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Click hereSteve lay there next morning, not wanting to open his eyes, not wanting to see an empty space in the bed like previous years. His eyes closed tightly shut he listened out to the silence holding his breath only to exhale when an arm snaked around him as someone snuggled up to his back and nuzzled his shoulder. It had not all just been a dream, stepping out to go to the bathroom he walked through the debris left from his living room laughing as he relived every moment. Standing there as he used the toilet it was then that he noticed his reflection in the bathroom cabinet's mirror. His red hair with two impressive horns jutting out of his head, the small red tuft which had sprouted out of his chin, his eyes glowing red and taking in his reflection the final part of his enchantment broke as his memory was unlocked. Guards charging down the street after them in Napoleonic uniforms, it was then that she pulled out a vial and told him to drink it all down, he was confused but drunk it down and as he clutched his chest he gazed at her in alarm screaming out "No" in protest at what she was doing as she chanted something he could not make out and things all went black as flames started to lick up the walls escaping from out of her body. Racing back to the bedroom he saw her still lying there but this time in tears as she sobbed her apology. "I am so sorry for enchanting you for all these years, I hope you can forgive me but it was the only way to keep you safe, you would have been put to death for sure before cutting off your horns for trophies and I would have been locked away to rot or worse."
He collapsed on the bed next to her pulling her close as he consumed her mouth with his, their tongues entwining together just like their hearts had done all those many years ago.
I feel bad not being justified in giving 5 stars as this could easily be a riveting story. maybe even a 3 or 4 part series his part, there epic night, there past, and there possible future. I love the characters although its unclear what you think they are. Are they fey, or demons? can demons even love? I'd like to see some background on her when you introduce her. Please don't take my comments the wrong way I'm trying to be honest and it is only my opinion but if you team up with an editor you will be in many favs list. Thank you and please keep writing you have a wonderful mind.
i say when the contest is done redo this kinda make it longer and more detailed explain how this happened and kinda explain what happens after he finds out what he truly is
might have to expand on this starting when they first met, thanks for your feedback and it sort of was slightly rushed, thought I had longer before the deadline for the competition.
but you could've wrote a few more pages that would have explained their past. This story has great potential but it seems like you skipped some details and it seems like a rushed story.
Keep writing and I hope you post a second chapter.