tagRomanceLost Lover Ch. 04: The Lover

Lost Lover Ch. 04: The Lover


The similarities between my characters and any real person is, in fact, intentional. These are stories about people and things that really happened to me. To some, they will seem quite tame. To others, they will seem the height of the Erotic. But I believe that a true story beats a fantasy any day.

And if you should recognize yourself in these stories, then you should know that I hold you in a very special place in my heart. It was not coincidence that I chose the title "Lost Lovers" instead of "Notches in my Bedpost".

Rate and comment at will!

Chapter 4:


For the sake of privacy, I have changed this lover's name, as her name, while common, is a bit uncommon in her circumstance. Thank you for allowing me to maintain her privacy.

I've had a lot of trouble writing about this particular lover. Part of it is because I'm still very much in love with her, despite the things that have happened. She is everything I ever wanted or desired in a woman.

With each of my lovers, I would sort of see how my life would be with them. I'd create within my mind a world where we made it, where we got married, had kids, were happy. And every time we broke up, it was more than just the loss of the relationship. It was another life that was destroyed.

Katy was the girl that I had the most complete and wonderful world pictured in my head. When things ended, I broke. Entirely. Mentally, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, everything in my life broke. But, as strange as it may sound, I thank her for that.

I was a broken man before I met her. The death of my dear friend several years ago, a woman I loved, respected, and admired, had destroyed me, everything I was. And like a broken jar that you try to glue together, the pieces of my heart were rearranged wrong. But when Katy broke me, I was able to put the pieces back in the right place.

But, enough about that.

I met Katy under very bizarre circumstances. I had joined the military after my failed attempt at Hollywood, and was stationed at MacDill AFB in Tampa, FL. It was an interesting time. I was on my own (again), I'd just bought my first car on my own, had an amazing supervisor. Life was pretty good.

I'd had a few failed relationships since things fell apart with Anna. Nothing ever came of them. So, hopeful to find someone to be with (and cure the fact that I hadn't had sex in two years), I went on various social media sites to try and find someone to be with.

I found one, even had sex with her. But, sadly, distance kept us apart and it all fell through.

It was a Sunday night in late February of 2010 when I stumbled across Katy's profile almost by accident. She happened to be online, within a short distance from me, and she popped up. I messaged her, expecting to just be ignored. It had happened before, and I was starting to become something of a cynical realist dreamer by that point.

Within two minutes of my writing her, I had a reply.

Back and forth, we wrote each other, all the while I would stare at her picture. There was something about her, something that just...caught with me. Even from a good twenty miles away, I felt the pull.

Finally, I decided to go out on a limb. I asked if I could call her.

Her reply had her phone number.

I called, surprised by how soft and quiet she was. Being around jet engines, my hearing was going and I'd struggle to hear her, but I wanted to hear more.

Turns out she'd been engaged, but her dick of a fiancé had cheated on her the DAY of the wedding. While I'm not a violent man, I still burned to beat the living daylights out of this asshole. We shared things about our lives, shared a bit of who we are.

Again, I went out on a limb. It was late, I had work the next morning, but the pull was that strong. I asked if I could visit her.

She gave me her address, and before I knew it I was jetting down the highway and at her door within twenty-five minutes. Which is funny, because Google Maps had assured me it was a forty-five minute drive. Oops!

She lived in an apartment complex that had the usual swimming pool/Jacuzzi/fitness center set up. She'd offered to sit in the Jacuzzi, since she wasn't too comfortable inviting a perfect stranger into her home (which, at the time, she shared with her mother). I was fine with it, what man wouldn't be!

Thing was that, despite the "sexy" atmosphere, there was no sexual tension in the air. The pull was of a kind I hadn't experienced in a very long time. It was the pull of companionship, of a kindred spirit. Something that men and women alike search for years to find, especially in a member of the opposite gender.

We talked for a couple hours, enjoyed the hot tub. All the while, I was sure that this was it. Nothing was going to come of this, romantically speaking. But then, I didn't care, to be honest. Something about this girl's company was all that I needed.

The next day, I went to work a little groggy, but with a smile on my face. The grogginess was soon cured with a cup of coffee and a good day at work. That evening, I texted her, wanted to see how she was doing. To be honest, I don't remember how I came to visit her that night, but I did. And a good thing, too. That night, she got the call saying that she'd been cheated on, that there was definite proof that her ex-fiancée was a jerk and an asshole.

I comforted her as best I could. Doing everything I could to convince her that it wasn't her, it was him. He was a jerk and an asshole. She was beautiful, funny, smart. I would consider myself lucky to be with her! All the while, the pull kept growing stronger and stronger.

That's when it happened. That's when we kissed.

There was a song that had been stuck in my head. My own composition, that has yet to be composed. When we kissed, it played, a triumphant melody, the sound of victory playing in my head.

One day, hopefully you'll hear it. Hopefully, maybe she will too.

So, our relationship began, with the usual bumps along the way.

Both of us were fighting depression. Her because she'd been abused and used throughout her whole life, some by family members, mostly by assholes who took advantage of her gentle nature. It also didn't help that a part of her was still tied to her ex. But I wasn't deterred. I knew it would take time for her to let go. I felt it was my mission to do everything I could to show her how a woman should be treated.

We went on dates, saw movies. She'd always wanted to see the beach at sunset. So, I took her to her favorite restaurant (Long John Silver's), then drove her to the beach, just in time for the sun. It was a spur of the moment thing, just like when I tossed her into the ocean when we got there. Sadly, I had neglected to bring towels, and my car's heater didn't work at the same time as the lights (still an awesome car, she hated it). It's ok, though. I got to spend that night warming her up.

The truly wondrous thing about her was that, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel guilty about having sex with her. It was truly making love. And the sex we had was amazing! I don't even know how to describe it, but I'll definitely try my best!

For one thing, she enjoyed wearing sexy things. I think, for her, it was confirmation that the man in her life wanted her and no other. And I loved more than anything to prove that I wanted her and only her, for as long as she'd have me.

We'd say "I love you" in two languages. She'd say it in Japanese, being an anime fan, and I'd say it in Polish, being my heritage.

As we made love, I'd tell her "Ja ce Kocham". And she'd reply "Daiske ai o". (apologies for any incorrect spelling or if the phrases are dead wrong to begin with).

There are two moments I will remember for the rest of my life with this girl.

The first occurred midway through our relationship. We decided to go and see a movie, and I made her wear a sexy little number. Mini skirt, cute little button up top. Her brunette hair cascaded down.

I started teasing her early. While the theater was empty, I let my hands wander and play on her bare legs. She smiled a knowing smile, partly shocked and partly turned on. I played my hand under her skirt and teased her, not enough for her to make noise, but enough for her to clutch my arm a little tight.

Sadly, the theater began to fill up, and it was agreed that we should cool it. But once the movie was over...and she was in my car...

Well, let's say that the forty minute drive back to my room was very exciting. I don't know how I managed to drive on the freeway with such a sexy sight as this in my passenger seat.

Picture a petite girl, brunette hair, sexy legs, being teased by the driver. Watch as she removes her panties for easier access. Access that I used to my full advantage.

For forty minutes, she tried to keep composed, as I touched her, teased her, nurtured her. Her little squeaks and moans as she received pleasure from a man who loved her dearly. How she'd look at me and try to act all upset that she was tortured like this. Me telling her, with a cheeky little smirk to be patient.

Let me also tell you that walking up three flights of stairs behind her when she's in a miniskirt, no panties, is a vision of heaven.

But I wasn't even halfway done with torturing her yet.

She expected that the minute I closed the door, I'd be on her in a hot, sexy minute. Instead, I told her to sit on my bed and take out her toy that she'd brought from home.

"Mr. Blue" was just that, a blue dildo with a vibrator inside. I told her to play with herself, while I got "ready". (In reality, I just stepped out to give her time to play). I told her to think about what she wants me to do to her and to tell me when I walked in the door.

(Part of this was because the men she'd been with before had been selfish pigs, who didn't bother to even ASK her what she wanted. The other part was...what man doesn't enjoy pleasing his woman!)

When I returned, she was visibly shaking with need and desire. I asked her what she wanted. She said, "You. Make love to me."

With "Mr. Blue" still inside her, I told her to command me.

"Take your clothes off. Now!" was her demand.

I told her to instruct me.

"Take off your shirt."

"Your pants."

"Your underwear."

As I did, I gave her a sexy little show (or as best as I could manage), before I was standing before her, naked and hard with my desire for her.

Now, I am a shy man. I have never been impressed with my body, nor do I think there are many women who would be. But, I am also a performer, and I know how to exude enough confidence to cover my flaws. I did so now, to show her how much I wanted her, how much her man desired her. Now, it was time to end her wait (as well as mine!).

I removed her top, revealing gorgeous breasts, whose nipples I teased and tasted slowly, increasing the insane pleasure she was feeling. Her skirt I removed, my hands gliding down the sides of her legs.

When she was naked on my bed, I kissed my way up to her lips and gave her a warm, sultry, loving kiss. I wanted her to know from this kiss how much I wanted her.

At that moment, her hand wrapped around me, guiding me into her, showed me how much she needed me.

I made slow, passionate love to her, increasing my pace sometimes, and slowing down with others. We were both very quiet people, but that night we were vocal, moaning and groaning in pleasure.

We came together, united in how much we loved each other.

Little side note to that story. It wasn't even half an hour after when she turned the tables on me, and had me shaking with need. Granted, she gave in to me a little bit quicker than I did to her, but I think my teasing her kind of distracted her.

The second moment I will remember forever was the last time I made love to her.

She had gone away to North Carolina, to be with her dearest friend who was about to give birth. I helped her pay for the ticket, made sure she was ok, and tried to help her however I could from my long distance away.

My brother's High School graduation was coming up, and I wanted to go and celebrate it with him. As North Carolina was on the way to Virginia, I arranged my flight plans so I could spend at least one day with my love.

She'd been gone for only two months, but I'd missed her so much that it took a long time for me to let go of her as I hugged her to me.

That night, she again earned her revenge on me, as she dressed up in a sexy little black corset, thigh high boots, and black jeans. Her challenge to me: to earn the right to remove one of the hooks of her corset.

Needless to say, I cheated. I'm sorry, as sexy as she was, I wanted to ravish her, corset or not!

As we made love, I asked her why she loved me.

Imagine, my friends, what it would sound like to hear the love of your life, in the middle of the throes of passion, to tell you this.

"I love how kind you are. How you take care of me. How you tell me I'm beautiful. How you believe in me. How you'll do everything to help me. How you love me. I love you being inside me. I love being so close to you. Together with you."

Imagine it, my friends. Imagine being told that the woman you loved felt so strongly about you.

When that portion of the trip ended, and I was with my parents, Katy and I were talking. Her friend had found the phone number of her old ex-fiancé. Said she might call him, try to get an explanation for why he'd been such a jerk.

A part of me was worried. But, for the first time in my life, I wasn't afraid. With other girls, I always felt...inadequate. Like I wasn't the one for them and there was something better out there than me. With Katy, it felt so right to be together. I told her that I would trust her, no matter what she did.

Some men might call me a fool. I say that I was in love. The events that transpired...well, you decide.

She called me a week after I got home. Said she was breaking up with me. She said that she didn't know how things would go with that asshole, and she didn't want to keep me in suspense, didn't want me always wondering. So, before anything could happen, she broke it off with me.

I kept my composure throughout the phone call. Even as my heart was shattering. Finally, as I hung up the phone, I broke.

Anyone who has felt the pain of a break up knows a little of what I'm talking about. The feeling that the whole world had crashed down around your ears.

But, remember, in my mind there was already a world where Katy and I were together. Where we'd gotten married, had kids, spent our whole lives together. This was the first person I felt truly whole with. The first person I felt that I belonged with, truly and fully.

And, even with all that, it was over.

No words can truly describe what it felt like to break for a second time.

So I'm not going to try.

The aftermath is where things get...confusing. She married the guy, he treated her like dirt again. This time, though, she knew where she stood. She knew how she deserved to be treated. So, she didn't take his crap. And when he ran back to the same little tart who he'd cheated with the first time, she packed up her bags and left.

It was then she met another man, fell for him, moved in with him, and lost a child with him. All the while, my heart has ached to hold her again. To be with her, feel the taste of her lips. All the while, I've longed to be there for her.

As to what will happen between us, I don't know. She's reached out to me, a few times, and I check in on her every now and then. She finally got help for her depression, finally put her past with the bastard behind her. But now she's with someone who's on the borderline between "Good man" and "asshole".

As of June 19, 2012, she finally gave birth to her firstborn child. Dawn. She sent me a picture same day. The most beautiful little baby. The father hasn't married her yet, and Katy and I still talk. I've told her how I feel, how I still love her and miss her, and that if she ever needs anything, she knows who to call. She's been honest with me about how she's not sure. Love is tricky that way, in that she cares for me and has had a child with him.

His actions will dictate what happens now. If he can shape his fucking act up, prove he truly deserves such a woman as her, then he will keep her. If he fails to live up to the standards that I set with her, then he will lose her.

But whether I gain her or not...that's a question only time and God can answer.

I pray that I will. I pray that one day I can hold them both in my arms and call them mine. I pray that I can build a home with Katy and little Dawn. For I've wanted a family since I was five, after the wonderful love my family gave me.

We shall see.

And, maybe, just maybe, you'll hear how this story ends.

Since then, there has been one other girl I slept with and a couple girls I've almost hit it off with. But, as far as these lost lovers go, this story is not so much ended as much as "To be continued".

I thank you all for your time, and hope that you not only enjoyed my stories but learned from them.

What lessons you've learned is your affair. Mine is to see this story to it's ending.

Thank you


Joseph Degrep

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