Life with: Kat and Alejandro Ep. 04

"Mrs. Ortiz," It was the first time Dr. Fernandez had acknowledged her in the last 45 minutes. She straightened in her seat and clasped her hands in her lap. "How're you feeling about all this new information; knowing that your husband doesn't feel the same way about his family as he once did?"

Kat swallowed and looked transiently at Alejandro. She knew the doctor was being brutally honest on purpose—probably some method of getting the rawest of emotions out of her.

"It hurts, because I love him and our kids and..." She gestured toward Alejandro out of discomfort. "I don't understand why he doesn't see the beauty in that anymore."

"That would be difficult to deal with, I'm sure. Do you think that incorporating you into his recovery will help him?"

"No." Her response caught everyone off guard. "I know this is something that he has to go through himself. But I want him to know that I'm supporting him. But being involved does make me feel better."

"Better? How were you feeling before?"

"Out of place..." She paused, not knowing which way she wanted to take her elaboration. "I thought he was cheating. But I'm definitely relieved to find he isn't."

"Are you truly relieved?" He was questioning her but Kat was questioning herself. She thought that finding Alejandro was still being faithful to her would be great news, and in the obvious way it was. She no longer had to make a huge decision that'd change her life forever. But deep inside, she was still feeling... off. She couldn't pin its origin or the cause but she knew it was unsettling.

"... I—" She took a swallow. "No. I'm not sure why but I'm not entirely relieved." The doctor made a little note on his pad. Alejandro was still staring blankly ahead, and she wondered what he thought about all she was revealing.

"If Alejandro had been cheating, what would've been your response?"

"It depended on what he wanted. I love my husband and I love our life, so if he gave up his mistress we would have to put in a lot of work but I'd be willing to stay. If not then Andres and I would've had to... move out." Her last two words forced Alejandro to readjust the position of his leg.

"Which choice do you think would've been the hardest to deal with?" She thought for a second.

"Leaving; to know Alejandro would put another woman before me or that another person could stop him from wanting to love me would hurt more than anything."

"Does it hurt you at all to know that Alejandro can stop himself from wanting to express his love for you?" That was it. To hear it spoken in words struck a chord within her. Alejandro had lost interest in Kat on his own. Another woman gave Kat a sense of inevitability. She had someone to blame for Alejandro's disinterest if there was someone in their perfect picture.

But this... was an unusual situation for her. She was questioning her self-worth even more than she'd been before.

"Yes. Sometimes—I—I'm cautious about what I can and can't say or do because I know... I could push him away even more because the problem is partially me." She felt like she was speaking a language only she could understand.

"Now, Mrs. Ortiz, Alejandro's problem is psychologic—"

"Yes I know this. But as his wife I hold myself a little responsible for—" Kat was beginning to get frustrated with the jerkiness of this conversation. It all felt very fragmented.

"None of what's happening to me is your fault." Alejandro told her sternly. But she knew there was things she could've done to prevent this situation.

She should've been more in control of her body and when she had Andres. If she would've waited for life to die down a bit, maybe Alejandro wouldn't have been so stressed. The wedding could've been pushed back further too, but she was just too excited by the idea of being a wife. She neglected him of sex for four months so that she could work on being a mother. She should've showed him more affect—

"Kat. Nothing is your fault." She nodded lightly, her face wound tensely with anxiety.

"Mr. Ortiz." The doctor called for Alejandro's eyes to be focused on him while he fiercely scribbled on a small slip of paper. "I want you and your wife to take a four day trip. Somewhere close of course since you have a newborn. But I want it to be just the two of you." He ripped the slip from his clipboard and handed it to Alejandro.

He studied the form for a few seconds and then lifted his gaze to Kat.

Today was the first day Alejandro had spoken full sentences to her all month. He'd touched her, comforted her and hurt her all in the same day. This was something she needed to get used to but at that point, she wasn't there yet. She was unsure as to whether she should initiate conversation with him or remain silent until he spoke first. It was all too foreign.

They were nowhere near ready to take vacations together.

So it was no surprise when she saw the pure, uncensored emotion of dread in his eyes.