Live TV Sexting with the Rockstar

[Unknown Number] Hi, it's me, I was just admiring your work.


Suzanne: Hi, who is this?

[Unknown Number] Oh sorry, this is Kal.

Suzanne: I'm sorry too... Kal who?

[Unknown Number] You're playing it awfully cool, Kal Kennedy. Are you recording these to leak them and destroy my life? I hate to disappoint you but I don't send dick pics.

Suzanne: OH MY GOD

Kal: So uh, how's it going?

Suzanne: I'm so sorry, I didn't think I'd hear from you!

Kal: You slipped me your number on a coffee stirrer, if I'm right about this you had actually carved it into the wood, color me impressed.

Suzanne: I like to whittle.

Kal: And I didn't make you anything.

Suzanne: It's so weird, I'm watching a panel show right now and you're on it, I don't know when it was taped.

Kal: Taped? It's live, why do you think my hands are under the table whenever they cut to me?

Suzanne: LIAR

Kal: In a few seconds when they cut to me, I'm going to unbutton my shirt. It's going to get very chesty and it's your fault you made me do it to prove myself to you.

Suzanne: Holy shit you did it. Wait. How do I know you don't just remember the moment you did that? Say my name.

Kal: I'll say your name if you tell me what you thought about the last time you masturbated.

Suzanne: You sicko! ...but ok. I thought about the way your hand touched mine when I handed you your coffee and how you made me wet just by looking into my eyes.

Kal: That went pretty well, the host looked pretty confused when I called him Suzanne but he seemed to buy it when I said I just couldn't get the Leonard Cohen song out of my head.

Suzanne: Musicians get a lot of slack. What are you wearing?

Kal: Haha! Nice. Though I guess you can only see my upper half so it's more of a valid question than it appears. I'm wearing some super sexy beige slacks and some pretty sweet sandals with socks.

Suzanne: Beige slacks with a silver rings and tattoos and a short-sleeved black shirt? That's hotttt. You're the kind of rockstar that doesn't do what people expect of him.

Suzanne: By the way your sleeves are rolled up awfully high, it's kind of provocative.

Suzanne: If you're wondering what I'm wearing, the answer is: up to you.

Kal: You're killing me, he was asking me a question there and I had no idea what he was talking about because I was thinking about what to have you wear. Up to me, huh? Ok, you asked for it. Sheer tights and a t-shirt, nothing else.

Suzanne: I don't know if the t-shirt or the tights were the more surprising part. Are you sure? If you put the word 'tights' into a sentence I will not only do it but send you a picture right now once I change clothes.

Kal: I'm pretty pleased with myself.

Suzanne: I bet you are. Kudos on using a rambling, inappropriate anecdote about your wrestling days in school as an excuse to say 'tights'.

Kal: I feel like you're stalling.

Suzanne: [Picture Message]

Kal: Ok... so you weren't stalling. I thought you might play it coy and send me like, a picture of your face, but that... how did you manage to get your bum in the shot?

Suzanne: Selfie stick. In tourist season we find a couple of them in the cafe every closing time.

Suzanne: Are you hard?

Kal: Yeah. The blood has left my face and I'm paler than usual and I can't quite focus on what these dorks are saying.

Suzanne: Did you really just call her a racist?

Kal: I'm from Ireland but I never find it funny when people say Potatoes in a leprechaun accent. Enough about the oppression of my celtic brothers and sisters, can we talk about your ass more?

Suzanne: Why talk about it when you can see it? [Picture Message]

Kal: I don't think that's really your ass.

Suzanne: How dare you! You think I'd catfish someone who is on live national television?

Kal: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to doubt you. I just initially wondered why if you owned a donkey I'd never seen you riding it around.

Suzanne: [Picture message]

Kal: Wow. If you're expecting me to parlay that picture into some kind of 'cat' joke, I want you to know I'm above it.

Suzanne: You're weirdly affable for possibly the most notorious rockstar on the planet.

Kal: Hang on.

Kal: Ok back.

Suzanne: I can't believe you just told a presidential candidate to "stop annoying you while you're trying to sext."

Kal: Touch yourself for me, right now.

Suzanne: Ok.

Kal: Don't cum without asking.

Suzanne: Christ you're bossy

Kal: You type well for someone who's masturbating.

Suzanne: Thank you I tyr

Suzanne: Fuck it. I meanf

Suzanne: Fuck! I meant to say, nevermind though, I need to cum.

Kal: Huh, it's funny... that doesn't sound like a question.

Suzanne: I hate you.

Kal: Good, channel that. An angry orgasm could be fun. But of course, you can't cum yet.

Suzanne: Fuck you! ... But ok. Ok. Can I cum please?

Kal: No.

Suzanne: Agghfffff! Please.

Kal: Hey imagine if this was you on this show and I was underneath the desk, going down on you.

Suzanne: Oh god

Kal: Hey you could wear exactly what you're wearing now, though I'd have to rip your tights open.

Suzanne: Please

Kal: Rip your tights open.

Suzanne: Ok, I did it. Please. Let me cum.

Kal: Imagine my mouth on you, you're trying to talk but you're distracted, you can't think. Just when you think maybe you can keep it together enough for a few words, my finger starts to push inside you.

Suzanne: How do you text so fast?

Kal: Haha! I'm a musician. I've got good hands.

Suzanne: I have to cum. I have to. Please.

The panel show was a sort of cross-cultural affair. The blustering presidential candidate, the conservative and liberal cultural commentators and -almost as an afterthought, the notorious rockstar with the turbulent past, Kal Kennedy.

He looked severely out of place among them but it wasn't uncommon for him to show up on things like this and he could be anything from drunk and disastrous to calm and articulate. Today he had seemed distracted, but won some laughs by insulting the politician who was behaving somewhat oafishly.

The other guests had asked him if he was seriously sexting but he had waved the question away, seeming more and more distracted.

When the camera cut to Kal Kennedy for what was to be the final time that night, he looked directly into it and said "You can cum now Suzanne. Cum for me."