Lost Girl: Julie's Story Ch. 02

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beachbum1958
beachbum1958
4,256 Followers

As I suckled him, his finger gently insinuated itself between my labia, making me gasp at the sensation, and suck harder at him, making him groan and shift, and I could feel his thigh muscles tensing. I pumped him with one hand while I gently squeezed and massaged his balls with the other, wanting him to come, partly because I wanted to taste his spunk, but also to take the edge off him, as I wanted a full work-out tonight, not a quick dash to the finish-line!

I sucked and pumped and squeezed, and then, as I rubbed my tongue through the furrow in the tip of his cock; "Oh God, Julie, I'm coming, oh yesss...ooohhh yesss!" he groaned, his cockhead swelling and pulsing, jet after jet of sperm pumping into my mouth, me swallowing as fast as I could to prevent the huge amount of spunk he was jetting into me spilling out of my mouth. He tasted salty, tangy, and slightly acrid, almost bitter, forcing an instant comparison with my only other remembered taste of spunk, when Mark and I had done this.

At last he stopped spunking into my mouth, the jets dying back to a trickle of sperm bubbling and frothing from his still hard cock. I sucked and licked him clean, and licked my lips before moving back up to lie next to him, my head on his chest as I listened to his heart trip-hammering in his chest.

"That was...fucking amazing, Julie, thank you, thank you!" he grinned somewhat breathlessly and I tweaked his cock gently.

"Don't get too comfortable, David," I grinned, "You're not done yet!" I reminded him.

"Oh yes, Julie, I hadn't forgotten, believe me!" he smiled, reaching for me and kissing me deeply, but gently and tenderly, almost tentatively. His hand slipped down between my legs to find me as wet and ready as I was ever going to be, the previous few minutes notching up my libido and readying me for anything.

I reached up and pulled his head down to me, and growled in his ear "Don't grope me, fuck me, now!" and he took me at my word, rolling me onto my back and moving between my thighs, looking at me and waiting for my go-ahead. I smiled and nodded, and he slid up to me, his cock probing against my wet slit. I guided him into me, and he slowly, considerately, gently slid himself into me, the feel of him stretching me slightly painful after more than two years with no sex of any sort. At last he was in to the hilt, and briefly leaned down to kiss me, a gentle smile on his face as he took his weight on his forearms and began to back out again. I looked into his blue eyes as he hovered above me, and slowly slid in again, filling me, feeling wonderful as he gently and tenderly made love to me, pumping his cock into me as he looked my into eyes with his brilliantly blue, gentle eyes.

I began to respond more overtly, my hips coming up to meet his thrusts, grinding myself against him as he pushed into me. I could feel that feeling again, that little glow of light inside that could burst though me like a star going nova, and bore up against him, increasing my efforts, trying to please him as he pleasured me.

David redoubled his efforts, pounding his cock into me, humping me madly as I jammed my pussy against him, taking him with me as hot curls of orgasm began to thread and uncoil through me, until, at last, in a great explosion of heat and burning light in the core of me, my climax blasted through me, arching my back as I rode the almost forgotten feeling. My ears popped and eyesight dimmed as sensory overload washed through me, my cry of release drowning out his groan of delight as I clamped down on him. My pussy throbbed and rippled as he emptied himself into me, the heat of his spunk as it roared into me rolling my orgasm on and on as he came again and again, spunk splashing into me in seemingly huge amounts, hot and delightful as it bathed my womb in his essence.

I must have passed out, when I opened my eyes it was morning, and I felt light and marvelously rested, at peace at last. I could feel the warmth of another body next to mine, and I turned to see Mark, his dark blonde hair glowing in the morning sun. I sighed happily, the events of the last two years no more than an unusually lucid nightmare. I reached out to stroke his hair, and he stirred, turned to look and smile at me, his blue eyes warm and happy.

CLICK

Blue eyes, not grey

CLICK

Dark blonde, not golden-haired

CLICK

"Mark, is that you? You're not Mark, who are you...?"

CLICK

Not Mark, Not Mark, Not Mark.

I panicked, this wasn't happening to me, who was this man, where was Mark, why was I here....?

With a guttural moan, I scrambled away from him, raw panic bubbling in the back of my throat as I fought to not scream, terror only a heartbeat away, pulling the covers up to shield my nakedness from him, looking for Mark, where was he, why didn't he come for me, what was happening to me?

He immediately pulled the bed covers all the way up over me, covering me, as he tried to work out what had gone so horribly wrong, how he'd hurt or frightened me so badly, and spoke in a soft, soothing voice, trying to talk me down from that peak of panic I was cowering on.

"Sshhh, Julie, it's all right, you're safe, no-one's going to hurt you, it's OK now, you're safe...!"

He put his arm around me, making me cringe and whine and cower back even more, and he broke away, deep concern in his eyes. He came to a decision, and picked up my 'phone.

"Julie, I'm calling Shelagh, you need her now, I'm just going in the other room, if you need anything, call out...."

I heard his voice in the other room as he talked on the phone.

"Shelagh? It's David, I'm with Julie now. She's had some kind of massive panic attack or something, I don't know what set it off, but she's scared out of her mind, she needs you, she's scared of me, won't let me near her, she's just huddled up in her bedroom. No, I didn't do anything! We were fine last night, she just woke up and suddenly she looked like she'd never seen me before, she looks terrified, please come now, I can't do anything for her, I can't get near her!"

He came back in the room and retrieved his clothes, taking care not to come too near to me, because I still couldn't remember who he was, and that edge of panic was still there. He'd just finished dressing when the doorbell rang and he went to the door to let Shelagh in.

She and David exchanged a few murmured words, then she came into the bedroom, and as soon as I saw her I flung myself on her, able to cry at last. David watched from the doorway, that look of deep concern still present as I had hysterics, crying for Mark, asking her where he was, begging her to help me find him, he was gone, poor Shelagh trying to make sense of what I was saying. She gradually calmed me down, getting me to lie down and tucking me in before going off to talk with David, but I couldn't help hearing what they were saying.

"What happened, David?" she asked, and David told her what had happened.

"I stayed last night, we were fine, but when she woke she just suddenly looked at me like I was a complete stranger, started crying and pushing me off, almost having hysterics, and she just looked terrified. She called me Mark. Who's Mark?"

Shelagh sat down and sighed.

"Mark was her first, her true love...and her older brother. I thought she'd gotten over him by now, apparently not. Jesus Christ, what a fucking mess!"

David spoke slowly. "So, Julie had an...affair with...her brother?"

Shelagh spoke sharply. "Yes she did, and she doesn't need reminding of how badly it ended, nor does she need anybody moralising at her about it. You have a problem with that?"

His voice immediately became placating.

"No, no, it explains a lot about what just happened. She asked me if I was Mark, then panicked, so obviously she had some kind of flashback. Christ, he must have hurt her! Poor Julie, carrying that around inside, I wish I'd known, maybe I would have taken it slower with her, I dunno..."

Shelagh's voice was a lot warmer. "You weren't to know, she's had boyfriends after Mark, something else set her off, maybe it was because you slept with her, maybe the last time was with him, I don't know. Anyway, I can't leave her like this. I think it would be better if you went, she's obviously confused and frightened, I'll call you later, when I can get some sense out of her!"

David sighed. "Of course, just make sure she's OK, she looked at me like I was about to rape her or something, I hope to God I never see a look like that on a girl ever again, she was fucking terrified! I think you're right. If you get her dressed, I'll make myself scarce, obviously something about me scared her rigid; I don't want to set her off again!"

I closed my eyes, the panic subsiding as I listened to Shelagh talking, dear Shelagh, she'd help me find Mark!

When I woke, it took me a moment to work out where I was; the last clear memory I had was of being in bed with David, so where the hell was he?

I could hear the TV, so I got up and went looking for him, finding instead Shelagh watching TV with a bowl of corn chips and a jar of chilli dip.

"Morning, Jules, how you feeling?" she called out to me, eyes fixed on Speedy Gonzales.

I went and stood in front of her, blocking the TV.

"Shel, what happened, why are you here, where's David?" I asked her, and watched as she assembled an answer.

"Jules, David called me; you were in a mess, you spazzed-out on him, frightened the life out of him...and called him Mark..."

I sat down heavily. "Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck! What else happened, Shel?"

"That's about the size of it. You two did the wild thing last night, then when you woke up you went bat-shit, spazzed-out, and turned into Hannah the Hysteric. David was mega-freaked by it, especially when you called him Mark, so he called me, I came over and got you calmed down, because you were completely off your trolley. David had to leave, he was freaking you out for some reason, and he was really good about it. I told him about the Mark thing, he needed to know, the poor boy thought it was his fault that you'd suddenly gone Ding! This one's definitely a keeper!"

I was mortified to think that David knew about my sordid secret. I was even more mortified to hear that I'd thought he was Mark, and that Mark obviously still had such a hold over me, even after all this time.

"What am I supposed to do next, Shel, I mean, with David, and...?" I trailed off. Shelagh was looking at me pityingly.

"Jules, as long as your head's still wrapped around Mark, no-one, not David, or anyone else for that matter, is going to have no chance to get to you. Also, it would probably help if you didn't pick a succession of blonde guys who looked like Mark!"

That brought me up short. Was I just looking for a Mark substitute, a man who looked enough like him that I could pretend it could be him? Was that what my head was telling me, that I couldn't even fool myself? What was I supposed to do now?

I asked that of Shelagh, and the answer she flipped-off didn't really solve anything.

"Jules, I find meaningless sex answers most of my questions about life, the universe and everything, you're welcome to try my world, I know a couple of great places...No? Suit yourself, the offer's there if you need it. If you've finished with David, though, let me have him, you weirded-him out big stylie, I think he needs to walk on the wild side for a while!"

We had coffee together, Shelagh giving me the kind of pep talk that only old, old friends can get away with.

"You need to talk to David, soon, and you need to let him down gently, ok? This relationship of yours is going nowhere, and it's not fair on him; you know what you're doing, and he deserves better than that. Let him find someone who actually cares about David because he's David, not because he looks like Mark! Every single guy you've dated since you-know-who has been tall, blonde, blue or grey-eyed, sound like anyone you know? This has got to stop, this is destructive and weird, he's gone, and trying to make someone else into him is wrong and pointless, and bloody unfair on them! Give yourself a break, Jules, let him go!"

I was in tears; she was right of course, I hadn't let Mark go at all, I'd made him into my perfect man, carved him into my heart, and I couldn't let go of that, otherwise I'd have nothing left of him at all, and that was too much for me to even consider, even after what he'd done to me.

Shel held me as I tried to tell her all this, making soft soothing noises as she stroked my hair, hugged me and tried to console me.

"I know, baby, I really do, and I feel for you so badly, but he's gone now, he's been gone two years. I don't know what went wrong there, but one thing I do know, he's not coming back, so please, let him go, you have to! Now, you and Nia and I are going to find a bistro, have brunch, have many, many espressos, and sort out your life, ok? Good, now get your boots and socks on and let's go!"

As we were leaving, there again, on the doorstep, was a bunch of flowers, the same purple hyacinths, orange blossom, maidenhair fern, and a single primrose, with a card addressed to me. I picked it up and climbed into the Mini for the short drive to the Morrison household to get Nia. When we arrived there, all was in uproar. Jamie and Nia had found their own place, and were coming and going with the easily portable stuff, packing it all into their dad's car, so we retired to the kitchen to sit with her mum while Nia repacked the car yet again. While we chatted, Nia's mum picked up the bunch of flowers and looked at me quizzically.

"Where you get this, Julie?" she asked me, and I told her that periodically someone left a bunch just like that that on my doorstep, probably an old boyfriend, that it was strange, but sort of nice.

Mrs. Morrison looked at me oddly.

"This more than ordinary flowers, look, I show you."

She left the room and came back with a small book, "The Language of Flowers' that I'd seen in all the bookstore bestseller lists a couple of years ago, at the height of the Victoriana and Edwardian literature revival. She pored through the book, and made some notes, then read to me what she'd written.

"Look at this, Julie, someone talking to you, need you to listen. Purple Hyacinth mean 'I am sorry, please forgive me', Orange Blossom mean 'Eternal Love', Primrose mean 'I cannot live without you' and fern mean 'Secret bond of love'; someone talking to you, they shouting for your attention, who is it Julie, you know who this from now?"

My head was spinning, and I had to sit down or fall down. Mark! It had to be from Mark, who else? And why this way, why not just knock on my door?

Mrs. Morrison hugged me, held me close, spoke quickly, softly to me.

"Perhaps he got no other way to talk to you, something keeping him from you, perhaps he need you to know he still there, still need you. I hear about you and older brother, I not want to judge you, how can I? Perhaps brother have very good reason, perhaps he need you to hate him so you not go look for him. I remember when you little girl, the way brother look after you, watch you, I see even then how he feel about you, and when you hurt I see how much he hurt! No, he not let harm come to you, and he not leave you because he want to, he driven away by ác ngu ngoc me, stupid, evil mother, you think of that? I remember you mother, I still very angry with her for hurting you, you think she not capable of much evil? I know she capable, I see for myself what she do to you!"

My head was in even more of a whirl. In all the time I'd been breaking my heart over him, it had never occurred to me that he may have been warned-off me, that he was keeping his distance to protect me. A moment's thought from Nia's wise, wonderful, smart mother had encapsulated the reason for his disappearance. Wherever he was, it wasn't far; the flowers proved that. What a smart, what a clever, what a unique way of talking to me!

Nia's mum hadn't finished.

"I think you need to keep hoping he come back to you, he keeping his distance for a reason, who knows, maybe reason go away, he come back. Your brother a good boy, he a lot like Jamie, he keep his heart open only for you, he not throw you away like that, be patient, maybe all will be well!"

Tears were running down my face now as I grieved all over again for him, for my lost boy, talking to me from a distance, not daring to come close, but risking...what? Just to drop a simple bouquet of flowers on my front step, to tell me he loved me the only way he could.

"Why didn't he just write me a letter, tell me what was going on, let me know he was OK? Why was that so hard?"

Nia's mum hugged me as I asked her what could be so terrible that he had to resort to such an elaborate, obscure code to keep his identity concealed, what was he so afraid of?

"Julie, your brother not stupid, if he is afraid to come near you, maybe he afraid for very good reason, and not taking any chances; maybe if he write to you, someone find out, or you let slip he contact you; maybe he not afraid for himself; maybe he afraid for you, so he keep away to keep you safe. It not easy for him, I think; he love you like you love him, maybe he as lonely as you because he not have you with him too."

That had never occurred to me, and it only brought fresh tears as for some reason I pictured his poor sweet lonely face when he was a boy, always alone at home, crying in his room in the dead of night, no-one to care for him as he tried to cope, as he tried to be an adult because he wasn't allowed be a little boy.

Shelagh meanwhile was grinning like a pumpkin, her smug 'I told you!' look on her face as her words from two years ago reverberated in my head:

"I'm also puzzled, no, worried by this whole Mark thing; 5 minutes after he's swearing eternal undying love for you he's looking right through you; something's really wrong there, she's done something, or said something, or made some kind of threat, I guarantee; Mark's just not like that, something else is going on, something nasty, I'd bet on it, so I'm not going to judge him just yet, much as I love you, Jules."

For the first time in two years, I allowed myself to hope; that my Mark was still there, waiting for me to find him, that my nightmare would be over, that I could erase this part of my life, because there were no memories I wanted from the last two years.

The hope I had from this conversation stayed with me. Now that I knew (or guessed) who was talking to me, I could believe that one day he would come back, and we could begin again. Mrs. Morrison saw this in me, and insisted I take her book, read through it, maybe leave him a message of my own, a suggestion Shelagh agreed with vocally!

But first, I would have to talk with David...

*

Seeing David again was heartbreaking; he deserved better than this. I met him in the small coffee shop around the corner from my office; neutral ground.

My last lucid memory of him was making love, then a hazy set of impressions, memories of Mark tangled up with images of him, and feelings I couldn't define but which pressed at me nevertheless. David was his usual self, but there was a tense wariness about him, almost an unwillingness to touch me, especially when I leaned up to peck him on the cheek. He actually flinched when I kissed him; God, I must have really spooked him...

I started to apologise for panicking and throwing a king-sized freak-out at him, but he stopped me.

"Look Jules, we both know why we're here, we both know it's not going to work, and I despise this 'we can still be friends' break-up bullshit. I worked out what's really going on in your head, and I wish you luck in working it out, I really do, because I know I'd only ever be second choice with you, that I'd never be anything else as long as you were still hung up on your...on Mark. Like Shelagh says, I won't be Mr. Right, I'll only ever be Mr. Right-Now, and that's not good enough for me, I actually believe I deserve better than that. You're a beautiful girl, a really lovely person, and I wish you every happiness, and I hope you find the man of your dreams one day; I just wish it could have been me. I'll go now, I hate extended goodbyes."

beachbum1958
beachbum1958
4,256 Followers