Life Raft

"Sean, I've been fantasizing about going back to that spot since the first time we did it. This is probably our last chance."

Whether it was giving up my virginity in the front seat of a car, confessing to my scandalized parents who my college roommate actually was, or giving up my dream of becoming a concert pianist, Amanda had always been able to bend me to her will. "Okay, Amanda," I said, realizing as always that resistance was futile, "but we're going to get in and out of there quickly. The doors will be locked and the moment we're done, we're gone."

"You worry too much, Sean." She said that a lot.

The park appeared to be deserted when we pulled into our spot. "Let's do it just like our first time," she said.

So I scooted over to the passenger seat and leaned it back a ways. Then I slid my pants down to my knees. The cautious part of my mind had a real problem with what we were doing, but the horny part was ready as always. That had been part of my draw to a girl who liked to have as much sex as Amanda did. I could be ready to go at a moment's notice, then continue for as long as she needed, which could be a long time.

Amanda was ready too, and settled down over me, making the connection easily without having to use her hands. She'd evidently forgone any panties under her skirt and I was soon buried inside her. At only five foot one, she had plenty of headroom in the car for this. I reached down to hold her hips and began to thrust up into her, being careful as always not to go too deep and hurt her.

I could sense Amanda's disappointment that I was trying to get this over as quickly as possible, but when I reached under her skirt and diddled her clit with the pad of my thumb, she was somewhat mollified. I moved both of us right along and it wasn't but just a couple of minutes until she cried out and I pushed myself over the hump as well. I spewed into her as she came. As always, it was good. Sex was the best thing we did.

Amanda laid her head on my chest as we came down from our high. Her hips moved on me just a little as I began to soften. It was then that we heard the tap on the window.

He was medium all over. Medium height, medium weight, medium skin tone (from what I could see through the opening in his black balaclava), and a medium caliber handgun (though it looked a lot bigger at the time). He motioned for us to open the door.

The only thing on a car that can actually stop a bullet is the engine block, so I unlocked the door. The perp pulled it open and held the gun to Amanda's head.

"Wallets and phones," he said simply.

"Not a problem," I croaked, scared to death for my wife. I could barely reach my pants, but I pulled out my stuff and handed it to him. Amanda reached down behind her and gave him her purse.

The perp started to turn to leave and I thought we'd escaped the situation, but then Amanda began to move her hips on me again. The perp froze, watching her.

"What are you doing," I whispered. She just gave me a naughty smile and continued to grind. Then she moaned.

Amanda had a voyeuristic streak and on several occasions had talked me into making love in places that I hadn't been at all comfortable with. We'd even been caught at it by the cops once, though not arrested. She was going way too far now, though, and I promised myself that I'd work up the courage to have some serious words with her later.

The perp leaned back against the open door. "I wanna see you do it," he said. In response, Amanda began to move up and down on me, moaning and panting as she went. For the first few seconds she was faking it, but then I heard and saw the change. She was getting off on this.

"Come on, dude, get after it," he said, looking at me. I was in no way turned on, but began to thrust again. I wasn't terribly hard, but had enough residual stiffness to stay inside her for the moment.

Then the perp reached down and undid his pants. The thought immediately went through my head that if rape was his intention, he would have to shoot me first. To my relief (but no small amount of disgust) he pulled his dick out and began to stroke himself as he watched.

I hoped that would be as far as it went. If I could get Amanda to fake an orgasm quickly we could be done with this, but then the perp stepped up next to her. "Jerk me off," he said.

Amanda gave a show of reluctance, but I could see the eagerness with which she took him in her hand, squeezing and lightly stroking. A visible tremor ran through him, which wasn't good because his finger was on the trigger of his gun, which was waving all over at the moment.

Then he looked at me. "I wanna see her tits," he said. I reached up and began to unbutton Amanda's blouse. When I was done, she shrugged out of it, then unhooked her bra and let it fall away.

Amanda was well endowed and her breasts hung heavily in the cold December air. The punk reached in with his free hand and grabbed a fist full. My inability to do anything about it was both infuriating and shaming.

At that point I went so soft that I slipped out of her. Tantric training or not, there was no way I was going to maintain an erection under those circumstances. Amanda continued to grind herself against me anyway.

The idea of grabbing for the gun went through my head. I figured my chances of getting my hand on it were pretty good, as distracted as he was, but with his finger on the trigger, it would almost certainly go off. I wasn't certain I could control his aim, so I just continued doing what I was doing and hoped that this would end soon.

Indeed, it didn't take long. The kid gasped and began to shoot his wad. Amanda actually seemed to purposely aim it onto her breast. Thick gouts of semen dripped from her erect nipple and made a pool on my stomach as he recovered from his release. I figured that at least with him sated, he would finally leave.

Then Amanda made the final mistake that would end two lives. "Gee," she said, "that didn't take long." Then she laughed.

Amanda had said that to me exactly once. It had been about thirty seconds after she'd taken my virginity. The sheer, unbelievable intensity of finally being inside a woman had made me blow my load as soon as I was fully seated.

Her derisive comment had stung, but her surprise and delight at the fact that I was able to stay hard enough to remain inside her, then begin to thrust again just a minute later had impressed her. Still, I remembered how much her comment had hurt.

This kid was no different, but he was holding a gun. I saw the look in his eyes when her words sank in and I cried out. "No!" It was far too late, though, and he angrily pressed the gun to her head and pulled the trigger.

Like most young American adults, I'd seen thousands of people shot to death in the movies, but it could never have prepared me for the horror of watching my wife die. I belatedly reached up to try and take the gun away from him, but the muzzle was already coming around. I remembered no more.

When I came back to myself, there in the raft, Jessica was clutching my head tightly to her chest. I realized that I was shaking and forced myself to relax. I was safe now.

"So your father-in-law somehow convinced you that what happened that night was your fault." It wasn't a question.

I nodded. "I woke in the dark the morning after the shooting. My tube was being removed by a man in a white coat. I realized that it was Dr. Reynolds, my father-in-law. A nurse came in about then, but Bob waved a badge at her and she went away. Through the door, I could see a cop sitting in a hard plastic chair out in the hall. Then the door closed and he began to ask me about what had happened."

I stopped to think for a moment.

"Maybe I should have realized that what he was doing was unethical, and probably illegal, but I was still pretty loopy from the pain meds. Despite my concussion, the memories of what had happened were coming back to me. He asked me to start at the beginning, but each time I told him a part of it, he told me what had actually happened and how I needed to interpret my faulty memory. If I hadn't been doped up, I would have seen what he was doing, but he was so sympathetic and convincing that I believed him implicitly.

"By the time we got to the end, I was so ashamed of what I'd done that I was in tears. I begged him to help me forget, because what I had supposedly done to his daughter was just too painful to live with. He said I should tell the police, and anyone else that asked, that I had absolutely no memory of anything that happened after we left the house."

"Clever," Jessica murmured, "because he probably knew that your false memories would have fallen apart under police questioning, just like they did when I questioned you."

"Yeah, and I think I subconsciously knew that, so I did as he suggested. He said he forgave me and promised to keep what I'd done to his daughter a secret too."

"It sounds to me like he didn't want her actions to bring shame on the family."

"There was probably some of that, yeah, but Amanda's mom was also fighting breast cancer at that point and the last thing she needed was to hear that her daughter's wild streak is what had led to her death. Judy's a really great lady and if any part of her survival was because she was able to believe that it was my fault, then it was worth it."

"So what are you going to do now? Should you go to the police?"

"It wouldn't change anything. Amanda and little Katie would still be dead."

"But people probably think it was your fault."

"The people I care most about have either forgiven me, or decided to let bygones be bygones. I can't prove anything anyway, so I'm going to let Amanda's memory go unsullied."

Jessica leaned her head down and kissed me on the forehead. "You may be too nice for your own good." The feel of her hand wrapped around me was nice as well.

"Maybe, but it doesn't appear to be hurting me at the moment."

She giggled, but then got serious again. "So where did the bullet enter? I touched you everywhere when I put the sunblock on you and didn't notice any obvious scars."

I guided her hand into my red curlies so she could feel the hard lump of scar tissue left by the entry of the tumbling chunk of copper and lead. Then I had her feel the ridge of scar tissue that ran along my skull a couple of inches above my ear.

It was then that I noticed that my lower lip was still brushing against her nipple, which was now very stiff. Without even consciously thinking about it, I sucked it in between my lips.

Jessica gasped, and I immediately let her go. That had been highly inappropriate, especially considering what we'd just been talking about. But then I felt her long, firm fingers guide me back to her in an unmistakable request to continue. I wasn't sure that was fair to her, because ultimately, I wouldn't be able to satisfy those kinds of needs, but now she knew that too, so I figured I wouldn't be leading her on. I sucked her nipple into my mouth again and began to run my tongue across it.

"Oh God," she moaned. "That's so good."

I placed my other hand on her flat belly, massaging her and moving northward little by little as I continued to suck and tease at her nipple. The bitter taste of sunblock was on her, so I knew that whatever we were about to do, it wasn't going to involve a lot of licking.

My hand approached her other breast and despite the heat, she shivered. I didn't make her wait, cupping it and gently massaging as my palm rubbed against the hard nub of her straining nipple.

I was surprised at how much this was turning me on. While I couldn't get an erection, my body was responding in every other way and I realized that I wanted this woman. I wanted to be with her, wrapped around her, and though I knew the desire was futile, I knew I needed to be deep inside her.

I lifted my face from her breast and scooted up until we were face to face. She was waiting for me.

"Sean, will you make love to me?" she asked.

I nodded, then leaned in to kiss her. Hesitantly, she met my lips. I remembered that with Jessica never having dated, she had literally never been kissed. Her lips were soft, yet firm, and I could feel her longing and desire.

We kissed with closed mouths for a minute while I continued to massage her breast, then I gently pinched her nipple, making her gasp. As her mouth came open, I slipped my tongue just inside her lips.

It seemed to take her by surprise, but then I felt her lips close around my tongue. She sucked it in deeply. Our mouths opened to each other and we were soon kissing with abandon.

My hand left her breast and moved downward. I could feel Jessica tense slightly. While I'd already run my hands over every part of her body, this time was different because I was moving with a purpose.

Between the thick coating of sunblock and the light sheen of sweat that had covered us for most of the trip, my hand glided easily across her taut, baby-soft skin. We continued to kiss, but our attention was on my hand.

I didn't want to rush things, but I saw no benefit in teasing her at this point. I was moving in circular motions, each sweep coming closer and closer to the goal. At last I let my hand firmly cup her maidenhood. I liked the unaccustomed feel of her long, silky hair.

"Oh Sean, please," she murmured into my mouth. "Don't make me wait."

I returned to my circular motion, pressing firmly but uniformly across her whole sensitive region as she began to instinctively hump against my hand. I began to lower my middle finger below the others, and together we wiggled it into her slot.

Jessica was amazingly wet, bathing my finger in her slick fluids. I began to gently saw my digit through her folds. I wasn't touching her clit directly, but after only a few seconds of this I felt her shudder. Her climax wasn't huge, but I felt her stiffen as her body and mind went into that special place that men will never understand. I continued to massage her privates as I backed away from her face and watched her ecstasy. I surged with pride that I'd made her feel something that the only other man she'd been with, one who reputedly had physical attributes that I knew I would never again be able to approach, hadn't managed to. Eventually, I saw her come down the other side of her peak. When she was ready, I leaned back in. We continued kissing until she was done. I stilled, but didn't remove my finger from her luscious valley.

"Enjoy yourself?" I asked softly as our lips separated.

"I seriously had no idea that sex could be like that," she said. "I thought you were going to completely turn me inside out."

"You know, most people wouldn't even call what we just did 'sex'."

"Well I'd beg to differ, but I feel bad that I wasn't doing anything for you."

"There's really not all that much that you can do for me, physically."

"So are you getting anything out of this?"

"Watching you climax turns me on in ways I'd completely forgotten about. If I can give you pleasure, it gives me pleasure."

Jessica reached down and took me in her hand again. "Does this even feel good?"

"It's a nice sensation, but the best part for me is that you seem to enjoy touching that part of me, even though it's broken."

"I enjoy it a lot. I love being with you, and what you can do with your hands is amazing."

I sighed. "I'm glad you like it, but please keep in mind that in the end, I can't be what you need."

"And what exactly is that?"

"A real lover. A man who can give a woman all that she's supposed to have. To touch her deep inside, leave his seed and father her children." Wow, that was a bit deep, I belatedly realized. I barely knew Jessica and here I was talking about her future children.

But she didn't appear to think I'd been out of bounds at all. "Sean, what I need is to have someone who treats me well, someone who knows how to touch me and turn me on. Someone who cares and makes sure my needs are met. You've shown that you can do that for me. Would you show me some more?"

Her words were wonderful and filled me with an inner peace and satisfaction I hadn't felt in a long time, even as I still knew that someone like me would never be enough for her in the long run.

"Sure, I'd love to," I said, kissing her. I began to move my finger in her folds again, but then I moved the tip to her opening.

"Is this okay?"

She nodded. "Please."

I began to gently and patiently work my way into her. Jessica was incredibly tight, and I could understand now what had happened with her and Kevin. If his cock was big, but not particularly hard, and if Jessica wasn't properly prepared, there was no way it was going to happen. Even though I was just using a finger, I took it very slowly.

Jessica had closed her eyes and was totally concentrated on what I was doing. At last, I had my finger buried inside her to the hilt and began to slowly move it in and out. Jessica gasped and pulled my face down to hers, kissing me desperately. Now it was time to really get after it.

I pulled my finger out just long enough to spread more of her moisture, both into her folds and onto my hand, then slid it back in and brought the meaty heel down to lightly make contact with her clit.

"Oh!" she cried out, right into my mouth as I began to press down a little harder onto her slick little button. She began to unselfconsciously move against my hand as I fingered her.

Jessica reached up and grabbed onto my arm for dear life as I went faster and faster, applying more pressure to her most sensitive place as I went. Her rising passion was easy to gauge. "Oh God, yes," she moaned.

She said nothing more, just panting, faster and faster. I kept after her and eventually she arched her back so far that it looked almost painful and exploded into a monstrous orgasm.

This time there were no words, just screams of ecstasy that were almost tinged with agony. Her voice echoed off the lonely canyon walls as she came. I showed her no mercy, still fingering her and bearing down on her clit. She began to shake.

I kept her in that state for as long as I could, despite wondering if I was doing her permanent physical damage. She went for longer than I'd known a woman possibly could, but eventually she came down from her high, obviously shaken and exhausted. I withdrew my finger and gently covered her abused maidenhood with my palm as she regained her composure. At last, she sighed.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"I'm so okay that I... Well, I'm more okay than I could ever have conceived of being."

"I kind of enjoyed that myself."

"I'd swear that you're some kind of magician. I never knew that what you just did to me was even possible."

"Jessica, I frankly didn't know it either. It's like something about our chemistry together that makes it possible."

"Well here's to the power of chemistry."

It felt so right that we should be here like this. Her acceptance of me had totally changed my world. I'd never thought I would make love to a woman again, much less one as amazing as this one.

Then, just when I was thinking that it couldn't get any better than this, something miraculous happened.

"Sean, what's that?" Jessica asked.

"What's what?"

She wiggled her hip against me and I felt it too. I reached down with my hand, not ready to believe what we'd felt, but there it was.

I had an erection.

"I don't understand," I said. "That's not supposed to be possible."

Experimentally, Jessica reached down and wrapped her hand around me again, feeling the hardness. I wasn't just back; I was back with a vengeance.

"Did the doctors actually say that?" she asked, still looking down at what she was holding in her hand.