Lizzie

Way too long, way too many pointless details that add nothing to the storyline, the pacing is extremely slow, the characters whilst likeable are not painted in any form we can get a grip on in our minds eye, after 64k words all I know about Lizzie is that she’s short, fairly fit, has untidy hair and a good voice, you put more effort into her house description than describing her. The story is also littered with errors, what on Earth is a “watercooker” for example? There is no such thing, it could be either a kettle for making hot drinks etc, or a water heater for bathing/washing hot water, sort it out!

In short, I’ve rarely seen a story that’s more in need of a severe editing and beta/proof reading by someone other than the author.

Regards, Ppfzz. 4⭐️

I love the story.

I hate a lot of details that are simply wrong and the lack of research. The riverwalk, the town, the village etc, etc some hours of research and you have names an places and distances and then you get a real story.

Now you have a bullshit literotica thing

This is a wonderful story!

Generally I tend to skip stories too long to read in one session, but so many of your others are outstanding that I came back to this one. Beautiful pacing! The slowness fits their characters and situations. You probably could have cut it by a quarter or a third without damage, but it certainly didn't need anything like that.

One very minor matter of substance: the section where each wonders whether he or she is falling in love with the other, and then dismisses it, doesn't feel quite right to me. As it is, each has worked out a life and routine that's been satisfactory, and each worries that the other wouldn't feel the same, and that's plenty to explain the caution they show. But this really covers two or three short paragraphs in a pretty long story, and even as it stands it's not totally implausible.

Thank you for an excellent, moving story, Demure. Another one, I should say.

This story was soothing but a tad too slow. I'm 23 but later on I'd love to live like Lizzie did with Zeb and then later on with Dan. Also I agree with one of the commentators that little girl was a personal phrase and Dan and Lizzie need a new one.

The melding of two independent lives took time, but no more than it should. It was enjoyable watching the them accept their feelings for each other. Thanks for the romantic love story.

I only have one suggestion. Little Girl was what Zeb called her. It was their personal phrase. Lizzie and Dan needed one for themselves.