Liliane

Jim grinned. "You're dead right," he said. "I'm very glad you're willing to see her. I'll call her and send her round."

Lillian was over the moon. She made an appointment straight away; and she went to the interview dressed in a businesslike suit, on flat heels and with no other make-up than a hint of green over her eyes.

Mr Barnes liked what he saw. The interview was conducted in very good spirits, and it was decided Lillian would come to the office the next morning to be shown the ins and outs by Janet, his trusted secretary. She was one year past retiring age, but she hung on to stop together with her boss.

Lillian liked her. After a few days she really had the hang of it. Janet told her employer he could entrust things to Lillian. He happily worked along with another secretary on his books, one who could take some things off Janet's hands. He knew she was getting tired, and he thought Lillian's participation was an excellent idea.

Lillian had called Jim to tell him the good news. She felt very excited, and very happy, and thanked him profusely. Jim downplayed his involvement in the business. It was all thanks to his uncle, after all. Lillian made a face - which Jim couldn't see - and invited him for a celebration meal that weekend.

Jim went to the restaurant by taxi. He did not want to have to resort to water again; and that meant he couldn't drive. He'd bought Lillian a bunch of roses, and he had dressed for the occasion. Lillian was already waiting for him. She beamed. Jim gave her the roses and congratulated her once again.

Over dinner Lillian gave a detailed account of her new job, the firm, Janet and Jim's uncle. She was completely happy with everything, and her pay was more than she'd expected. It was quite enough to live on, she said.

"And what's more," she added, "I don't have to hide anything any more. I can simple tell anyone what I do and where without having to tell lies now and then. Oh, I'm so happy!"

She looked it. Jim sat watching her, delighting in her radiance, and he reflected that she looked so incredibly different from the woman that had assaulted him months ago. It was strange to see how drastically her feeling of worth changed her features as well. She was clearly Lillian, and yet - but he highly preferred the woman he saw now. She was almost painfully attractive this way.

After dinner Lillian asked him over for coffee. Jim came along happily, and they sat on the couch talking and laughing over their coffees. Jim looked around at the newly done-up room.

"We really did a good job at this, didn't we?" he said.

"Yes," Lillian said. Then she fell silent. She smiled a little at Jim and sidled up to him. She put an arm round his neck and kissed him. It was quite unlike the first time, and Jim felt hot and cold at the same time when he felt her breasts touch his side. Then she got up.

"This is to say thank you," she said. "Your help has made all the difference." She stroked his cheek and sat back again.

They had some wine after that and sat talking until ten when Lillian indicated it was her bedtime - she wanted to be fresh and alert for her job that next morning.

Jim called a taxi and when it arrived he said his goodbyes a little reluctantly.

Lillian cleared the cups and glasses away. She glanced at her living room, turned off the lights and went upstairs. When she lay in bed she thought a bout Jim. She knew a lot about him, she thought. He was gentle and a little awkward sometimes; he was good with hands if her walls were anything to go by. She had certainly liked his physique, but she didn't want to think of that too much. She did like his presence - his voice, his eyes, his smile... he was a real friend.

You could have a lot of friends, it seemed; she felt she had made another one in Janet, and in a way, one in Mr Barnes. The people from her modelling hadn't seemed like friends. She realised there wasn't one she'd be happy to see again, and the feeling was obviously mutual; not one of them had cared to call and ask her why she hadn't shown her face any more.

The male staff at Barnes's was alright; they didn't qualify as friends but she highly preferred them over her former colleagues. She wondered why and decided it must be a matter of decorum and manners and - and what else? At Barnes's she wasn't seen as inferior, for one thing; her male colleagues appreciated she was good at her work.

Jim - He had told her he was impressed by her painting skills, and when they had discussed music he had not laughed at her. And he'd come as fast as he could when she had gone haywire over that awful painter. She wasn't sure what exactly she felt for him, but she was certainly happy when he was around.

She fell asleep and woke up at two, feeling a little dazed. She went to bathroom and returned to bed and resumed the train of thought that had been interrupted by her falling asleep.

She wondered if she'd like him around more often. You did have to like someone very much then, didn't you - she wasn't certain if she did. Perhaps, she thought, they'd get on each other's nerves - and she didn't want to get physical with anyone again. And men seldom took no for an answer... she fell asleep with a sad heart without realising just why.

She woke up much too early with Jim on her mind. She remembered with pleasure how he had held her after the incident with the painter. It had been comforting; and he hadn't made for her private parts or her breasts. She could do with a cuddle... Jim - but suppose he remembered the silly talk she'd given him in that lift - she felt her face go hot with embarrassment. How could he ever look on her without a smirk?

But he didn't smirk when they were together. He actually seemed to enjoy her company as much as she did his, and they always had fun together... She lay awake until the alarm forced her to get up.

Janet and Lillian were engaged in arranging Mr Barnes's farewell reception, and Lillian was often told what to do about Janet's. Mr Barnes was adamant that the two of them should be feted at the same time; they'd more or less run the business together, after all.

There were invitations to be printed and addresses to be found, and stickered onto envelopes, and the caterer had to be instructed, and the venue arranged - Lillian loved the job, and she turned out to have a knack for that sort of thing.

Life at the office became hectic. There was only one more week to go before Brendan Barnes would call it a day, and all the staff had applied for work elsewhere when the firm would stopped. Most of them had already found some, and Lillian had received invitations to come for two interviews. She'd asked Mr Barnes which one he would prefer for her, and he had been quite clear about it. It was her second interview; there were two days between them, and she wondered if she'd be given enough time to wait until the results of the second one were known.

She didn't know, but Mr Barnes had written a glowing recommendation to the firm he'd wanted her to be in after he'd received word from the PO that he'd like to know some more about Ms L. Stanley. The first interview was alright and the firm seemed pleasant; but the second one was conducted in such a way that she immediately understood what Mr Barnes meant.

When they asked her if she had any other irons in the fire she told them about her first interview.

"Good," the PO said. "We'll let you know later this afternoon. Where can I reach you?"

She gave Barnes's telephone number.

She'd hardly returned from the interview when they called her to tell her she could come.

"If you accept we'll expect you to start in three weeks," they said.

Alright, that left her one week to get accustomed to the idea after the reception. "Thank you very much," she said. "I'll be there."

Finally, she thought, finally. A good job with prospects in a firm Barnes liked - what else could a girl want?

At five she went to her car and drove down to Jim's place to tell him the good news.

Jim had visitors for the night; a friend of his was staying at his place with his wife. They had wanted to go to a couple of museums and a concert and as Jim had a lot of room to spare in his apartment, especially since Heather had parted company with him, it was a pleasant pied-à-terre.

He was very fond of these people and he had taken the afternoon off to be with them. He had done some shopping with Marguerite. He liked her a lot and he found it easier to talk to her than to Fred, her husband. He told her all about Lillian - bar a few embarrassing details - and Marguerite listened to him with a broad smile.

"So you're in love again?" she said. "She sounds very nice, but a bit difficult. Are you sure it's a good idea?"

Jim had wanted to deny he was, but her final question threw him completely off guard. "Of course it is," he said. "And if it gets hard we can weather that."

"Does she know?"

"I don't know - I've never told her. I er -"

"Don't you think you'd better? Nobody can wait forever."

"We haven't known each other that long yet," he said. "but I suppose you're right."

They were almost home when Lillian saw them chattering away, arm in arm, each of them carrying a shopping bag in their free hand.

She felt her face go hot. The bastard, she thought. So he has got himself another friend.

She turned her car around, and drove off with screeching tyres. Jim and Marguerite looked around, but Lillian was already too far away for Jim to see it was her.

Lillian's joy in her new job had vanished completely. She went home, cooked an uninspired dinner and threw half of it into the dustbin. She slept badly and it was hard for her not to be unreasonable to the other staff at Barnes's. She made an effort to put Jim off her mind and muster her old enthusiasm for the reception, but it was only a rather poor pastiche.

The day of the reception came. It was not much of day, weather-wise; it started with a thin drizzle that turned into chilling rain as the morning progressed. The day that to Lillian seemed cold and grey anyway became positively grim in her eyes.

She shook herself and forced a smile. Mr Barnes had been very good to her, and he did not deserve a secretary in a foul mood on his special day. She drove to the room they'd hired for the occasion and went in for the final touches. Doing something lifted her spirits considerably. It boost the morale, she thought - and then she felt the tears run down her face.

Damn him, she thought. Fortunately she hadn't used any eyeliner. She dabbed her eyes with a paper serviette, and then gave herself no more time for thought.

They had arranged everything to t he smallest details and it all went very smoothly. Barnes and Janet were the centre of attention and there were all kinds of people: members from the golf club, business relations, close friends, Janet's reading society, a cookery club - Lillian was greeted by her future employer who knew her by name and who spent some time talking to her trying to learn some more a bout her. He seemed the right kind of guy, she thought.

Then her heart skipped a beat. Jim. What was he doing here? It took a moment before it dawned on her that he'd just as much right to be there as she had, if not more.

Jim looked around and saw Lillian in the throng. He walked up to her and greeted her enthusiastically.

She looked at him with a pinched mouth; her face felt taut and she wanted to shout at him. Instead she nodded briefly and turned on her heels.

Jim was flabbergasted. He went very white. He hadn't minded when the woman at the office had played a game with him; but Lillian's rejection hit him like a fist.

Lillian deliberately kept her back turned hid way. She didn't want to see him. She didn't want to speak to him. She wished never to see him again - but he was still on her retina, laughing and talking arm in arm with that woman.

Jim stood open mouthed looking at Lillian's angry back. It took someone to speak to him before he realised.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I er -"

He shook his head. He looked about the room, located Janet and his uncle. Janet was very happy to see him, as usual, and he talked to her for some minutes. Then he went up to his uncle. He wished him a good retirement, and said he'd visit them shortly. Then he asked him to say hello to Lillian.

"She's here, you know. Why don't you go and find her?"

"She doesn't seem to want to talk to me," Jim said almost inaudibly. "I hope you don't mind, but er, I'm afraid I cannot stay here now."

His uncle had known Jim since he was a little boy, and since Jim's parents had died they had become very close. He looked at him sharply.

"I see," he said. "I'm sorry. Please take care."

Jim fled the room. He found his coat, put it on, blundered outside and unlocked his car. He sat down at the wheel and stared through the rain into the distance.

Mr Barnes considered for a moment. Then he told Janet to hold the fort and went off in search of Lillian. "Jim asked me to say hello to you," he said.

Lillian froze. "Thank you," she said with compressed lips. She stood stiffly waiting to be released.

"I'm afraid he's left again, so you needn't worry," Barnes said gently. "I'm an old man. I'm afraid I don't understand. I've had my share of trouble and I recognise it when I see it; I usually fight it. My marriage hasn't always been a bed of roses but it was worth fighting for. Trouble isn't invincible. I'm always glad to help, but I lack the data to solve this equation. Maybe you can put me wise?"

Lillian couldn't. Mr Barnes patted her shoulder, and waited until she stopped crying. Then he said, "Hadn't you better go and find Jim? Whatever happened it's always better to talk."

"But your party?" she blubbered.

"It'll take care of itself; the two of you arranged everything perfectly. I'll see you again, I hope. By the way, did you get the job you wanted?"

"Yes I did." She smiled wanly at him. "Thank you!"

"Right. Off you go."

After sitting with his head in his hands, staring at the wire fence that surrounded the car park for a long time Jim had turned the ignition key and slowly reversed out of the slot his car was in. Then he put the clutch into first gear and drove to the gate of the car park. Home would be the only place to go to; he didn't really want to go there, but there didn't seem to be any other possibility. The windscreen wipers made the world a little visible; they didn't succeed in making it clear.

Lillian picked up her bag and her umbrella and went out into the rain. She entered the car park. To her surprise she recognised Jim's car coming slowly to the entrance. She waved her umbrella at him and knocked on the window.

Jim stopped. He gave her a bewildered look and motioned to her to get in. Lillian did. She shook out her umbrella and sat down next to him. "Jim," she said, "your uncle just spoke to me; he said we'd better talk."

Jim put the car in reverse and backed into the open place he'd just left. He killed the engine and looked at her. He felt the hairs in neck stand up, and made a gesture with his hands that spoke of his bewilderment.

"Lillian," he said, "What is the matter? Have I done something wrong? I hardly recognised you just now."

Lillian sat motionless in the passenger seat. She tried to control her anger, but her misery and disappointment broke out together. "I've got the job I wanted. I told you I had applied, and I was so excited about it, and then I was called by the new firm and I drove straight to your place to tell you - and you were there with your girlfriend... and I had been so happy and..." She couldn't possibly finish what she'd wanted to say. She rested her chin on her chest and cried noiselessly.

Jim sat stricken. He couldn't for the life of him see what she meant. "I haven't got a girlfriend, for Pete's sake," he said - and then he realised. "I had friends over for the concert that night, and I have known them for a long time, and I went shopping with Marguerite. You must have seen us come home -" He remembered the car they'd heard screech off.

It took a moment for his words to sink in. Lillian sat frozen and clenched the grip of her umbrella as if she were to break it. "She was just a friend?" she said. "You looked so happy, and I -"

"I was happy," Jim said. "But in a different way than I was when we were papering you walls. Marguerite is married and I like the two of them equally much."

She was just a friend - Lillian felt the world fall to pieces around her. Oh God, she thought, I must have ruined everything. Everything.

She couldn't stop her tears.

"I'm very sorry," she said. "I didn't mean - I thought -" She shook her head and looked out into the desolate weather, into the desolation of her own heart. "I hoped that we -"

Jim tired to say something consoling but Lillian suddenly opened the door of his car and ran back into the reception room.

Jim sat looking at her disappearing form for a moment. Then he picked up her bag and umbrella, got out and slammed the door shut, and ran after her.

When he came inside he saw that both his uncle and Lillian were not in there. Some other guests looked at him and thought he looked as if he'd seen a ghost - all colour had drained from his face. He looked around and went to Janet.

"Is my uncle -"

"Yes, he's with Lillian. What's happening?"

"I wish I knew," Jim said. "Lillian's upset, and she saw me with an old friend..."

"You'd better wait, Jim. If Brendan can't make her pull herself together, I will try and help. Is she in love with you?"

"I don't know. I don't think she does, either."

"And you?"

"Yes, I am. I just came to admit it to myself when I discussed her Marguerite. I thought I might make her get to trust me and eventually - but I'm afraid I can forget that now."

He stared gloomily at his uncle's trusted secretary.

When Mr Barnes saw Lillian blunder back into the room, her face wet and upset he took her into a side room straight away.

"Now, now, now," he said. "Jim must have been very awful to you. What did the bastard do?"

"He is no bastard," Lillian said looking at him angrily through her tears. "He's no bastard; he's nice. It's just that I - I have ruined everything. I thought I saw him with his girlfriend and -" She sniffed, and he gave her his handkerchief.

"And you were angry and jealous and decided that was it, right?"

She nodded and started to cry again.

"Does he like you?"

"I think so - I thought so. I don't know. He cannot like me any more after this..."

"My dear young lady. This is the second time you've decided for him what he feels. That is not the thing to do. I know; I made the same mistake a couple of times. It's damaging, but not irreparable. Do you want to try and mend things?"

She nodded a little shakily.

"Good. Where's Jim now?"

She shook her head. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I just ran for it."

"I will go and see if he's followed you back in."

He went into the large room and saw his nephew standing with Janet. Their conversation didn't seem too lively either, he thought.

He went over to them and asked Jim to come along.

"Is Lillian a little better?"

"Let's try and get the two of you sorted out," his uncle said. "Do you like her?"

"Yes," Jim said. "She's er, she is... It is hard to explain. She is difficult. But that's not really what I mean. She doesn't trust people... and I tried to get her to trust me..."

"So there lies a nice task for you, my boy. Did you ever tell her?"

Jim shook his head. "I didn't want to scare her off. Maybe I should have; Marguerite said that no one can wait forever."

"She's damn right. Come along."

Jim followed his uncle into the side room where Lillian was waiting. She had thought about Mr Barnes's words, and decided that he was right. She'd better ask Jim how he felt about her and not take her own surmise for gospel truth.