Lost Girl in Transition Ch. 18

Freshly showered and wearing well-applied makeup, Claudia was wearing a floral print peach colored dress. Half of her hair had been secured in a claw clip, while the rest had been left to cascade loosely around her shoulders.

Glancing at her cell phone she saw it was half past twelve, which gave her another half hour before Tristan was due to arrive. Feeling nervous, she began pacing back and forth across the kitchen linoleum, going over the mental checklist that was still in her mind. Since ten a.m. that morning, she'd been preparing herself for him - shaving, plucking, and moisturizing her body until it was perfectly ready for that intimate act.

Now silkily soft and smelling like soap and scented lotion, Claudia was visually put together and more than ready to present herself. Yet although eager to have the experience of Tristan being inside her again, there was also a part of her that was ridiculously nervous, as if she were a virgin all over again.

It had been nearly seven weeks since the rape had happened, but to Claudia it somehow felt shorter. Undeniably irritated that the rapist had been the last man inside of her, she was eager to replace the memory of that terrible night. So eager, in fact, that she was forgoing the three month wait period that she and Tina had made in therapy. But Tina didn't have to know that she was breaking an agreement they'd made in therapy.

Pushing aside the bit of guilt that she felt, Claudia told herself it was important, imperative even, that she and Tristan resume their sex life. Before the rape they'd been intimate on a daily basis, and there was definitely a part of herself that missed connecting with him in that way.

She also wanted to reclaim her sexuality, to see sex as a pleasurable and positive thing, rather than scary, forceful, and painful. She needed to redefine what sex meant to her, and what better way to do that, than to get back in the habit of sharing her body with the man she loved and trusted?

Glancing once again at her cell phone, Claudia saw it was twenty minutes to one, which meant that Tristan would soon arrive. Still significantly nervous, she smoothed a palm against her dress, then fingered her freshly washed curls.

The fluttery feeling of butterflies in her stomach began to increase, and her mouth was dry with anxious anticipation. But most of all she felt an overwhelming urge, one that created a pressure in her bladder, making it cramp with unwavering urgency.

Hastily, she exited the kitchen, making quick steps down the long hallway. And for the second time in the past half hour, she rushed off to the bathroom to pee.

* * * *

Hauling in six heavy bags from the grocery market, Tristan stepped into the house, shutting it closed with the heel of his shoe before continuing on. As soon as he was in the kitchen he set the bags on the counter, then rooted around in them to find the item he immediately needed. Somewhere during that time Shauna decided to show up, coming into the kitchen so quietly that he didn't even hear her.

"Hey."

Swiveling his head in the direction of her voice, Tristan saw that she was standing next to the fridge, oversized sweater hanging off one shoulder and tie dye leggings clinging to her legs.

"Hi." Noticing that her hair wasn't just blonde but now platinum, Tristan eyed it for several long seconds. "Your hair..."

"Yeah, It's platinum. You like, or think It's overpowering?"

"No, I like it." Studying the icy white color, he saw she had also added in pink highlights. "Interesting effect with the pink there, too."

"Yep." Lifting her fingers to the straight hair that fell just below her collarbone, she fingered the freshly dyed locks. "Figured I was ready for a change, you know? I mean I've had the same hairstyle for like practically forever."

"Yeah, well it looks nice," he commented, and turning his gaze back on the bags of groceries, began to root through them once again.

"Need some help?" Joining him at the kitchen counter, Shauna began taking items out of the grocery bags.

"Sure, that'd be great," he said, but his attention was only halfway on her.

"If you're looking for something, I could help you find it."

"Uh, It's okay," Tristan quickly replied, but no sooner had he spoken the words, did Shauna locate what he'd been looking for.

"Sensual Strawberry Astroglide?" Lifting the bottle of lubrication from the shopping bag, Shauna gave him a disappointed look. "Why did you buy this?"

"To have sex with my girlfriend, obviously. What other reason would I have for buying flavored lubrication?"

"But I thought she'd been raped?" Shauna's brows pushed together. "If she's recently been raped, she wouldn't be wanting sex just yet, right? I mean It's obviously way too soon."

"According to who?" Tristan's brows furrowed. "We talked about it, and she's ready. So It's going to happen, whether you like it or not."

"Alright, well cool." Although attempting to sound nonchalant, the sadness in Shauna's eyes gave her true feelings away. "Well I hope the two of you have fun."

"We will," Tristan replied, and snatching the lube from out of Shauna's hand, slipped it into his jacket pocket.

"Are you leaving now?" Shauna asked.

"Yes, and I won't be home until later tonight. So don't bother calling unless there's an emergency with Maggie. A real one, not something you make up just to get me away from Claudia."

"Well what am I supposed to do while you're gone?" She asked. "Maggie and I get bored staying cooped up in here all day."

"Then take a walk," he replied. "My parents just bought you that nice stroller for Maggie. Take her out in it so she can get some fresh air."

Now standing with a dejected look, Shauna could only watch as Tristan began to walk to away. But perhaps feeling her gaze on his back, he suddenly stopped and turned around.

"Oh, and while I'm gone...do me a favor by staying the hell out of my private shit."

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about." Giving her a hard look, he continued on. "You go through my stuff in the bedroom while I'm gone. Snoop through my sketches and paintings, and I don't like it."

"I wasn't trying to be a snoop," she said. "I just really like your artwork, so I check it out when there's nothing else to do."

"Well don't," he replied. "If I wanted to share, I would have shown them to you."

"I noticed you have a lot of drawings of Claudia in your sketchbook," she said.

"That's right," he replied.

"I think they're nice." Her lips curled into a soft smile. "Think you could make a sketch of me sometime?"

"Why would I?"

"I don't know, just for fun."

"Maybe," Tristan said, but the look on his face was one of disinterest.

"Can I ask you a question?" Now looking sullen, Shauna shifted on her feet.

"Yeah, alright. But hurry up, because Claudia's waiting." Pushing out an exasperated sigh, Tristan made a show of checking his watch.

"Do you love me?" She asked. "I mean in a general way, not romantically speaking."

"I care for you," he quickly replied. "You're the mother of my child, so I have to feel something, don't I?"

"You care, but you don't feel love?" Her lip began to quiver, shoulders going into a slump.

"I don't get why you're asking this," Tristan said. "It's so out of the blue, Shauna. What's this even all about?"

"It's about me needing to know how you feel." Now moist with her tears, her eyes stared intently. "I came back here hoping that you would want to get back together, make a family with me and Maggie so that we could all build a life as one."

"I'll take care of Maggie, I told you. Make sure she has everything that she needs. But as far as you and me, there Isn't any way we're getting back together."

"I know, I understand that now. You love Claudia and she's your girlfriend, and I respect that. But before I came here, I had this idea that you might still love me. That the feelings you used to have were still there."

"Well they aren't," he coldly stated. "And what we had was purely sexual, not much more than a summer fling."

"Was that all I was to you?" A stony expression had crossed Shauna's face. "Just a random white girl that you decided to fuck?"

"You know that's not what I meant," Tristan responded.

"Then what did you mean?"

"Just what I said," he replied. "Do you want the truth, or for me to lie?"

"You told me you me loved once. Do you remember saying that?"

"Yeah, it was the night before you left the rez. You were about to go home, and it was our last time together."

"So was that a lie or the truth?" She asked. "Did you actually love me back then, or were you just saying it?"

"You know it was the truth," Tristan replied. "I was really into you, and you knew it. I made it clear exactly how I felt, but you didn't care. You just stomped all over my heart."

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about, Shauna." Now raising his voice, Tristan's eyes became intense. "After I poured my heart out to you, you told me that your dad would never accept you bringing a Native guy home. That you had to be with a white one, because it was so much easier."

"I'm sorry." Shauna's eyes went soft. "I know it was a terrible thing for me to say, but I swear I wasn't being mean spirited. I was just trying to explain why you would never hear from me again, so you would understand why we could never work out."

"Well you were right about us never working out," he said. "Because any chance you had at a relationship with me ended on that night we were last together."

"Tristan, please." Her lip had begun to quiver, voice cracking as she began to tearfully beg. "Just give me another chance. I swear I'll make it all up to you."

"It's too late," he said. "You already blew it."

"But I was stupid then, and afraid my dad would take me out of the will."

"That's not my problem," Tristan said. "You made your choice, now you'll live with it."

Sinking down onto one of the seats at the kitchen table, Shauna lowered her head glumly, icy white hair falling across her face so that Tristan couldn't see she was crying. He could certainly feel it, though, and the way her shoulders lightly shook made it all too clear that she was weeping.

Hating that he could feel her emotional pain so keenly, Tristan tightened his lips and turned away. But he didn't move for the front door, only stayed frozen in place while listening to Shauna release her sadness.

"Stop crying, Shauna," he said in an almost scolding way. "You have no reason, so just cut it out."

"I have no reason?" Her voice was wavering now, tone husky with tears. "You treat me like crap, as if I'm just a roommate or some common maid."

"That's not true," he rebutted. "I treat you with respect."

"You hate me," she blurted out. "Anytime I come into the same room you immediately leave. It's like I'm a leper or something, some untouchable that you can't ever bear to look at."

"I do not hate you," Tristan slowly said, "but I do find it hard to hang out with you. You really hurt me, Shauna. And I still haven't forgiven that."

"I apologized," she said. "What more do you want from me?"

"Nothing." His response was snappy, tone cold and heavy with deep resentment. "I want absolutely nothing from you, understand? So get it through your thick head that we're done."

Moving quickly forward, Tristan headed for the door, grabbing his keys from the hook before going outside. Even from outdoors he could hear her sobbing, as if crying out for him to return. But Shauna was his past and Claudia his future, so he'd be damned if he felt any heartache.

Once in his car, he started it up and backed out of the driveway, peeling off down the street and in the direction of Claudia's house. Driving as fast as he could, he tried to lighten his mood with a bit of music, turning on the radio and blasting a song with heavy guitar riffs.

But in his mind he could still hear Shauna crying, and unwillingly he carried her sadness as he drove along the road.

* * * *

"Hey, you." Pulling the door wider, she invited Tristan into the house.

"Hey." As he stepped inside he gave her a kiss, then took off his jacket and hung it on the coat tree.

"How you been?" She asked.

"Oh not too bad," he responded, and as she led him into the kitchen he followed, taking a seat at the table where the food was set up.

"How are things with Maggie?" Claudia asked. "Any new developments since the last time we spoke?"

"Well something happened last night," Tristan said. "It was really horrible so I figured I wouldn't bring it up. But since you're asking, then I guess I'll tell."

Sitting at the table across from him, Claudia popped the tab to her can of coke, then took a short sip before giving him a serious look. "What happened?"

"Maggie died," he quickly blurted out. "I found her last night in her crib cold to the touch. She wasn't breathing either, so I knew for a fact that she was gone."

"Was gone." Claudia's eyes were wide now. "So she's alive and okay now."

He nodded.

"Wow," Claudia said. "Sounds like a near miss."

"It was more than that, she had actually died. The warmth had completely left her body."

"Then how did you get her back?"

"I held her," he said. "Told her I'd be a good dad, and that I promised to always take care of her."

"And just like that, she came back to life?"

"Pretty much." He briefly paused. "But I think it was me feeling so sad that brought her back. I started crying and when one of my tears landed on her face, she started to move and eventually made noise."

Eyes going wider, Claudia just stared at him.

"I know it sounds hokey, but that's how it happened."

"So do you think she could feel your pain?"

"Yes I do, Tristan replied. "But she didn't come back of her own free will, she was gifted back to me. I was given a second chance, another go at being her father."

"Wow..." Not knowing what else to say, Claudia lowered her gaze to her soda, which was making little fizzy noises.

"Before last night, I hadn't felt much of anything toward Maggie at all. I mean of course there was caring because she's a part of me, but I didn't feel any real connection."

Still listening quietly, Claudia's ears were perked.

"My feelings towards Maggie were lukewarm at best, and she knew it. She knew that I didn't want to be a father, and as a result, internalized it."

"So her death was like a wake-up call, a way of letting you know how important she really was."

"Exactly."

"Well I think that's amazing," Claudia said. "I mean the fact that she actually came back to life..."

"I was very lucky," Tristan replied. "But now that I've got this second chance, I'm not going to blow it."

"I can see there's been a change in you," Claudia said. "There's this enthusiasm for her that wasn't there before."

"Yeah." He gave a light nod before saying, "And I'm going to be getting a job soon, saving up some money for the things that she needs."

"Were you able to get the stroller yet?" Claudia asked. "Last time we spoke about that, you said your mom and dad were buying one."

"And they did," he responded. "As well as the crib. But I'm tired of depending on them. Maggie is my baby, I should be the one purchasing all of this stuff."

"Well it seems like you're doing your best," Claudia said.

"No, I'm not." His expression was serious now. "I've sucked at being her dad, but I'm going to get better. I want her to be proud of me, to show her I can provide and be there in every way that she needs."

"I'm proud of you." Smiling softly, Claudia took hold of his hand. "You're really stepping up to the plate and being responsible. That's admirable, considering what a huge change this all is."

"Well Maggie deserves it," he said. "I want to give her the best future possible, so that means I have to get serious and really make an effort at saving some money."

"And you'll do it." She nodded her head. I'm sure it will all work out just fine."

"Thanks for your support," he replied. "I know this has all been difficult for you to accept, so I just wanna let you know how appreciative I am that you've stuck around."

"Not a problem," Claudia said, and she shifted her gaze to the plate of sandwiches between them. "Made ham and cheese sandwiches if you'd like one."

"Thanks." Grabbing one off the plate he took a big bite, then chased it down with a gulp of soda before demolishing the rest.

"You must have been pretty hungry," Claudia said.

"Breakfast was awful," Tristan replied. "I hardly ate any of it."

"Why not?"

"Because Shauna is a terrible cook."

"Well what did she make?" Claudia asked.

"Pancakes. But they were all runny and gross inside."

"That does sound awful," she said. "Was it only pancakes, or anything else?"

"Bacon too, and that was alright. But it wasn't nice and crispy, like how my mom makes it."

"Nothing like mom's cooking, huh?"

"Nope." He finished the rest of his soda, then cleaned his mouth off with a napkin. "Thanks for the sandwiches, they were great."

"You're welcome. Can I get you anything else?"

"Some dessert would be nice."

"It's lunchtime," Claudia said. "Dessert only comes after dinner."

"When I said dessert, I was referring to you."

"Oh..."

Smiling in response, Tristan leaned forward. "You look beautiful, by the way. I meant to tell you that when I first arrived."

"Thanks."

"You smell good, too."

"That's probably my lotion," Claudia replied. "It's called Japanese Cherry Blossom."

"Cool," Tristan said in response, but the way his gaze had gone all desirous sent the message that his mind was on other things. "So your mom and Big John, they'll be out for the whole day, right?"

"Yeah. Doing last minute Christmas shopping."

"Good." Now rising to his feet, Tristan gave her a little smile. "Then why don't we hang out in your room? It's a lot more comfortable than the kitchen, don't you think?"

Rising to her feet as well, Claudia followed him out of the kitchen and down the hallway, holding tightly onto his hand as he led her slowly into the bedroom. After closing and latching the door lock, he pulled her tightly up against him, kissing her lips and neck and collarbone before unbuttoning the top of her dress.

"You're quick." Although offering a light chuckle of the playful sort, internally she was feeling nervous.

"Sorry babe, I'm just really horny. Haven't had you in nearly two months, you know?"

Now pawing her with increasing urgency, Tristan guided her towards the bed. As her knees hit the edge she fell back onto it, thighs becoming exposed as the hem of her dress rode up. With a quickness Tristan kicked off his Converse, then unbuttoned his jeans and took them off before removing his boxers. He then pulled his shirt up over his head, and after letting it fall to the floor he climbed on top of Claudia, his eyes warm and glossing over with lust.

"I really missed having sex with you." Lowering his lips to hers, he gave her a brief but tender kiss. "Not just because it feels so damn good, but because it brings us closer together."

"I agree," Claudia said. "I do feel as if we've been drifting apart."

"That'll change after we make love," he assured her. "It'll fully reconnect us, bring us back together as one."

Pushing the hem of her dress up over her waist, Tristan exposed her lacy panties, hooking a thumb beneath the waistband before gently guiding them down. He did it ever so slowly, and with a carefulness she appreciated, his eyes never leaving her own as he pulled the fabric down her legs.

Soon after he was situating himself between her thighs, but as the head of his shaft nudged against her slick hole, Claudia's thigh muscles clamped up, going impossibly tight.

Butterflies were going wild in her stomach now, mouth dry and heart quickly palpating. Her heart pumped harder and the sound of blood rushed into her ears, making her feel small and overwhelmed. She could feel the press of Tristan's penis, seeking the heat beyond her tight opening.