Like We Used To

"Oh my God," Shae said breathlessly.

"Yeah," Raegan mumbled in response, they stared deeply into each other's eyes, each searching for what the other couldn't voice.

The night came to an end and Raegan's heart was soaring. She knew that it would never last. Shae was getting married and deep down Raegan knew that Shae would never leave Rick to be with her.

***********

The kiss didn't happen again, but Raegan and Shae did spend a lot of time together and before long their friendship had blossomed. They hardly spent time apart, except for work. Shae had started to wonder about her relationship with Rick. She would find herself comparing everything Rick did to how Raegan would do it. She thought of the things he didn't do and how amazing Raegan was at doing the small things like notice that her hair was different or really listen to what Shae had to say.

It was Raegan's weekend off and Rick was once again away for business. He worked for the United Nations and it involved traveling to poorer areas. The more time Raegan spent with Rick, the more she saw that he was in fact a good guy and tried hard to make Shae happy, but Raegan still felt in her heart that no one could ever love Shae better than her.

Raegan had a surprise planned for Shae along with two of her closer friends. The three of them had conspired in secret and Raegan had arranged to spend the night at Shae's. The two of them settled in for a DVD on the couch, this time Raegan had chosen a movie she had been wanting to see for a while. Raegan pressed play and Rock of Ages started on the screen. She was transported back to high school. They always loved the eighties music and this movie promised an entire soundtrack.

By the second song Raegan and Shae were dancing to the soundtrack and singing along as loudly as they could. Each song was followed by fits of laughter. By the time the movie had ended they were giggling like two teenaged girls. "That was so much fun," Shae exclaimed between fits of laughter.

"It was! But I think we missed the movie," Raegan said laughing with her.

"It was like high school where we were the only two people listening to eighties music and dancing like two crazy people at break," Shae laughed.

"Oh God! We were such dorks! I can't believe other people wanted to be friends with us," Raegan said laughing harder again.

They laughed for several more minutes, before Raegan realized that it was already late and they had to leave early the following morning. "We should probably go sleep," Raegan finally said after they had calmed down.

"What? Why? You aren't working tomorrow," Shae asked, wanting nothing more than to spend more time with Raegan.

"I am tired and we still have the entire weekend ahead of us," Raegan lied.

"But I don't want to. Just one more movie, please?" Shae pouted and Raegan knew she couldn't refuse her.

"Fine," Raegan agreed defeated.

They settled in for another movie and half way through, Shae was asleep on Raegan's shoulder. Once the movie was over, Raegan picked Shae up softly and carried her to her room, putting her in bed and tucked her in. Raegan looked at the peaceful Shae lying in the bed and knew that she would stop loving her. She wondered why she was putting herself through this. It would kill her when Shae walked down the aisle and it wasn't to her. Raegan kissed Shae's head and headed to the spare room.

Sleep was rare to Raegan that night and before, she knew it her alarm went off and dragged herself out of bed and went to make coffee. She walked to Shae's room and found herself staring once more at the beauty.

"Shae? Sugar?" Raegan softly said, wiping the hair from Shae's face.

"Huh uh, sleep," Shae mumbled.

"Sugar, wake up," Raegan prodded again.

Shae reached up and dragged Raegan down into bed, securing her arm around Raegan. "No Shae, up. Come one," Raegan said trying to get out from the death grip that Shae had secured around her.

"No, Rae. Sleep some more," Shae said, throwing her leg over Raegan.

"Fine, I'll just cancel your surprise then," Raegan said slumping down.

That got Shae's attention and she sat up, "What surprise?"

"I'm not going to tell you, but if you want it, you have get up, pack and shower," Raegan smiled.

"Please tell me," Shae begged and pouted again.

"No, drink your coffee and go shower," Raegan said getting up and walking to the other bathroom to shower.

Shae was curious about her surprise. She finished in the shower she threw a robe around her and marched to Raegan's room, she needed to know what to wear and get some details. She barged into the room and stopped in her tracks. Raegan was still in her underwear busy styling her hair. Shae stared at the beauty before her, feeling a moistness build between her thighs.

She studied Raegan's tattoos, the one that fascinated her the most was the Hebrew paragraph on her back. The muscles in Raegan's back moved in clear definition as she worked the straightner through her hair. She was wearing a black bra, a little more lacy than what Shae was expecting and boy shorts. Raegan turned around and Shae's eyes ran over her body. She had a perfect V that led into the boy shorts, a six pack, well defined but not manly, and strong legs and arms. The moistness between her thighs grew, she felt it run down her thighs and found herself thinking that Rick never had that effect on her, dressed or naked.

"Shae?" Raegan asked again.

Shae shook her head, "Sorry what did you say?"

"I asked if you are done packing," Raegan repeated, almost laughing at Shae's reaction.

"Oh, uhm no. I want to know what to pack and what to wear," Shae said blushing at the look of amusement in Raegan's eyes.

"Dress comfortably and pack comfortable clothes and something fancy, like a dress or something. But pack for three days," Raegan said working some styling wax into her hair.

"Okay," After seeing Raegan in a state of undress, Shae had forgotten to try and find out where they were going. She simply returned to her room and finished up. She was packing the final articles when Raegan walked into the room, dressed in sweatpants and a black TapOut t-shirt. Shae was dressed in jeans and a tank top with flat shoes.

Tina and Gayle arrived shortly after while Raegan was loading the bags into the trunk of her silver Audi S8. She had hoped Kelly could come, but she had plans with Carly. They all greeted and settled in the car. Tina and Gayle took the backseat and after locking up Shae got in the front. The trip was took about 3 hours before they reached a stretched of road filled with stalls of people selling African statues, paintings and pots. Raegan made a mental note to stop there on the way back.

"No way!" Shae almost shouted in excitement, "We're spending the weekend at the Kruger National Park?"

"Yeah, I remembered you said you said that you wanted to come here in school. Then you told me that you still haven't been, so I spoke to your friends and Rick and booked the weekend," Raegan smiled at Shae, she had a child like look of excitement on her face.

"Oh my God! You are amazing," Shae through her arms around Raegan's neck and that caused her to almost drive off the road.

"She's driving! We don't want to just get inside the gate and crash," Tina said when Raegan swerved onto the road again.

"Sorry! I am just so excited," Shae exclaimed.

Shae had a passion for animals and was currently completing her degree in veterinary sciences. She had always expressed her desire to come to Kruger National Park and Raegan had made a promise to bring her there someday.

They booked in and went to their bungalows. Tina and Gayle were sharing and that meant that Raegan was bound to spend a torturous weekend in close proximity to Shae. When they were done, they all settled on the veranda with a drink. They all talked animatedly until late into the night. Raegan had gone to get Shae a jacket because she had forgotten to pack one.

"Do you think I could make a move on Rae?" Tina asked her anxiously.

"What?" Shae responded, feeling a large amount of jealousy suddenly building up in her.

"Come on, Shae. She is so sexy. God, just looking at her makes me hornier than a fifteen year old boy with a playboy magazine," Tina said smiling.

"Oh, uhm... I think she is seeing someone," Shae said unconvincingly.

"Oh my God! You are in love with her!" Gayle exclaimed suddenly.

"What? No I'm not. I'm getting married," Shae said, obviously flustered.

"You are right G. You can see it in the way she looks at Rae. Oh God, Shae. What about Rick?" Tina asked again.

"I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH HER!" Shae said through clenched teeth and stormed inside.

"I brought you a hoody," Raegan said smiling. Shae ignored her and walked into her room, shutting the door.

"What the fuck just happened?" Raegan asked the other two.

"We told her a truth she didn't want to hear," Gayle said simply.

"Oh my God! You are in love with her too," Tina said wide eyed.

"What are you talking about?" Raegan asked knowing full well.

"You and Shae are head over heels for each other. You are so in denial, it's not even funny," Gayle said in turn.

"Look, Shae is getting married and she is NOT in love with me," Raegan said turning and walking to Shae's room.

Shae was crying. She knew her friends were right, but she could never be with Raegan. She was getting married and she loved Rick. She was not going to sacrifice that for something that didn't make sense to her. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door and Raegan walking in.

"Hey sugar," Raegan started walking to her friend, "please ignore whatever they said. Let's just enjoy the weekend."

"Rae, are you still in love with me?" Shae asked in a shaky voice.

"Shae, sugar, there are some questions we don't want the answers to. That is one of them. Let's just go out and finish our drinks, eat dinner and go to bed. We have a trip through the park early tomorrow morning," Raegan said softly handing Shae her favorite TapOut hoody.

Raegan left the room and Shae pulled it over her head. It smelled like Raegan and she reveled in it. She joined them shortly afterward and they continued their drinks and light chatter well into the night. Surrounded by the sounds of African wild life.

They got up early the next morning and got ready for their little tour. The jeep picked them up at 7 o'clock sharp, Shae was wearing Raegan's hoody again. They drove on a small gravel road between bushes and veld. Everything was in a yellow shade with some green spots where trees and bushes were. They drove to the watering hole and sat in silence, Raegan's arm around Shae's shoulders as they watched the animals drink.

It was beautiful to see the animals drink together. Elephants were splashing in the water, rhinos rolling on the edges in the mud while zebras and different bucks grazed nearby. They took a lot of pictures and before long they were traveling to where a couple of lions were spotted. They watched while the lions tore apart the meal given to them. They saw the entire big five and were back at their bungalows by lunch time. They went to small restaurant and had lunch. That night they went to the main restaurant, everyone dressed up and shared a meal and wine there. They made their way back to their bungalows, each a little buzzed by the wine.

**************

Shae and Raegan were sitting alone on a blanket spread out on the floor on the veranda that night, Tina and Gayle were tipsy and went to bed.

"Rae?" Shae asked staring into the night.

"Yes, sugar?" Raegan asked looking at Shae.

"What if they were right?" Shae asked and confused Raegan.

"Who? Right about what?" Raegan asked studying her friend.

"Gayle and Tina about me being in love with you," Shae whispered.

Raegan felt as if her heart was going to rip from her chest, "Sugar, we used to be good friends and we just fell back into routine. I think it is possible that you confused that with the excitement you felt at things being like they used to be. You are getting married to a great guy, I am just your friend."

Raegan didn't know why she said that. She could have confessed everything and have Shae, but it felt wrong. Shae was making the right decision, it didn't matter what Raegan felt. Her friend came first. Raegan would find a way of moving on. She had survived this long.

"Will you come to the wedding?" Shae asked teary-eyed.

"I can't, sugar. At first it was because I couldn't bear to see you walk down the aisle with someone else, but something came up on the same weekend," Raegan looked away. It hurt so much, but she couldn't be a distraction to Shae.

"What came up?" Shae looked at Raegan. The butterflies were still present, but tonight it was different. She had a feeling that Raegan had done this to give her good memories and that she'd not see Raegan again after this.

"I have a MMA fight for the title that weekend. I can't miss it. I have worked to hard to get that far," Raegan said honestly. Her sport was the only thing that kept her sane.

"Oh," was all Shae said.

They sat in silence for a long time, "Rae?" Shae asked in tear filled voice.

"Yes, sugar?" Raegan hated hearing her like that.

"Are you going to disappear again after this weekend?" Raegan heard the tears in Shae's voice and instinctively moved to hold her.

"I don't know, sugar. I will see how I feel when you come back from your honeymoon," Raegan answered honestly.

"Why, if I am making the right decision, am I hurting you so much?" Shae had created a wet spot from tears on Raegan's shirt.

"I don't know. Life has a weird way of working out for the best," Raegan said silently, fighting back her own tears.

Shae looked at Raegan and saw a single tear run down her cheek. Without thinking, she leaned in and kissed Raegan with everything she felt. She had to know and she had to be sure, but Raegan pushed her away.

"Don't, Shae. Please don't," Raegan pleaded.

Shae put her lips to Raegan's again, more insistent this time. Shae moved and straddled Raegan's lap, her hands on either side of Raegan's face, kissing her deeply with every emotion she had suppressed since seeing Raegan again. Raegan gave in and kissed Shae back, her hands on her hips, pulling her closer. Shae moved her hands to the hem of Raegan's shirt and pulled it up and over Raegan's head, momentarily breaking the kiss. When the shirt was off, she immediately returned to Raegan's lips. She didn't want to miss a second of having Raegan close.

Softly, she pushed Raegan back and straddled her hips. She eventually let up and removed her own shirt as well. Raegan stared transfixed at the bra encased globes, unable to resist Shae any longer. Raegan ran her hands from Shae's hips up her torso, slowly feeling the available skin. She slowly ran her hands up until she cupped Shae's breasts. She threw her head back when she felt the electric currents running through her at Raegan's touch, leaving a trial of goose bumps. When Raegan touched her breasts, she let out a whimper at the softness of the touch.

Raegan kneaded the flesh, feeling the nipples harden at her touch through the thin material. Raegan raised herself up, planting kisses on Shae's neck, softly sucking the flesh and running her thumbs over Shae's encased nipples. Her breathing was erratic, Raegan moved lower, making love to every piece of flesh she found, kissing over the collarbone and between Shae breasts. Her hands went to Shae's back and she swiftly unclasped the bra. Shae looked down at Raegan, almost crying at the beauty of her friend softly making love to her skin.

The bra fell away and Raegan kissed every part of Shae's breasts, avoiding the nipples as she gave each equal attention. Her hand kneading the other breast as she moved between the two. Raegan neared a pink, small and hard nipple and Shae gasped. She was soaking wet and felt her juices wet her jeans and soak through the material. Raegan softly sucked a nipple into her mouth, "Oh God!" Shae moaned softly throwing her head back again, running her hands through Raegan's hair.

Raegan spent a long time simply making love to Shae's breasts. Shae felt her muscles tighten and buried her face in Raegan's shoulder to muffle a loud moan. She climaxed by the simple, soft touches of Raegan's lips and tongue on her breasts. Raegan turned and lay Shae down on the blanket, resting between her legs and supporting her weight on her elbows as she continued her discovery of Shae's body.

Raegan never picked up pace and continued making love to each part of Shae's body. Shae reached up and unhooked Regan's bra. Once it was out of the way, Raegan continued her journey, undoing the button of Shae's jeans and the zipper. Shae lifted her hips and allowed Raegan to pull the barrier away. Raegan kissed along the hems of Shae's underwear. She hooked her thumbs in and kissed down Shae's hips, thighs and legs as the underwear came off. Raegan kissed up the other leg, softly nibbling on Shae's thighs.

Raegan knew she would only have this once and she wanted to savor each moment, each kiss and each sound. Shae thought that she was going to spontaneously combust at the slow torture that Raegan was assaulting her body and senses with. When Raegan finally placed the first kiss on Shae's bald pussy, she almost cried and passed out at the same time. Raegan licked up the length of Shae's sex, stopping just beneath the clit.

"Jesus, Rae, please," Shae begged in a whisper between breaths.

Raegan ignored her pleas and continued discovering each fold and corner of Shae's wet pussy. Her taste was addictive and Raegan knew that from that one taste she would never be able to love anyone the way she loved Shae. Raegan made circles with her tongue around Shae's opening, juices seeping out from her. Raegan hardened her tongue and entered Shae lovingly.

"Fuck! oh God!" Shae moaned.

Raegan picked up a pace and Shae bucked her hips, meeting Raegan stroke for stroke. Raegan removed her tongue and replaced it with three fingers. She sucked Shae's clit into her mouth and sucked it gently at first, running her tongue over the little nub. Raegan felt how close Shae was and picked up her pace, her fingers brushed Shae's g-spot and that sent her tumbling over the edge as her body shook violently. Her sex clamped down on Raegan's fngers while Raegan rode her through the orgasm.

Shae grabbed handfuls of the blanket, arched her back and bit her lip trying to muffle her loud moans as it pierced through the silent night. Raegan didn't let up and sent Shae over the edge four more times before letting up and crawling up next to Shae. Her eyes were closed and her breathing came in short gasps. "Are you okay, sugar?" Raegan asked looking down at the beautiful woman struggling to catch her breath.

Shae simply nodded her head, turned and snuggled close to Raegan, while she came down from her euphoria.

A few minutes Shae raised herself and looked at Raegan, "I love you, Rae," she whispered softly. She kissed Raegan, not wanting to hear Raegan's excuses and logical explanation. Shae then made love to Raegan to the best of her ability and found that she enjoyed making love to Raegan more than she enjoyed anything else in her life.

It was almost four in the morning before they went to bed, both of them immediately fell into a deep sleep. Feelings of ecstasy coursed through them. Sunday came far too quickly and, with little sleep, they packed and started their trip back to reality, each soaking in their own thoughts of their love making surrounded by the sounds of the wild life.

*************

Will he love you like I loved you?
Will he tell you everyday?
Will he make you feel like you're invincible with every word he'll say?
Can you promise me if this was right: Don't throw it all away.