Looking Back

Diligently she went about packing the picnic basket, having rummaged through the house to gather all the things she knew He liked, adding a few different items for variety and to her liking. Tipping her head and looking over the assortment and wondering how she will pack it all in the basket. Biting her lip and setting her mind to the task she starts with the larger items, packing them at the bottom snuggly before adding the others, a bottle of wine, a few glasses, plates and napkins. Having made sure that the utensils were packed already. Stopping she reviewed mentally all she had gathered and knew something was missing but couldn't quite place her finger on it.

Turning she leaned back against the counter and looked around, sooner or later it would jump out at her, she wasn't one to forget the small details when trying to please Him. Standing there eyes closed, her mind spinning before it became very clear that she forgot to write Him a note letting Him know of the picnic to begin with. Chuckling softly to herself and knowing that would have been a mistake she quickly takes up a pen and searches for a piece of paper before finding a scrap of one. In bold letters it begins:

Master:

I am at our spot by the lake, the old oak tree. I have lunch and drinks. Yours, Sandra

Leaving the note in plain view and on the fridge, one of the first places He always stops to grab something, she is pretty confident He will find it. If not, her cell phone would be ringing that was for sure. Smiling she closed up the basket and grabbed the blanket besides it. Plopping one of those big straw floppy hats on her head and slipping on her sandals she took the truck keys and left, locking up before putting everything in the truck.

Taking off the hat and letting it sail to the passenger side of the truck she felt glorious, the sun was shinning, the weather was perfect for once and this was just the break He needed. She had felt for awhile now that the stress was eating at Him badly and all she wanted was to have Him relax, feel at peace for a short time.

The drive took about an hour, not that long but it seemed to be out in the middle of no where. The lake looked as calm as the heavens, the water sparkled like diamonds floating atop its surface as she stepped from the truck and gathered all the necessities. Slamming the truck door closed she turned, taking the old worn path and thinking of all the other times they both had been here. How He taught her to swim and love the water, how they had their first real picnic here, the fourth of July and watching the fireworks over the lake, alone and at peace and all the times they had been together, just the two of them, holding each other—just being.

Following the path she smiled, the basket getting a bit heavy as the trail winded until coming to the perfect spot He took her to so long ago. Setting the basket down with a soft thump on the ground she took the blanket from under her arm and spread it out. The slight breeze wasn't even enough to upset the blanket, just enough to flow over the skin like teasing fingers in a caress. If one were to look down, the figure of a woman, quite old in age stood looking over the lake, silhouetted as she once was in youth.

Looking down at her watch she gathered that by now He would have gotten the note and started for the lake about a ½ hour ago which gave her just enough time to set things up. Kneeling down, her skirt billowing out around her airily she opened the basket and began setting out plates and glasses, the bottle of wine. Pausing as she looked up, a shadow briefly crossing her path. A light furrow of her brow as she looked around to find nothing or no one that would have done such. Casting any thoughts aside but being ready for when He came, she continued to set things out, making sure that it looked presentable, tempting and appealing to His eye above her own. Looking at her watch again, she was surprised that so much time had gone by already, at least the sun was still high in the sky, the weather wondrous as she sat down on the corner of the blanket.

Surveying each item and turning the bottle of wine so the label would be facing Him she then quit diddling with everything, knowing it would either please Him or not, nothing more she could do. Drawing her knees to her chest, the sheerness of her dress draped along her legs, softly waving with the breeze as her arms curled around her legs. Smokey eyes looking out over the lake with tender memories as they flashed in her head.

As the sun beat down, she began to get hot and took off the hat, letting the sun beat directly on her blonde head, the slight breeze taking the tiny wisps of hair and teasing them over her cheeks and lips as her mind wandered backward in time, going back years upon years to the beginning. Her eyes seemed to cloud over as memory upon memory so etched into her mind floated, dancing as if playing itself out before her. All the lessons in the water of her shrieking and begging to leave and His patience as He held her and talked her through her fears, how each lesson ended up with her having gained knowledge and yet sore from the rough and yet loving taking of her as she teased and tormented Him purposefully.

Closing her eyes, a lone tear slipped down her cheek unheeded as she caught her breath. The feelings and memories so alive within, right at the surface as she knew they would be. Reaching blindly over she grasped the bottle of wine and opened it, pouring out a glass and then looking down at her watch, knowing that He was late but would show up. A smile curled her lips as she remembers the first time she left a note and took off, the words that flew from His mouth in anger until He calmed down to see that she had set up a picnic on her own. She had understood His anger, she left without telling Him and He couldn't get her on the phone. She could still remember how He stood before her, His voice seeming to boom across the lake and yet all she could think of was how magnificent He was standing there before her and how lucky she was to be His.

Taking a sip of the wine, a few more tears stream down her face, absently wiping the back of her hand against them to smooth them away. Taking a deep breath as her gaze slipped over the sky and down to the water to see that the wind was picking up a bit, the sun was shifting lower. Now the memories came tumbling in, rushing, a bit of this one, a bit of that one, running together as if spliced into a film. Fingers tightening around the wine glass as she sipped one more time then just holding it as her knees drew up tighter to her chest. Turning her face into the wind to feel it blowing across her face and drying the tears as quick as they fell.

Tossing back the long locks that were once blonde she looks over her shoulder, breath catching as if she was in her twenties again, heart hammering in her chest to see Him walking down the path carrying a single flower, an iris. Ironically as she holds the flower, a fleeting thought of the song called "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

It was as if it were years ago. The spring in His step, that smile that she loved so much as He tossed the flower in her lap before smothering her in a tight hug and kiss. Now tears flowed freely down her cheeks. Turning her head and ducking it she flings the glass of wine, it hitting the nearest tree and shattering, just as her life had.

Ironically how many times had she joked about 13 years, poisoning Him or offing Him so she could find a younger Man only to have Him leave her. She had never wanted that, only to be with Him, it was a running joke, something that had gone on from the get go, something that always seemed to ground them with a bit of humor when things were tense or stressed around them. Looking out over the lake, tears flowing freely down her cheeks as she remembered once Him mentioning that she would never throw a rose on His grave but a daisy, just to be different because they stank to high heaven and smiled fleetingly thinking of the daisy she did toss just for that simple fact. But also the two roses she did leave, entwined to symbolize her heart and His, always together, for they were.

Looking around, a bit disorientated, cold now as the wind had picked up, the sun was long gone, the night air was thick with the scent of the fall season underway. She looked over the picnic and a sense of loneliness over came her so sharply that it was worse then any inflicted pain purposeful or not that had ever struck her, for He had been her life, always would be.

Taking a deep breath she rose, stripping out of the dress she wore that still fit all these years, one she had kept and saved without His knowledge, a reminder always that she was His. Folding it lightly and placing it in the basket she then strode down to the lake and started walking right in. Eyes closed as the cold hit her hard, shivers tracing along her form as she kept on walking, envisioning His arms open, encouraging her to meet Him. Walking forward, her own arms outstretching to touch Him, to feel Him. The water slowly lapping at her flesh, rising quickly until finally it was over her head and she just kept walking, right into His arms.