Love is Damn Hard

This story is one that I have had rolling around my head for a while. It's loosely based on a human interest story I read in a magazine. This guy, John, is a hopeless romantic who falls hard. It's also a romance, so while there is tragedy, there is some happiness in the end.

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I thought I would write down how my life got to where it is now. Love is hard. Love is pain. Love is exquisite. Love is fulfilling. It's all those things and all the other two sides to all our emotions. This is my story and it hurts. No matter how good things can be, it still hurts.

--- Four and a half years ago

I stood there and stared, momentarily shocked at what I was seeing. My supposed girlfriend, Paige, was in the back of the bar where her baby sister Kate had told me she had gone, making out with a supposed friend, Tony. This was no chaste kiss. This was the spit-swapping kiss of lovers. They were making out in front of several other people, while their hands roamed freely over the other's body. I should have turned and immediately left, but I was rooted to the floor. I couldn't believe that these two were so blatant about it, doing it in front of six or seven other people who knew us all. I guess my early arrival was really going to be a surprise to them. The plan had been to return on Sunday, not today, Friday. My soon to be ex-friend had promised to come to the airport with my soon to be ex-girlfriend and pick me up. That must have given them something to chuckle about.

Suddenly, one of the traitors surrounding the pool table looked over and saw me and poked the one next to him in the ribs. I noticed it and was going to bolt, but I was still in such shock and, to add pain to my current injury, was not fast using the cane that I had to support the leg where I had had surgery. I also couldn't take my eyes off what was happening. Had I really loved this girl? How could I have been so wrong about her? How could the bitch write me letters like nothing had changed between us while I was deployed? What kind of two-faced individual does it take to try to pull that off?

In any case, all of these were going through my mind while the others spread the word that I had arrived. Finally, Paige and Tony, the traitorous couple, managed to rip their lips apart and turn to look at me. Then it got worse. Paige smiled and left his arms to come over to me even as I was deciding to turn and leave. She had the gall to come bounding over to me like a small excited child, her supposed glee in every bounce. I guess she didn't know I had been watching for a while.

"Hey, baby, I thought you weren't coming home until Sunday."

I stared at her and she stopped short as she finally managed to see the pain, hurt, and seething anger in my eyes. "Well, I'm sorry I spoiled your tonsil inspection of Tony. Fuck off and get away from me."

She then had the sense not to touch me. She had been reaching out to put her hand on my arm, but I think she saw that she might lose it. "John, I need to explain what's going on."

"I don't care what's going on and never will. You two can go back to your public display of spit-swapping."

"John, please, that's rude."

"Rude? You want to know what rude is? Rude is coming back early from a deployment where I got shot to see someone I loved and trusted kissing a friend I also trusted like they were long time lovers. Well, go back and have fun, you and I will not be seeing each other again."

She realized that she had been discovered in a lie and seemed to sag. "Sorry, John." She didn't say anything else as I glared at her, wishing that she would spontaneously combust.

I mocked her. "That's all you have to say? 'Sorry, John?' You sound like a little kid caught taking one of your mother's cookies off the baking sheet, not a cheating slut that got caught by her supposed boyfriend making out with one of his friends. That's pathetic." I was almost ready to strike her with the cane I was so angry. I lowered my voice and spoke so that it was a hoarse whisper with all the venom I could conjure. "Just get away from me."

Paige had the good sense to back away. I noticed that Tony had the good sense to look ashamed and stay far away from me. Good thing. I wouldn't have held back from striking him with the cane.

I finally swiveled, as much as I could swivel, and headed out the door. Everything was quiet in the bar and nobody said anything else. I walked to my car, opened it, threw the cane in, and climbed behind the wheel. The pain in my hip was not so bad right now. After I had eased into the seat I thought about it some more. Had I really loved Paige? I thought I had wanted to be with her permanently. I even had the ring in my pocket to prove it. I collapsed against the wheel and took deep breaths as I tried not to let my emotions overcome me. I wanted to let it out, hit something; yell and scream, but I couldn't do it in the parking lot. I had to get the hell out of there.

I backed up and left. I drove to my mother's house where I was staying until I figured out what I was going to do. I went straight to my bedroom, took a pain pill, and went to bed. It was only 8pm, but I had no desire to be anywhere else right then and I didn't want to be up and have to face my mother when she got home. It was Memorial Day weekend and I had to face her for three days before she went back to work. I managed to pass out, still exhausted from the wound and travel, and overtaken by the medication.

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I didn't wake up until the next morning. I woke at 7am to the smell of something cooking. My stomach growled, which was rare when I was taking the pain pills, but I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch yesterday. I got up, still in the same jeans and t-shirt and made my way to the kitchen. I was momentarily taken aback to see my mother sitting at the table with Paige. At least from behind, I could have sworn it was Paige.

My mother stood up. "There he is." The woman turned and I realized that it was Kate, Paige's baby sister, and it was she who had told me that Paige was in that bar. I should have guessed it was Kate since she is a couple of inches shorter and a little fleshier than her sister, but I was not fully awake yet.

Kate stood up and came over to me. "John, I'm sorry you had to find out like that." I glared at her. "I didn't know they'd be so obvious about it. I thought you might have a chance to find out slowly or that they would tell you. I knew about this and felt you had a right to know, but didn't know how to break it to you."

I moved around her and sat down. She glanced at my mother and then sat down also. "So you heard about how I found out?"

"Yes, I found out from Bobby, who was there at the bar. He said you were shaking so much it looked like you were going to explode."

"I almost did." I reached into my pocket. "It's a good thing I didn't get to this point." I laid the ring on the table.

My mother and Kate almost gasped when they saw it.

Kate reached over and put her hand on my arm. "John, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were that serious. I wanted to write and tell you. They've been hooking up for about three months. I just didn't know what to say. Then, when you got injured, I was afraid to say anything until you were recovered. My parents told me to stay out of it, but the way Paige was acting made me so mad."

"People keep saying 'injured' like I fell and sprained a wrist. I wasn't injured, I was shot. I took an AK-47 bullet in the hip. Shot." Kate looked a little cowed. I realized I was angry and almost yelling. "Sorry, I'm a little upset."

Kate put her hand back on my arm and patted it. "Perfectly okay. I understand."

My mother had been staying out of it, but finally asked the question. "You went there to ask her to marry you?"

I gave her a wry grin and rubbed my hand over my short hair. "Yeah, imagine my surprise. I thought I loved that slut."

"Hey!" My mother interrupted us. "Let's keep this conversation civil." My mother was always after everyone about their language; especially after my dad died. She had to raise me from when I was 7.

I looked at my mother. "Is what Paige did civil? No way. She's a slut and deserves to be called one."

My mother put her hands on her hips and faced me. "Just be the responsible one, okay? Stay out of the mud and move on. If she's that bad, she's not worth wasting any more time over."

"Yeah, I guess." I tried to sound convincing and I guess I must have because my mother and Kate both seemed to relax and we had a more comfortable breakfast. I noticed that Kate didn't say anything about our discussion on her sister. What I really meant when I said that, however, was no fucking chance. I was going to get even somehow. I just had to figure out how and make it so that it stung. It had to be mental. The question was how. After all, she was obviously not in love with me. I have no idea how this happened or what to do, but I was going to find a way.

After breakfast, Kate left and I got cleaned up.

About 11am I headed over to the hospital in the next town where I was going to get some physical therapy. It was not yet June but already the heat was building so I had to use my air conditioner all the way. I walked in and filled out the paperwork. I had made sure all the arrangements had been made, but I still had to fill out more paperwork. I waited for about 30 minutes and then I was called in. I walked to the door and my physical therapist met me there. She was a nice woman named Kelly and she worked me through the routine. I say nice, but that's not entirely correct. I'm sure physical therapists are nice people outside of work, but at work they only seem nice initially. They shake your hand and greet you with a smile. But the instant they get you into your workout, they show their true colors. These people are sadists. I think there's a psychological test they have to pass to prove this in order to get the job. Only sadists could make us hurt like they do.

My physical therapy consisted of working on my hip to get my full range of motion back. I had been struck in the hip. The bullet had entered just along the outside of my hip and pinged off the bone. They had to go in to remove a couple of bone chips and some bullet fragments. Now it was supposedly fine, but I needed to keep up the exercises to get the muscles and tendons back into shape after the surgery.

After the physical therapy, I went by the local grocery store, picked up a few items, and headed home. It was time to plan my revenge. I just had to think of the best way.

My mother rightly guessed about my moroseness and told me I should get over Paige; she had had no qualms about dropping me and I should just forget her and move on to someone who deserved me. I agreed, but I just couldn't let it go. Fucking pride.

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Two weeks later, I took the first step on the way to getting my revenge, and it came to me suddenly. I had lain low in this small Illinois town. There were several small towns around here and many of the people knew each other. We were about 20 miles from St. Louis in Illinois farm country. I had heard about Paige and Tony and several people had looked at me with pity, but they shouldn't have. I didn't need it. Anytime anyone tried to say they were sorry I had managed to look completely nonplussed and unconcerned. And it worked. Pretty soon people got the idea that I had been angry, but not that attached to the bitch. And I was getting over it, but not completely. I worked on my resume and applied, albeit late, to graduate school while trying to think of a way to get revenge. At least the graduate school gave later application dates to returning veterans. And then the idea for revenge became clear one morning.

One day after physical therapy, I made sure to drop by the small yoga and Pilates studio in the next town. It was a recommendation of my physical therapist and anything was better than going back for more physical therapy. I got there while they were having a class and talked to the receptionist. I told her that I needed some way to continue to stretch and work on my hip flexibility while recovering from surgery. She said that I could discuss it with the instructor when the class was over. I waited.

About 20 minutes later the class broke up. It was all women, and the 20 or so women slowly filed out, including Kate. She saw me and smiled and wandered over. I stood up and grinned. Kate was looking good. She was a little fleshier than Paige in all the right places. She had a nice bubble butt and her bust looked a little fuller than Paige's B-cups.

"Hi, Kate." I put out my hand to shake it.

"Hi, John. How are you?"

"Good, good. I was just stopping by to see if I could work on my hip flexibility. The hospital recommended I try something like this to help with it." I took both her hands and held them out to the side and looked her up and down. She was sweating a little, her skin glowing. She was wearing those damn spandex work out shorts that women wear that make it impossible not to check out the shape of their ass and hips. Hers were full and delectable. Her top was a t-shirt that, while modest, let you know that there were some nice tits under there. "You have grown up to be quite beautiful, Kate."

"Thanks." She smiled at me and blushed. "Don't I remind you too much of Paige?" She knew everyone commented on how much they looked alike.

"Paige who?" I grinned.

"Yeah, yeah." She scoffed at that question. She changed the subject quickly. "Anyway, this place just opened recently and I'm sure Deb could work with you on getting your hip flexibility back."

"Okay, good." It was while Kate looked around for the instructor, Deb, that the idea suddenly sprung into my head. I thought about Kate. She was now 22, having just graduated from college. Paige and I were 25. Kate had become very good looking, like her mother and sister. She was young, her complexion was fair and clear, and she had beautiful blue eyes, nice light brown hair, took care of herself, and had a decent shape. Maybe I should date Kate, fuck her, and rub Paige's nose in it. I might even just fuck her and drop her like a hot potato. That might be the best way to get back at Paige. I would have to play it carefully though. I didn't want Kate to catch on until it was too late.

"Kate, I have two tickets to the Cardinals this Saturday. Do you want to go?"

She turned and looked at me closely. "Is that a good idea?"

"What? Why?"

"C'mon, you know why. You just broke up with my sister who was saying one thing and doing another while you were deployed. I know she hurt you. Now you want to date me? Why?"

I looked at her. "Because you're a beautiful woman and for some reason I know that you would never do what she did."

"You sure?"

"You wouldn't have been over my house that morning if you didn't feel bad about it. You obviously felt worse about it than she did because I still haven't heard from Paige."

"Yeah, well, she feels bad, too. She just doesn't know how to approach you and apologize. She doesn't want to get back with you, just explain why she couldn't tell you while you were deployed but was going to when they picked you up."

"Well, I'll come over on Saturday and pick you up for the game and she can apologize, okay?"

Kate stared at me. "This is a bad idea."

"It's just a friend taking another friend to a Cardinal ballgame."

"Yeah, right." She eyed me suspiciously.

"Look, I've got two tickets, my mother doesn't want to go, after the other night I don't have any friends in this town that I know I can trust, and, well, I would rather go with an attractive woman."

She eyed me a little longer, and then relented. "Okay, I'll go. You know I'm a big Cardinals fan. What time?"

"It's a day game, 1:15 start, so pick you up at 11:45?"

She looked at me closely this whole time. "Okay, 11:45." She turned. "And here comes Deb. See you on Saturday."

I turned toward Deb as Kate walked away, trying not to be too obvious about checking out that spandex wrapped ass. I was hoping she hadn't gotten the wrong vibe from me. I was still planning on dating Paige's little sister, flaunting it in front of her, and trying to make her uncomfortable. I knew from our time before I had deployed that Paige had been protective of Kate, but with the way Paige was acting now and the fact that Kate was 22, maybe that was no longer true. Well, we would just have to find out.

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That night, I was at a sports bar with a friend of mine, Roger, who lived in the town just east of me and I told him my plan. He grinned. "Really? You think you're going to fuck Kate?"

I looked at him questioningly. "What am I not getting here? Is she gay?"

"No, she's not gay, but nobody I know has ever gotten to that point with her."

"Yeah, like you know so many great guys in town."

"I'm serious."

"I know you are, but that's not much of a statement to me. Besides, she just spent four years away at college, so you don't know what she did there." I paused. "I guess I'll just have to turn on my charm." I gave him a grin, since he knew I was joking.

He slapped me on the back and laughed. "Yeah, that'll get her to immediately strip and beg you to fuck her."

I laughed, too. "Fuck off, dude."

"Yeah. Whatever you say, Mr. Lothario."

What are friends for?

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Paige wasn't home when I picked up Kate, so we went straight to the game. No apology was forthcoming that day.

The Cardinal game went as expected. The Cards beat up on the Cubs and the fans around us good-naturedly harassed each other during the game. You can't go to a game in either of those cities without seeing a few fans from the other side.

During the game, Kate and I talked baseball and many other things, but nothing about her sister. After the game, we walked around the newly developed area around the ballpark. There are lots of restaurants and bars in the main Ballpark Village structure, but we stayed away from that totally mobbed building. We finally found a place to have a drink about two blocks further along. This is when the discussion about her sister took place.

"So what the hell happened between Paige and Tony?" I watched Kate closely, studying her face as she talked. She was very beautiful in that Midwestern perky-girl sort of way.

"I have no idea what happened. She didn't even to appear to like him until one day she and Tony just showed up at the house together, a new couple."

I smiled at her and she tilted her head and looked at me questioningly as she realized I was watching her so closely. "Sorry, didn't mean to stare, but you really are a beautiful woman."

She blushed. "Thanks." She didn't sound sure about that.

"No, I mean when I first met Paige in high school, you were this skinny, gangly thing who wanted to grow up and be like her big sister. I remember Paige being very protective of you. And now you've turned out to be as beautiful as her, if not more so."

"Yeah, she tried to keep me out of trouble. I wanted to be grown up at 14 and tried to push the limits, so Paige tried to shield me from the assholes." She avoided the comment about her beauty.

"Well, she and your mother did something right. You turned out rather well Miss Kate."

She grinned. "I don't know what's going on, but you are definitely going overboard on the complements."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm a flirt. You knew that."

Kate eyed me warily, waggled her finger at me, and said good-naturedly. "I'm going to keep my eye on you."

"Good."

After a couple of drinks I took her home and Paige was still not there so I just left and went home. We flirted a little more, but I had time to work this before I had to head off to graduate school, so I wasn't worried that nothing came of it. But I do think she was warming to the idea of dating her sister's former boyfriend.