Long after the Game Ch. 05

The door bell rang again and he threw down the kitchen towel he'd been wiping his hands on and yelled, as he walked to the front door, "Ok, ok! I'm coming."

He threw open the door, ready to remonstrate with the delivery guy he assumed it was, to see Deanna standing in his door, staring at him, shivering. She'd obviously been crying.

"Deanna... what...? What happened? Are you ok?"

Deanna just stared at him, partly sobbing.

"Come in... let me get you something..." he said, at a loss to understand her state.

"Wait." She said. Then she stepped in and kissed him. A full on, heavy duty kiss, with tongues. The kind one lover gives another. Trey was unprepared, but it didn't take him long to warm to it, and kiss her right back.

They broke away when both ran out of air. Both where heaving, breathing in deeply, staring at each other.

"I had to be sure..." murmured Deanna, still looking Trey in the eyes.

"I...never... I never thought I'd get the chance," said Trey, with slightly watering eyes.

"Come in, please..."

He ushered Deanna inside, and the door closed.

*****

So that's the story, pretty much. She left. I don't know exactly where she went – although I can throw a couple of guesses around. I stayed and finished the beer. I should have eaten but I had no appetite. I did think about Uber, but in the end I decided to take the L train down town and then take an Amtrak out to Naperville, just to give me time to think. One thing I did know was I didn't hold anything against Deanna, not this time.

To some degree, I was also still second guessing myself. I kept asking why I didn't feel the way she did? Why didn't I respond the way I should have done? After all, she did everything right. As far as you can in that kind of situation. While I had my epiphany, it didn't stop me asking why I felt the way I did.

But I didn't want or need it, particularly not with what I'd learned about her liaisons with Trey, innocent as they appeared on the surface. I still don't quite understand it. I know how I feel but I'm damned if I know why, exactly. It just...wasn't there. There was a lot there, don't get me wrong. Just not that "I need to spend the rest of my life with you" spark. It had been, and now it wasn't.

But what it did do was set me free. All the second guessing, all the wondering what I did wrong, all of it, it wasn't exactly gone, but it wasn't top of my list of worries about my life any more. It was just...lifted a bit. Enough for me to get on with my life.

Once she left, it felt like I had been waiting for something and I didn't have that feeling any more. I didn't want her to just go out of my life entirely; we shared too much history and, of course, the kids, and I did still love her. But just not in that "you are my entire life" way.

I guess I got even more damaged than I had thought. I've spent a lot of time wondering if the fault was with me – after all – she did try her damndest. I think that, on reflection, I was too damaged. I had recovered enough to carry on life, but not enough to enjoy it – to cut loose and really be what it should be. And it took this to actually get me there.

Anyway, practical upshot was that she got married to Trey, just over a year later. Paula was her maid of honor. I didn't really talk much to Deanna about it – we had dinner a few times over the next few months, but the subjects we talked about were always light and airy stuff. She took me out to Mortons to tell me she was getting married. She didn't ask me if it was OK – she didn't need to anyway – but I could tell she was a bit anxious that I wouldn't take it badly or throw a fit or anything. I just smiled, told her to be happy, and to not fuck around on Trey. She wasn't happy about that, but fuck her opinion on that. We talked a bit about how things would change, and that was that.

Paula wouldn't shut up though. You'd have thought she was the one getting married from all the earache she gave me about it. And who bought her bridesmaid dress? You guessed it. It was ok though. I made her earn it. She's my new front of house girl, after school and on weekends, when we work then. She does ok, but I can tell it's only going to be temporary, which will be fine because I'm not ok with how much time the new artist guy on the team is spending out there, or the looks he gives her. I keep dropping hints about shotguns and first person shooter games, but all he does is go on and on about the latest H&K 9mm he's just bought, totally missing the point. Need to be a bit stronger with the hinting I think. Like "I will kill you if you mess with my girl. Now get back to work." That should hit the right mark, I think.

Paula was beside herself when she heard me having "discussions" with Derek, the art lead we hired. I got a lecture on something called "White Knighting", the importance of a woman making her own way in the world, the importance of her earning 'her own money', so it can be spent on what she wants, how she's her own woman blah blah blah blah. I tuned out about ten minutes in, although I did perk up when she started in on the 'earning her own money' bit. I made some comment about, if she was 'earning her own money' now, when I might see rent forth coming? I may as well have suggested she have sex with her grandfather, the way she went off. Her mother's daughter, through and through.

I mentioned it to Deanna, later, at one of our semi-regular dinners and she smiled at me softly, reached out and put her hand on my chin, shook her head and said, "You are such a great dad, you poor, deluded fool. You have no clue what is coming, do you?"

Then, after a second, she realized what she had said, and went white and moved the hand to her mouth and stumbled out, "Oh Ryan, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

Gruffly, I answered, "It's ok. I know what you meant." And I did. We couldn't keep rehashing the past, and she couldn't be constantly watching her verbiage because of it. The past was dead, along with the marriage and neither one of us needs to be constantly reminded.

So anyway, because Paula was in it, I got to hear all about the wedding and then I got an invite. Yeah, I'm not that stupid. I didn't go. I spent that week drunk as skunk on a trip to Hawaii, sitting at one of those bars that's in the pool, where I was the ONLY person who got up and got out of the pool to go to the bathroom, I noticed. Deanna took the kids the entire week up to and the day of her wedding. I thought that was the best wedding gift I could give her. And me, for that matter.

I've met her guy a couple of times, beyond our initial meeting. He insisted that I meet him for a drink shortly after Deanna and I finally resolved it all, to apologize. It was awkward and more for him than for me, but we got through it and at least I could be around him when I had to. I try not to because no man likes to see his ex all over another man - too many memories for that. Deanna and I still have semi regular dinners to talk about the kids, but they don't happen as often as they once did, and I think that's probably appropriate. The kids still live with me – most of the time -, but they all spend a fair amount of time over at Chez Morrison, and I don't make a fuss about it. She's their mother too.

Simon and Polly continued to be my rock. Polly gave me a ton of shit about my decision, and kept on every time I saw her until I finally lost it, and told her I'd take Simon out with Solomon and get him a laid a few times, then she could forgive him as well. She shut up after that, and while she never apologized, I did get a bit more empathy.

Oh, one other thing happened. That TV Thing they were going to make of my story? Turns out that the last gesture Deanna made got televised and of course interest picked up again. That Hollywood production company – Heinz baked beans or whatever they were named - called and asked if they could include the resolution, with appropriate changes of course. Can't have the fictional story end on a downer, so they made 'us' make up instead. Whatever. I could give a shit.

Apparently it had come out of 'turnaround' and some exec had liked it and it was being signed and I had to sign a bunch more stuff, and sign away rights to overseas markets or something. I got another check, which is always welcome (hey, if you want to send one, I'll take that, too) and this time I thought I'd try and do something a bit nice, so I insisted Deanna was cut in on it. I got a couple of hundred K and Deanna got a hundred k, and everyone was happy.

They asked me about casting and I did point out that George Clooney was probably appropriate to play me. I got raised eyebrows over that, and then someone suggested over Skype that they get Rowan Atkinson, because 'that would be nearer reality'. I had to go and look up who that was. That English guy who plays Mr. Bean. Very amusing, I'm sure. Fuckers. I'll get mine. I'll go to the premier (do they have premiers for TV movies?) and get drunk and cause a scene. Or get Solomon to hack in and put up hard-core porno on the screen or something.

Either way though, the game is coming out soon. I have to go to some big thing in LA called E3 – some video game expo. Can't say I'm looking forward to it.

But one thing I did do was pull out EHarmony and update the entry, and sent out a few emails. See if I can't get a few dates. I'm a divorcee, with a risky startup venture, and three kids who make me tear my hair out – and I don't have that much left, as I get older. But I'm sane, I'm not stupid and what the hell – stranger things have happened, right?

So yeah. This is the year of the Find Ryan a Girlfriend project. That might fall back into the secondary objective of Just Get Ryan Laid, but that's ok. Life is what you make of it. And I want a margarita. With Patron.



Ok, that's it for Ryan and Deanna. Ryan and Deanna's story is done, however Ryan is not. There will be more with Ryan in it, because not only do I love writing Ryan, I have an idea for him. Besides, doesn't Ryan deserve to get his? You guys may have to wait a bit – I have Ingrams stories to complete – but Ryan will be back one day.