Limits Ch. 16

She felt a bitter resentment every time she thought about Karen. She had no right to have been down at the club in the first place, a silly little wannabe like her. And then, that first evening, how she had blown hot and cold; that ought to have been a clue. But, for all her bitterness, the image that came to mind was of Karen lifting the hem of her dress to show off her legs. There was this fragility and strength combined that, right from the start, Jude had found so attractive. And with that came a cascade of other images, the way Karen would bite her bottom lip whenever she was pushed outside her comfort zone, the warm smile that lit up her face whenever she had broken through another taboo, that look she got in her eyes as they cuddled up in bed together, the way she would make breakfast wearing nothing but an apron to protect her from the spitting fat, the way she cared. At this point Jude took another long swig from her whiskey glass.

This need, this emptiness was almost physical, located deep in her belly but, as she ruminated, she saw another image, that of Karen standing firm, the Karen that had made her stand and she knew in her heart that any attempt to patch things up would run up against the same problem. At the end of the day they were too different. If Karen couldn't accept her for what she was, accept that a Domme is always a Domme, then there was no point, no point at all.

After all, before Karen had come along she'd been doing fine on her own, she'd had plenty of fun, plenty of playmates, girls who knew how the game was played, girls who knew their place. And that brought back to mind the disastrous night she'd had with Frankie. What a nightmare that had been. Hard as she tried she couldn't really blame Frankie and, when it had all gone wrong, she'd made a fool of herself by blubbing. Knowing Frankie, that little story would be half way round the club by now, with everyone laughing at the big Domme's downfall.

She went to pour herself another whiskey but found that the bottle was empty so, lurching slightly, she took herself off to bed.

Jude wasn't the only one who was hurting. Karen too had spent a boring evening on her own. Lucy and Mel had asked if she wanted to go to the club but the possibility of running into Jude was more than she could bear. She'd watched some stupid cop drama; it hadn't been too bad but seeing women police officers, even if they were just actors, reminded her too much of Jude and how good she looked in uniform.

Whilst she cursed Jude for her pigheadedness she had to admit that the last few months had opened her eyes more than a little. She had had to rethink many of her basic tenets, her fundamental views on what was and was not 'right' or 'moral'. As she had learnt to accept her new-found friends' proclivity for a sexuality that was well outside the norm, so too she had learnt to accept that she shared many of these desires and, given the right circumstances, would willingly join in. Why then had Jude had to go and ruin it all by demanding more than she could give, indeed, more than any reasonable person would want to give? Why did Jude fail to understand that, for her, sex without love was joyless and hollow? She'd gladly and unreservedly give her body but only to her lover.

But, for all these ponderings right here, right now, she desperately wanted a cuddle and there was only one person she wanted that cuddle from. Damn her, damn Jude and her pigheadedness.

Come Wednesday night Jude was, once again, propping up the bar down at the club when she overheard two other patrons talking.

"Did you see that video clip?" the first asked. "The one of Mel and Lucy's friend?"

At this Jude's ears pricked up.

"The one that Frankie was on about? Yeah, I loved it. I told Mel she should post it on YouTube but she said it was too private."

"Excuse me," Jude butted in, "this video, who's on it?"

"That wassername, Karen, isn't it? Yeah, Karen, the one that... hang on, didn't you spend some time with her?"

"Karen, yes, I did. And this video...?"

"You gotta see it, it's classic. Ask Mel next time you see her."

"I will, I definitely will," Jude affirmed.

Two minutes later Jude had found a quiet corner and was on the phone to Mel.

"Hi Mel, it's me, Jude," she said once she was connected. "Look, are you doing anything this evening?"

"No, Lucy's out with friends and I'm just doing the chores. Come on over."

And so it was that, half an hour later Jude arrived at Mel and Lucy's house. Mel led her through to the lounge where the TV was on and the ironing board was set up. A pile of clothes lay in a basket and a slightly smaller pile was neatly folded ready to be put away.

"What the fuck!" exclaimed Jude. "Are you doing the ironing?"

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind if I carry on."

"But you're a Domme. What sort of Domme does the ironing?" Jude said.

"One who needs clean clothes in the morning. Anyway, Lucy's out tonight and I've got nothing better to do," Mel explained.

"But that's not the point." Jude was adamant. "That's a sub's job; a Domme shouldn't lower herself to do menial tasks."

"What? You're suggesting that I should sit around all day whilst Lucy does all the work? Lucy's my wife, not my skivvy. Sure, it's all Mistress and slave in the bedroom, or the playroom, or the club but, back in the real world, she's my partner and I love her too much to mistreat her. We share things, together, and that includes the ironing."

For a moment Mel and Jude just stared at each other.

"Well, would you like a cuppa or is too menial a task for me to go and make you one?" Mel said at last.

"No, er, yes, I mean, thank you, I'd love a coffee if you would."

Mel and Jude went through to the kitchen where Mel filled the kettle and switched it on.

"So, what brings you to this neck of the woods?" Mel asked, "apart, of course, from a need to criticise my lifestyle."

"Just keeping in touch," Jude lied. "I mean, seeing as how Friday night's seem to have gone by the board for a while. Bloody woman, why did she have to go and ruin everything?"

"I assume by 'bloody woman', you're referring to Karen. If so I'm not sure I agree that she's the one who ruined everything."

"What, you think that it's my fault?"

"Who said anything about fault?" Mel said gently. "Please, Jude, I don't want to argue with you but, well, there are two sides to every story, OK?"

"I'm just saying that if Karen wanted to be my sub then she had a funny way of going about it, making up all sort of stupid rules and limits. Her job was to shut up and do as she was told, not argue the toss all the time."

"And get on with the ironing...." Mel suggested.

"Yes," Jude replied before she realised what Mel was saying. "Well, if I had a sub I certainly wouldn't be doing it."

"Maybe that's why you haven't got a sub," Mel suggested as she turned back to the kettle, which had now boiled.

Jude was completely taken aback. She'd expected that Mel, and indeed all the crowd, would be taking her side and yet, here was Mel effectively telling her that she was wrong.

"I heard down the club," Jude tried to be as casual as possible, "that you've got some sort of video clip, something to do with Karen."

"So that's what brings you over," Mel laughed, "I knew it wasn't my sparkling personality. Yeah, I've got a clip of Karen; would you like to see it?"

Mel found her phone, pressed the relevant buttons and passed it over to Jude. The picture was shaky, the words were hard to make out and, as often as not, Karen was obscured but, nevertheless, there she was, making her stand. And then she got to the bit where Karen said 'Not only am I a lesbian but so is my girlfriend' and Jude had to stop, rewind and watch it again. Girlfriend?

"She says 'girlfriend' on this. Has she found someone else?" Jude asked, her whole world crumbling around her.

"Someone new? Karen? Are you really that dumb?" Mel said quite angrily. "That girl's going through hell because of your pigheadedness and you wonder if she's got someone new. I, and everyone else, assumes she means you, not that you deserve it for one moment."

"But...." Jude was taken aback by the vehemence of Mel's anger, "But it would never have worked between the two of us. We're too different, we're chalk and cheese."

"And that's just an excuse you tell yourself to try to stop it from hurting. Every time anyone gets close to you, you end up pushing them away. Why? What's wrong with you? What are you so scared of? Do you want to end up another sad old lonely butch wondering why the pretty girls don't fancy you any more? Get real girl, get real."

The two women sat in silence over the kitchen table supping their coffee. Jude, for want of anything else to do, picked up Mel's phone and, once again, played the clip. Her thoughts were a confused tumble of conflicting emotions; Bloody Karen, how could she do this to her, how could she....

"I'd best be off," Jude said, getting up from the table. "I've got things to do."

"What, whiskey to drink, you mean," Mel said.

"Please, Mel...."

"OK, that was harsh but that's what you're going to do, isn't it? Go home and hit the bottle. I know you, Jude, I've known you for a long time and I'm more than a trifle fond of you but you're your own worst enemy. Please, I hate to see a good friend fuck up her life like the way you seem determined to."

"I thought you'd understand; I thought you'd sympathise." Jude said bitterly.

"Perhaps I do," Mel replied, "perhaps I understand better than you think. Please, Jude, for the sake our friendship, think about it, think about what you're doing."

Jude looked at her friend. If nothing else their shared experiences counted for something but, right now, Jude was in no position to take it all in. She shook her head, stood up and put on her coat.

"I'll think about it," she said. "Will I see you Friday?"

"Err.. we've... look... well...," Mel realised there was no way out of this one. "Jude, thing is we're giving it a rest for a few weeks."

"What, you and Lucy?"

"No, all of us. It doesn't feel right at the moment. Not without Karen." There, she'd said it.

"But there's always Frankie, or one of the other girls."

"But that's the point. We don't want to play with Frankie or one of the other girls. They're not family."

"And Karen is, I suppose. Well, at least I know who my friends are, or aren't. Fuck you and all who sail in you." And with that Jude stormed off into the night.