Love is Damn Hard

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Over the next week, I got Kate to go out to dinner with me on Wednesday and things went really well. We laughed and talked about everything under the sun. We had a lot in common and her sense of humor was actually very surprising. She made me laugh with her observations on other people. Then the next Friday night we went to a movie. This time I got a little more touchy-feely. After the movie, which was an early one, we went and had drinks at a bar. Since we were in a booth I cozied up to her and kissed her. What I was surprised by was the way she returned it. I kissed her lightly, a light brush of the lips to test the waters. But Kate reached up as I kissed her gently and put her hand on the back of my head. She pulled me in and kissed me hard, opening her mouth and probing with her tongue. After about 30 seconds we broke it off. I looked at her.

"Okay, well, that was surprising."

She grinned and blushed. "Why?"

"Well, I was not expecting you to be so aggressive. I wasn't even sure you wanted to kiss your sister's ex."

She kept grinning. "You didn't like me being aggressive?"

"Not at all. I just wasn't sure we were going to get involved based on my history with Paige." I was trying to play this carefully.

"History. Water under the bridge. Whatever. You are no longer my sister's ex, you are my date, so let's not talk about her." She stood up and held out her hand. "Let's go to your house." When I raised my eyebrows at that, she grinned. "C'mon, let's go."

I got up and we drove to my mother's house. When we got into the house, we were lucky; my mother was not there. She had left a note that she was going out with some friends to dinner and a movie.

Kate smiled. "Ah, good timing. C'mon." She grabbed my hand and led me back into my bedroom. She was going faster than I expected of Kate. What the hell?

When we got in my room, she led me to the bed. "Sit here." She closed the door and then turned to me. "You ready?"

"For what?" I gave her a grin, both of us knowing what answer I wanted.

"This." And with that she began to unbutton her blouse. She unbuttoned it and dropped it over the chair across the room from my bed. She was wearing a nice normal bra, nothing fancy, but still, I was seeing Kate take off her clothes and this was exciting. "You like?"

"That was a rhetorical question, right?"

Kate grinned at my comment as she then proceeded to unzip her jeans. She wiggled out of them, dropped those to the floor, and stepped out of them. Her panties were just plain and functional; nothing spectacular. But the body was fucking hot! She was definitely keeping herself in great shape. She had a nice rack, probably in the C range, nice hips, a firm ass, and a small waist. "What do you think?" I was wondering if that was just her way of teasing me, but she was looking kind of nervous and started fidgeting.

"Absolutely stunning."

"Not exactly a sexy bra and panty set. I wasn't sure I was going to do this when I got dressed tonight."

"Who cares? No matter how plain the wrapping is, the woman inside is still gorgeous." She took that well and smiled. I wasn't kidding either. I started out on this plan just to fuck her and make Paige jealous and angry, but I think I was going to enjoy it more than I initially thought. This woman was a stunner. She also was intelligent and funny. I could do much worse. But I had to focus on what I had started out to do. I wanted to fuck Kate to fuck with Paige. Fucking pride. "Come over here." Kate walked over to me and I put my arms on her hips and stared up at her. "So what brought this on? You sure you want to do this?" I was hoping this received an affirmative answer.

"No. But I'm going to anyway."

Close enough.

Kate stepped between my legs and bent over to kiss me. I fell back flat and made her crawl up onto my lap to kiss me. She straddled me and kissed me hard, her desire more evident than I thought. I ran my hands over her panty clad ass and she wiggled and moaned into my mouth. I pushed down on her hips and she rubbed her panty covered crotch all over my Dockers covered dick. Damn! She was hot and ready to go!

I pushed her over to the side and stood up. I slowly undressed. When I was naked and my desire for her physically evident, she reached out to caress it. My erection was almost painful. I hadn't fucked a woman in 13 months, so I was more than ready. I reached down and put my fingers under the waist band of Kate's panties and dragged them off. She was shaved to a narrow Mohawk and her pussy was showing signs of wetness. I kissed her on the stomach and she groaned. I pulled her upright to be able to get her bra off. Once that was gone, we were naked and I was going to fuck Paige's little sister.

I reached over to the night stand and pulled out a condom. I unwrapped it and rolled it on, while standing directly in front of Kate. She watched closely. Once I had the penile raincoat on, I leaned over and pushed her flat. I crawled up and started making out with her again, running my hands up over her tits, squeezing her nipples, and running my hand down over her pubic mound. She was squirming and moaning into the kiss. I was amazed at how responsive her body was. She was definitely wound up. We finished a kiss and she reached for my cock.

"Fuck me, now, John. Now!"

This was not a difficult command to follow. I crawled up over her, she seated my dick, and I started working it in. It was very easy. She was wetter than I expected after such a short time. It only took a couple of thrusts to get enough moisture on the condom to be fully embedded. And boy was she tight!

I was on my elbows thrusting and she wrapped her legs around me to hump back. She was moaning loudly and had tilted her head back with her eyes closed. I watched as she let her emotions wash over her face. I kissed her and she kissed back hard, but pulled away to take deep breaths and moan. She was beautiful and was definitely getting into the sex. I was not going to last too long and hoped I could get her off soon. I was thrusting deeply and she started humping me quickly, looking for the right contact to reach orgasm. She achieved it about 5 seconds before I did. She started moaning, wrapped her arms around me, hunched up against me, and went rigid. Then she jerked a couple of times, accompanied by a moan and short quick breaths of air, and I reached my orgasm. I had to thrust up into her to get the right pressure on my cock and pump my cum into the condom. This drove her crazy as she was still getting through her orgasm.

Finally, we both sort of went limp. I was spent and it appeared that she was, too. I lay on top of her for a couple of seconds and she opened her eyes. She kissed me. "That was wonderful."

I smiled. It was quick, but it was rather nice after a long hiatus. "I thought so, too."

I crawled off, sat up, removed the condom, threw it in the trash and then lay back down. I maneuvered us both around so that we could get under the sheet. Kate lay there, still recuperating, and put her right hand on my chest.

"I think I should get up and go before your mother comes in."

"Probably a good idea." I started to roll out of bed, but she pulled me back, changing her mind.

"Wait a minute. Let me lie here and enjoy this for another moment."

We did. We lay there for about ten minutes and then we got up and got dressed. The snuggling was definitely enjoyable.

We got in the car and I took her home. We were rather silent on the way to her house. When we got there, we both got out and I walked her to the door. We said good-night with a hot kiss. Damn! She was really quite good. This wasn't a difficult assignment at all.

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The next week, Kate and I went out three times. All three times we ended up having sex. Kate was smart, beautiful, and very, very sexual. I was starting to feel bad and was reconsidering what I was doing. I tried to soldier on, but it was getting more difficult to stay detached. I really liked her and the fact that I started out doing this to hurt Paige was making me feel horrible. It dawned on me after our last date that I was doing something worse than Paige had done to me. But how did I end it? Should I tell Kate? I really wanted to keep Kate now. She was an amazing woman. She was an even better person than Paige. I would just have to forget getting back at Paige and enjoy my time with the nubile and excitable Kate. I really couldn't believe that I had considered marrying Paige.

For the next couple of weeks, I spent every moment I could with Kate. She was wonderful, she was witty, she was sexy, and she was more than Paige ever was. She even seemed to feel the same way about me. This was definitely more of what I wanted out of a relationship and more than I had ever gotten. The question now was: what were my real feelings? I was still mad at Paige for what she had done in front of everyone, but Kate was, well, fucking great!

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One Saturday, after we had sex over at her friend's house, Kate and I headed back to her parent's home. She was pretty silent and I walked her to the door, wondering what she was thinking. Before we got to the door, it opened and Paige stood there. Excellent! This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to get Paige angry and jealous, right? Or did I? What did I want from her? Regret for what she had done? Maybe. But now it wasn't so clear. I liked Kate for who she was and Paige seemed much less important. She also seemed to be relaxed and not angry. I was still hoping for more of a reaction.

Instead, Paige was calm, said hello, and invited me in.

We went into the den and sat down. Paige had been watching some movie on DVD that was now on pause.

Paige looked at me. "John, I never got to explain to you what happened and I want to. I don't want you hating me." She looked at Kate who turned and looked at me, too.

"I don't hate you, Paige. I just don't care at all anymore." I started to get up and leave.

"Please." She waved me back down and Kate left the room.

"Look, let me explain. I was going to write and tell you that I wasn't in love with you and had fallen for Tony but my mother talked me out of it. She said she had heard that guys who got the typical 'Dear John' letters while deployed would sometimes do something reckless or risky. I didn't want anything to happen to you because of me. I realize I should have told you, but I was a coward and thought I was protecting you. I see now that that was wrong. I fell in love with Tony. I'm sorry if that hurts you, but that's what happened. I just hope that we can all at least be comfortable around each other."

I stared at her. What she said made some sense. I had heard about a couple of guys doing that, but she managed to get my anger going again. "That was still a shitty way to find out."

She looked down at her hands. "I know. I'm sorry. Tony and I were going to tell you after we picked you up. We had no idea you would show up early."

"Do you think that's a good reason for not telling me? How about when I was back at Walter Reed? I was back in the U.S. and had been staying there for two weeks before returning here. I wasn't deployed then. If my cell hadn't been broken I'd have called you and texted you more, but for some reason I didn't. I did call once and you didn't say a fucking thing. Fuck, what a chump I was." I was getting angrier. I should have backed off, but I couldn't. Fucking pride.

Paige continued to stare at her hands as if there was a better answer there. "I have no excuse. I was a coward and didn't want to tell you until Tony and I were together in front of you. I never meant to hurt you, it just happened. I still think you're a great guy, just not my great guy."

I tried to think how it went and understand what she was thinking, but my anger had returned. I decided to throw a dagger at her. "Well, in that case, you have no problem with Kate and I hooking up do you? I've been getting all the attention I need from your little baby sister. What do you think about that?" I gave her a nasty grin.

Paige's eyes were wide. I guess she didn't expect me and her baby sister to get it on so soon. Or maybe she was shocked at the venom in my comment. She looked at me and then over at the door where Kate had disappeared. "I have no problem with it. You two are adults and Kate - well - she has always ..."

"Well, good." I stood up as I interrupted her. "I'm glad we got that settled. I'll just use Kate to help me get over you." As soon as I said the words, I regretted them. I said them in anger, which is never good, and they definitely could be interpreted badly. It may have started out that way, but I had really grown close to Kate. She was actually much more fun and interesting than Paige. But I couldn't hold back on that last parting shot at Paige and, as I was to find out, it was going to cost me. My pride had overridden logic.

Kate stepped back into the room as I stood up. She must have heard my last comment and suddenly seemed to see right through what I just said. Oh fuck, no, please not that. Please let us get past that.

I started to say something. Kate, however, was not happy and not going to let it go. She held up a hand. "No, no, no. I heard that. What's going on here? The way you said that makes me think that you came after me only as a way to hurt Paige. Is that it? You just wanted to fuck me so that you could get back at Paige?" Her voice had risen and her tone was accusatory; and for good reason.

"It's not like that, Kate." I squirmed. That was definitely the plan in the beginning, but I was starting to like this little firebrand. She was feisty and hot. "That's not what I meant..."

She stared at me and interrupted me. "No? You liar. I could tell by the way you told her and the way you are fidgeting. You can't even be honest with me. God, what a fool I am."

"Look, Kate. It may have started out that way..." That's all I got out before she really got angry at my confirmation of how this all started.

Kate stood up. "Well, fuck you, asshole! I can't believe that you did that. I can't believe that I gave my virginity up for a revenge fuck." She clapped her hands over her mouth, her eyes went wide, and she ran from the room.

Her virginity? She was 22 and there was no hymen. She seemed to know her way around a man's cock. What the hell? I lost all my anger at that point and just felt shocked and horrible.

I looked over at Paige, unable to express all the things going through my head. She finally looked hurt and she spoke quietly. It was almost a whisper but the venom was there. "So you fucked my sister just to get even with me. I didn't think you were that kind of asshole, John. If I had known that, I would have told you about Tony long ago and just blew you off. Now you have actually managed to hurt me, not because I love you, but because Kate does. That's what I was trying to tell you. She has had a crush on you since she was 14 and over the last few weeks was falling in love with you."

Now I felt like the asshole she was calling me. "But I didn't know, and now I..."

She cut me off. "No, but you used her. Her actions were different because she's wanted you forever. Maybe I deserved to get hurt, but not this way. Not by using my little sister like that. Get out."

"But Paige..." she cut me off again.

"Just get the fuck out!"

I left. I should have stayed and made a better argument, but I was still in a bit of shock at everything that had taken place. I felt worse than I did when Paige dumped me. At least that was because somebody else was an asshole, this was because I was. I had done something worse to Kate than Paige had done to me. Paige had fallen in love with someone else and been a coward to tell me the truth. I had tried to purposefully use Kate as a pawn to get back at Paige and had really been smitten by her. Oh, shit. Fucking pride.

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I called Kate every day for the next week to no avail. I called Paige three times and she at least answered. The response was the same, though; Kate didn't want to talk to me. I tried to catch her at home, but they seemed to know whenever I was around. I even hung around the yoga studio a few times to try to see her, but she skipped her classes.

I tried to figure out what I was doing, but Kate was like a drug. I was addicted and couldn't get a fix. I finally had to admit that I needed her more than I had ever needed another woman, even Paige. I mean I had thought I was in love with Paige, but now I could see that that wasn't true. I got angry with her for her wanton display at the bar, but afterwards, I was just angry. I didn't really miss her. But Kate; I missed Kate terribly.

I thought about that some more. Maybe it was the fact that Kate had all of Paige's good traits and some others, too. Maybe included in that was the fact that she loved me and had thrown herself completely into our short relationship, making herself attractive and vulnerable. Whatever it was, I wanted more; no, I needed more. Shit! Love is fucking hard.

I was sitting at the kitchen table after another fruitless phone call when my mother came home from work. Being raised without a father meant that my mother and I spoke openly about a lot of subjects. We had to. She had to be both mother and father to me.

"Having girl problems again?" My mother was slightly teasing me, but still serious.

"Yeah. I really messed up with Kate."

"What happened?"

I explained. "Now she won't speak to me."

My mother stared at me. "After hearing that, I wouldn't want to speak to you either. That's just plain awful, playing with someone's feelings like that."

"Okay, but I didn't know she had had a crush on me for years. I thought we'd just have some fun and I could rub Paige's nose in it."

"Still, it was a bad idea and you know it."

"Yeah, I know. I was just angry and hurt. I had thought about proposing to Paige, so it was taking me a while to get over it. If I didn't care about Kate, this wouldn't bother me so much, but now I'm completely captivated by Kate. I really messed up."

My mother sat on the corner of the table next to me and took my hand. "John, you are a decent person. This was a terrible thing you did, but I really believe that you are a decent man. If I didn't, I wouldn't be able to sit here and look at you. I think you realize you made a mistake because you let anger and pride rule your actions, but you have to set it right. You have to apologize to Kate and you have to eat some crow doing it. I don't care if you have to get down on your knees and grovel, you'll make her understand that you know you were wrong. Okay?"

"Okay." I hung my head. Then I thought of something else. Should I mention it to my mother? Well, I was going to. "Mom, there's another part of this. Kate said she was a virgin when she slept with me."

"So? You don't believe her?" She didn't seem perturbed by me bringing up that subject.

"I don't know. She certainly didn't seem inexperienced."

My mother laughed. "What does that have to do with actual sex? She may know a lot about it but just not have actually performed the act. Maybe she did everything but have sex. Maybe she had toys. What difference does it make now? Is that relevant here?"

"Yes, because of the way I seduced her. And Paige said she's had a crush on me for years."

My mother smiled that condescending smile that all mothers get when they realize you've been clueless about something. "I know. It's been obvious to me the entire time. I thought she might grow out of it, but I guess not. Why do you think she was over here the morning after you saw Paige? Well, you'll just have to deal with that, too." She smiled and patted me on the head like a little kid.

"Shit! What a mess."

"Language!" My mother chastised me one more time before she left the room. Now what?