Little Fish

Caroline approached us, no expression on her face. We didn't say anything, as we slipped aside to make room on the bench. I handed her a cup and Jerry gave her a taco.

"Thank you." ------------------------------------

The sun was setting.

I sat on the couch staring at the television. Caroline was in her room smoking. I looked at the clock, and then rose and walked down to her.

There was a small balcony attached to her room with a wide sliding glass door leading onto it. Caroline lay on her stomach on the bed, staring out the door at the darkening sky. She lifted the cigarette to her lips, and then blew out a long stream of gray smoke. I lightly tapped the door, but she didn't look.

"Can I come in?"

She brought the cigarette to lips again and nodded.

I slowly moped in and stopped at the bed. She was still staring out the glass door. When I sat on the mattress next to her legs, she glanced over her shoulder, and then to the door. I asked if she was hungry and she wagged her head. I clasped my hands in my lap.

"You really shouldn't smoke. It's bad for your health."

"I know."

"I wish you wouldn't."

She held it to her lips and took one last drag, then reached down to the floor and slipped it through the mouth of an empty Coke bottle. It landed atop a small heap of them inside.

We were quiet as there wasn't much left to say. Over the previous two weeks, my sister and I had spent many hours talking late into the night. On several occasions, she sat on the couch talking over the phone with Jerry for a long time. There was a twinge of jealousy on my part for that, but he made her laugh and smile more easily than me and for that I was grateful.

Staring down, I rose from the bed and she looked up at me.

"You can stay if you want."

I slipped my fingers into my pockets and slowly turned to her. Caroline scooted to one side of the bed, opening a space next to her. I pulled a hand over my mouth, and then took a small step forward. I was about to lie next to her, but sat up.

"What's the matter?"

I coughed and said, "Better take off my shoes."

When they were on the floor, I raised my legs and lay out next to her. After a while, I could hear her soft breathing. I turned my head and her eyes were closed, lying on her side facing me with both hands pulled to her chest.

I awoke in the middle of the night. The bed was rocking. I opened my eyes and squinted in the dark. Caroline was crawling over me.

"What's wrong?"

She looked back, saying, "Just going to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

I rolled over and closed my eyes.

I wasn't quite asleep when I heard the toilet flush. Then I heard a light thump, as the bedroom door closed. I rolled over and squinted through the dark. Caroline stood before her open closet. I watched, wondering what she was doing. Her hands came to the hem of her t-shirt and she pulled it over her head. She dropped it inside the closet on a small mound of clothes. My heart started pounding. Then her hands came to her waist. She fumbled with something in front, and then pushed her shorts down, pulling out one leg at a time. Then she turned and brushed the hair from her eyes and walked to the bed. My heart was a throbbing mass in the back of my throat. Her white panties and bra had a bluish glow from the faint light coming in through the balcony. She crawled over my legs and lay next to me. There she resumed her previous pose -- legs curled slightly and hands to her chest. I tried not to stare and dragged my eyes to the ceiling.

"Sorry if I woke you up," she whispered.

I held a hand to my mouth and tried not to cough.

"No. It's all right. I'm fine."

I slowly turned my head to look at Caroline. Her eyes were closed. A hand came up and scratched her nose. It dropped down to her chest and I rolled over to face her.

After watching her a moment, I licked my lips and swallowed. I asked my sister if she wanted to have sex. She was quiet and I strained to search her dark face for a reaction. It barely wiggled and she whispered, "Not now. I'm tired." I clamped my eyes tight and began trembling. When I felt the bed shaking, I quickly rose and walked for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Bathroom."

I went to my room and collapsed on the bed. ------------------------------------

Jerry sat staring over my shoulder. His brow rose and he blinked.

"Jesus Christ."

I sighed and looked down at my fingers on the table.

"I mean, Jesus Christ. You just came right out and asked her?"

I nodded and looked up. His brow rose higher and his eyes drifted shut. He shook his head.

"Shit."

"I know."

"And she said?"

"Not now. I'm tired."

"Fuck."

After a few seconds, he asked, "Would you really fuck your sister?" When I looked up, he said, "Okay. Half-sister. But still your sister by blood."

I looked down and gave a weak shrug.

"You would?"

"Yes."

He was quiet for a moment, and then murmured, "Me, too. I mean, if I had a sister like that -- cool to hang out with and sexy like that -- I'd want to have sex with her, too."

I coughed.

"Well. No. What I meant to her was. No. Not really sex, as in sex. But, you know. Just to be closer to her or something. Like a comfort thing."

When I looked up, he was staring at me and gave a slight nod.

"I know what you mean, man. Don't have to explain it to me. I know her, too." ------------------------------------

Summer was coming to a close. It was near the end of August and in two days Jerry would be flying back east to finish his senior year of college. I called him earlier in the day to see if he wanted to do something, but he said he didn't have time. He had plans for the evening and couldn't get out of them.

I was bored and watching television on the couch. Caroline stepped out of the hallway and when I saw her, I sat up.

"What're you dressed up for?"

She was wearing a short skirt, light blue, and white blouse. Her hair was pinned up and below she wore white shoes with short heels. She strung her purse over her shoulder and fished her keys from inside.

"I'm going out for a while. I'll probably be out late."

When she looked at me, I gave an uneasy nod.

"Where are you going?"

She turned for the door.

"Just out. I'll be fine."

For the remainder of the night, I was a nervous wreck, wondering and worrying where my sister went and what she was doing. Why was she dressed like that? It had the appearance of a date, which only increased my anxiety. By this time, I was certain she knew how I felt about her. And up to this point, she hadn't made any move to keep me at bay. And the more I considered it, the more I unconsciously believed she didn't disapprove. We hadn't been physically intimate, aside from sitting next to each other on the couch or lying on the floor in her room looking out the window. And she had only been on that one date not long after graduation in May. Never did she mention any guys she was interested in, but that's just the way she was. She didn't talk about such things, except maybe with Kelly.

By four in the morning, she still wasn't home. I worried myself sick, scared she wouldn't return, nearly vomiting twice in the bathroom. I made several lonely walks around my building, and then around the block, always keeping an eye out for Caroline's car. Finally, I couldn't take it any longer and went to my room and collapsed on the bed.

When I awoke the next morning, bright light shone through my window. I yawned and slowly sat up and ran a hand over my face. I looked at the clock. It was a little after seven. I remembered Caroline and jumped from the bed.

My heart was pounding when I stepped into the hall. I looked to her door and let out a long sigh. It was closed. After catching my breath, I walked down and carefully peered inside. She was lying in bed on her side, legs curled up and hands to her chest, still wearing the same clothes from the night before. Her shoes were toppled at the side of the bed and her long hair was down and tangled all around her shoulders.

At noon, I checked in on her for the fifth time, eager for her to get up so I could ask where she had been. By one, I was tired of waiting, so went into her room and shook her shoulder. She groaned and rolled over, squinting at me through sleepy eyes.

"What is it?"

My face twitched and I slipped my fingers into my pockets.

"Um. Hey. It's a little after one." She looked over her shoulder at the clock and rolled away. "Did -- Are you hungry? Want to get some lunch?"

Her shoulder rose and fell, and she murmured yes. She didn't move for a moment, and I wondered if she was still too tired. But then she stretched out her legs and pointed her toes. She rose onto an elbow and sat motionless. Her face sagged and hair stuck out every which way. She wrinkled her nose and squinted up at me. I tried to smile and she held out a small hand. I helped her from the bed and she trudged to her closet. She opened the door and brought her hands to her chest and looked down. When I realized what she was doing, I slipped out of the room.

While Caroline showered, I sat on the couch, tapping my fingers on my knee and wishing she would hurry. I kept looking to the clock and back to the TV. I propped my elbow on the arm of the couch and rested my head against my hand.

When the showered turned off, I rolled my eyes to the ceiling. Finally. But I still didn't move. She was just done with her shower and had to get dressed. So I sat and stared blankly at the television and waited.

I closed my eyes and sighed. I heard bare feet patter across the kitchen floor. I looked over, but couldn't see her. The refrigerator door opened and closed. I sighed and looked to the television.

From the corner of my eye and almost too quick to notice, she crossed the short distance from the kitchen to the hall. I looked over in time to see her naked body. Wrapped around her head was a thick green towel. I slowly sat up and my heart banged in my chest. I clamped my eyes tight, but her image was burned there. I saw tan legs and arms and a white torso and buttocks.

I pinched my eyes and shook my head.

"What sounds good for lunch?"

Startled, I flinched and opened my eyes. Caroline stood a few feet before me brushing her hair, wearing denim shorts and a gray t-shirt. I took a deep breath and sat up straight.

"Doesn't matter to me. Whatever you'd like."

With her head tilted to one side and still working the brush through her wet hair, she grinned wide at me. It was all I needed to erase the accumulated worry and anxiety. ------------------------------------

While Caroline changed clothes in her room, I called Jerry to see if he wanted to go out for pizza with us. But his mother answered and said he wasn't home. She didn't know where he went, but promised to let him know I called. Before hanging up, she said, "And that was very nice of your sister to take him to dinner last night. I think he was rather pleasantly surprised." I wrinkled my nose and looked down to her room.

When Caroline finally emerged, I was sitting on the couch with my hands in my lap. She pulled her white ball cap on her head and grinned over at me. "Ready?" she asked. I rose and followed out to her car.

She was lively and talkative and I felt bad for not being in the same mood. Several times that evening I wanted to ask what they had done, where they went, why they were out so late, and why she did it.

I stood holding a pool cue in my hands and watched as Caroline bent over the table with hers and took aim. She wasn't very good. The balls cracked and bounced about. Several fell into various pockets around the table. She rose with a smile and said, "Did you see that? Three of them went in."

I tried to smile.

"One of them was mine."

"Oh. I see. Does that mean it's your turn now?"

I nodded and she grinned.

The remainder of the evening was like this.

We arrived home shortly after eleven. While I went to my room, Caroline went to hers. Those nagging questions still festered and were by now being fueled by a growing jealousy. What could she possibly see in him? Jerry was tall and fat, clumsy sometimes and uncouth others. But he was also intelligent and had a raw sense of humor. And he was leaving the next day. Perhaps she simply wanted to spend an evening alone with her new friend. He would graduate from college the following May and it was unlikely we would see him after that.

I stepped into the hall and down to her door. It was slightly ajar and I knocked.

"You can come in."

I pushed open the door and stepped inside. Caroline stood before her dresser with her hands behind her back. It looked like she was taking off her bra. I hemmed and coughed and quickly stepped back, but she turned to me and smiled. She was putting it back on. As she adjusted the straps, she walked toward me. I tried to think of a reason to be there.

"I, uh. Are you tired? I'm not really tired. Are you?"

She sank her hands into the back pockets of her shorts and made a slight shrug. "A little," she replied. "Why? Did you want to stay up?" I gave a fitful nod and she asked if I wanted something to drink. I nodded again and she slipped around to the hall.

When she returned from the kitchen, I was sitting on her bed gripping my knees.

"I'm sorry. There was only one bottle left. Have to share."

I nodded and she handed it to me. I took a quick sip and handed it back. She stood for a moment, and then sat next to me holding the bottle in her lap.

We stared at the wall.

"Would you like to lie down?"

I coughed and nodded.

"What."

"Lie down."

"Oh. Yes. Okay."

After some clumsy maneuvering, we lay on her alongside each other staring at the ceiling.

Caroline asked if she could turn on her radio. "It's a little quiet," she said. I nodded and she rose from the bed. My eyes turned to watch her step to the dresser. After a few static-filled adjustments, her dark room echoed with soft music. As she walked back to me, I looked to the ceiling.

"Gil."

"Yes."

"I'm a little warm. Are you?"

I shrugged and nodded.

"You look a little warm. If you'd like to get comfortable, you can."

I nodded and thanked her. My sister remained standing at the side of the bed, apparently waiting for me to get comfortable. I rose at the waist and clumsily pulled my t-shirt over my head. I tossed it to the foot of the bed. She looked to where it landed, and then to me. I lay back down and stared at the ceiling.

"Do you mind too terribly if I get comfortable?"

I tried to be casual and gave an indifferent shrug.

"Oh. No. That's fine."

From the corner of my eye, I could see Caroline's hands come to her waist. There was a snap and the faint sound of a zipper. I held a hand to my mouth and coughed. I could see her bending forward, pushing her shorts down her legs. Then she rose.

"Gil."

"All right."

When she didn't reply, my eyes darted to her. She was wearing only her white panties and bra. She reached up and pulled her ponytail free. After shaking her hair, she reached behind her back. My eyes shot to the ceiling.

"Gil."

I swallowed nervously.

"Yes. I'm right here."

I could see her hands moving, but tried not to notice. Then she flung something to the end of the bed near where my shirt lay.

"Gil."

I sniffed and said, "Yes?"

Caroline was quiet. She was waiting for me to look. My eyes slowly closed, and then opened. I turned them to her. She stood there in silence wearing only her panties. My eyes fell to her small breasts, barely protruding from her chest. I stared for a moment, mesmerized by their appearance. For so long I had wondered about them and now here they were, small and white with two small round nipples perched atop each. I forced my eyes to her face. She studied me for a moment, and then hooked her thumbs under the waist of her panties. I watched as she rolled them down her hips. She stepped out of them, and then eased onto the bed. I cleared my throat and looked to the ceiling.

We were quiet for some time, and when a break came between songs on the radio, she said my name.

"Gil."

"Okay."

"Can I ask you something?"

I nodded.

"That's fine."

"I'm just wondering is all."

I nodded again.

"Yes. Okay. I understand."

"It's about how you act around me."

"Oh."

"I was just wondering."

"No. I see."

We were quiet for a while and when another song ended, she spoke.

"Gil."

"Yes."

"Are you attracted to me?"

"What."

"Because of how you act. I was just wondering."

"I act."

"Yes. And you have an erection. Do you?"

I coughed and cleared my throat.

"Caroline. I --"

"Because if you do, I mean, that's okay. I don't mind."

"Caroline."

"I guess I know how you feel."

"Well."

For a short time she was quiet.

"Gil, are you?"

"Yes."

"All right. I was just wondering. You can touch me if you want."

I furrowed my brow, wondering what to do, but then pushed up onto my elbows. When I looked to her lying next to me, she wore a small grin. My eyes fell across her body and my pulse raced. I turned on my side and carefully lay a hand to her stomach.

"Is this okay?"

She nodded.

As my hand began to glide over her smooth skin, her eyes strained down her nose to watch. Then she reached up and propped her head higher on the pillow. My hand came to rest on a small breast. Her nipple was rigid, and when my fingers gently tugged, she gave an airy giggle. I leaned into her chest and planted my mouth over the one closest. She sighed and wrapped her arm around my head.

As I licked and kissed, I rolled atop her. Caroline parted her legs. Her hand found my erection and guided me to her. As I slipped into her warm body, she arched her back and groaned. I gasped and clamped my eyes. I was inside my sister.

Neither of us moved, only breathing heavily in each other's ear. When her vagina contracted around me, I winced and moaned. I tried to withdraw, but her thighs held me tight. "Keep it in," she breathed heavily.

I lifted my head. My face was very near hers.

"Caroline."

"Don't."

"I don't -- I don't have one on."

Her eyes remained closed and her neck craned back. She contracted again and her entire body convulsed. It was more than I could take. I hooked my hands to her shoulders and grimaced hard. She grunted and bucked her hips. I ejaculated into her.

I threw my head back and began humping against her body.

For the remainder of the night, we took turns mounting each other. ------------------------------------

Early the next day, I drove to Jerry's house.

"I'm so sorry about your father. He was a very nice man."

I thanked Jerry's mother as she escorted me through the house.

At the back patio, she pointed and said, "I think he's feeling rather blue about leaving. I'm sure it will cheer him up to see you before he goes."

As I walked across the lawn, my mind worked in a flurry. I debated whether I should tell him about Caroline and I.

Jerry sat on the bench in front of the pond. He lifted a hand to his face, and then dropped it down. A small gray cloud swirled before him. When I stopped next to him, I took a deep breath and pushed my hands into my pockets. He didn't look up, only staring straight ahead.

"So. Hey."

He brought the cigarette to his mouth, and when he pulled it away, I noticed it was my sister's brand. My knees began trembling.

Jerry blinked and looked up.

"Yeah. Hey."

Then his eyes fell forward.

"Gonna leave soon?"

He flicked the spent cigarette across the grass, then leaned forward and clasped his hands. His face barely moved in a nod.

"So. You guys went to dinner or something?"

Jerry sat back and pulled his hands along his thighs.

"Yeah. We went to dinner."

After a short pause, I asked, "Anything else?"