Life that Lipstick Split in Half

Heather Bentley gently sneered at her boss, Eddie Garcia, "Women's basketball isn't REAL basketball."

"Sure it is," he said adamantly. "They can't do slam dunks but that just means they have to depend more on skill. That's why I watched that whole game."

Heather pursed her orange-lipsticked lips, then shrugged, dismissing the subject.

They were in the green-carpeted office of Eddie's pre-owned car dealership. "Pre-owned." He liked that term: it sounded so much less tacky than "used." Eddie was a handsome man of forty-eight, his curly dark brown hair graying and his light brown, non-Botoxed face deeply lined around hazel eyes and toothpick thin lips. He used to wear a thick mustache but had recently shaved it off in deference to the wishes of his wife Audrey.

Heather had been hired the previous month and it looked like she might turn into a top salesperson. She knew cars and projected confidence. She was also a pretty woman but Eddie never complimented her on her looks. He knew enough to avoid a sexual harassment charge. Even before all that sort of business came up, he had never thought it a good idea to gum up the workplace with sex.

"If you don't mind my asking, why do you have a fish tank in here?" Heather asked.

"I just like 'em," Eddie replied. "I like animals in general and I can't bring Bandit in here." Eddie walked over to the tank where he sprinkled in fish food. He enjoyed watching his finned friends gobble it up.

"You know," Heather commented, "I think I heard somewhere that keeping fish around lowers people's blood pressure."

"It seems like they would have a soothing effect," Eddie said. He returned to the thickly upholstered brown swivel chair behind his desk and looked fondly at the photographs that stood on that desk. There was one with his arm around Audrey. Two years younger than he, Audrey was pretty with chestnut hair that she wore in a shag, large, soft breasts, and a thickening body. Smart as a tack, a good person but sometimes not as patient as she should have been with the kids in Eddie's opinion. Both kids were grown now. Beth was away at college studying history and Jeff was working, doing TV repair. Eddie worried about both of them. Beth was always changing what she wanted to do after she graduated. Jeff was very emotional for a guy, very sentimental, and he cried easily but Eddie didn't know whether that should be counted a bad thing or a good thing. He'd heard it was best to get the emotions out.

Heather looked at the picture of Jeff squatting beside Bandit. "Why did you name that dog Bandit?" she asked. She had expected the dog to have black coloring around the eyes that resembled a mask but this dog was just orange-yellow everywhere.

"We didn't. The dog kind of named himself."

Heather looked quizzical.

"When we first got him, Audrey named him Champ. But he had this habit of taking things to his toy box. He's a greedy dog so Beth said we should call him Bandit."

"See ya," Heather said as she turned to leave.

Eddie finished with his papers and locked the place up. The radio turned on as soon as he got his BMW started, tuned to a soft rock station as usual. Sensual images began forming in his mind. He didn't want to go home right away. He loved Audrey but sometimes he craved a change.

"Good Touch Massage" was the name of the establishment in front of which he parked.

***

In the TV room of Good Touch Massage Parlor, sitting on an old divan among three other women in lingerie, Tasha looked anxiously into the mirror of her compact. She touched up the area underneath her right eye with more foundation.

Her girlfriend Jen had punched her in the eye early that morning during an argument. Jen had been super-apologetic afterward, almost crying. It wasn't the first time Jen had hit Tasha and Tasha feared it wouldn't be the last. She wasn't willing to break up with Jen, at least not yet. Their relationship had its good points. Three years into it and at least they weren't having the dreaded Lesbian Bed Death. Jen was as horny as ever. Tasha often went home stimulated from her work. Unlike some hookers, she could get turned on with the customers at least if they weren't gross or jerks.

Other than the nagging problem of the discoloration around her eye, Tasha believed she looked suitably sexy: mascara thick, fire engine red lipstick, and a teddy of bright red with white lace. She wore black fishnet pantyhose. Jen said they were "hotter than hell."

Not much on top and a bit of cellulite around the thighs, Tasha was nevertheless an attractive woman with thick, reddish hair and a face with soft and regular features.

The bell rang, announcing the arrival of a customer. Along with the other three masseuses, Tasha went out to greet him.

Tasha was hopeful when she saw that good-looking, high-tipping Eddie.

He smiled at her and said, "Susie."

It was ironic: Tasha had a perfect real name for hooking but the owner of this joint had stuck her with that plain-as-a-biscuit "Susie."

Lying naked on the massage bed, Eddie gazed at Tasha, a broad smile on his face. "You may turn into a habit of mine, Susie," he said as Tasha undressed, letting her lingerie drop.

This was no ordeal for Tasha. Even though she preferred women, sex with men could be fun and she liked Eddie.

Most hookers Tasha knew never kissed their customers but saved it for the man or woman in their own lives. Tasha didn't need to save it for Jen because they didn't kiss often.

She hoped it gave her an edge that she could offer something the other women didn't. Eddie looked delighted as she put her arms around him, then fused their open mouths together in a long, passionate kiss.

When they pulled apart, Tasha stifled an impulse to laugh. Her bright red lipstick had transferred intact to Eddie's mouth. He looked like he had done one step in applying clown make-up with a bright red grin doubled from his lips. Tasha couldn't break the mood now but told herself she would have to mention that to him before the session was over so one of the other women or a customer wouldn't see him and burst out laughing.

***

Eddie felt great. That Susie was a lot of fun. Eddie had heard that prostitutes hated men and only went through the motions for the money. He didn't think that could be true of all of them. Women like Susie seemed just too friendly and too into it to be faking. That Susie, she had kissed him right on the mouth without his even trying to get her to do so, putting her tongue in and rolling it around. A lady like that just had to like her work.

The house Eddie and Audrey occupied had an Alpine look to its build with triangle toppings and a façade of stones and wood. When they had bought the house, the wood had been lime green. Audrey had had it re-painted in a rich blood red.

When Eddie opened the front door, Bandit greeted him. The large golden retriever-collie mix yipped happily. "Oh you're such a good dog," Eddie said, cuddling Bandit. "Such a big silly. Such a great big silly."

Bandit licked Eddie's hands enthusiastically, then licked his face.

"Such a good dog," Eddie said as he put his hands through the mass of thick silky hair and felt the powerfully muscled living body beneath.

As Eddie straightened up, smiling happily, he heard Audrey's footsteps.

"Dear --" she said, then screamed.

A jolt like electricity whipped down Eddie's spine. "Wha—?"

Bandit barked frantically and began running back and forth between them.

Audrey cried, "You bastard! You bastard!"

"What's wrong, darling?" Eddie asked in astonishment. He approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. She slapped it off and then slapped him across the face.

He was stunned into silence as the room filled with the sounds of the dog's agitated barking.

"Get away from me!" she shouted. "I hate you! I hate you!"

"Please, darling, just tell me what's the matter," he begged in confusion.

She fled the room.

"Audrey, tell me what's wrong!" he cried.

The dog kept barking loudly and leaping around.

Audrey ran back into the hallway and Eddie found himself looking in disbelief at the handgun they had bought for protection. He shook his head slowly, open-mouthed, before the gun fired and he felt like his body had been splintered in two as he crumpled to the floor. "Aww.... Awww ... Awww..."

Bandit rushed to Eddie's side. The dog licked desperately at his wounded chest.

When the paramedics came with the stretcher and picked Eddie up, Bandit let out a loud startling wail of grief.

In the ambulance, Eddie flailed his arms and legs around as cries of pain forced their way from his throat. People in white uniforms struggled to put a mask of oxygen across his face and stick an IV into an arm. His eyes were wide open and staring even as they blinked repeatedly and sent tears streaming down his face.

Those who treated him could only wonder briefly why the wounded man had a clown's bright red grin lipsticked across his mouth.

***

The pain blocked out words. It was an eternity of pain that formed a steel enclosure around Eddie. Life was only pain, a white square room filled with pain and a shifting and twisting and jerking in the body's futile attempt to escape the pain, a series of "ahhhhs" and "ohhhhhs" coming out of his mouth with only one meaning: pain. He could only lie and sweat and roll against the sheets of whiteness dry now one moment and then wet with pain.

***

The pain dulled but did not stop. The world and words took shape again.

"Why?" The question was a plea and a demand, uttered in a whine.

Eddie sat up in the barren whiteness of the hospital room.

A group surrounded his bed, men and women in white, two men in police uniforms. Beth was there, wearing bright orange, her hands folded in front of her. Jeff stood, tears streaming silently down his face even as he kept wiping at them with a tissue.

Bright glossy photographs were placed in his hands. He stared at the pictures of himself with the mute baffled curiosity of a small child gazing through a powerful telescope.

His face. With bright red lipstick over his mouth. Looking like a clown's fixed grin. But it wasn't. It was a long passionate kiss planted across his lips.

And left there.

For Audrey to see.

"So she saw me like that?" Eddie asked.

"Yes, Dad," Beth said quietly. Jeff let out a sob.

"Oh," Eddie said. He was calm, placid, as he thought.

Suddenly fury rose inside his chest, tunneling upward like bunched fists. "I didn't deserve this!" he shouted as he rocked his bed back and forth, causing a bright urgent metallic clatter. "I did not deserve this!"

He felt a hand on his shoulder. "No one said you did," a stranger's voice told him.

Everyone was grim-faced yet Eddie heard laughter pealing inside his brain -- mocking bitter hateful smug satisfied --and the laughing kept on and kept on and kept on.

"Stop it!" he shrieked. "Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!"

***

Home was as hollow as the hospital. Eddie was placed in the couch-turned-daybed in the den and he went in and out of pain broken up by a narcotic-laden sleep. Attendants turned him and helped him to the toilet and brought him food. Oh, the walls at home were a buttery shade of yellow and framed paintings hung upon them and the dark beige carpet was thick. But it was still just lying in bed with his body below feeling like it was trapped in a series of cruelly cutting steel vises.

The world still seemed empty.

At least it did until Jeff brought Bandit back. "I think he's missed you, Dad," Jeff said.

The bright welcoming yips and yaps and wet loving energetic licks seemed to signal that real life was starting again. Eddie's attendant on duty, a black man with a narrow face and large eyes named Fred, eyed the dog warily but Bandit seemed to know not to get up on the bed.

"Good boy," Eddie told the pooch. Despite his paralysis, he was able to put his hands on the dog and run them through the long thick hair and feel the beautiful beating of Bandit's life.

"Do you want your privacy?" Fred asked.

"Be nice," Eddie replied.

Fred headed out and shut the door behind him. Father and son heard his steps lead away.

"Beth made the Dean's list," Jeff announced sitting down in the velour-covered forest green chair in the corner.

"Good," Eddie observed.

"She's got a new job in a Macy's working in the cookware department," Jeff continued. "But she's got a problem with her car. She had to take it into the shop. That's going to cost."

"Oh."

Suddenly Jeff's dark brown eyes blurred with tears. He seemed to put an extraordinary effort into not letting them spill. "Mom says she's sorry," he gasped before falling into sobs. When he got more control, he pulled some tissues out of a dispenser and wiped his face, then continued, "Me and Beth visited her in jail. She said she's sorry but she just went crazy when she saw you with another woman's lipstick on your face."

The pain in Eddie's lower body seemed to twist mercilessly. His fists clenched hard. "The bitch," he said bitterly as he remembered Audrey pointing the gun at him. "I hate her."

There was a long silence.

Bandit barked and Eddie asked, "Why couldn't you have licked all that lipstick off, huh? You big silly, why couldn't you have just licked it all off?"

***

Eddie slowly woke. Before he opened his eyes, he felt something against his hand. Then he saw that it was Bandit's little basketball. On his bed, against him or on him were also a little brown rubber shoe, a green tennis ball, a little glow-in-the-dark football, a skinny yellow rubber chicken, a small toy tire, a Frisbee, a green rubber turtle, and a plastic doggy bone.

Bandit sat close by. Eddie realized that the dog had taken all the toys from his box and given them to Eddie. They were what made Bandit happy and he, the greedy dog, the dog who habitually grabbed things for himself, was willing to give everything he had to Eddie. He wanted to help Eddie. He wanted Eddie to get well.

Through his tears, Eddie looked into the big loving eyes of Bandit. Feeling as if his heart would break, the paralyzed man asked the dog who had shared his most precious possessions, "You want me to get well, don't you?" His hands went through the dog's hair. "You're such a good dog," he said. "Such a good friend. You love me, don't you?"

***

In his wheelchair, Eddie sat in the pale blue jail visiting room. He and Audrey could speak across a simple desk.

A female police officer escorted Audrey into the room. Wearing an orange inmate jumpsuit, Audrey nervously wrung her hands. She had a black eye, clearly visible because she wore no make-up save baby pink lipstick and some rouge. It was a deep black rot-soft darkness under the eye shading into red. Her hair was neatly combed and the shag growing out so it was close to her shoulders.

"Oh, Eddie, I'm so sorry," she told him in a rush. "I'd do anything to take it back, anything so you could walk again. I swear I'd die if it would help you."

"What happened to your eye, Audrey?" he asked.

Her mouth quivered as she replied, "This black lady thought I was crowding her when we were waiting in line for dinner."

"Oh," Eddie said. "That's too bad."

Audrey's hands fluttered as she continued to apologize. The only jewel she wore -- her wedding band -- caught Eddie's attention

He glanced down at the wedding band he also wore.

"Eddie, I don't know why I did it," she said. "I can't believe I'm capable of something like that. I guess I just went crazy when I saw you with that other's woman's lipstick on your face. Oh, Eddie, do you hurt very much?"

"Yes," he acknowledged. "I still hurt a lot."

Her hands went back to her face and then down to the desk. "Oh, Eddie, I'm so sorry."

Slowly, in a subdued voice, Eddie told her, "The other day I was asleep and when I woke up, I had Bandit's toys all by me. That greedy dog gave me everything that was in his toy box!"

There was a pause and Audrey said, "I guess he knew you were sick and wanted to help. He wanted to show his love."

"That's what I think, too," Eddie said. "I brought Bandit's basketball. He gave it to me and I want you to have it."

Eddie handed Audrey the little round orange ball with black lines.

Holding the ball, Audrey smiled a small, barely visible smile. "Thank you," she said. She looked at the ball and turned it over, her fingers tracing along the deeper grooves left by Bandit's teeth.