Loss to Love Ch. 09

I walked through the front door, seeing my dad throwing on his jacket, ready to head to work. "Drew? Shouldn't you be at school?" He asked, shocked at my reappearance at home.

"I did it dad." I said.

"Did what? You're soaking, god you need to have a shower before you catch a cold."

"I broke up with him." I said, giving a sad chuckle. "I'm going to try to be straight. Like how you wanted." I said, my face twisting as more tears threatened to spill. I pushed past my dad, heading up the stairs to my room. Halfway up, he spoke, stopping me on the steps.

"Do you want to talk?" I gave yet another sad chuckle. Of course after I do what he wanted, he wants to console me. Maybe now we could go back to how things were. Maybe with the love from my father, I could forget about Nick.

"No, you should get to work." I said, continuing my way up to my room.

"Okay well, I'll call your school and tell them you're not feeling well." He said.

I closed my door, leaning against it, sliding to the floor. I heard the muffled sound of his jeep rumbling and drifting further away into the stormy morning. I sighed, putting my head in my hands. Maybe now I could get on with my life, finish high school and get into a good college, preferably far from Nick. Forget about him and life goes on.

My phone vibrated in my pocket, pulling me from my thoughts. I fished my phone from my wet jeans, seeing it was Travis on caller ID. I rejected the call, not wanting to talk to anybody at the moment. My phone vibrated once again from a text message this time, also from Travis.

"Dude what the fuck. Nick just told me you guys broke up? Why? Call me when you see this."

I shook my head, turning off my phone. I didn't want to deal with any of it at the moment. I got up, taking off my wet clothes and walking to the bathroom. I filled up the tub with warm water, hoping a long soak would calm my mind and get me in control of my emotions. As I sat in the warm water, I took deep long breaths, telling myself that I was okay, but I wasn't.

Each breath gave me this weird feeling of emptiness within my chest, like a void was left and what it was filled with was sadness. Each breath made me feel suffocated instead of relieved. I felt my eyes water again.

I got out after thirty minutes, the soak doing nothing but giving me prune fingers and making me feel sadder than I already was. I dried myself, walking to my dresser to pick out some clothes. On top of the pile was a t-shirt I had totally forgotten about. I held up Nick's t-shirt, the one he had let me wear at the botanical garden. Looking at it brought back so many memories of Nick, of our visit to the botanical garden, our trip to his mom's and about that amazing night we shared together.

I pulled the fabric to my face inhaling, his faint scent still infused within the fibers. I controlled my emotions as the tears threatened to flow once again. I pulled on the shirt before climbing into bed, settling into a fetal position, hugging my pillow tight for comfort.

I tried not to think about Nick but still he made his way into my mind without inhibitions. I tried focusing on the reason why I did it. I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick. I repeated that in my head over and over.

I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick.
I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick.
I did it so I wouldn't lose Nick.

But the fact of the matter was, I already did.