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Click hereTom came almost at the same time as Sharon started convulsing from a very intense orgasm. He shot his cum all over her face and tits. And then he just pushed his dick back into her mouth, telling her to lick it clean.
Mona contracted her pussy on the dildo.....She could feel Sharon cum and Mona came with her.
It felt so good. Mona could see Tom cumming into her mouth.....all three of us at once.
- COMMENTS
Ravus_Sapiensover 4 years agoThis was, in all honesty, one of the worst, most poorly written, pieces of literature I've ever had the misfortune to come across.
First things first, read the story through a few times, try to spot your own errors. This is doubly true if English is not your first language.
Second, get an editor. This is not the first step because forcing someone to read through the first draft should be a crime against humanity.
Third, get some experience reading/writing so you can improve the story. Even disregarding the grammatical errors, the story is a mess. You jump between first person views without any indication of doing so; continuity seems to be broken at times; there was no story development, it's all just one scene (two if you count the halfhearted attempt at an opening); and for the love of Apollo, figure out what is spoken, and what is not, it seems you just threw a bunch of " " in there at random.
Then repeat steps 1-3.
Anonymousover 8 years agoThe author loses track of the names and sexes of characters, is unaware of the difference between a phrase and a sentence.
1. ads from Mistress's (mistresses)
2. Get hose hands away (those)
3. grabbed him self (himself )
4. obey me and except whatever (accept)
5. She lick my lips (licked her)
6. takes sharon (Sharon)
7. do as your fucking told (you’re)
8. holding Toms now engorged cock (Tom’s)
9. gaged as his cum (gagged)
10. she intruckted (instructed)
11. never felt so retched (wretched)
12. own ass whole (asshole)
13. use the lube to lube it (POORLY PHRASED)
14. fuck your ass hole (ass hole)
15. Sis's ass (sis’s)
16. Tom's ass was not the target. . . . His ass was getting nice and red (CONTRADICTORY/CONFUSING)
17. than he took it out (then)
18. That fucking Tom laughing saying "take it bitch." (POORLY PHRASED)
19. A slap on the head from Mona telling me to keep at it. (POORLY PHRASED)
20, my pussylips (pussy lips)
21. Mona could feel Sharon's tongue on Mona's vaginal walls (POORLY PHRASED)
22. your cock in to her mouth (into)
23 - 25) Ill rip your niples off giving the another hard jerk (I’ll)(nipples) (them)
24. twited my nipples (twisted)
25. dominate (Sharon) like that (-Sharon)
26. if you don't make (me) do it
27. Tom chortld (chortled)
28. go take (a) shower
29. Sharon guesses that Mona didn't like the distraction (POORLY PHRASED)
30. Tom (was) sitting in the chair jacking off
31. pointed the other end at Sarah (Sharon)
32. placed the strap on nect (next)
.
Anonymousalmost 11 years agoI couldn't get past the first half page because I couldn't figure anything out.
