Looking Back

But it was worth it. Not because they made me look better, but because while I was in pain, I got to lie there on the couch with Ken's arms around me pretending that the pain killers weren't working. I milked the shit out of that.

But I had to do something. I had never had to do anything to get a man interested in me. All it took was for them to get a glance at my boobs and they were all over me. But with Ken...no soap. While we were building the house, I often wore the tightest T-shirts and the tiniest shorts I had. There would be times when my nipples or my ass were right in his face and he did nothing.

I knew that he wasn't gay. We had shared our life stories way back during the time we'd spent driving around the country. I knew that he was divorced, but I never found out why he'd divorced his wife after being married for forty freaking years. I still don't know.

Then I started to have problems. These southern women are all just velvet covered bitches; especially the older ones. They zoomed in on Ken right in front of me as if I wasn't even there.

Those Heiffers started showing up with pies and cakes, or all kinds of dishes that they thought he would like. A couple of them even suggested double dates and brought along their sons or even grandsons to keep me company. And I already knew about men like them. I just smiled, kept my arms folded across my chest and refused to move away from Ken.

I started throwing away cakes and pies every day. Then I just started to get rude. There was one...let's call her cushiony...woman that I noticed he was actually looking at.

I took one look at her and I knew how the women back in Ohio felt about me. Her tits were huge, but so was her gut. She just had a knack for wearing a girdle that was so tight I was amazed that she could breathe. And the bitch was only ten years older than me. Every time I saw him look at her boobs, I saw red.

She showed up one Friday evening, talking about a church social. I'd been working in the yard. Ken said that he'd like to go. He went up to get showered and dressed and left me with her. As soon as he was out of earshot, I smiled as sweetly as I could at her. She told me that I should think about going, because there would be plenty of nice younger men there for me too. I realized that she was trying to be nice.

She was overly talkative. She told me about how men always died earlier than women did. She told me how hard it was to find men in her age group, especially men that were still not only able to get around, but were able to get it up. That was when the red that I had been seeing turned to black.

I walked over to the door and told her to get out of my house. I told her if she ever came near Ken again I'd cut her big fat titties off and stuff them up her big fat ass.

Ken came back downstairs and looked around the living room. "She's gone," I told him. "Don't bring any more women home, Dummy. You have all you can handle right here."

That was the first of our arguments. He accused me of cock blocking. I told him that I wasn't blocking anything. I was just re-directing it towards the right hole. He told me I was too young for him and I told him I was only ten years younger than the cow who'd just been moooooo-ved out of our house.

He told me that he didn't think of me that way. I was his FRIEND. That was when I went off on him. I explained the facts of life to him. I told him that he was mine and he always would be. And then he did it. He wiped away my tears of anger and shushed me. Then he gave me, at almost forty years old, my first real kiss.

I know it sounds weird. I had probably been screwed literally thousands of times, but no one had ever really kissed me. I mean let's face it, kissing is an intimate, personal thing. No guy wants to kiss some slut. You never know where her mouth has been.

Ken's lips were so gentle that my knees got weak and my nipples got as hard as diamonds. I got light headed and really hot all at the same time. Then he wrapped those long arms around me and pulled me to him. My titties flattened out against his chest and I was tingling in my nether regions. It was the first time that I was not only willing to let someone have sex with me, I wanted it. I was moaning and just so ready for him. I reached down to his pants and then he did it.

He just smiled at me and sat down on the sofa. He picked up the remote and turned on the TV. I was still standing there with the dumbest look on my face.

I was really pissed then. I went over and flounced down next to him so hard I almost broke the couch.

He put his arm around me and looked into my eyes. "Randa, I'm scared," he told me. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have sworn he was crying.

"I love waking up and going down the hall to wake you up," he said. "I love us having breakfast together and arguing and cheering each other up when we're down. You probably don't realize this but if I hadn't met you I would probably be a depressed, lonely old man. Sex is a great thing, but it's less than ten percent of a relationship. It's probably the best ten percent, but it's still a small percentage. But it also complicates things to a disproportionate degree.

"I just don't want to risk messing up what we have," he said. "What if we do it and it isn't good? I'm just a regular guy and you've been with a lot of guys who are probably bigger and far better than..." As I recall it that was the first time I ever just grabbed his mouth. I have a habit of just grabbing his mouth to shut him up when he's just being stupid.

I kissed him again and told him that I would think about what he had said. I got him a beer while he watched TV and then went upstairs. I emptied and reorganized the drawers in his dresser. I put my stuff in half of the drawers. I also took half of the space in the closet. By the time his movie ended and he came up to bed I was under the sheets and waiting for him.

We didn't have sex that first night, but we snuggled and got used to each other's bodies. I told him what I thought of his ideas. I told him that from now on he wouldn't have to walk down the hall in the morning to wake me up, because I'd be right there with him where I belonged. I told him that as far as sex went, even if all he could do was make me feel the way he had when he kissed me, we 'd be fine.

I also have him a warning. I told him that we could wait for as long as it took for him to become comfortable enough for us to have sex. But if he brought any more old women home with him, it would be bad. I grabbed his dick and told him it was mine, just as he was.

That was our first year together. The last three have been even better. We've had no problems and no issues until you came to our doorway," she told Kate. "So you're his daughter in law...or you used to be. And you're my ccousin..or you used to be. None of that matters, Kate. Both of us have put the past behind us. We weren't happy in the past and we aren't going to start looking back now. We have a bright future ahead of us, so thanks for coming all the way out here, but whatever you're selling, we aren't buying it. "

"Miranda, I had no idea about any of that," said Kate. "To tell you the truth, I guess we just lost touch. It's probably my fault. I was young and in love. The next thing I knew, I had a husband, a child and a new family. You're also right that our family in Ohio was...troubled. I knew that my father had trouble with the bottle. A lot of the men in our family and our town did. It was a very blue collar community. Almost all of the men worked very hard at very physical jobs with little or no chance for escape. Most of them didn't live very long. They looked for whatever escape from the drudgery they could find. They worked hard and they partied harder. Not everything they did, was right. If I had known..."

Before she could finish what she was saying the doorbell rang. Miranda rose to go and get it. I guess I stayed with Kate out on the deck because I thought that she was the person I had to deal with.

"Kenny...uhm can you come in here?" called Miranda. The tension in her voice told me that something was going on. I ran into the house and into the living room. There i found Miranda in the open door. On the other side of the door was Matt and Maddie.

"Oh great!" I said. "Now they're all here." Behind me Kate came into the room.

"I told you to let me handle this!" she said.

"I didn't want to leave you alone with HIM," said Matt.

"What business is it of yours?" she said. "We're not married anymore!"

"And whose fault is that?" he yelled. "You wanted the divorce. You asked for the divorce."

"I NEVER wanted it, asshole, I just wanted you to fight for us. I just wanted to see if I was important enough to you that you would put out some God damned effort to keep me," said Kate.

"Bullshit," spat Matt. "You had the hots for my dad. Even when he ran out on my Mom, you were on his side. And Mom told me that he thought you were the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. And apparently now we know why he left my mother high and dry. He found your God damned twin and ran off with her."

Maddie was glaring at Miranda angrily but she didn't say anything.

"Let's go Matt," she said urgently.

"This is all too weird," said Kate. "Mom, you just walked in here and saw Dad for the first, or second time in four years. You've just found out that he's living with my cousin and it seems like I was more shocked than you are. What the hell is going on?"

"Okay, we need to get all of this bullshit settled," I said. "I have a life that I need to get back to. And until we settle all of this crap you people won't leave me alone. So let's all act like adults and go sit on my deck and talk all of this out."

We all went back out onto my deck. As the sun rose higher, Miranda and Kate went into the house and brought back cold drinks for everyone, while I cranked the awning over the deck to make it shady and more pleasant.

When everyone was settled, with Matt and Maddie sitting at one end of the table, Randa and me at the other end and Kate in the middle, we began to talk.

"First off, Matt, I have never done anything to you, why the fuck are you so hostile towards me?" I asked.

"Because you deserted Mom without ever giving her any type of reason. And because my fucking wife was always disappointed in me because I wasn't as successful as you were. I wasn't some big shot business management genius, so I was never going to match up," he said.

Both Kate and I started laughing. "Let's go Matt," said Maddie. "They aren't going to take us seriously. They're laughing at your feelings."

"Katie, you go first," I said.

"Matt, you're an idiot," said Kate. "You've always been an idiot. If you don 't get your head out of your ass, you'll die an idiot. Yep, I love your Dad. There, I've admitted it. Are ya happy?" Matt's mouth dropped open.

"I love him so much it's off the charts," she said sticking her face next to Matt's.

"You fucking bitch," hissed Miranda. "I'm gonna..."

"Calm down Cuz," smiled Kate. "Matt, I love him like a father. He loves me like his daughter. My own father was an alcoholic, who never gave a half a damn about me or any of his kids. And as for you, yeah Matt, I wanted you to be more like your dad. But it wasn't money I wanted. It was your time and your attention. Your dad treated your mother like a fucking princess. The two of them were hardly ever apart. She was his entire world. Even after being married for forty years they walked around holding hands. He treated her like she was gold plated. It's the same way he treats my cousin now. Look at them. I'll bet if you look under the table they're holding hands right now."

Miranda held our hands up. "If you knew how bad my cousin's life has been, it should tell you how great a capacity for love that man has. That's what I wanted from you. I never needed for us to be rich or make a lot of money. I just wanted to know that I mattered to you. But everything else always seemed so much more important to you. I asked you for a divorce just to shock you into fighting for us. Instead you just said okay and gave up."

"How was I..." began Matt.

"Even after we divorced, I always hoped that you'd want us back," said Kate. "And we both know that we've handled our divorce differently don't we. I haven't been with a string of floozies trying to get over you."

"But no one has ever come close to you Kate," he said. "I just feel so empty, all the time. I thought you wanted the divorce because Dad had left Mom and...Boy have I been a fool. I was jealous of my own father for nothing."

"Dad, why did you run out on Mom?" asked Matt. "And why the hell won't you help Dylan?"

"I really want to know that too," said Kate. "The two of you were so in love and then overnight you were gone."

"She never told you?" I asked. "It figured she'd just let me be the bad guy. Well...like you both said, I loved your mother like there was no tomorrow. She really was my whole world. But my whole world shattered that last visit you guys paid to the old house. I went out for my run and something told me to go home. I did, and caught your mother cheating on me with two men. It broke my heart. I had never been hurt that badly in my life. I just snapped. The worst part of it was that one of the men was my best friend Will."

"Dad uncle Will died soon after you left!" gasped Matt.

"Shit, I beat him up pretty badly," I said.

"You didn't kill him, Ken," said Maddie. "Will died of complications from congestive heart failure. He had a massive heart attack. He did do one noble thing though. He told the Sherriff that he had crashed his truck. That covered up what you did to his windshield and also gave them a reason why his ribs were all broken. You did break most of his ribs when you jumped on him. But the reason for him pretending to crash his truck was to save Chelsea from finding out that he had cheated on her. Maybe he did it to save himself too, because Chelsea would have had his ass for breakfast."

"Why did you just sneak off without trying to fix things, Dad?" asked Matt. "I inderstand your anger but why not at least let Kate and me know what was going on. Why not talk to Mom and let her know why?"

"I did," I said. "I didn't run off. That never happened. I saw a lawyer. I had divorce papers drawn up. I gave your mother a very generous settlement. I even allowed her to stay in the house. It goes to you when she can't live there anymore and then to my brother Ben's kids." They looked at each other.

"I even had a final talk with your mother before I left," I said. "She explained the reasons why she'd done it. She left me no choice but to leave."

"I don't get it," said Kate. "Why the hell would she cheat on you. She had to be crazy."

"She told me that I was boring in bed," I said. Miranda burst out laughing.

"I never said that," cried Maddie. "I just said that we had done it so many times that I knew all of your moves. And it wasn't my fault. I was just horny all the time and I wanted to try anything that popped into my brain. I didn't find out until you were gone that I had a medical problem. My hormones went crazy and made me some sort of temporary nympho."

"But it was still easier for you to cheat on me than it was to tell me what was going on with you, right?" I asked. "Just like it was easier for you to let the kids think that I ran off on you instead of telling them the truth."

"Ken, I love you so much. What the hell was I supposed to do? My life and my marriage were ruined for nothing. It was just sex. And after forty years together you should have been willing to...I'm cured now. I haven't been with a man in years. I want you to come home. I don't care if you help Dylan or not. I just want my marriage back," whined Maddie.

"He is home Grandma," said Miranda angrily. "You had your chance and you blew it. Get out of my house. He isn't going anywhere. Who the hell is Dylan?"

"Dylan is my son," said Kate quietly. "He has cancer. The doctors are trying a lot of treatments. They want to try radiation therapy, chemotherapy and nuclear medicine. The cancer is a genetic thing. A sure fire cure is a bone marrow transplant from someone in the family who has the antibodies to fight the cancer."

"That's rough," said Miranda. "What do you need us for?"

"Dad is the person with the antibodies. He saved his brother's life. He can help..."

"Fuck no!" said Miranda. "He's almost seventy years old. Who knows what that kind of thing would do to him. We're pregnant. I want my baby's father to be around and healthy when she's born."

Kate, Matt were shocked. Maddie's eyes got cold.

"Dad why won't you help your grandson?" asked Kate. "And you Miranda, he's your nephew. He's family."

"Screw family," spat Miranda. "The only family that matters is Ken and our baby."

"I can understand why you feel that way, Miranda," said Kate. "But, Dad except for Mom, what did any of us ever do to you?"

"Katie, I love you, Honey," I said. "But ever since I saw him again, Matt has been giving me the evil eye, because of his jealousy and the lies his mother told him. He never even gave me the benefit of the doubt."

"But Matt isn't Dylan," said Kate. "What has my son ever..."

"Katie, I told you there were two men screwing your mother in law when I caught her..." I began.

"Yeah but...!" she said. Suddenly her eyes got huge and she understood. She turned on Maddie. "You nasty fucking Bitch!" she screamed. "You corrupted my baby!"

"Katie," she whined. "He blackmailed me into letting him. If I hadn't let him, he was going to tell your dad. And believe it or not, I love Ken too much to let him find out. I was desperate. I had no choice. And Dylan was over twenty one. He wasn't a baby to anyone except you."

"And as for you Ken, you can forget about marrying this child. The second you step foot in a church with her I'll have you arrested for bigamy. Legally you did run out on me," said Maddie.

"No, I didn't!" I shouted. "And you know it!"

"You left me plenty of money," she smiled. "And you filed the papers. But in our state those papers have to be signed and turned in. I never turned them in and I didn't sign them. And when your lawyer called to ask the status of the procedure, I told him that we had changed our minds. You really should have left the poor man some kind of contact information before you ran off to find a clone of your daughter in law."

Things started to move very quickly then. Miranda screamed and launched herself at Maddie. I saw her moving but reacted to slowly. Miranda managed to connect only once but her wild punch almost knocked Maddie's head off. Maddie fell over backwards in the chair and Matt jumped up to try to protect his mother.

Kate lined up in front of Miranda who was screaming for me to let go of her.

Matt looked up at an extremely angry Kate.

"Kate, Honey, I still love you," said Matt. "And I know now that you were right about everything. I should have paid more attention to you and my dad didn't do anything wrong. But I can't let that woman hurt my mother. Even though Mom is wrong."

"Matt, I still love you too, but this isn't about us. This isn't about your mother either. This is about getting Dad to help my baby. And your Mother is ruining this for everyone.

"I don't care if we don't get married," spat an angry Miranda. I was barely able to hold her back. "We've been fine so far. Our life was perfect until they got here. Our baby will be raised by two parents who love him or her. I want all of these people out of my house, NOW!"

"You heard her," I said.

Kate and Matt scooped up a punch drunk Maddie and took her out of my house. I spent the rest of the evening cuddling with Miranda and convincing her that things were going to be fine.