Love and Lust

I was ruined by fairy tales very early on. I'd always believed in perfectly logical decisions and if not altruistic, at least mutualistic intentions in everything and everyone.

And I try so hard every day to not let my ego get in the way of truth. To not appease the hungry beast in my heart and let loose my insatiable entitlement and ambition. To treat people fairly, and give a little kindness for people who lost in the giant clusterfuck of a lottery that is nature.

But I am human. I want to succeed. I want others to submit to my will. I want to be the alpha bitch, because I fucking deserve it.

And I am bored. I am so bored of having sex with my boyfriend. It's not that he isn't good in bed or that he isn't attractive. He has the all the basic features I look for in a guy - tall, somewhat lean but still has enough substance to wrap me in his arms, a nerdy exterior with an unexpected display of pure lust in the bedroom. And he is a good boyfriend. A little immature, but very loving and would never treat me with an ounce of disrespect.

Still I lie here fantasizing about seducing other men. I've had twelve in my life. A modest number, I suppose. I was not hell-bent on being a man-eater until I had my heart broken and trust completely shattered by an ex-lover.

I was at a meeting for work not too long ago. Being a woman in a field dominated by men is a blessing and a curse - I was surrounded by sexy, smart, and mature men, but of course one has to be extra diligent in proving one's worth because that kind of trust isn't given to a woman. I was so determined to prove myself as the best in my field that I completely missed the hints of a casual encounter with a stranger. At the time I remained so oblivious to my subconscious urges and was a complete slave to my superego and high and mighty morals.

God. The way this one guy dressed. Classic academic with a blazer and lace-up oxfords. Or maybe it was the way he looked at me - it's always that suggestion of intense lust that catches your interest, isn't it?


It was not until the day before my departure that I started to realize my conflict and frustration. My boyfriend is submissive to me, and I find it pathetic. I'm just a sucker for power. Oh god how I find power sexy. In myself and in others. I wanted to go out and seduce men, because it would make me feel sexy and powerful.

I had stifled this urge in my conscious mind, but it all came out in a violent storm. I wanted to be that evil bitch who cheats for a hobby. Having all the cocks I want. I want it all at the same time. The reckless abandon only encounters with strangers can yield, and the emotional safety and love of a long-term partner. God I love my boyfriend so much. I don't want to hurt him, not one bit. He is devoted to me and I've sworn to be devoted to him. But I am just so incredibly bored of having sex with the same man.

In my fantasies I would get drunk and start showing my true self, unbounded by morals... Guys are always easy. They love it when women give them sexual attention.

I'd be talking to him and acting flirty, and my heart would jump with wicked pleasure when I catch that slightly taken aback expression because I know he sees me as the austere ice queen. That sense of being special enough for an arrogant and reserved woman to show her naughty side... isn't it so flattering? Perhaps we would both get a little more than tipsy, and I would need his support to stand up straight. Then I would let my hand linger on his chest and make his pulse quicken. If it were crowded enough, I'd let myself fall into his body and kiss him.

I'd love to feel his hands on my hips, pulling me closer. I would taste the alcohol on his tongue and it would make me writhe with desire. Having my mouth being so forcefully occupied would make me dripping wet. Mmmm. I want his cock. I want it stuffed down my throat, and I want him to pull on my hair as he fucks my face. I want him to call me a dirty slut for taking his dick like a convenient hole. I want his contempt and I want him to punish my infidelity. The sheer excitement of being a naughty girl sexy enough to make him betray his girlfriend would send me over the edge.

He takes his cock out of my mouth, making me gasp. I look up at his sexy face and do my best to look as whorish as possible. I open my legs to show him my positively juicy pussy, inviting him there. He can't help himself and positions his cock at the lips of my pussy, teasing it with the head of his big dick. Mmmmmm. This is my absolute favorite moment, where I know I'm about to be rewarded for being a good slut and yet I have to wait a little longer. I love the feeling of resistance as his cock forces its way inside me, I am addicted to the ritual of being conquered. The friction inside my pussy sends shivers throughout my body. He feels so good, and so big, and my inner beast is ecstatic that he isn't my boyfriend.

I want him to knead my tits and roll my nipples around with his fingers. Pure lust is such an indescribable experience and I want it all the time. I want him to use me. I want him to forget about his girlfriend and tell me I'm the best fuck he's ever had. I want him to spank me as I ride him and make out with him at the same time. I want to fondle his balls and make him lose himself in the pleasure. I want him to get so anxious that he forces me down on his cock and pounds my pussy, faster and faster, and I want him to cum with my tongue in his mouth, moaning and gasping for breath. I want to feel his cum dripping down my thighs as I get dressed, leaving him a note with my number before I catch one last glance at his sexy, naked body.

I cuddle up to the man in my bed, the love of my life, and whisper to him that his little slut is craving his big cock in her wet, dripping pussy. But you, dear reader, know exactly what I am really craving...