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Click hereMy second story I have written. Advice is welcome.
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We're watching a movie you are cuddled up to my side, my hand on your thigh. Neither one of us is wearing more than a t shirt and underwear.
We both give a little mhhm as a sex scene comes on, I start rubbing your thigh and pull you a little tighter. You can see how hard I am by the end, you are rubbing my chest.
I reach over and grab your chin and pull your lips to mine, taking my time exploring your mouth. I push you back on the couch never breaking the kiss, running one hand in your hair and the other along your side, I press my knee against your crotch.
You moan into my mouth, and start running your hands through my hair and under my shirt, rubbing my chest. You bite my lip when I squeeze your nipple
I sit up and pull our shirts off, then I press my body on to yours and start kissing your neck and grinding against your thigh.
You start rubbing against my thigh, I start to feel your wetness on my thigh. I moan a little as we grind against each other kissing, fondling. You grab my ass and pull me tighter. I grab your ass and press my fingers against your ass hole and I pull you tight, teasing it.
We start to grind more fiercely moaning and panting. I push your finger in my ass and I cry out. I slap you're ass and you do the same.
We're using the finger in each others ass to make us grind harder, were both moaning and panting both of our thighs are wet I can't stand it anymore. Fucking cum with me Lilly. I'm cuming, cum right now Lilly. We both start to cum, me shooting cum all over our legs and thighs. You bucking and grinding against me, I use my finger in your ass to make you keep grinding against me till you beg me to stop.
When we catch our breaths you work your way down and start licking me clean when you're finished I kiss you and do the same, licking up my cum and your cream. I pull off your panties.
I'm hard again I start rubbing it against your clit.
"Do you want it Lilly."
"Yes give me your cock Harley please."
I smile and start taping it against your still sensitive clit you wither and moan begging me to fuck you like a whore.
I decided to do just that I grab your ankles and roll you up and start fucking you hard and deep. After a few minutes I feel you cum. "You like it slut you like my big white cock in your little Asian pussy."
"Look how creamy you're making my cock hard, you slut."
I pull out and force it in your mouth.
Then I stick it back in your pussy till I'm ready to cum. I pull out and cum on your face. I let your legs go and kiss you
"That was great."
I go and get a wash cloth to clean us up. Once that's done we cuddle back up and watch anime till we fall asleep.
and they all live happily after, TK U MLJ LV NV
Thank you for the feedback this is why I posted it. I am not sure of the best way to write yet.
"I slap you're ass and you do the same. " Minus one.
"I smile and start taping it against your still sensitive clit ..." Minus two.
Through it all writing is present tense is difficult to read. I didn't come here to role play, to become the voyeur.
There's much upside for this story that needs to be built upon. this could be a really great story. I think you wrote too quickly and posted too soon. Slow down, take a deep breath and reread the story and tell us more. Past or present, first or third, make if real and vivid.