Lost in the Wind Ch. 01

"Did you like the book so far?"

"I like the way it is written. I like the way you read it."

"Thank you."

At the door he stopped, put on his glasses and held out his hand. 'Show me your fingernails." Cassy reluctantly held out her hands. He peered at them under the light. "Not much improvement."

"Its hard," she mumbled, ashamed.

"Do it anyway."

Cassy's mind was swirling the whole ride back. She felt terrified the whole time she was with Mr. Landauer but at the same time she felt exhilarated. He was right the outfit she had chosen was not attractive. Her nervous shyness made her choose bland, anonymous clothing. She did not like people to notice her, to look at her.

At her apartment she looked at her face in the mirror. She looked unfamiliar without heavy eye make up. She did not think she looked any better without it. She looked softer and somehow naked. She did not put it back on.

Cassy stood nervously in front of the store manager. "Mr. Janings... um sir... there is an error in my paycheck."

"What do you mean?"

"Its too much."

"Didn't Mr. Landauer tell you. He told me to give you a raise and a clothing allowance."

"No sir."

"Cassy is everything going alright? Is Mr. Landauer treating you with respect?"

"Oh yes, everything is fine. He just said my uniform was unattractive, that he wants me to wear skirts. But he has always been a gentleman."

Cassy went back to the discount store. She picked out a soft black top with short sleeves that draped softly across her figure. It had a low cut neckline, much more revealing than anything she had ever worn before, but it made her look prettier than the button collar blouses she had chosen before.

On the way to the check out she stopped and ran her hand over a satin spaghetti strapped top. It was the most beautiful shade of sky blue. On impulse she bought it.

Once she got home she tried it on. It was beautiful, the blue matching her eyes but her worn gray bra straps looked horrid. She pulled off the ugly undergarment. Her breasts were small. She really did not need to wear a bra. The soft silky material felt sensuous against her skin, caressing her breasts. Cassy could feel her nipples getting hard, showing proud and saucy through the fabric. There was no way she would ever be able to wear it anywhere, but she had to admit it was attractive.

Not biting her nails was impossible. A thousand times a day she caught herself with her hands in her mouth. Her curious tongue exploring the ragged edges. Her teeth itching, aching to nibble and chew. Cassy ended up putting band aids on the end of each finger. Even then she chewed on the plastic edges.

Mr. Landauer had her scheduled to read four nights a week. She figured out that she would be reading to him at least three hours every night she was there. She wondered why he didn't have anything better to do.

She wore the slinkier black top on the third day. She kept the band aids on until she got out of the cab. Her nails had not grown much but they seemed less red and raw.

Mr. Landauer looked her with a little more approval as he met her at the door. "Improvements every day. I am pleased to see you chose not to wear that ghastly eye make up. Good girl."

This time there was no kitchen chair. A large pillow was on the floor next to his chair. Cassy hesitated, looking around the room.

His voice was warm and amused. "I thought a pillow would be perhaps more comfortable than that hard kitchen chair."

Cassy nodded uncertainly and knelt carefully and then slid to lean her back against the side of his chair with her legs curled up underneath her. Getting down on the pillow in a skirt was a challenge but once she was sitting she felt kind of hidden from his stare as she read.

After about an hour and a half, he stood and stretched. "Lets take a break. You want anything to drink?"

Cassy blinked and looked up from the book. Given the choice she would have preferred to stay inside the book. A book was where she always wanted to be.

He was standing over her looking down. He seemed immensely tall. He asked again. "Do you want anything to drink?"

"I like diet Coke if you have any. If not, water would be fine."

"Then its water. Come on, get up. I don't want any food or drinks in here."

"I might need some help. I think my legs are asleep."

He laughed gently, "You certainly get lost in the story. Her take my hand."

His hand was warm and strong. He lifted her weightless as a feather. Cassy stood and tried to take a step. Her heel turned under her and she staggered and fell against him. His arms wrapped around her and held her tight to his chest.

"Oh I am sorry sir." Cassy held tight to his arms and flexed her legs. Her lips tightened as she felt the blood flow back into her flesh.

When she felt confident she could control her legs she started to pull away, suddenly aware of how close she was to him. Again she apologized. "I am really sorry sir. I hadn't realized how bad they had gotten.

He had not said a word. His eyes were fixed on her face. She felt herself pause and her eyes locked on on his, gazing deep into their icy blue depths. Her voice was the tiniest whisper. "Blue."

His hands tightened on her arms. "What?" His voice was low. "What did you say."

"Your eyes. They are blue."

"What did you expect? Pink?" His voice was tense.

"I don't know. Maybe."

He pushed her away, a dark frown clouding his face. "Albinos don't usually have pink eyes, the blue color is not melanin." His voice was icy and bitter. He turned on his heel and walked out.

Cassy's voice took a vibrant defensive tone. "They are beautiful. You are beautiful." She could see him pause, his shoulders rigid. He whirled and faced her. She could see him struggling, expressions of rage and sadness twisting his face. It took a visible effort for him to force his his face back into its calm controlled demeanor.

His voice was icy, "If you still want that water, the kitchen is this way."

Cassy followed noiselessly her eyes down cast, frightened that she had displeased him. She took the glass from his hand and drank the water down. Her thank you a tiny whisper.

She stood motionless in the middle of the brightly lit kitchen, her eyes locked on the empty glass in her hands, frozen by anxiety. She could not of her own volition take a step in any direction. He stood, leaning against the counter, and took out his round black glasses. He put them on and looked down at her, his face expressionless.

"Did you finish that book?"

"Book?"

"Yes, the one you were reading yesterday. The... um... interpretation of a fairy tale." His voice deliberately mocking.

Cassy felt her face grow red. She nodded miserably.

"What did you think of it."

Cassy opened and closed her mouth several times, literally struggling for words. "It was... was... um... interesting."

"How many times have you read it?"

Cassy was panicked. It never occurred to her to refuse to answer or lie. Her whisper was impossibly soft. "Two times."

"Are you reading it now?"

How did he know? How could he see inside her head like that? Cassy nodded.

"Why?"

"Why...?"

"Why read it again?"

How could she tell him it was because of how it made her feel. No other book had so lit a flame within her. She felt for the first time sexual feelings, cravings. All her life she had avoided people, her shyness and nervousness a barrier. Here in this book all choice, all power were torn from the princess. She was forced to become something different, something better.

"He rescued her. He made her do... things. She wanted to do these things but she would have never had the courage to do them. She needed him to make her."

"That appeals to you?"

"Her helplessness. Her surrender."

"Is that what you dream about Cassy. Being helpless, surrendering?" He stood up and walked to her. Cassy stood frozen, unable to move, her eyes still glued on the glass in her hands. She could feel her heart beating, a thunder in her ears.

He stopped a hands breadth from her. He touched her face and a long shudder shook her, the glass slipped from her fingers and crashed to the floor, but did not break. It rolled away forgotten.

He tilted her face to look up at him. "Do you think you could truly surrender to someone, to give them the power, to have none yourself?"

Something clicked inside her head, a truth as clear as crystal. "I have never had any power."

"Child you are wrong you know. You are ultimately powerful. Your soft voice, soft hair, your quiet ways; all these have power. I desire you beyond words but I am not one of those princes in your book. I will not take your power. You must freely give it to me. No, you must plead with me to take it."

A single tear broke free from her lashes. It slowly rolled down her cheek and touched his hand. He raised his hand to his lips. "Your tears are sweet, child. I wonder if they will satisfy me?"

"Go home child. Go home and think. I wonder what will be your decision. Oh, and child, stay away from the bridge."

Cassy gasped, her eyes widening. How did he know?

"No more words today, no more reading. Go home and think."

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Xantu