Life Really Sucks

"Sounds like she's sharp!"

"In more ways than one."

She suggested a quiet bar on the outskirts of the city. Talk about ambience! Dim lighting, great drinks, marvelous food. The company wasn't bad either. We dallied for over two hours. She had been rubbing her leg against mine for a while, and I was holding her hand.

"Any word on your lady?"

"No afraid not. Seems lost."

"I'm free tonight. I have the key to a friend's house on Lake Salmon. Want to try it?"

"Damn Lady you sure drive a hard bargain. But I still have to check out my situation."

"I figured. The invite is still open, let me know."

"Sure will. And ... thanks, Kita."

She kissed my mouth softly, wetly, with a touch of tongue. I dropped her at work, and was rewarded with another kiss. Damn!

On the way home, I picked up a cell phone with added features; internet, camera, and others. When I reached 'home'. The voice mail light on the house phone was flashing. It was Tania. Damn!

"Hiya, Lover Boy. And you will soon be just that. Oh I hear Sissy moved out, then you did too. My, what a sad state of affairs. Speaking of affairs yours seems pretty weak. Too bad you sad excuse for a man, fucking your own sister. I think after you treated me so poorly, we'll have to add some perks to our contract. Little things like some cash, maybe a car, I'll let you know. Oh, and I need some clothes, maybe a whole wardrobe. Well, so long, Mother fucker. Wait, you haven't tried that yet have you? I wouldn't be surprised."

My desire to maim and kill was being fed. I suddenly realized that Julie could join in this game of 'kill Bill', and I would definitely be doomed. I probably could not even re-up. Shit! I should probably just get it over with and move to the capitol. Distance might be a good thing. Just then the phone rang.

"Hello."

"Bill Wilson?"

"Yes, who is this?"

"George Anderson, a neighbor of your mothers. I'm sorry but your mother was taken to hospital a while ago. Might have been a stroke but too early to say."

"Thanks George I'll go right there."

I fired up the Malibu and drove over. Julie and some friends were in the lounge. She would not acknowledge my presence, nor would her friends. Damn. I went to the desk. They would give me no info, had to be a family member. I told them I am her son. She reviewed some papers.

"Sorry we have no record of a son. Why don't you confer with Miss Wilson? She's right over there."

I knew that was useless. I turned to go. Julie stepped in front of me.

"I know that you fucked around on me, maybe more than once. No matter now Mom will need me as long as she lives. Take your love and shove it, Mister!"

She turned away. I went home. Next day I called John.

"Say Bill there have been some complications."

"What kind of complications?"

"Well, a Mister Snyder from your city is a major stockholder. He has raised some ethics questions. They are being investigated as we speak."

"Where do we stand then?"

"Can't say. Don't move here till this is settled. Keep in touch."

Yeah, of course. Then I remembered. Tania's last name was Snyder. Now I am royally fucked; no life here. I stopped at a bar and had a couple. No more, I'm very serious about retaining my sobriety.

Now what? No girl, no friends, no job, and a new car. New car! Kita! I called, but she was out. The receptionist said she was spending the weekend at a friend's lake home. A weekend of unbridled sex I thought. I am so stupid. That could be me there.

The next day I called the Army's Reenlistment Office. There was a chance, since my record was spotless. They would call back. Shit! I didn't really want to go back but civilian life was killing me. I needed some distraction, maybe a job. I consulted an employment company but my skills did not match any openings. Fucked at every turn. I had taken George Anderson's number and called about my mother.

"She's home, doing well far as I can see. I get the idea she's pulling the wool over Julie's eyes, maybe to keep her there. Said something about a relationship gone wrong. Know anything about that?"

"No, George. Thanks."

That's it. Only the Army remains as a hope. Then that went to shit. The new recruit numbers were rising quickly, so there was no re-enlistment bonus and not even a chance of me returning at any rank. That's it. I'm outta here. Julie is lost to me and nothing else matters. I had heard Las Vegas was booming so I drove there. Construction jobs were plentiful at that time. I went right to work. I left no word where I was but no one wanted to talk to me anyway. I dated a bit but none of them were Julie. No one else was. I was sunk. The only friends I had were some work buddies. Some were married and did not socialize with the crew members. They had a reputation for boozing and seducing women, especially young wives. The crew who had made this reputation were a tough bunch to hang with. Drunk every night, getting laid and getting STDs, fighting, going to jail. No thanks, that's not for this guy.

I had been gone for almost six months. Julie and Mom were always on my mind. Even though they could not stand me I still loved them. I called George again. His wife said he had succumbed to a heart attack and died the previous month. She would not talk about Mom or Julie. More shit.

The economy was tanking and I lost my job. I had saved quite a bit, adding it to my wad from the service. I took off for home for just a short stay. I drove past the house. One light was on downstairs so I parked and walked onto the porch. I could see Julie sitting watching TV. I stood there and watched her. My heart was breaking and being ground to mush. I had probably been there for 20 minutes when a car pulled up in front; the police. Two uniformed officers walked up to me.

"Can we help you?"

"No I was just watching my sister."

"You live here?"

"Not any more."

"Let's see your ID."

The other one knocked on the door. Julie answered.

"Evening Ma'am. We had a complaint about a lurker on your porch, says he's your brother. Can you ID him?"

She turned on the light and stepped out. She looked into my face with no emotion.

"He is but he is not welcome here."

"Julie how is Mom?"

She studied me. "She died six weeks ago no thanks to you."

"I'll leave now. I love you Julie."

I turned and started down the steps. As I reached my car, Julie spoke.

"Bill, I have questions. Will you come in for a while?"

I thought for a bit.

"Please?"

She always got me with that. She thanked the officers and held the door for me. I stepped into the very familiar rooms. She sat on the sofa and motioned me to a chair.

"Anything to drink?"

"No thanks."

We were quiet for a bit.

"Bill I just want to know why you did it. Fucked that slut Tania when I was all yours?"

"I didn't Julie. She crawled into my bed when I was asleep. I thought it was you, and asked if you were ready to fuck. Of course, that fell right into her bitchy mind. She threatened to expose us, destroy us. I told her to fuck off, I would never bow to her. She dressed, well partly, and stomped out. I guess the rest you know."

"You expect me to believe you didn't do her then?"

"That's right. I had not touched anyone since I left the Army. Except you."

"I don't believe you." She was so flushed. I stopped her, and she seemed really steamed.

"I can imagine after the send off I gave her. Are you with someone now?"

"Yes, I am being married next month.

The bottom fell out. I became dizzy, my eyesight diminished. The pain in my chest was unbearable. I clutched my chest and fell to the floor. I remember little of the next few hours. I awoke in a white room. Hospital! It was surprisingly quiet. My chest hurt like a truck had run over it. Had I had surgery? I found and pushed the nurse call button. A nice lady stepped into the room. I asked if she could tell me about my condition. She was not allowed to, but the doctor would be around later. I drifted in and out of sleep. I was in a lot of pain but could breathe okay.

A couple of hours later a doctor arrived. He looked at charts and reports, saying nothing. I became impatient and asked him what happened.

"Artery blockage, in laymen's terms. Had to re-plumb you, Sir. You'll be released in two or three days. Anyone to help you?"

"Nah, no family or friends. I'll manage."

"Lots of pain if you move too much. You have an appointment in my office next week."

"Doc, what caused this?"

"Mostly genetics. Also a lot of stress seems to have been your lot. Things on the outs?"

"You could say that. The stress is gonna remain. Prognosis?"

"Might be a year, maybe five. The next one will be the last. You'll be gone before anyone can get to you."

"Thanks Doc."

All will to live had just slipped away. Might as well end it now. Save the trouble of existing for a year or so. I schemed how to end it relatively painlessly. Gun was out. Maybe drugs. Get a lot of painkillers, gobble them, lay down, go to sleep, bingo. Speaking of going to sleep I did. Where was my endurance?

I woke with little light left in the sky. I detected a presence nearby and painfully turned and saw Julie sitting in a chair. She seemed asleep. I cleared my throat; nothing. 'Julie' I whispered. Her head moved, eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry to spoil your evening. Surprised the hell outa me. Had no idea I was clogged that much. I'll move on as soon as they allow me to escape here."

She was silent. I wondered why she had come. She hated me so, I figured she would go to no effort to see me. Finally she spoke.

"Billy, I want to apologize to you. Tania had a terrible accident. She was drunk. She was seriously hurt, and lingered for a few days. She called me to come see her. She told Tina and me what happened that night, just as you described. She was so remorseful. She apologized endlessly and wanted me to say that to you. She deeply admired you for your stand, your strength to remain by me. She died a few hours later. I cried for a long time. Not so much for Tina, but for our dead love. I have hurt you so much. Can you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive. You did what you felt was right. I never held that against you, it was just the way things were. I guess I have bought it now. Nothing to live for. I have no one, nothing to look forward to. When is your wedding?"

"It isn't. I cancelled as soon as I talked to Tania. I've been hoping we could salvage something from this. All our detractors are gone. If we can recover some of what we had, we could still have something to hold onto."

"I am still so much in love with you Julie. I'll do whatever it takes to be with you again, for however long we have."

She fell onto my bed hugging me and crying so helplessly. I soothed her, talked to her. We melded together just as we had so long ago.

Epilogue: Julie took me home from the hospital and nursed me to health. I followed every one of the doctor's orders. Diet, exercise, medications got the full treatment. We moved to another state and bought a small house there. We'll have no children so space is not an issue. We've rekindled our love. Life is so precious now. We love each other even more than before. Our sex life is a bit subdued. Julie's afraid I might collapse again. I have no complaints. A little of Julie beats the hell out of a lot of any other woman.