me go to the armory so I can do some last minute Christmas shopping?" I chuckled. "I'll be right back."

"If you make it to Christmas," Desiree sighed, "I will consent to a date with you."

"Desiree, I think that qualifies as assisted suicide," I teased. "If we make it to Christmas Eve, I'll let you push me off the Empire State Building to spare us both that agony."

"That's not nice," Katrina chided me. "Desiree is an excellent woman."

"Oh, I agree. My worry is that after one night of passion with her no other woman will compare," I looked worried. Desiree punched me in the upper arm. I grabbed one of her tits. I'd gone down this road with Buffy and I wasn't going to relent on my sexual stupidity now.

"You are grabbing her breast," Daphne gasped.

"Ow," I flinched then evaded her block for another squeeze of breast, "she's hitting me...Ow...so since she's enjoying herself...Ow...so I'm doing the same...Ow."

"Grow up," Desiree growled but her eyes were shining with amusement.

"But if I remain a child I'll eventually evoke your mothering instinct," I snickered.

"Cáel, you do realize that your life is hanging by a thread, don't you?" Daphne gawked.

"Daphne, you would be surprised how many chicks you can pick up with the line 'I laugh at death' when you really mean it," I smiled.

"Does that actually work?" Daphne was dubious.

"Daphne, I was romantically involved with four different women yesterday, not counting Aya, Europa, Loraine and Desiree," I enlightened her. I only had sex with three of them. That was only because I am trying to have something approaching a normal relationship with the fourth."

"You screwed Aya's teacher, didn't you?" Desiree glared.

"Ummm - I was applying positive incentives to induce Ms. Reichmann into taking special care of Aya," I elaborated. "Did I do wrong?"

"Cáel, what is going to happen to Aya if Ms. Reichmann becomes upset with you?" Katrina posed.

"School is only going to last two more weeks," I assured her. "I can keep things going until then. I mean, eventually she'll hate me - all women do, but I can take care of things for two weeks." The women around me were curious about the start of that last statement. "I've had one female friend that lasted more than three months my entire life."

"Why is that?" Daphne asked. "I like you. You are good-looking, smart and funny if a bit too brutally honest."

"Believe me, juggling eight different romantic entanglements is hellish. Eventually some of them figure out what I'm doing with the others. Then it is Tartarus time," I sighed.

"What would you do if you discovered that along with having sex with you, I was also having separate liaisons with Violet and Buffy?" I postulated.

"I would be okay with it. You're a male - sex is your primary function," Daphne related. I had the feeling she'd been waiting to get that last bit off her well-endowed chest.

"What would you do if I was also having a relationship with Rhada?" I tossed out there.

"I'd kill you," Daphne's certainty pierced me. Good to know.

"Cáel, are you having sexual relations with Rhada?" Katrina prodded.

"I'd rather pull out my shoelaces and go hang myself in your bathroom than discuss that, Katrina," I stated as I looked down in shame.

"Don't worry about it," Katrina assured me.

"What!" Desiree snarled. "He's having sex with Rhada and you want to ignore it?"

"Desiree, what do you want me to do? Acknowledge an affair that NO ONE wants to acknowledge," Katrina pointed out. "It isn't as if he is unaware of the delicacy of the situation, either, or can do anything else to make him more dead."

"Desiree, let the rest know they can come in as you leave," Katrina concluded the matter. Desiree swept out like an atomic monsoon (I wasn't sure what one would look like; Desiree was otherwise indescribable). Somehow the other new hires figured out that Desiree's primal scowl of outrage was their invitation to return to Katrina's office.

The meeting began the way it always did. Stunningly, Desiree gave me yet another horrific job review. The mockery aimed my way was dampened by the reality that I was involved with something Katrina didn't want me to talk about. Getting Desiree to talk was hopeless so I could see the others ready to pounce on Daphne when we headed out to fulfill our daily cue.

I had Desiree and school duty again. This time, I didn't have a gun. I did get mugged - on the landing. Aya wrapped her arms around me. Thankfully she squealed "Cáel!" not 'Daddy'. Desiree was impassive. Aya's two sisters were happy, yet more controlled in their enthusiasm.

"I'm glad you showed up," Europa poked me. "Pint-sized was freaking out during breakfast."

"I must admit I'm very happy to see you three this morning," I looking over the back seat and addressed Europa. "You might want to tell your sister her make-up is very tastefully done." Loraine attempted a sultry look.

"Wait, are you not talking to me again?" Loraine blinked.

"I'm talking to you, Loraine," I winked. "I was teasing."

"Am I still an old hag?" Europa bantered.

"Not sure, Europa. Aya is soaking up all the pretty," I teased. "It is so hard to tell." Fortunately, Europa was a good sport and Aya loved the praise. Less good was...

"Girls, don't look over your shoulders," I ordered calmly. "Desiree, a maroon van three cars back. They keep turning with us."

"Test," Desiree informed me. Saying 'it was a test' was too wordy for her. I didn't bother to ask her if I'd done well, or not.

"Please, please, please," I begged Desiree. "Can I have a sunroof and a rocket launcher? Please."

"Grow up," she grumbled.

"Yes, Mom," I groaned.

"You are the best," snickered Europa. "I wish I could go on dates. Loraine does too...with you," she got out before Loraine popped her.

"Do I get to be in the room when Loraine has that conversation with her Mother?" I mused.

"Are you going to ask my Mother if you can take me out?" Loraine beamed.

Desiree snorted. I was in for it now.

"Maybe Cáel can ask Momma out on a date and become our real Daddy," Aya suggested happily. I was going camping with this family. It would solve all my worries about my burial service.

"Momma is too old for Cáel," Loraine countered. Oh, joy.

"I'm not the best 'first date' material," I evaded. "Ah...what is your Momma's name?"

"Caitlyn," Europa provided. "Does that mean you will ask her out?"

"Not necessarily - see, I have the annoying habit of being amorously attracted to every woman I meet, so I'm not very romantically reliable," I explained.

"Does that mean you are sexually proficient?" Loraine inquired eagerly.

"Does that mean you are a slut?" Europa teased.

"Does that mean you'll sleep with my aunts, too?" Aya wondered.

"It means you are an idiot," Desiree muttered under her breath.

"I'd like to think so," to Loraine, "I hate labels," to Europa, "I have no idea," to Aya, "and thanks, Des," to finish things off.

"Maybe we could go on a test date this weekend," Loraine suggested.

"Why?" I grinned. "Are trying to see what I would look like 'test' dead?"

"No!" Aya blurted out. "They want you to be Daddies." Aya had screwed up, most likely relaying with her limited understanding what she'd overheard. Two female family members in the same house, yet no other children. Buffy and Helena...and Desiree being brought back in despite the shame to her prestige aka genetic purity.

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