Lost at Sea Bk. 02 Ch. 02

Her eyes snapped open and slowly came into focus on Jack, who was looking at where Bella had reached out and held her hand with an expression of raw sadness etched onto her beautiful face. Bella didn't move. She just watched. Tears began welling in Jack's eyes. One escaped. Jack wiped it away with her other hand and closed her eyes tightly.

"Hello, Jack," Bella said quietly.

Jack started and went stiff. She pulled her hand away and stood up. "I'm sorry, I should not have come."

"You're here. You might as well sit back down," Bella said. She stretched her legs beneath the blankets and yawned.

"I don't know what I was going to say," Jack said. "I just wanted to talk to you."

"And you decided not to knock?" Bella asked.

"I was afraid you would have shut the door in my face," Jack said.

"I might have," Bella agreed.

"I couldn't risk that," Jack said quietly.

"You came for a fight?" Bella asked, keeping her tone neutral.

"Ready for one I suppose. I did not think you would be asleep," Jack said. Of all the things Bella could have done, simply being asleep had been the most disarming. Jack felt adrift. All the conviction that had convinced her that just barging in would get her what she wanted had died at the sight of the sleeping witch.

"How long were you there for?" Bella asked.

"Not long. You stirred a bit when I sat down. I did not expect you to hold my hand." Jack still stood awkwardly in the dimly-lit room, not looking at Bella.

"I didn't mean to. I didn't know it was you," Bella said. She watched Jack's heart break a little more, and then the aloof mask slid back into place. Jack nodded and walked away.

"What do you want, Jack?" Bella asked. She didn't know why she asked. It just came out.

Jack stopped, quiet for a while. "I wanted some advice."

"Alright," Bella said. Why was she entertaining this? She pulled the other pillows behind her and propped herself up against the headboard, pulling the blanket up beneath her arms. She folded her hands in her lap and waited.

"I don't know what to do to make things right," Jack said. Bella's brows rose. For Jack, admitting that she needed help at all was rare.

"After what you did? I'm not sure you can," Bella said. She tried not to make it sound harsh.

"What I did was wrong. I had my reasons. I just can't talk about them and I can't take them back. I don't know what to do," Jack said. Bella had never heard her sound so unsure of herself.

"What are you asking?" Bella prompted.

"I don't know," Jack said. She finally turned around, looking at Bella for the first time. "I was going to ask how to talk to Will. I guess I should figure out how to talk to you first."

"You're talking to me now," Bella said. She still wasn't sure how she should feel about this, so she was keeping her tone and body language guarded and neutral.

"It feels wrong," Jack shook her head.

"I agree. It has felt wrong for a long time," Bella said.

"I miss you," Jack said, looking at the floor.

"I miss you too," Bella said. "Unfortunately, there's a lot of things in the way of fixing that."

"I wish I could explain it," Jack said.

"There's no justification for what you did," Bella said firmly.

"I know. I don't want to justify it. I just wish I could tell you why." Jack shook her head, frustrated.

"That's what you said last time we had this conversation," Bella said. "If you still can't talk about it, why are you here?"

"To apologize. I know it isn't enough." Jack swallowed back more tears.

"It's a start. Come sit down," Bella said. She wasn't sure she should have said that. Did she really want to have this conversation? Jack had come in without asking, and this sounded a lot like a conversation they'd already had more than once.

Jack sat. She sat further away this time, toward the end of the bed. "Having you here makes everything so much harder. I think I could have done this and just let Will and I be spiteful to each other. I can't do that to you,"

"Will's anger is justified, and you have never admitted that before now," Bella was trying to choose her words as carefully as possible. She could feel herself getting more tense.

"I know. I was upset that neither of you trusted me." Jack worried the ring on her finger.

"You gave us very little reason to. You did something awful to Will, then lied to me about it, and when it all came to light you refused to explain anything and acted like you were the victim," Bella could feel the old anger welling. Her brows furrowed. She wasn't sure she could do this.

"I'm sorry," Jack said in a soft voice. "I handled that very poorly."

This was a side of Jack Bella hadn't seen before. Jack was a proud woman. Fierce and stubborn. She was born of privilege and had turned herself into a self sufficient and capable woman on top of that. In many ways she was everything Bella felt she wasn't. It was what had drawn Bella to her in the first place. Something in Jack had changed in the years since they had parted ways.

"I had hoped I could just say that I had my reasons, and that would be enough," Jack continued.

"I can't imagine what reasons you could have possibly had for betraying Will and leaving him to die." Bella's eyes narrowed. "Or why you can't just talk about it. Are you cursed or something?"

"No," Jack said.

"Blackmailed?" Bella pushed.

"No, of course not. I wouldn't have done that for any kind of blackmail. I hope you know that," Jack said.

"That isn't as reassuring as it should be," Bella said grimly. "That means you made the choice yourself."

"I did. I would... I would make it again. I would just... try to make you understand first," Jack said. She sounded like she knew it was the wrong thing to say when she said it.

That was too much. "Make me understand!?" Bella snapped. "You mean you would try to appeal to my trust in you? Like you're trying to do now? Just an apology and the hope that I wouldn't want to know more about why you left the man you loved to die?"

Jack winced like she'd been struck. "That isn't what happened."

"Have you asked him? Do you know what happened?" Bella snarled.

"No I... he wouldn't talk to me," Jack tried to explain.

"What a surprise!" Bella scoffed.

"I didn't think you would choose him over me!" Jack snapped. "I thought you would trust me! You and Will weren't that close."

"Will was my friend. Do you have any idea how rare that is for me? To be friends with a man who respects me and never tried to fuck me or use me or hurt me? In my entire life that has only happened twice." Bella hissed.

"Well he's sure fucking you now," Jack said, unable to control her sudden jealousy.

"I came to him! I had to convince him! I did it to fuel the magic that convinced us to do this. To be here. Because for whatever fool reason I was worried about you and wanted to help!" Bella's hands were shaking. She laid them on her thighs and took a breath.

Jack held her tongue. She wanted to say she didn't need help. That all this would be easier without them. She knew what she was doing. Didn't she? All this had already gotten out of hand. They were so far away from where she'd wanted to be. Why were they talking about this?

"I do not need to justify my reaction to you." Bella continued. "Even if I hadn't known Will at all, what you did was wrong. You were partners. Lovers. What would you have done if it had been me in that ruin with you instead of him? Could you have left me there to die too?"

"No. Never," Jack said adamantly.

"Then why him? What made him so disposable?" Bella felt like she was being dragged behind her anger now.

"Because he could take it!" The words tore themselves from Jack's mouth. "I knew he would be fine!"

"He wasn't fine. He still isn't fine." Bella was confused, but still angry.

"He sure seems fine to me!" Jack threw her hands up. "He's rich now! He has you! He has everything!"

"Except his partner, and an explanation, and the ability to live the life he chooses. You took all that from him." The words were like hammers.

"It wasn't supposed to be like that," Jack shook her head.

"How could you know what things would be like?" Bella asked. "Are you a diviner now?"

"No, but I..." Jack swallowed. Things had gone too far. She'd lost control of the conversation. She was right where she didn't want to be. She couldn't stop herself from speaking. "I know what the curse is."