Little Things Ch. 05

"Yeah, I quickly flick off the simmering burners, faint embarrassment touched to my cheek. "I wanted to make you breakfast in bed. Got a bit distracted talking to April, though." At least the food doesn't look burned.

"And I was just leaving," she jumps in, still irrepressibly smirking as her eyes roam enthusiastically across his body. "Guess you're taking off today?"

"Yeah. Looks like it." A bittersweet curl to his lips, still looking at me over April's shoulder as I scrape the eggs and sausage onto a plate for us.

"Well, that's a shame." She flashes a little moue, about a quarter serious, before grinning widely again. "But it was totally wonderful having you out here. Let me give you a hug goodbye."

"Um," he tries half-heartedly to object, but she's already throwing her arms tight across his broad chest. His own still properly limp at his sides, shrugging helplessly - a sop to the spark of protective jealousy that flashes in my eyes.

To my relief, she doesn't push it past a couple seconds...though she does press herself rather irritatingly tight against him. Letting her hands rest casually at his sides as she pulls away again. A firmly encouraging lilt to her voice. "Now, you come back just as soon as you can, okay? We're all like a family here. In fact," her tones sliding toward flirtatious amusement, "I hope you'll think of me as just another of your sisters."

"Oh my god," I groan. "Okay, Ape. Time's up. Let go of him."

Playful disappointment flits in her expression...but she obeys, taking her hands from his sides as she steps away. A gleeful whisper over to me, more than loud enough for him to hear - "He smells like you." I have to cross my arms and glare like an aggravated parent until she finally scampers impishly off, snatching up one of her discarded overcoats on her way out the front door. Leaving David to look at me with an expression bemused and faintly apologetic.

"Don't worry about it," I excuse him with a little wave, ushering him over. "She's nuts. Let's eat."

---

The food is fine enough, seasoned with hunger after our energetic antics of last night. Once sated, despite what I said to April, I'm rather tempted to repeat them - to spend these last hours locked with him in lust, to let my body ring again with sensation beneath his hand. But as I stand before him, as I press up close and snake my hands around his waist to rest in his back pockets...I know that's not really what I want. Not right now. It's a gentler affection, a peaceful love that possesses me, staring into his steel-blue eyes. I just want to be with him, to bathe in his presence. To feel him in my heart, not my...well.

So our clothes stay on as we embrace sprawled out on the couch, as I lay against him, in the close radiance of his arms. Holding. Squeezing. Kissing, feeling his heart beating beneath me, a slow pulse that seems to echo in my soul, and I can't imagine any better place to be than here beside him. Nowhere safer, nowhere more alive and thick with meaning...we talk about everything, in rambling half-sentences, about nothing, about the past and the future. Time still taunting us, great chunks of it stealing away between glances at the clock, until the last reasonable deadline for his departure is already past us, and still we lay clinging tight to one another, vainly pretending we don't realize the lateness of the hour. Neither of us wanting to be the first to pull away, to surrender to necessity.

It has to be me. Bittersweet awareness - he looks so much to my lead. He'd probably stay overnight again, if I let him. Maybe indefinitely, just never making mention of going home, of the farm, of school. I almost want to do it. Say to hell with everything, turn off our cell phones so no one can call, let him move into my bed. Have him, keep him here as long as I want. It's no solution, of course, no real possibility. But it's nice to pretend for a few moments, before you do what you have to.

"I'm going to miss you so terribly." The words kissed into his ear, my lips moving on him in a slow whisper. A tiny slackening of sorrow in his body beneath me as I finally make mention of the separation that looms upon us. "I swear, I'm probably going to go crazy."

It takes him a few moments to respond, his voice coming low and mournful. "Yeah. I think I know what you mean." His hand stroking softly at my back, along my spine, with a feeling of anxious yearning. "After the last few weeks...don't even know if I'm gonna be able to sleep anymore, without you there next to me."

"Well," half a smile, gently reassuring. "I'll just have to call you up every night. Hear your voice..." Sliding down on him a trifle, kissing him on the cheek, on the side of his jaw. And a bit of mischief entering my voice, as something else occurs. "Any chance I'm going to be able to make you talk dirty to me, over the phone?"

I can feel him blush, his cheek warming lightly against my lips. But he smiles bravely, shrugs with unconcern so plainly forced that I have to giggle. "If you want...I'll give it a shot."

"Mmm." Conflicted emotion humming in my throat, love and loss. I stretch out, pushing against him, luxuriating one last time in the feeling of him beneath me, strong and solid, for just these last few moments before the inevitable. Trying to capture it, to take a picture in my mind that I'll be able to turn to in the coming months, to relive the subtle, shining joy of his embrace when I'm lonely on my bed.

Enough. Enough, he has to go, to get back to his own life. I slither slowly off of him, drop my feet to rest again on the coldly apathetic carpet. My hand drifting over to his, linking in my withdrawal so that I can offer a trivial help in tugging him upward from the couch...and embracing again immediately on standing, our bodies like magnets to one another. His arm close around my waist, his chin pressed in my hair as we sway slow and instinctive, and I almost feel like crying. God, how can I give him up? I've only just found him...

"I have something." He speaks soft into my scalp, a touch of tension familiar in his voice. "Um, something I want to give you."

"Yeah?" A sniffle, a catch in my throat. Closer to tears than I thought. Pulling my head barely away, to look up into blue eyes burdened with a quiet worry. "What's that?"

"It's..." There's a faint sense of loss as he pulls his hand from my back, sending it to search in his pocket. "It's, you know, it's nothing really. I got it a while ago, even before you headed off to college. Just never got together the nerve to give it to you at the time, so I kinda held on to it." His lips flicker wryly, his hand returning with a tiny object wrapped in tissue. "I mean...I don't even know if it'll fit."

My eyebrows lift with curiousity, staring at the ambiguous, wadded bundle. "What is it?" Something that sits easily in the palm of his hand. That frightens him to give. That has to fit...I grab for the packet, fingernails tearing quickly through layers of thin tissue. Tugging it gently open, apart, to find inside a simple burnished band, orange-brown in color and quietly lustrous. Bronze? Copper? I don't really know my metals...its surface covered with a thin, patterned etching, vaguely reminiscent of autumn leaves.

"I found it at the thrift store." His voice soft and honest. "For some reason, it just made me think of you. After you left, I used to carry it around with me, sometimes. When I was really missing you." A raw note briefly aching in his tone. "Um, figure I should finally give it to you, now."

"It's a ring." I state the stupidly obvious, vision blurring as my eyes tear up from the sudden trembling of powerful emotion in my heart. "You're giving me a ring."

"Yeah, um," his eyes dart nervously away, fleeing to the floor beside my feet. A struggle in his expression, anxious and adorable. The feeling of what this gift, this moment could mean flowing between us, and his desire and his fear both plainly written in the lines of his face. Afraid to ask too much, to say too much. Almost stuttering. "It's...I mean, it's just jewelry, y'know. Nothing, I'm...I just thought maybe you'd - you'd like it." Swallowing uncomfortably, his stance tight and anguished.

"Of course it is." Soft. Reassuring. The thought, the wish beneath can stay silent, hidden for now. There's time. The future has room enough. I slide the ring to the base of my finger. A trifle tight, but...it's beautiful. Perfect. Honest - no gaudy band of gold and diamond could be finer than this, joy thrilling a gentle melody in my heart as I look upon it. As I look upon him, at the yearning in his eyes, the want and the worship.

"I love it." The truth is simple on my smiling lips, a trace of wetness yet shimmering in my eyes as I step forward again into his arms, my mouth finding his for one last kiss, long and slow and urgent. Not bothering to breathe, our arms wrapping round each other so tight, so close, so true. Lips sliding, clutching against one another with such passion, such sweet intensity that I can swear I feel his soul there rubbing with mine, groaning with emotion deep and indescribable. It's an eon before I pull back, gasping for breath. Tears welling up helplessly again in my eyes, and I don't even know if they're of joy or sorrow, if I'm weeping for what I have or for how long I'll have to wait before he's mine again.

An echo. "I love you." Force and feeling in the words, so great that they catch in my throat, wobble out weak and trembling. I have to wipe my eyes on his shirt as shaky laughter shudders through me - god, I can't believe I'm crying like this. Pushing, striving for humor. "You'd better stay away as long as you can, Davey. Because when you come back, I swear to god I'm never letting go of you again."

He huffs softly, a low and momentary chuckle, and I feel oddly heartened at the mirrored flash of moisture in his own eyes. His voice rough with emotion. "Promise?"

"I promise." The ring tingles cool at the base of my finger as I rest my head briefly on his shoulder. Have to set a countdown again in my mind before I can finally make myself pull away, let go of him. Stepping backwards to regard him in all his glory, the boy I so adore. Oh, that gorgeous, messy mop of golden hair, the body tall and strong before me, those eyes so beautifully blue above his bittersweet smile...I need to cross my arms at my chest to keep myself from dashing back to embrace him once again. "Go on, now. Get out of here. You've got a long drive ahead."

It's with some reluctance still that he picks up his stuffed little travel bag, slings it over his shoulder. His feet slow and heavy as he walks to the front door...hesitates, turns half around to look at me, his lips parting to speak. "Sam, I..."

He trails off as our eyes meet, gazing enraptured. Our connection does the work of words. An ocean of feeling flowing from the hopeful height of his brow, urgent emotion carried in the curl of his smile. We don't have to speak; I can feel his soul here before me, warm and glowing, whispering truths deeper than his tongue could ever hope to shape. His dreams, a balm upon my heart.

Enough. He has to go. I give him a little nod, my lips quirking upwards - and just for a moment, his smile deepens to that familiar, goofy grin I so adore. His eyes flashing with sapphire affection, one last goodbye as he opens the door and steps out into the cold.

I'm alone. Moving to the window, to watch him depart. God, it'll be hard. Months before the semester ends. A few more before the next starts up, before he'll finally be joining me here. The wait ahead looms dark and oppressive, almost unbearable...but there's a shining light at the end of it, blinding with promise. I don't know what shape our lives are going to take, if we'll keep this a secret or live open and honest. Don't know what we'll do for the day-to-day, if we'll get a place of our own together or just muddle through with him in the dorms. And three more years for him, after I graduate...challenges ahead. But there's time and room to figure them out. A smile on my face, looking down on his truck pulling out of the parking lot, a final wave goodbye from the figure within. I should have known it from the very start. We belong to one another. Nothing's going to stand between us.

THE END (for real)