Lily's Search

Ben was looking at me in the eyes. He had asked me out earlier. At first, I was uncertain what it was about. He sounded very nervous, like he was in trouble. Because of it, I headed out to meet him at the university food court immediately. When I arrived, he was not as nervous as he sounded on the phone.

"Hey are you alright?" I asked.

"Y-y-yeah," said Ben.

"What is this all about?" I asked.

I saw Ben's eyes scan me. "I was wondering if you would be willing to go somewhere with me," said Ben.

"Where to?" I asked.

"I'm not talking about right now, I mean tonight," he said.

I then realized what this was about. "L-l-like on a date?!?" I was trying to keep my voice down, but I had trouble.

Ben nodded. He wanted to ask me out. I was nervous about this because I was different from other girls. Even though I looked like a girl, I was born a little different. I had a little something extra above where my vulva was, I had a penis. Only a few of my close friends knew that. Ben was one of them.

"You know about my condition right?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Ben. "But I don't care. You're still a girl right Lily?"

Ben was right. I was still a girl. I grew my blonde hair down to almost my waist. I had big green eyes. My breasts were at a higher end of the D spectrum and I even wore skirts and dresses. Unless you did a close inspection, there was no way to tell that I was not a girl.

"Yeah," I nodded. "If you don't mind about my condition, I would gladly go somewhere with you tonight?"

"Do you prefer casual or formal?" Ben asked.

"Casual," I said. "I don't like formal."

"Pick you up at six?" Ben asked.

"Sure," I replied.

"Whew," Ben took a sigh of relief.

"For a moment I thought it was something serious," I said.

"It is something serious," said Ben. "It's about our future."

I felt blood rush to my face. "How far ahead have you thought about this?" I asked.

"Only up to when we started talking," said Ben.

I took a sigh of relief. For a moment, I thought Ben had set expectations already. "If there's nothing else, I'll see you tonight at six."

"Can I walk you home?" Ben asked.

"Sure," I answered.

Ben held my hand as we walked together. It was different, holding hands with someone. It felt weird, but also comfortable. Both of us lived close to the university. I lived about a block down from the university itself while Ben lived in the university dorms. I chose outside of the university because I needed the privacy. At the university dorms, you would need to live with at least one if not two other people.

Ben finally let go of my hand, but he was nervous. He had no idea what to say. "Don't be late," I said.

"Okay," said Ben.

I waved to Ben as I walked inside. It was going to be my first date. I was excited. I never thought it would happen because of my condition, but most of my friends were different. They cared less about looks and more about common interests. Ben was one of the people I got to know playing trading card games. As one of the few girls who played, I drew a lot of attention, but Ben was one of the few who took me seriously when I said I wanted to learn and did not get a bunch of back seat playing from.

I picked out a nice rose colored shirt dress and a coral skirt. I matched it with some red undergarments in case things got heated. I headed into the bathroom to take a warm shower. It felt nice as the water ran down my body. I looked down at myself and realize that soon, someone else might be getting a look at this. In the past, all I could ever do was pleasure myself, but for the first time, someone else might be pleasuring me. I ran my fingers across my lips, thinking about what the first kiss with Ben would be like.

I flicked my nipple on my right breast with my index finger as I began to rub the inside of my legs with my left hand. I slid my hand up the inside of my legs and inserted my index finger into myself. My breathing got increasingly heavier as my innards became wetter. I increased my pace, furiously kneading my breasts as my index and middle finger pumped in and out of myself. "Ah!" I moaned as I fell to my knees.

I did not want to be the kind of girl who was going to put out on the first date. I did not want to seem desperate. I wanted things to be right. But, I had been imagining what my first time would be like for what seemed like ages. I finally cleaned myself up and got dressed.

At six, I got a text from Ben. It read: "I'm outside, come down when you're ready."

I put on my shoes and went downstairs. I saw Ben wearing a nice and clean dress shirt and khakis. He too had dressed up just a little. "I'm ready," I said as I approached.

"Wow, I didn't have to wait at all," said Ben.

"Does that usually happen?" I asked.

"I heard girls take a while sometimes," said Ben. "That's all."

"Well, where we going?" I asked.

"What do you want?" Ben asked.

"I'm not quite sure," I said. "I only eat at the places around the school, so I don't exactly know what's good."

"All you can eat Korean barbecue?" Ben asked.

I liked Korean barbecue, but it seemed like an odd choice for a first date and it was something you definitely did not want to make love to after since you both reeked of barbecue until you showered. Ben made it clear that his intention was not to sleep with me on the first date, which I appreciated. "Sure," I answered.

As we sat down, we ordered the fifteen dollar all you can eat because it included seafood. I ordered my favorite beef bulgogi and the sweet chicken. Ben ordered the fatty pork belly and spicy beef. Most of the people here were in large groups. We were the only couple here.

"Is it good?" Ben asked.

I could tell he was nervous and was trying to strike up a conversation. "Yeah," I responded as I bit down on the beef.

Ben tried to do the cooking, but I knew he was terrible at it. He could not tell when the beef was done and flipped it several times. "Let me do it," I said. I took the tongs out of Ben's hand and flipped it. "Don't touch," I said.

Ben nodded. "How did you learn to do this?" he asked.

"I used to work in a restaurant with my parents until I was in high school," I answered.

"That young?!?" Ben was surprised.

"Yeah," I said. "I didn't get paid and it was miserable, but I learned a lot about cooking that most people our age do not."

"That's impressive," said Ben. "I still struggle to make anything other than instant noodles."

I used the tongs to pick up some beef for Ben. He reached his small plate out to me and accepted it. "It's never too late to learn," I said. "I still watch cooking videos online to learn new things sometimes."

"Do you like it so far?" Ben asked.

I looked at Ben. He was nervous and probably thought I was not enjoying this. "It's good," I said with a smile. "It's nice."

"I'm glad," said Ben. "I was looking up different places to go, but then realized you hated seafood."

"I only like some sushi when it comes to seafood," I said. "I just dislike the fishy taste that most places have."

"Maybe we'll go next time," said Ben.

He was already thinking ahead to the next date. "Sure!" I answered.

When we finished, we were both stuffed. We ate a lot and got our money's worth. Ben drove me back to my place. "You going to be okay?" Ben asked.

"Yeah," I answered. "You don't need to worry about me. I can take good care of myself."

I watched as Ben looked at me. I could tell he wanted something more. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "Thanks for tonight," I said.

I saw a smile on his face as he rubbed his hand against his cheek. He was still surprised about what had happened. "It's no problem," he said.

"Good night," I said as I turned around and headed back in.

"Bye," said Ben.

I turned around and looked at him for a second before heading back in. I closed the door behind me and finally took a sigh of relief. My first date was successful. I could not believe it. I had to shower again to get the smell off of my body.

As I lied in bed, I thought about what I had just done. It was embarrassing. I held my body pillow in front of me as I buried my face in it. That did not stop the blood from rushing to my cheeks. It was impossible to undo what was already done. I looked at the white roof, thinking about what might happen next. My mind went to perverted things quickly. I turned to my teddy bear and stared at it. It eased my mind a little and helped me get to sleep.

The next day, I joined Ben after school for a late afternoon bite. He finished classes at four and I finished at four thirty. It was more like an early dinner to me than anything. "So fast for a second date," I said as I sat down with my small bowl of Americanized Chinese noodles and orange chicken.

"I wasn't thinking about that," said Ben. "Honest!"

I looked at Ben suspiciously. "I'm glad you called so early though," I said. "I did not want it to be a failure either."

"Are you busy tonight?" Ben asked.

"No, why?" I asked.

"I want us to go somewhere tonight," said Ben.

"I don't want to eat out so many meals in a row," I said.

"How about we go to your place then?" said Ben.

I was surprised. I thought Ben wanted to sleep with me already. I could already feel the blood rushing to my face.

"That's not what I meant," said Ben. "We could just do something the two of us at your place."

"What are you suggesting?" I asked.

"A movie, action," said Ben.

"Sure," I answered. "That sounds good."

"Really?" said Ben.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Did you drive or walk today?" Ben asked.

"Walked," I said.

"Then let me drive you over after yeah?" said Ben.

"Alright," I said. It was the first time I was going to have a boy over alone. In the past, it was always a group for a school project or something. This time, it was going to be Ben. Just him and me alone. The thought of it turned me on and made me nervous.

I ate. I watched as Ben tried to pace his eating to calm his own nervousness. It was kind of cute. When we finished we headed to Ben's car in the parking lot. It was a fairly old car, but I did not mind. As we walked, I placed his arm around me and onto my waist on his opposite side.

I saw that Ben was a caught a little off guard by this. However, after a few moments, his hand finally closed in around me, telling me that he was comfortable with it. "Are you nervous?" Ben asked.

"A little," I said.

"I won't do any more than you allow me to," said Ben. "So if you think things are going too fast, tell me."

"I will," I said.

When we arrived, Ben parked in the guest lot and we headed into my apartment. It was very small. There was just one bedroom, a tiny common area that was only about eight feet across, a kitchen that you could reach everything from in a single spot, and a single bathroom. All of this cost about eight hundred a month. "Here we are," I said.

"It's much nicer than the university place that's just one bedroom for three people," said Ben.

"You know I can't live with others," I said.

"I know," said Ben. "Don't you ever get lonely here?"

"I do," I said. "But now you're here," I said with a smile.

Ben turned on the television and logged onto his account and played a movie. It was an action and comedy combination with toy figurines meant for children, but it was something we both enjoyed. As we watched, I leaned in onto Ben's chest. I felt his arm on mine.

It felt warm and comfortable. I wanted to be even closer to him. "Do you want to come inside my bedroom?" I asked.

"W-w-what?" Ben was caught off guard.

I looked at Ben. "Do you?" I repeated.

Ben nodded. I turned off the television and took Ben's hand. I walked him over to the bedroom and opened the door. "Here we are," I said. "What do you think?"

"It looks kind of plain," said Ben.

"I don't plan to stay here past graduation, so I never really made it more comfortable than I needed it to," I said.

"I understand," said Ben. "I have to share my room with two others, so I don't really get much say."

I wrapped my arms around Ben from behind. "You can stay over tonight if you want," I said.

"Can I?" said Ben.

"Yeah," I repeated. "I only have one bed."

"I'll sleep on the floor outside," said Ben.

"No," I said. "I want you to sleep with me."

Ben's face turned incredibly red. I knew what he was thinking. I was thinking it too. "I'll shower first," I said.

I grabbed my sleepwear and headed into the shower. I took my time, about twenty minutes in total. I only out on my pajamas. There was no reason to wear anything else tonight. When I finished, I saw Ben sitting on my bed. "I'm done," I said. "Your turn."

Ben nodded as he headed into the bathroom to shower. I did not have any sexy undergarments. I just had plain ones for everyday use. The best I could do was nothing at all. I sat on the bed holding onto my knees in front of me. I looked at the clocked and waited. Ben only took a total of ten minutes to shower.

I saw him walk out as he looked at me. I moved over and tapped on the bed right next to me. Ben sat down. "How does this work?" he asked.

I took his hand and placed it on my breast. I began to move his hand, squeezing it so that he would squeeze my breasts. "You need to get me ready," I said.

Ben moved his other hand to my other breast and began to play with both of them. "They're soft," he said.

"Yeah," I said. I tried to pretend that I was not nervous. I felt my nipples get erect. At the same time, my penis became erect and stood up in my pajamas.

"I can't believe it's real," said Ben.

"You can touch it," I said.

"No thank you," said Ben.

I was kind of disappointed he would not. I was hoping he would be able to satisfy both my male and female parts. But, this was better than nothing. I put my hand on my penis and inserted my fingers into myself and worked both of them myself.

I turned to Ben and gave him a kiss. He kissed me back. I was getting wet now. "Stop," I said.

Ben immediately let go of my breasts. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"Let me undress," I said. I removed my pajamas so that I was completely naked.

My penis caught Ben's attention, but he still wanted nothing to do with it. "How does this work?" he asked.

"You need to get undressed first too," I said.

Ben removed his clothes and tossed them onto the ground. I bent over and closed my legs so that my penis was not showing. From behind, what he could see was all female. "You'll have to do me like this," I said.

I felt Ben as he rubbed his penis against my entrance. I was moments from losing my virginity. I felt it as Ben's penis entered me, stretching apart my insides twice as much as my fingers ever did. It penetrated me far deeper than my fingers ever could. "Ah!" I moaned.

I had finally become a man's lover. My insides were hurting as my body tried to adapt to Ben's thickness inside of myself. Ben slowly pulled out and thrusted it inside of me again. "Ah!" I cried.

"Are you okay?" Ben asked.

"It hurts," I said.

"It might be because it's your first time," said Ben.

"Is it yours?" I asked.

"No," said Ben. "I'll take it slow."

I felt Ben push deeper inside of me again. Each time he did, I winced and moaned a little. My body began to adjust to his length and girth and his thrusts became smoother. As my cries quieted down, Ben's thrusts and motions became more furious.

I felt my insides tighten. It hurt. "Stop!" I cried. "Stop!"

Ben did not stop he pushed into me fast and deep. "Ah!" I screamed. It hurt and it did not stop.

"Ugh!" Ben groaned.

I felt something hot enter my body. I knew what it was. My entire body tightened as I climaxed. I felt my penis spurt a load onto the bed while Ben's load filled my insides. "Get out!" I shouted at Ben.

I hit him as hard as I could. "What did I do?" Ben asked.

"You didn't stop!" I shouted. I picked up his clothes and threw it at him. "Get out!" I shouted.

Ben picked up his clothes and ran out the door.

I went to the bathroom to check myself. I was bleeding inside. Ben had been very rough with me on my first time. I took a shower as I cried. He did not listen to me in the end. He got what he wanted and he did not pay attention to my needs. There was not going to be another date with Ben.

After that, I stopped talking to Ben. He tried to contact me, but I refused every call. He even tried to talk to me in person, but unless he apologized for what he did, I would not say anymore. Needless to say, he felt like he did nothing wrong and refused, so I refused him. That was the end of our friendship.

Since dating a man did not work, I decided to try a woman. I went for my friend Alice. I knew that she was a lesbian, so it would be easier. She also knew about my condition and did not care much about it. She had sometimes hung out with us with her girlfriend, but they ended up breaking up more than a year ago when her girlfriend's parents disapproved of their relationship because they wanted grandchildren.

"I'm surprised you asked me out," said Alice. "I thought you would be into guys."

Alice was a lipstick lesbian. She dressed more like a girl and preferred a girly girl. She grew her black hair down to her shoulders and wore a lot of makeup. On the other hand, I wore no makeup at all, only the girly clothes.

"I tried that, it didn't work out," I said.

"So you're trying the other end now huh?" said Alice.

"Yeah," I said. "I was wondering if you would be willing to date me."

"I'm surprised," said Alice. "I thought you were into Ben."

"Things didn't work out," I said.

"I see," said Alice. "Well, I'm willing to give you a chance. I've been lonely for a while as well."

"Thanks," I said. "Where do you want to go tonight?"

"Somewhere quiet like your place for a first date," said Alice.

I was surprised that Alice accepted so easily. "Alright," I said.

I made a simple dinner of spaghetti and meatballs with a side of kimchi for dinner. It was an odd mix, but it was something simple, yet different. I wore a red shirt dress for this occasion.

When Alice arrived, she was wearing a black strapless dress. She was very bold. "Hi," said Alice.

"Hi," I said to Alice as I stared at her body. Her curves were not as well defined as mine, but she still looked very beautiful.

"This way," I said to Alice as I brought her to the common area. This was the only place with enough room to eat. "Sorry there isn't more space," I said.

"It's alright," said Alice.

The two of us ate and watched television together. "How is it?" I asked.

"It's good," said Alice. "You are a good cook."

"Thanks," I responded. "I had practice."

When we finished eating Alice asked me a very strange question. "Do you want to be the big spoon or the small spoon?" she asked.

"What is that?" I asked.

"The little spoon is the one who leans and the big spoon is the one who gets leaned on," said Alice.

"Small," I answered.

I leaned in onto Alice. She was soft and warm. She felt different from Ben. I leaned onto Alice's shoulder as Alice placed her head over my head. "Do you like it?" Alice asked.

"Yeah," I answered.

"Let's take this slow okay Lily?" said Alice.

"That sounds nice," I said.

Alice gave me a light kiss on my forehead. Soon after, Alice headed home. That was the end of our first date. Alice came over several times a week for three weeks and we took turns making dinner.

One night, I was just too aroused. I was thinking about Alice. I decided to try something. I grabbed my penis and pushed it inside of myself. I pushed my breasts up and sucked my own nipples. It did not take long before I reached my peak. My own penis pumped myself full of my own sperm.

It took three weeks before Alice invited me to a nicer place, but I did not have the clothes for it, so she leant me one of her own. She gave me something that I would have never considered wearing, a light blue halter top dress. It fully exposed my back. I was embarrassed to wear it, but I had to. She wore an off shoulder dress of her own.