Love Knows No Color Pt. 24

When it was time for the bride and groom to leave for their honeymoon, we left the kids and Miracle with Althea and James so we could take the newlyweds to the airport. They were catching the last flight out, heading eventually for Jamaica. They'd been kind enough to drive us to our motel last year, and we gladly returned the favor. Just like we'd pick them up when they returned. Not much was said as we drove them across town. They were too busy enjoying each other to do much talking.

With hugs, we bid them farewell at the security gates. Without a ticket we weren't allowed to go any further. So, we headed to James and Althea's to pick up the kids and headed home.

The next week at work was brutal. The orders for rebar just kept coming. In addition to the 20 foot lengths that bent like wet spaghetti when you picked them up with a forklift, we were also hauling a lot of ten foot bundles. Those were a lot stiffer due to their short length, so they didn't bend as much. But their short length also gave the new crew the idea they could be stacked on top of pallets of other merchandise instead of laid on the floor of the trailer. But even ten foot rebar weighs a thousand pounds, and it often crushed whatever it was on top of. Customers were NOT happy. And it was me, rather than the loading crew, who had to deal with it.

Things came to a head on Friday morning. The night crew had loaded several bundles of ten foot rebar on the floor of my trailer, then placed two stacks of 5x10 steel mesh sheets across from them. I could strap down the mesh sheets, but the straps did nothing to secure the rebar. Rather than take a chance with 3000 pounds of rebar lying loose and unsecured, I refused to move the truck until somebody reloaded my trailer. Problem was, I was on duty at 5am, and the day shift didn't start until 7am. I was supposed to be at my first stop by then. And that customer had a habit of complaining if I wasn't there precisely at 0700.

I secured as much of the load as I could, then made a run for breakfast in my car. Even after eating, I still had an hour to kill before the daylight shift got there, so I eased the seat back and slept in the Jeep. As luck would have it, the day shift couldn't get into the warehouse because the shift supervisor had the key. He didn't show up until 8. In the meantime, the head of the Pittsburgh region showed up a little after 7, and was livid to find one of his trucks still in the lot. I explained and showed him the load I couldn't transport safely, and he lit into the daylight warehouse crew, still waiting to get into the building to start work. I felt bad for them. They were getting chewed out for something they had no control over.

Eventually. I got the truck reloaded so that I could strap everything down, and I hit the road about 2 1/2 hours late. With 12 stops that day, that meant that any place where I had to wait for another truck to be unloaded before me got bypassed. I didn't have time to wait. Even so, I still got to my last stop after receiving had gone home. In the end, I was only able to deliver to 9 of the 12 stops, the rest came back with me.

Because of this, Shavonda loaded up the company van and took off for Ren fest without me. Kenny and Edie were helping that weekend, because Brian and Tamika were still in Jamaica. They'd all met at the house, leaving immediately after Barbara had shown up for her weekend with the kids. Knowing She was coming, Althea had stayed behind to meet her friend, allowing for an early start. Miracle would stay the weekend with Althea. The nice thing about all of this, from my perspective, was that the PA Turnpike went directly from Cranberry, not far from my workplace, to our motel in New Stanton, threading its way through the northern and eastern suburbs of Pittsburgh at 65 mph. For once, I didn't have to fight my way across town in rush hour traffic after work.

We all met at the bar across the street from the motel, where Darren and Minnie were hosting their usual Friday night karaoke. Shavonda had been kind enough to tell the front desk I was coming, and I had no trouble getting a room key. I quickly jumped in the shower to freshen up, feeling a little lonely my queen wasn't there, before joining them in the bar. I'd called Shavonda when I got to the motel, to see where she was. She'd ordered dinner for me at that time. When I walked in the door, there was a Cheesesteak waiting for me, along with an order of fresh cut fries with beef gravy. My queen knew exactly what I liked. I washed down the food with a bottle of Black & Tan. Judging from the number of empties cluttering the table, the others were already well on their way.

But karaoke night was different this time. Shavonda was still subdued, depressed even. She wasn't her usual sexy, playful self, and her song choices showed it. Her first song was "Save Me" by Nikki Minaj, which had become sort of her theme song. But instead of the usual risqué torch songs she normally preferred, tonight she concentrated on the sad ones. The choices were very odd for her. The Boomtown Rats, I Don't like Mondays. Death Cab For Cutie's I'll Follow You Into The Dark. None of them the soul and R&B she loved so much. Rock songs. Songs she wouldn't normally even sing, in styles she didn't normally perform. And yet, she pulled off her soulful renditions, giving them a context in which they'd not been heard before. The effect was devastating. Even in her sadness, she'd stolen the show.

Back in the motel room, she unloaded. "I feel so responsible for that man's death," she said. "Even though I know I wasn't I still feel it was my fault. I'll have to live with this the rest of my life." I didn't understand her guilt. To my mind, all she'd done was ensure justice was done. Anything that happened after that was out of her hands. But she didn't see it that way. To her mind, he wouldn't have been in the prison where he was murdered if she hadn't put him there. True, he'd still be on the streets doing the heinous things that had gotten him arrested. But to her, at least he'd still be alive.

All I could do is hold her, try to understand her mindset, and help her heal any way I could. I myself still grieved for Grandma Duncan. We were two sad, grieving people, lying naked in a motel room trying to comfort each other. The alcohol had magnified the sadness. We fell asleep entwined, holding each other tight. Tomorrow was another day,

In the morning, I got my first glimpse of Kenny and Edie in regalia. Honestly, Kenny looked like a pirate to me. Edie resembled a dark-skinned version of the serving wench seen in medieval movies. Hung over and subdued, we set up the booth. Kenny had never been to a Renaissance Festival before, so once the place opened for the day we let him and Edie walk around and see the sights. I made sure they got to see the jousting match, between knights in full armor on horseback.

Business was brisk for the entire run of the festival, and it kept us busy through the end of September. We'd long ago become known at the festivals, and people actually looked for us. They loved the jewelry Shavonda and her employees created. This year, with the screen printing press, we were able to add t shirts to our inventory. There were other items as well, that Shavonda had picked up online specifically for this festival.

Back home after that first weekend in New Stanton, we had a surprise waiting for us. Althea and Barbara were waiting in the house with the kids. They were ecstatic to see us, jumping up and down. But the big surprise was Miracle. Upon seeing me, she started chanting, "Da da da." Althea held her arms up as she stood shakily. Then it happened. Miracle staggered her way towards me. Her first steps! We were so proud of her that day.

But that milestone also had an effect on Shavonda, who felt left out. Her Miracle baby had unintentionally fed into the self-doubt that was roiling in Shavonda's head. Althea had noticed her reaction, and quickly pulled me into the kitchen to talk.

"Jason, what's eating at her?" Althea demanded. "She ain't been herself lately. Why she so sad all the time?"

I explained the situation with Shoemacher the best I could, and how his death had affected her deeply.

"Hoo boy!" Althea exclaimed, pausing as if searching for the right response. "Jason, how much do you love her?" she asked. I didn't like where this was headed.

"She's my world," I replied.

"I thought so," Althea said sadly. "I think I know what's wrong, and if you truly love her promise me you'll stick by her no matter what. Because she is in for a rough time and she gonna need you there for her now more than ever."

"I didn't vow to love her forever to lose her," I said.

"This isn't about that bastard cop," Althea continued. "It goes much deeper than that. We thought she'd gotten beyond what happened with Tony. Frankly, you brought her two years of peace. Since you came into her life, she's been happy. Now this happens. You know, for a long time she blamed herself for everything that happened with Tony. When he went on his rampage, she blamed herself. She wondered why everybody else he came in contact with that day is dead, but she survived."

"I thought she was grieving for the baby," I said.

"She was. She still is. That will never, ever go away. She'll always grieve for the child she carried. But Von also felt guilty about the people who died in the car crash when the cops were chasing Tony. All those innocent lives lost, she blames herself for their deaths. She did a good job of burying it all. Now this happens. Does she blame herself for that cop's death?" Althea's explanation was making sense. It also sent chills down my spine.

"Yes," I answered, "Yes, she does. Enough that she paid for his funeral so the family wouldn't have to."

"She feels like she's the cause of all those people's deaths." Althea said. "You have to be there for her. Tell her every day that it's not her fault. Be there for her to cry on. Don't ever let her think she's to blame, or that you don't care. You may have to get her professional help. Do you have mental health covered in your benefits?"

"I think so," I said. "I'll have to check."

"Make sure you get her an appointment, and make sure she goes. Any meds they give her, make sure she takes them. And make sure she knows every day that you're there for her. I'll talk to her as well, tell her we all love her and she's not to blame. I'm also going to talk with Reverend Frazier. She's going to need all the help she can get."

"Is it that bad?" I asked.

"Could be," Althea replied. "She went through some really rough times after she lost the baby. Tony's family blamed her for his death, and she was devastated. But she wasn't to blame. He flipped out on her and tried to kill her and the baby. She's lucky to be alive. She survived, but it took a lot out of her. Luckily, Von had her Grandma to take care of. I am hoping now you and the children can get her through this. Remember, no matter what, she loves you and the kids more than anything else in this world."

"I will," I promised. "I have to. She's my world now."

"See that's what we love about you," Althea smiled. "You loved and accepted Von unconditionally from the very start. And you've always done whatever you could to be her rock. You defended her when you needed to, even against me and James. Don't stop doing that. She needs you more than ever."

After our conversation, I thought long and hard about what Shavonda must be going through. The stress of running a growing business was taking a toll. Velma, who had supported her from the beginning, had turned on her. The miracle baby she'd always wanted, but was told she could never have, had shown a preference for me. Miracle's first words and first steps had been directed towards me not Shavonda. And to top it all off, another person was dead from the repercussions of a situation where they tried to wrong my queen. It was a wonder she'd held up so well, for so long. And even under all the strain, she'd never taken it out on me or the kids. Sure, we'd have minor arguments, and she could be irritable at times, But that was minor and to be expected in any relationship.

Yes, I'd make sure she got any help she needed. But I was also going to institute some changes around our home as well, to take some of the pressure off her. Althea had been doing most of the household chores for us while she babysat the kids. Whatever Althea didn't do, I was going to pick up. I'd also try to encourage Miracle to reach out to her mother more than to me. It was flattering when Miracle was excited to see me, calling to me and now toddling my way. I'd try to redirect her attention to Shavonda. My ego wasn't going to be hurt. I knew the baby loved me. I'd also push Shavonda to show me how to do some of the Administrative tasks in the business so she could concentrate on doing what she loved best, making things to sell in the store and just being creative. She had good ideas, and they'd taken her this far.

The next day, I made an appointment for Shavonda to see a psychiatrist, and insisted she go. I even took the day off from work so I could be there for her initial appointment. They set her up with a series of other appointments, including a complete physical, and a battery of tests that evaluated her thought processes. All of them came back with positive results. She was healthy, with even her mental capabilities within norms. The diagnosis came back: she was suffering from a severe depression.

During this time period, we were still working the Ren fest on weekends, and Shavonda was taking a couple days off during the week. Shavonda had continued to withdraw into herself, and one casualty was our love life. Shavonda didn't want to be touched sexually, though she did want to be held. Often, I'd hold her at night while she cried herself out. As hard as it was, I tried not to touch her inappropriately. I figured she'd let me know when she was ready to be intimate again. Until then, I'd live with the blue balls.

I made sure Shavonda took the medication they'd prescribed her, as directed on the vials. Above all, I made sure she knew she could lean on me whenever she needed to. It took a while, but slowly, surely, she started to turn around. But it was going to be a long time, if ever, before she would be normal. I missed the old Shavonda. I missed the confidence she'd faced the world with every day. Now she walked with shoulders sagging, as though she was defeated. I missed the sparkle in her eyes, which were now dull. Above all, I missed her smile, the one that could simultaneously melt my heart and give me a raging boner.

Althea had, true to her word, called Reverend Frazier. He started paying us more frequent visits, praying with us for Shavonda's recovery. "Remember the book of Job," he said. "God never gives you more of a burden than you can bear. Trust in Him and seek guidance and comfort in His word. Honestly, even though you don't attend church every Sunday, I think you two are doing a better job of following the spirit of Jesus' teaching than a lot of the people I see every week."

"Thanks," Shavonda smiled weakly. "We try. There's way too much drama in the world. I don't want to add to that. But somehow, I keep setting things in motion that get people killed."

"About that," the reverend replied, "did you ever think that everything is going according to God's plan? That maybe it was time for those people to be called home? And that maybe they would have died even if you weren't involved on the edges? Or that a couple of truly evil people were taken out? God works in mysterious ways that we mortals cannot understand."

The reverend left after reminding Shavonda of her promise to do a guest solo for the choir, which she agreed to do if I could play bass with them as well. We wouldn't be free to do so until October, because of the Ren fests tying up our weekends, but it sounded like fun.

By the end of September, Shavonda had had enough. We'd been out drinking and singing karaoke with Darren and Minnie, with Brian and Tamika, and Shavonda was a bit tipsy. I let her indulge because singing made her happy, and happiness was hard for her to come by lately. We went back to the motel room, me holding on to her, making sure she didn't fall. I had intended to put her to bed, and, like a lot of nights I was going to massage her back and feet, and lotion her. I didn't know if that sort of pampering helped her or not, but at least I felt like I was doing something for her. We hadn't had any sexual contact since she'd ovulated a couple weeks before.

But Shavonda threw me for a loop with one simple question: "Jason, why don't you ever make love to me anymore. Don't you love me?" She looked at me with sober eyes. Even though she was tipsy, she was well aware of what she'd just asked. I was devastated. I had held back thinking that she needed to heal and that she didn't want to be bothered with sex. The reality hit me hard. Instead of helping her, my lack of contact had caused her further doubt and pain. That was the last thing I wanted.

"I love you more than anything," I replied. "You are my world. I left you alone because I thought that's what you wanted."

Tears formed in her almond shaped brown eyes. "Jason," she said, "How you gonna just up and not fuck somebody. Did you bother to ask me what I wanted?" I shook my head no, feeling foolish. "You should know better, Jason," Shavonda continued. "We been through way too much together for you to EVER think I want you to withhold the dick. When you make love to me you make me feel loved. When you just hold me, I feel like you only tolerating me. I have NEEDS, Jason. And one of those needs is to feel you inside me. You cared, Jason. It mattered to you whether I came or not. You touched places deep inside me nobody else could reach. Now you cut me off without asking me? You can't neglect your queen like that. You just CAN'T!"

I stared at her. She had fire in those beautiful brown eyes, a passion I hadn't seen in a while. Seizing the opportunity and taking the hint, I pulled her into me for a long passionate kiss. Shavonda melted in my arms, and our tongues dueled as we made out like teenagers. Needing air, Shavonda broke the kiss. We stared, breathless, at each other for a minute before she poked me in the chest with her middle finger. She pushed gently on me with her finger propelling me backward until I fell backward onto the bed. "Now see what you started," she said as her dress dropped to the floor. In one motion, she dropped her panties on the floor, quickly stepping out of them to straddle me on the bed. I reached around her to undo her lacy red bra, only to find no hooks. Laughing, Shavonda reached between her breasts to undo the clasp. "Is that what you were looking for?" she said as she peeled the cups away from her sexy chocolate orbs. I licked my lips in anticipation of the feast she was about to give me.

But Shavonda had other ideas. Her naked breasts swung enticingly as she reached between the buttons of my shirt and ripped it open. Buttons went flying everywhere. This was not the Shavonda I knew, but a woman possessed. "I'm not going to be the only one naked here," she said, removing my shoes before undoing my belt and pulling my pants down. Finally, she reached in my boxers and tore them from my body, leaving only the waistband.

I was shocked. My queen and I had indulged in some light bondage before, but this was on a whole different level. I was about to be taken, whether I liked it or not. And like it I did. It was turning me on in ways I'd never suspected.

"I see somebody's glad to see me," Shavonda laughed at my rock-hard erection. "Mmmmm, I missed you so much," she said to my penis before planting kisses on its head and taking it fully into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down several times before taking me all the way into her throat. I was in heaven. Then she stopped. "Not so fast, white boy," she hissed. "You gonna give me mines too." She swung one leg over my head and squatted her juicy pussy over my eager mouth. "Eat," she ordered. "I better come before you do." With that, she resumed sucking my dick with great enthusiasm, while she ground her crotch against my face, riding my tongue as though it were another dick and grinding her clit against my chin.